Enjoy

Sugar Daddy

Chapter 18

Truth and Consequences

Ana's POV

I wake up with only Christian's pillow to hold on to.

Doubts about the strength of our new connection starts to creep in as I look around the empty bedroom.

"Good, you're awake," Christian comes in from the bathroom all dressed and smelling good. "I let you sleep as long as I could, but we need to get going."

"Okay," I breathe out, relieved.

He sits down before me on the bed, taking note of my reaction to seeing him.

"What is it," he asks.

"Nothing. I was just worried when I saw you weren't in bed. I thought maybe you'd changed your mind."

"I haven't." He brushes my hair out of my face before cupping my cheek. "I won't. I meant what I said, Ana. I'm ready to try."

"Okay. Good."

"Do you believe me?"

"I believe you. I just hate waking up alone."

"I'll try to prevent that as much as possible," he says, kissing me. "How about I make it up to you."

"Christian," I squeal when he pulls off my covers and gets between my legs.

I want to protest. To tell him that we are already two hours late to see the nurse, but the feel of his tongue on me takes over all my reasoning.

"Mmmm. You taste so good," he says after I cum in his mouth.

…

"What excuse are we going to use for being this late," I ask him, walking into Doctor Green's office.

"The truth. I was too busy sexing up my wife to get her here on time."

"Oh my God," I groan at the embarrassing thought while praying she doesn't ask the reason.

And thank God she didn't as she lets us right in and straps me to the electric blood pressure machine.

Christian smirks at me. I know he's thinking some perverted thought of me being strapped into something so I roll my eyes at him.

The nurse takes my blood pressure twice on my right arm before switching to my left to take it twice more.

I look over at Christian and his brow is now furrowed in concern.

"Is something wrong," he asks the nurse.

"Give me one moment, please. I just need to consult with the Doctor."

"About what," Christian asks her.

"I will only be one moment, Mr. Grey."

She excuses herself and leaves us alone in the exam room.

"Something is wrong," I tell Christian.

"Ana, we don't know that yet," he tries to calm me down, taking hold of my hand.

My head is starting to pound and it feels like I've caught Christian's panic attack.

I know I am squeezing his hand a little too hard, but he doesn't seem to mind as he brings our intertwined hands to his lips and kisses the back of mine.

"Mr. and Mrs. Grey," Dr. Green comes in.

"What's wrong," I ask her.

"Your blood pressure was still a little high so I just need to recheck it with a more accurate device," she says, strapping me to a manual cuff that she brought in with her.

"Well I'm sure its going to be through the roof now since your nurse just scared the hell out of us," Christian barks.

"I apologize," Dr. Green says, pumping up the cuff. "She was told to alert me if the findings were abnormal.

I hiss as the cuff gets very tight and hurts my arm.

"Almost done, Mrs. Grey," she says.

We all stay quiet as she places her stethoscope in her ears to listen.

"Okay, your blood pressure is much higher than it was when my nurse took it a little while ago. Mr. Grey may be right. It could be we've upset you. We'll let you rest for a little while then take it again."

"Is it that bad?"

"There is no need to push any panic buttons yet, but anything out of the norm is cause for concern when your pregnant. We want to prevent complications."

"What's causing it?"

"It can be a number of things. Fear is a very common reason, like Mr. Grey said. But since it was elevated when you came in we can rule that out as the primary cause. It could be the rise in hormones or stress. Have you been stressed lately?"

"Um, a little," I answer with the mother of all lies.

I've been nothing but stressed.

I steal a glance at Christian and the look he gives me breaks my heart. His shoulders are slumped. Fear and worry fight for time on his face. He is reeking of self-blame and self-loathing, so much so that I just want to take him in my arms and hold him or shake him hard until he stops.

"If work is an issue-"

"It's not," I tell her.

"Things haven't been easy at home for her, Dr. Green," Christian tells her. "I'm afraid I'm to blame for that."

"Christian, don't."

"It's the truth, Ana."

"I see," Dr. Green. "Well, it's important to keep our moms-to-be happy and healthy, so let's work towards that. How are you feeling right now, Ana?"

"My head is pounding."

"Are you dizzy?"

I shake my head no.

"Okay, I want you to lay back on the table. I'll have my nurse bring in something that will help you relax. Its completely safe for you to take, so don't worry about that."

She lays me back and gets me comfortable on the large exam table.

"Just relax," she says, dimming the lights and closing the door behind her.

"I'm so sorry, Ana."

"Christian, don't. This is not your fault."

"You heard what the doctor said. I've done nothing but stress you out. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me?"

"Will you stop it. I wasn't even stressed when I came in here, far from it. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. It has to be the hormones."

He lets out a pitiful sigh and I know my words are falling on deaf ears. Worry mars my face as I study his.

"Close your eyes," he tells me.

"Why?"

"You are supposed to be relaxing."

"Right," I agree, closing my eyes.

I hear Christian's chair move as he rolls it over close to me. I feel him at my legs taking one of my flats off and then the other, massaging my feet.

"Mmm, that feels good," I moan, wondering why the sensation is going right to my groin.

He takes his time massaging each foot, only interrupted once by the nurse who gives me a tiny pill and a glass of water to down it with.

Once she leaves us alone, he continues his efforts to get me to relax. I hum in pleasure at the feel of his fingers working the soreness out of my feet.

The combination of the medicine and Christian's massage has me out like a light.

I don't know how long I've been asleep but I wake up to the coaxing of Christian whispering in my ear.

"Sorry," I tell him and Dr. Green, stretching my arms.

"Don't be. That is exactly what we wanted. How's your head?"

"Much better."

"Good," she says, sitting me back up and placing the manual cuff on my arm again.

She pumps air into it again but it's not as tight this time. I pray that's a good sign.

"Your blood pressure is back to a safer number," she says and I instantly feel better. I look over at Christian. He tries to hide it but I can tell he is still in the pit of self-blame. "We are on the right track, but we are not out of the woods completely. We will have to monitor you more closely as you move farther into your pregnancy."

"I don't have to take any pills or anything, do I?"

"Not just yet. Right now, we want you to try more naturally therapeutic approaches first."

"If that doesn't work," Christian asks her.

"There are medications that have been deemed safe for pregnancy, but we are nowhere near time for that yet. We are going to run a few tests. On your way out, I want you to see the nurse. She'll need to get a sample of your urine. If that comes back normal then we are truly in good shape."

"What can we do in the meantime," Christian asks her.

"Eat healthy. Avoid foods high in salt and fat content. Keep your stress at a minimum. Use this as a reason to spoil yourself. A stress-free environment is key."

She looks at Christian to be sure he understands that last part. He ignores the obvious slight and nods his head in understanding.

We take all the information the doctor gives us and she sets us up another appointment. I will have to see her twice as often now and have frequent blood pressure checks with her nurse in between appointments. I am really kicking myself for letting everything get to me the way that I did.

"Christian, please say something," I ask of him.

He hasn't said a word since we left the doctor's office.

He just stares straight ahead as he drives us back home.

The look on his face is full of misery. I can only guess at the thoughts going through his head about what's happening to me and the baby. The only thing I know for sure is that he is blaming himself and I hate that he is because it isn't his fault. Even if my high blood pressure is caused by stress, he isn't the blame, not entirely anyway.

We both can do our fair share of finger pointing for the mess we created. What good would it do at this point but prevent us from moving forward like we want.

…

"Why do you insists on blaming yourself," I ask him as we ride the elevator up to the penthouse.

"Because its my fault," he tells me, leading me through the great room into our bedroom. "I've been stressing you out for weeks with my bullshit. I should have fucking realized what I was doing to you and the baby. But all I could think about was my own feelings. My own fucked up agendas. Now you and the baby are could be at risk and I'm so sorry, Ana. I know you won't believe me but that is the last thing that I wanted."

"Christian, I know that," I tell him. "But its over with now. We are starting over and we'll get it right this time."

I place my hands in his hair to comfort him. It's the only place above his waist that I can freely touch without him flinching like he does when I touch his arms.

"Don't, Ana," he says, turning away from me.

"What is it? Christian, why are you pushing me away? You said you wouldn't run again."

"I'm not. I won't, but after what I've done, you may run away from me."

"What does that supposed to mean? Why would you ever think that?"

"I fucked up."

"Is this a new fuck up?"

He nods his head.

"Have you done something I don't know about?"

He nods his head again.

"What could you have possibly done to make me run?"

He turns to look at me and judging by the expression on his face, I know I am about to hate whatever it is he tells me.

"Christian," I whisper, no longer sure I want to know. "What have you done?"

I'm at a loss as to what it could be and more importantly how bad it could be.

He's already stopped me from working and has kept me under guard with the most no- nonsense person he could have ever hired as a CPO and that is saying a lot considering Jason Taylor. He's already shut me out of his life completely for weeks. What more could he have done?

"You are going to hate me, Ana. If I tell you, I'm going to lose you."

"Christian, just tell me because what I am imagining is probably a hundred times worse than what it actually is."

"The day I asked you to marry me-"

"Forced me," I correct him about that day. It was the best and the worst day of my life and a part of me has been trying to rewrite it in my head to make all the bad parts seem less messed up and focus on the good parts.

Christian only nods at my correction before continuing.

"The day I forced you to marry me, I went to my dad and asked for my grandmother's ring. He questioned the urgency. I told him you were pregnant and that I had threatened to take the baby away from you. At the time, it was to prevent my...our child from growing up like I did."

"Adopted?"

"The way I was before I was adopted. My birth mother was a crack whore. She and her pimp used to abuse me. He would get pissed at her and put his cigarettes out on my back and chest while she watched. She starved me. She spent all of her money on crack. I don't think she cared if I lived or died."

"Christian I-" I start to speak, but he keeps going, trying to get it all out.

"I was adopted by the Greys after she overdosed on whatever the fuck she was taking at the time. They found me next to her dead body. I was four. By forcing you to marry me, I thought I was protecting our child."

"You thought I would do something like that to our baby?"

"I don't know."

"I may not be the best person, but I would never do anything like that. I could never do that."

"I know, Ana. I know. I don't know what I was thinking at the time. I was out of my mind."

"You know? When did you have this revelation?"

"I've always known. I was just…damnit Ana, I was fucking terrified, alright. It was a lot of shit to process all at once."

"No shit there was a lot to process, for me too. So what plan did you and your dad come up with to stop me from doing drugs and abusing our baby?"

He closes his eyes as if it hurts.

"Christian? I have a right to know."

"Once the baby was born, I was going to take him away from you."

"Even after I agreed to marry you already?"

He nods his head yes before speaking.

"I was going to show that you were unfit."

"How?"

"I was going to say that you were a drug addict and that you were fucking around with men in exchange for drugs."

I jerk back like he's just slapped me. It feels like he has.

"So, instead of preventing me from being like your birth mother, you were going to turn me into her? There is no way in hell you could have done that. I don't do drugs," I start to say until I think about it. "Were you going to drug me, Christian?"

"No, Ana."

He closes his eyes again like he is trying to convince himself that wasn't part of his plan. That he wouldn't have gone that far.

"What about the sleeping with men part? Were you going to pay them to lie?"

He shakes his head no.

"I have a recording of you."

"Of me doing what? I've never slept with anyone but you."

"I know," he whispers. The ball of emotion lodged in his throat makes it hard for him to speak, but I ignore it.

"Show it to me."

"No, Ana," he shakes his head vigorously.

"SHOW IT TO ME."

I wait while he looks through his phone.

To his credit, he looks like he is about to cry as he hands it over to me.

It's a video of him and I going at it on the couch.

"You were recording us," I whisper in disbelief to myself.

At first I fail to see what's so incriminating about it. Its embarrassing, yes, but I'm just screwing my husband. But then I notice I'm the only one that's clear in the video. I know its Christian fucking me, but no one else would just by looking at it.

"So... you were going to say that I was fucking someone else in this video? Some stranger? All so I could get drugs while I was pregnant?"

The thought of it makes me sick with rage.

"Ana?"

"SHUT UP," I yell, throwing his phone with all my might at him. It whizzes past his head and hits the wall behind him, breaking apart.

I place my hands over my eyes as hot tears spill out and burn my face. I am so beyond pissed. I don't even trust myself not to strike out at him, so I move away.

"And Carrick," I say, turning to him once again. "Was this his brilliant idea? Do you know he sat right there in the great room and told me how he didn't believe what the rest of your family was saying about me? And all the while, he was convincing you to do this shit to me. What kind of a person does that?"

"No, Ana, it wasn't him. This is all on me. I was the one planning this. He tried to talk me out of it at first, but I wouldn't listen so he agreed to help."

"My GOD, I thought I was fucked up. But you are so fucked up. You are so so so so so so so so fucked up."

"I know. I know that I am, but I wasn't going to go through with it Ana. I don't think I truly could have."

"I remember saying the same thing to you. And now I get how you were feeling at what I was saying, because it sounds like BULLSHIT."

"Ana, please calm down. This isn't good for you or the baby."

"Oh, NOW you want to think about what's good for me and the baby? This is the same baby you were going to let believe his mom was an abusive crack whore? FUCK YOU. You are a piece of work. A fucked-up shitty piece of work."

"I know. And I know I don't deserve it but I am begging for your forgiveness anyway."

….

Christian's POV

She shakes her head at me, but I'm still desperate for her forgiveness. I need it almost as much as I need air to breathe. I need her.

"I can't even stand the sight of you, let alone think of forgiveness. I don't even know if you're truly sorry. How do I know this is not still just part of some damn plan of yours?"

I watch in horror as some form of realization dawns on her face. I know where her mind just went and I have to convince her its not true, because it truly isn't.

"Has it all been some mind game, Christian? The push and pull. Yesterday, you saying you need me but hating yourself for it?"

"No, Ana."

"Our honeymoon," she whispers, the pain of it robbing her of her voice. "Was our honeymoon part of your plan?"

"No, Ana. NO."

"That was supposed to be our paradise? Our escape from reality? Our happy bubble-"

"It was. It was all those things. It wasn't part of some plan. You asked me for it and I wanted to give it to you. I swear, it wasn't anymore planning to it than that. I loved our honeymoon just as much as you did. Please, believe me."

"How can I believe anything you tell me?"

"I promise you, I'm being nothing but honest. I meant what I said. When I thought, you were leaving me earlier, I realized how very empty my life would be without you in it. Pride and ego be damned. I am desperate to keep you, Ana."

"And I can't stand the sight of you."

"Please don't leave."

"No, I'm not going anywhere, you are. I want you to leave."

"Ana."

"Just our bedroom for now. I refuse to share a bed with you after-"she stops and looks at my phone in pieces on the floor."

"I understand."

"Then go."

"I'll be in the guest room if you need me. Just please try not to get too… upset," I tell her, knowing it sounds completely asinine, but I am worried about her blood pressure. "Promise you'll let me know if you need anything?"

"Just go," is all she says.

Not wanting to upset her any farther, I leave our bedroom.

I stay awake all night as the gravity of my actions hits me hard. She is right. I am a fucked up piece of shit. I've hurt the one person in the world who matters the most to me all because I didn't trust her with the title.

But I've realized it too late.

I may have just lost her forever.

Author's Note:

I have been dreading this chapter, but believe it or not it is a turning point. We are officially passed the halfway mark.

Thank you to the ladies of the Playroom of the FSOG Sisterhood FB group for keeping me true to this story.

Pinterest has been updated.

The story has been moved to my new website lanielove /dot/ com :-)

Thank you for reading and reviewing. Thank you for your support.