December 31, 2002

Firecrackers filled the air in the small surrounding the little camp fire the Quileutae Tribal Council put together for their New Year's celebration. I peered around Mr. Black and Old Quil where I find my three best friends lighting sparklers, holding them near each other so close that I was worried one may burn the other.

"Those boys are so stupid," Rebecca Black grinned at me. She's four years older than me but still manages to be one of the kindest people I know. She was holding her long wooden stick that held the remaining contents of her s'more. "Thirty minutes till midnight. Which one ya'gonna kiss?" Her eyes twinkle as she pointedly looks in the direction of the boys she was just making fun of: Embry, Quil, and Jacob, her little brother.

"Get real, Rebecca." I rolled my eyes. Those three are my best friends, that would never happen. Even though I loved those three boys equally as brothers, I found myself leaning more toward the Black family as my second family. Since Ms. Sarah died, I just found myself over there more often than ever. Sometimes I wouldn't even hang out with Jacob, just his sisters. Now with their being sixteen, our age difference has caught up to us.

"Jeannette," Rebecca's older sister by three minutes made an appearance, accompanied by a tray of potato chips that I helped myself to. "Tell them to calm down with the fire. The last thing we need is Jacob getting burned." The sisters exchanged a glance, knowing what a big baby Jacob would be about it if it actually happened.

There was something about only hanging out with boys that made me feel sad, and that's when I lacked female companionship. That's what I got from Rachel and Rebecca. However that doesn't mean I don't enjoy hanging out with the boys! I get up from the lawn chair and join them.

Quil used his lit sparkler to help me light my own. There was something that each boy gave me in my life that I deeply appreciated about each of them. Quil was the most loyal person I knew. On top of being just an easygoing and friendly person, he would stop what he was doing and do anything for any of his close friends. Jacob welcomed me into an extended part of his family when we both needed it the most. He can cheer me up on any given day because his optimistic personality is almost infectious. Last but not least, Embry: He's the one that understands me the most. While I do love these three boys equally, Embry and I find ourselves on a different level than Quil and Jacob. We both grew up in single-parent households. His mother came from the Makah Reservation with an unidentified father, while my grandmother raised me. When we long for the type of family relationships Jacob has with his family, we allow that longing to be found in one another. You can say it's a bond that I have found to appreciate more and more as the years have passed.

Ten year old Seth Clearwater emerges from the shore line from helping the adults blow the fireworks. "10 minutes till midnight!" He yelled in excitement.

"Leah!" I heard Rachel call for her childhood friend. Leah had been busy entertaining her new boyfriend, Sam Uley though. I knew that they had probably been kissing all night. Is that what happens when you turn sixteen? You just want to get a boyfriend and kiss them all night? My nose crinkled. No way will that ever happen to me.

After a few moments passing, Old Quil yells, "One minute till midnight!" the adults start setting up the fireworks for when it officially hits 2003.

"Quick!" Embry spat out. "Say something you want to do this year, hurry before midnight comes."

Quil started first, "I want to give Paul Lahote a piece of my mind."

Jacob excitedly exclaimed, "I want to learn how to fix a motorcycle."

"I want just want to pass Pre-Algebra," Embry admitted sheepishly.

When they directed their attention toward me, I realized that our entire group had already started counting down from 20. "I guess…" I don't really have any idea what to say. "I guess I just want to keep you guys around. You're the best friends I've ever had." My blush turns up on my face, because it's moments like these where I wanted to have female friends. Embry flashed me a smile and nudged me, while Jacob and Quil just rolled their eyes at my corny answer.

"7…6…5…4…" The four of us decided to join in. At the top of our lungs, we scream into the new year. "3…2…1…Happy New Year!"

I see the couples kissing each other. Sam and Leah, Old Quil and his wife, Harry and Sue Clearwater. I just scrunch my nose at them all and turn to my best friends. I throw my arms around Quil and Embry, grabbing Jacob by the collar of his shirt to force him into this embrace. "Happy New Year to my favorite bone heads."

We all laughed and smiled into the on-going line of fireworks that I'm sure could be seen throughout the entire Reservation.

4 years later

"Please take it for what it is, Jacob. I could find any kind of beat up motorcycle and you couldn't help yourself but to fix it." Quil smirked at his best friend, who is practically doing free labor for his father fixing all the bikes he owns. "It's a shame really, you should charge for your services."

"It's called a hobby," Jacob retorted. "Besides, if I did, who would I have to bother me about it?" He quirked his eyebrow back to the boy sitting across from him on the work bench.

"Yeah, yeah," I hushed them, finally fed up with their banter. "Why don't you all make yourself useful, hop on one of these bikes, and go find Embry?"

Jacob and Quil exchanged a look, which I ignored. "Chill, Jay. I'm sure he's sleeping in. We're growing boys. That's what we do." Jacob's attempts to calm me don't settle well. I haven't seen Embry since yesterday when he went home for lunch. I know he said he felt like he had a fever, but it wasn't like him to just not let one of us know what's going on.

"You say that now, Jacob but I wouldn't be surprised if Sam Uley and his little gang tried initiating Embry-"

"Don't even say that." Jacob's response was cold. The severity in his voice took me by surprise. Sure, Sam Uley and his followers are unnerving, intimidating, and a little pathetic, but that's doesn't mean I think Embry would ever actually succumb to them.

"Jacob, she was kidding," Quil clarified.

Jacob throws an apologetic look my way. "Sorry, Jay. I just don't like the way they've been looking at me lately. It's like they're waiting for me to combust or somethin'." He shook his head, as if he knows the thought is ridiculous in itself. "I just don't even want to imagine any of us actually joining them."

"Well," I kicked my feet off the work bench Quil and I were sitting on. "If any of you do, I'm seriously kicking your ass." The two boys laughed at my heeded warning, not knowing how serious I actually was.

"Quil," I repeated myself for the fourth time into the telephone. "I'm telling you. Something is wrong." Embry has not been heard from in weeks. Any time Quil and I made it over to Tiffany Call's house, she either wasn't home or directed us toward Sam Uley's house. How irresponsible of a mother could she be for allowing her sixteen year old son to hang out with gang members like Sam Uley, Jared Cameron, and Paul Lahote? Now, Jacob is sick. Just like Embry was.

Quil quickly dismisses the idea that Jacob also joined the Uley Gang. He's upset by Embry's sudden departure, but I'm clearly the most upset out of the three of us. Possibly now the two of us since we haven't been hearing from Jacob either.

"Okay, look. Come pick me up and we'll ride over to Billy's house." I didn't even give him a proper goodbye before I hung up the phone and snatched my grandma's keys to drive to the Ateara household.

When I see Quil, he's clearly bothered by the weird shit going on but his eyes are guarded like he's in denial. "Billy will let us see Jake. Even when he had chickenpox- remember that? Billy let us in almost every day to visit." I remembered but once again, attempts to withhold my worry has failed.

Pulling up in the driveway, we parked closest to the wheelchair accessible ramp. I'm kind of in a rush and didn't feel like running across the multi-acred yard. "Calm down," Quil instructed me, probably feeding off my nervous energy.

Billy answers the door with a polite gruff. "How are you kids doing?" Unlike most visits, however, Billy doesn't welcome us in. He attempts to carry on a conversation with us on the front porch.

"Can we see Jake?" I skipped right to the point, almost rudely but not enough to where I cared about hospitality.

"He's actually still sick, Jeannette. Even though I told you that yesterday when you called," he gave me a pointed look. If I didn't have so much respect for this old man, I would have slapped him silly. I'm not usually one to allow people to speak to me like that.

I exchanged a look with Quil, who's worry and hesitation was now set on his face. He had not spoken throughout this entire exchange yet.

Not that I don't believe Billy, but there's something about his stance that gives me enough doubt to where I think he could be twisting the truth. Is Jake sick? I'm not sure, but I'm about to find out. I could have never done this with Tiffany Call, but Billy Black knows me well enough for me to be family. "Yeah, I'm sorry, Billy." He leaves enough room between the door frame and his wheelchair to allow me to slip on past him into their house.

Quil grunted in surprise and disbelief from behind me and then Billy's wheelchair followed me, in no rush at all. Billy actually doesn't even seem to surprised by my actions.

I found the door that leads to Jake's bedroom and grab the knob to force the door open. It doesn't budge. "It's locked?" My voice sounded accusatory toward Billy. None of the Black children have ever had locks put on their door. It was their mother's rule.

"Yes," Billy replied curtly. "I put it on there for him when the doctor told us he had mono."

I stare blankly into Quil's eyes. Is this really happening? Are we really being denied access to our best friends? First, Embry-

My heart sunk when I imagined Embry's laughing, joyful face. Our friendship has blossomed tremendously over the years. I came to terms with the fact that there were some things I could only talk to him about; some things that Jacob and Quil just wouldn't understand.

I left my expression blank as I swiftly exited the Black household, purposely excluding an apology to Billy for barging in on him. Quil lagged behind me, being more quiet than I intended him to be. He's been the one that lifted us up during this entire situation. For the first time ever, Quil witnessed me cry.

"Please Quil," I whimpered, sitting in my car. "Please don't leave me too. I don't want you to be next." Quil's eyes grew distant. I know that he's missing his two best friends also. He also looks scared that he could be next.

"Look," he grabbed my wrist and looked me in the eye. "No matter what they offer me, what they do to me, I'm not joining them."

It wasn't until two weeks later that I figured out he was lying.

My calls have gone unanswered. Billy stopped picking up the house phone. Qult has blocked my cell phone number. Embry is the only one who still just lets the phone ring. He's the only one I leave voicemails. At first, they came off harsh. In my mind, this was the only way I could ensure he would actually listen to me.

"What's makes you think you're so much better than me that you could just randomly stop talking to me? You better hope I never see your face ever again, Call."

After a few days, I found myself getting gentler with my calls. Even when my father called me for the first time in a year and a half, Embry was the first person I called by habit. "Hey Em, um. Even though you're ignoring me and everything," I picked my ear off the phone momentarily, scolding myself. "I-I just don't have anyone else to tell…my dad called me. He wished me happy birthday." Embry would know just how ridiculous this was since my birthday was in 6 months. "Okay. Um, bye I guess."

I felt my emotions grow cold. I wasn't really eating, drinking, or sleeping much. That was my last phone call to him and I decided I was done, no more calling or texting any of them. No more randomly showing up at their house, which is exactly what I had done independently to all three of them. An entire month went by before I saw Quil, Jacob, and Jared out in public. They were at the local convenience store where I took on a job since I had no more friends on the Reservation.

Jared accidentally led the group down my register isle before he realized who I was. He hesitated before sneaking a peak at Quil and Jacob, who looked like they would rather be anywhere but here. The first thing I noticed about the two of them was that they both had identical haircuts and tattoos, just like the rest of the Uley Gang. My eyes bored onto Quil, whom my anger seemed to be radiated more toward.

He did break a promise, after all.

"$14.82," I read the total out to Jared. When handing him the receipt, I cocked my head toward Jacob, mostly because I knew he would be most bothered by what came out of my mouth. "Cool tattoo, dumb haircut."

I got the reaction I wanted out of him. Locked jaw, teeth gritting, eyes ablaze with anger, as if I'm the one that forced his to join the stupid gang. However, the look he gave me was not something I ever saw Jacob give anybody. He was not the Jacob I grew up with anymore. His glare was filled with hate. On the other hand, Quil seemed to remain unchanged. His expression carried more guilt than anything else.

Jared kept the exchange was short as possible. He grabbed the receipt and dragged both boys out the store.

They left me with a fire fueled in my belly thicker than the one caused by my original deceit. I was pissed. We have all been best friends since 1st grade and now they decided that they one-by-one wanted to ditch me for the likes of Sam Uley and the rest of his pathetic cult?

Sam Uley- this guy is pissing me off. I remember when Leah told me he broke up with her, only to hit on her second cousin, Emily. Sam Uley is a life ruiner. They dated for three years. The worst part about it all is that Leah's cousin actually started dating him. They live in that stupid house together, the one off Quileyute Road.

My eyes widened at my brilliant idea. I know where Sam Uley lives. I know where my ex-best friends hang out. They think they can just ditch me without another word?

They clearly have no idea who they are fucking with. My face looks in an upwards smirk for the rest of my shift.

I stopped by Embry's house just to be absolutely sure that they were at Sam's. Tiffany Call seems to be the only parent to not get the memo, because she is the only one that tells me the truth. The downpour of rainfall certainly reflected my mood. It got to be a pretty bad storm by the time I approached the small house.

I knocked on the chipped brown painted door a lot lighter than I wanted to. A bitch like me prefers to make a grand entrance. Slightly disappointed in myself, I listened carefully for the sound of footsteps hitting the foyer.

"Jeanette." Sam Uley's rough voice greeted me. The only thing separating us is the glass door. Now that I see him up close, I see a much more matured face. He looked like he's been through some shit that has given him the authority to convert nice young men into hoodlums. I pushed my thoughts aside, though. I don't have time to wonder about Sam Uley's life.

"I need to see them," I all but demanded from this man who is well over a foot taller than me.

He opened the glass door, which I take and set my palm on it to ensure I can look up to his eyes. I wanted to let him know he doesn't intimidate me. "They aren't here right now." It's almost as if Sam already knew about the time I barged in on Billy Black. He seemed to anticipate my movements. He shot his body off to the left side of the door way, since that was my point of entry with Billy. This left him defenseless on the right side, near the door hedges. My petite body frame took this opportunity to swipe past him on his weak side and glide right on through the foyer.

His arms make a movement behind me, probably to try and stop me. I can't tell, however, if he stopped himself or if I actually glided right out of his reach. He probably stopped himself though, because I'm sure if he really wanted to grab me, he would have.

Since I've never stepped foot in this house before, I didn't take in too many details. I just focused on where the voices are coming from. I know Embry is here, but I wondered what the chances are that all three of them are here? That would be me hitting the jackpot.

The sound of my sneakers are squeaky due to the rain. The politer side of me is ashamed that I'm tracking water and mud through this house, but I didn't care at this moment. I swung through a door that apparently leads to the kitchen. I paused momentarily to take in all the men that are in the room. There's 5 of them: Embry, Jake, Paul, Quil, and Jared.

I hit the jackpot.

Quil was sitting facing the swinging door. He's the first person I made eye contact with. Since he was in mid-drink with what looks like milk, he coughed a little bit. Probably surprised to see me.

This caused Jacob and Embry to both turn their heads in my direction. I probably looked crazy. Soaking wet from the rain, teeth clenched, fists balled, perfectly placed with a look that could kill them all. Embry snapped his head back around once he saw my body. He knew what was happening. He shouldn't be surprised, really. His actions just drove even more anger from my body, coming off in waves.

"What are you doing here?" Jacob snapped, quickly getting out his chair and facing me almost in a crouched position.

"I could ask you the same question," I snapped back, in the same tone and manner Jake threw me.

I'm guessing Sam appeared in the doorway because I heard him call Jared and Paul to come in the living room with him. They exchanged a glance and shook their head, their eyes glistening on me, apparently wanting to watch our fight.

"You don't belong here," Jacob managed through his gritted teeth. "Leave," he bellowed.

I looked at him incredulously. Who does he think he's talking to? I took a deep breath and conjured all the maliciousness, disgust, and sassiness I have in my body into one sentence. "Why don't you take Sam Uley's dick out of your ass and make me?"

I didn't even see it happen. But all of a sudden, one of the kitchen chairs were smashed against the adjacent wall. Jacob was breathing really heavy, trying to get himself under control. I've never seen Jacob participate in destructive behavior, so I was slightly taken aback. Nonetheless, I didn't allow anyone to see my loss in facial composure.

"What's wrong, Jacob?" I allowed the malice to come back in my voice. "Someone finally calling you out on your shit?"

"Jeannette," Quil spoke up from across the room. "Just yell at us and then leave, okay?"

His comment almost makes it sound like he's giving me permission to yell at them, which pissed me off even more. "Oh, I intend to, Ateara."

I made a semi-circle across the room, but make sure to keep out of arms-reach of Jacob. I pulled up a chair and swung it in between my legs to sit backwards. Quil was to my left and Embry to my right. Jacob was still standing up across the room with tight hands enclosed. I propped my elbows up and gave a sarcastic smirk to Embry, but his head was down. He has not seen me at all for six weeks. Since Embry wasn't allowing me to have any fun with this, I turned my head toward Quil. "How's the 'gang life' treating you guys?"

No response. Quil just diverts his attention forward. Jared and Paul were still on the edge of their seats on the kitchen counter, anticipating my next move. "Come on you guys- I don't bite." Paul and Jared smirked at each other. "I'm really not here to yell at you," my sickly sweetness tone kicked in. "I just want to know what my best friends have been up to lately," I said, rubbing Embry's shoulder. I flinched slightly because the warmth underneath his shirt took me by surprise. Does he still have a fever? Surely, you can't go sick for that long.

"We can't hang out with you anymore," Embry managed to croak out, head still down.

"You're a little too late for that memo, Embryo," I spat at him. He flinched at the sound of the nickname he hates, knowing that it wasn't said in good nature.

"I would have really appreciated you telling me that before all of this. But no, you had to be pussies about it." For the first time, Quil's face showed signs of actual anger. "Instead, you made your father ignore me," comment directed toward Jacob. "You blocked my number," I narrowed my eyes at Quil. "You ignored my cry for help," my anger disappeared and came out in a hushed whisper toward Embry. He, out of all three of them, I really expected to contact me. I thought he and I shared a friendship that was something special, something more intimate than what I shared with Quil or Jacob.

But I was wrong.

"So here's your chance, boys! Tell me you don't want to see me ever again." The words that came out of my mouth sounded like it was directly toward all three of them, but for some reason my body's energy and attention was directed at Embry. "Tell me," I seethed, hoping for one of them to speak soon. "Why don't you be a man, look me in my eye, and tell me you don't want to be friends anymore?"

Since most of my anger was directly at Embry, it felt like we were the only two in the room. He took a deep breath and finally looked at me: he looks like hell. For not seeing his face in six weeks, saying that he changed is a complete and total understatement. He hadn't been sleeping, he'd been crying, and he had frown lines. I can't tell if that's just because I'm here, but I caught myself hoping that he's at least smiled once since he dismissed himself from my life.

His facial expression threw me off, though. He looked at me as if he's looking at the sun for the first time. He stopped breathing, it looked like he wanted to say something, but nothing tumbled from his lips. He just stared at me in a way that made me feel like I needed to cover up. He looked like he was looking into my soul for the first time ever. For just a moment, I recognized the Embry that I loved and appreciated for 11 years of my life, the one that knew me more than anyone else in this world did.

For a second, I thought I had him back. Maybe I could convince him to leave Sam's gang. Maybe when he did that, Jacob and Quil would follow suit.

That was just a daydream though.

Jared's laugh drove me out of my reverie. "I know that look all too well."

Before I could even ponder what the hell Jared was talking about, I set my jaw back into the place it was when I first arrived. I tried to make it seem as though I wasn't affected by Embry's gaze.

To finish my own question, I bitterly murmured, "Didn't think so."

I whipped the chair out from underneath my bottom and threw it back in its original place. While I noticed Jacob's face softened, his stance was still defensive. I felt Embry's eyes on my back as I walked past Sam. "They're all yours," I said while grimacing over my shoulder to Sam Uley. This was the last time I ever wanted to see his face again.

I looked over at my three ex best friends and concluded, "Pathetic." With that, I finally left the house. I heard someone get up quickly but Sam stopped whoever it was. A part of me was hoping it was Embry, telling me that I was right and that he wanted me to give him a ride home.

But I knew that wasn't possible.

I stepped back in the path of the rainstorm and drove home red-faced and teary-eyed.