Why do cats brainwash?

This is Daypaw's imaginary letter to Nightstorm. Of course he doesn't send it, as he is lacking some Very Important Stuff For Writing Letters, which include (but aren't limited to) pens, pencils, rubbers, white-out, paper, post office, letterbox, envelope, knowledge of how to write and hands.

But still. Here it is. In case some-one wanted it.

Some cats wonder why I was so… Stuck up. Proud. Bloodthirsty. Cruel.

The truth is, when you have been told for almost your whole life that you are good, perfect even, you start to believe it. And then you carry on thinking that, and it grows and changes and strengthens, and then you believe whatever you do will be right.

It starts with a joke. Something forgivable. But then your Clan, your friends, your family, go along with it, and make it worse and worse until it is unforgivable, and then they reward you for starting it.

Reward you.

Like any kit, I like the praise. Of course I do. So I do it gain. And again.

Each time I do it, it get's a little bit worse. I little bit more cruel. A little bit less forgivable.

Slowly, I turn from what I was - a kit, sweet open and innocent- to something else completely. I turn into a monster.

I spent my time teasing bullying, or basking in the rewards and praise from my Clanmates.

I pushed myself, determined that I would make no mistakes, and when I did make them I buried them in my achievements, then convinced myself it wasn't my fault, and often that it was in fact my sisters.

I thought only about myself, because I had been taught that myself was what was the most important. When I helped another, the only thought in my mind was how it could help me. Horrible, I know. Well, I know now. But it's the way I was.

Was. Past tense.

That was my night. I must have been born at dusk, and ever since the prophecy I've been living through my night. When I died, when I was finally killed, the sun rose again.

I admit to those things. I admit I was a monster, a Tigerstar. I was worse.

I admit I became a nightmare of the day.

I may be named after the day and the light, but really I'm the darkness. The worst of all the evil.

I don't know why StarClan accepted and even welcomed me. I don't belong with the great cats residing there, despite the acceptance they gave me. I belong with cats like Scourge. Evil. Scary. Terrible. Horrible. Not the great ones, like Silentsong and Firestar and Nightstorm.

Oh, Nightstorm.

My sister, I want you to know I'm sorry.

I can do nothing to make up for what I have done.

I just want you to know I love you.

I love you so much and I'm so sorry.

I hope I will see you soon, so I can tell you my apologies face-to-face.

But I'm not asking you to forgive me. How could I? I can't even forgive myself.

Oh, Nightstorm, I mean it. I'm sorry.

-Daypaw.