Sonny claims that he is fine after a near death experience but how is he really? Based off the episode ' Next Chapter'.
I'm not very good with summaries, forgive me.

Do not own rights Law & Order SVU.

"He's fine. Ye-yes, Carisi is fine." Amanda insured to the person on the other line.

Sonny turned his head back when his last name was mentioned by his fellow partner. They lock eyes for a brief second before turning his attention back to Olivia who had asked him if he was okay. Truth be told, he wasn't okay. He would never show it, would never allow Olivia, Amanda or Fin know that he was still shaken up by the near-death experience. That he could still feel the cold on the middle of his forehead from where the gun was pointing at him. How for that one moment he saw this entire life flash before his eyes.

He had to be stronger than that. Stronger for Olivia, who the past few years she has been through nothing but hell. The last thing she needed was added guilt that's still lingering in her. But right now, he wanted nothing more than just to go home.

After a long drive, Sonny stepped into this empty apartment closing the door behind him, not even bothering to lock it. His feet drag across his hardwood floor as he made his way around his tiny one bedroom apartment. He began to remove a piece of clothing as he walked, starting with his shoes that he left by his front door then went on to undo and removed his tie that is now laying somewhere in his living room. Each item leaving a trail that led to his bathroom.

His bare feet winced that coldness of the tile he stands on, goosebumps rose from his skin at the coldness that surrounded his tiny bathroom. The bathroom door wide open inviting chilling breeze past through him as he stood in front of his bathroom sink in the nude. Blue eyes stared intensely at the mirror in front of them, searching for something. Searching for what he has lost a couple hours ago. Maybe it was hope, he wasn't entirely sure but Sonny wasn't Sonny anymore.

Red piercing blood was hidden by his ear, taking him back to the upstairs room where he was sure his life was about to end. The coldness from the barrel came back, his forehead felt ice cold. He shut his eyes and lowered his head shaking the memories out of him, his hands gripped each side of the sink turning his knuckles white. Sighing deeply and chuckling to himself, he turned his attention to his standing shower; stepping in as he turned the water on.

Standing underneath the shower head the cold water penetrated his milk skin causing him shivered. His arm stretched out as he placed his hand on the tile wall just underneath his shower head while his other hand rubbed the back of his neck as his head hung. Steam filled the bathroom like foggy night, Sonny had tried. Oh, how he tried so hard to keep himself together but his emotions defeated him.

Suddenly, without any warning, he broke. His shoulders started to shake up and down as his chest tightened. The loud and painful sobs that came out of him scared him. Sonny cried out of fear, out of shock and out of painful realization that he could have died without telling a certain person that he loved them. Past memories did not flash before him, but it was memories that he thought he would never be able to create. The memories that he dreams of creating. Memories that he is now determined to create.

He never felt the feeling of fear until he his eyes fell on the gun at was placed directly on him. Fear that quickly consumed him causing him to feel weak in the knees, causing him to clutch for his last breath, and causing him to forget everything that he learned during his time training to become a cop. But there was one thing he didn't forget, couldn't forget. How he wished for that split second, he wished he was able to forget so it wouldn't be as painful.

Lost in his own thoughts and emotions to realize that he was no longer alone. His cries were so loud that he didn't even hear his name being called out. He jumped when he felt a pair of cold hands place on each side of his waist, making him turn around. His teary blue eyes immediately lock with his favorite pair of green eyes, only this time they had a sad and worry look.

'Cariño'

And just like that Sonny lost it at the sound of his soft raspy voice that was filled with concern. Dropping to his knees, he felt like a small child holding on for his dear life with his arm wrapped around his lover's waist. His tears coming down harder making his breathing difficult under the hot steam.

'Ay, carino.' Barba whispered on the side of Sonny head before placing kiss on his temple. 'I'm sorry, I couldn't have been there.' His eyes wander as he held Sonny, his arms around the taller man who was now at his level. 'I'm going to kill Olivia, what was she thinking letting you go in there by yourself.' He felt his own tears starting to creep out, leaving a tear stain trail down his cheeks.

Sonny shook his head. 'No, no it wasn't her fault. It was me, I went in there on my own. I let my guard down, I should have known better. I -I-'

'Mi amor' his smoothly tone trying to hush his traumatized boyfriend.

'I'm sorry." Sonny whispered into the shoulder of his Cuban lover.

'No, no don't. You have nothing to be sorry about.' Barba pulled back and took his index finger under Sonny's chin, lifting it up so he could look at him. Their eyes locking. 'You have nothing to be sorry about.' His lips fell on top of his lovers, their lips part ever so lightly to deepen the kiss but it was quickly broken by Sonny uncontrollable sobs.

'I thought-" he sighed deeply trying to catch his breath. 'I thought I was going to die -' he added again stopping to catch his breath and to control his emotions. 'I thought I was going to die without telling you that I love you.' Sonny confessed.

His blue eyes were lost deep into the green eyes, searching for answer or some sort of reaction. It was soon answered when it once again his lips were captured by the sweet coffee tasting lips as their tongues meet once again. The taste of stale coffee and cigarettes intoxicated Sonny. He moans when he felt a soft hand make its way from his neck to the back of his neck, fingers running through his hair before taking a tight hold and bring him closer to deepen the kiss. The hot water ran through their nude bodies as Sonny hands traced the curves that was of his lover's body. His hand land on each side of Barba's neck, unwilling but much needed he broke their kiss. Both breathing heavily, their foreheads touching ,eyes still locked with one another and their heart beating rapidly causing their chest to rise up and down in a hard pace matter.

'I love you.' Sonny whispered.

Barba once again captured Sonny's now plump lips placing a single kiss before pulling back. 'I love you too, Sonny.'