-Not a native speaker, not betaed, and not Brit-picked. Any correction is welcome.

"Every choice you ever made, every path you've ever taken, the man you are today, is your memory of Eurus."

"Mycroft told me you'd rewritten your memories, he didn't tell me you'd written me out completely."

Those two sentences from his siblings kept looping in Sherlock's mind as he lied down at Mrs Hudson's couch. He just returned from Sherrinford. The 221B was still a mess as they hadn't got the time to fix it after the explosion. John kindly offered his house but he refused. He was not in the right state of mind. He was afraid he might hurt Rosie accidentally. He asked Mrs Hudson if he could sleep at 221C but she said he needed to rest immediately and her couch was as good as any other places.

When Mrs Hudson asked if he needed anything, he said no. On good days, he often forgot to eat. And now was definitely not a good day.

He was not sure who he iwas anymore. He prided himself on being a "highly functioning sociopath". He said, "Sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side". Of course, the joke was on him because he was a very emotional child.

He thought hard cold facts were everything but he didn't even get his own facts right. He felt that he has betrayed Victor and as he replaced him with a dog.

The thought of Victor's body at the bottom of the well sent another bout of depression. He remembered what Ella said that it was OK to cry. So he cried.

He cried for Victor. He must be so scared dying alone in that well. He cried for Victor's family who until now hadn't known Victor's fate. He took note to talk to Victor's family when he had sorted himself out.

He cried for all the people Eurus had killed or harmed because she wanted his attention. He logically knew it was not his fault but tonight sentiments won so he feels responsible.

He knew that the situation was dire that he even cried for Mycroft. He must have a lot of burdens to hide so many secrets and to take care of his siblings. He cried for his parents who thought Eurus was dead. He even cried for Eurus who didn't understand emotion.

Thinking of Eurus reminded him of Molly. Poor Molly. He had hurt and used her so often. Ironically, his last call to Molly was meant to save her but in the end it was the cruelest thing he had ever done to her. He took another mental note about apologizing to Molly.

If only Mary were here… That thought of course sent another wave of guilt. This was definitely his fault that Mary was no longer here. He robbed John of his wife and Rosie of her mom. He also lost a good friend who gets him.

It was his turn to feel sorry for himself. He didn't know who he is anymore. Apparently his obsession in solving murders stemmed from his childhood trauma. Even his obsession was a lie. If he was not meant to be a consulting detective, what was he supposed to be?

Of course Moriarty of his mind palace started to appear. "Just kill yourself. It would make things easier for everyone involved."

He was slightly tempted but then he remembered what he said to Faith who turned out to be Eurus that "our life is not our own so keeps our hands of it".

Moriarty retreated after saying he was boring.

He was tempted to start using. Then Molly, the mind palace Molly, not the real Molly shook her head showing her disappointment. Behind her, the mind palace Mycroft and John also shook their heads.

Fine, he wouldn't be using then.

"I think you know that all of these are your own thoughts, right? So you think of suicide and drugs but you refuse them. You've made a lot of progress."

"And of course you are also not the real Mary."

"Of course." Mary nodded.

"So I'm praising myself."

"Yes, I know you're often full of yourself. But you need it this time."

"I'm sorry about your death."

"Me too, but again it's not your fault. The real Mary, not me, chose to jump to protect you."

"You shouldn't."

"Well, it has been done. It's what it's."

"What do I do now? My whole life is a lie. I thought I was clever and above emotions so I chose to be a detective."

"You're clever, the smartest man I have ever met. You're also a great detective."

"You are me so that means I'm praising myself."

"I know." She smiled.

"I need to talk to someone real who doesn't take my bullshit but also doesn't hate me."

"Well, the list will be quite short then."

"I think I have just insulted myself too."

Mary smiled and disappeared.

Sherlock raked his brain about who to talk to. His first thought was John but John was tired after his ordeal, besides he wouldn't be objective and he also needed to take care of Rosie. Mycroft was also resting and he was also very involved emotionally. He thought of Molly but now he needed to sort himself out first before talking to her. Mrs Hudson would definitely take his side so it was not objective.

He thought of Sally and Anderson then again he thought he was not that desperate. That only left one person.

He sent a text to Lestrade. "Could you come here first thing in the morning? SH".

After a few tense minutes, he received a reply. "Sure."

It was the first time he could find himself relaxing. He fell into restless sleep a few moments later.