Hey guys, I finished another one! Not sure what I'm going to work on next, well, except for HW, lol.

I want to give special thanks to both 487Carrie for encouraging me to get this written (and the super cool shirt idea) and to MamaBear2Two for being an awesome beta/idea sounding board/friend :)

and of course, here is a shout-out to all the reviewers : guest, mhart, Leandra Falconwing, guest, anon1, ooshaboosha, 487carrie, ElanorGrace, aranow. you rock, and I know this one took forever but, look they make up!

*.*.*.*.*.*

Buck fought a sigh as he stepped into the livery in time to see Ezra's royal blue jacket, his second favorite, disappear out the back. Slowly he began walking down the aisle after him, not wanting to crowd but not willing to give up entirely either, not yet. The boy had been avoiding him the entire day, vanishing before he could get close, or making an excuse to leave before he had a chance to talk to him properly. It was getting on near supper time with no change, he'd really upset his brother, and frankly, he felt like crap. Ordinarily he'd drop it for now, give him more time, but it was Wednesday night, and all the boys, plus Inez, Mary and Billy, Miz Nettie and Casey, and the Judge and Miss Evie if they were in town, got together in the big saloon kitchen if they could. Most of the time, except if someone was on a prisoner transport or a delivery of some type, Nathan had a patient he couldn't leave, or the weather was too bad for Miz Nettie to trust her old horse and wagon, they managed it, and he wasn't having Ezra not come because of him.

A few times lately, Mrs. Potter and her youngin's had come along, and it was plain to see her and Josiah were sweet on each other for all they said they were only friends. Buck would give it another half a year at the most before Josiah started courting her properly, or Buck would have to smack him upside his big head. Ezra had been a little jealous about it, liked Mrs. Potter and doted on the twins almost as much as he did Billy, but still clearly jealous, he wasn't used to sharing Josiah with anybody but the rest of the seven.

Which probably wasn't helping his temper or his hurt feelings none. Buck figured he'd had about the worst timing in the world with this mess. A soft whinny, so close to his ear he could feel the horses's hot breath, startled him and Buck realized he'd come to a stop right outside Lady's stall. Well, it wouldn't do to ignore a beautiful girl when she asked for his attention would it? It really wasn't fair to force his company on Ezra anyway, much as he wanted a chance to apologize. Opening the stall door, Buck rubbed his hand gently down Lady's long nose, crooning, "Hey, pretty one, been awhile since our ride this morning', hasn't it?" Lady nuzzled a bit up into his palm, accepting his petting as her due, and then moved her head to nose delicately, but insistently, at his pockets. "Ain't got nothing in there this time, Lady, but your ol' pal will bring you something soon." Buck knew Lady wasn't as uncannily smart as Chaucer, but they'd been together so long most of the time the mare got what he was getting at, least it seemed that way to Buck. She stopped probing his pockets anyway, looking at him with inquisitive eyes as he stroked her neck, and after a minute Buck leaned forward, putting his arms around the horse and leaning his head on her sturdy neck. "I really put my foot in it this time, girl." Lady turned her head and a hot breath went down his collar, the horse settling her head onto his. "Know I need to apologize, but it's hard when somebody can't even stand to be in the same room as you."

"Would your apology, sah, be for offending me or for the insult leveled against mah maternal parent?" The voice was icy and angry at the same time, but Buck was just so relieved Ezra was talking to him that he had to fight to keep the smile off his face as he released Lady, stepping away as turned to him, not wanting Ezra to think he thought any of this was funny. When he saw the hurt in his little brother's eyes, the rest of him stiff as a board, he didn't have to try anymore.

"Both, pard. I never shoulda opened my mouth to say something like that about your Ma, and I sure as shootin' didn't wanna hurt your feelin's any. I really am sorry, Hoss."

"A man shouldn't have to hear such things about his Mothah, certainly not from a friend. And to hear that a friend thinks so in rumor is even worse." Buck hung his head, because everything his brother was saying was true, his heart clenching a little as he realized Ezra had repeatedly called him friend instead of brother.

"You're right." He didn't know what else to say.

"What am Ah to hear next? Shall a cowhand inform me that mah compatriots think Ah'm a cuckoo next, as Ah heard repeatedly from mah father's relatives?" Buck's head jerked up, both from surprise and how damned broken Ezra sounded. "None of it's true, it's naught but falsehoods, what you said, and what they said." Christ. This was about a hell of a lot more than his words.

"'Course it's not true Ezra. I had no right to say nothing like I did, and nobody had any right to talk to ya like that." Buck knew there were plenty of people out there that were just plain mean, liked being cruel to others just because they could, and it sure seemed like Ezra had been raised by a pack of them.

"Mothah did what she had to do after Da-Father passed. Our relatives had nevah approved their match, and no one would assist us, not for free, most would only take me so she could look for employment if she paid them in advance, and Ah can tell you, they nevah acted like it was enough. Yes, when she married again it was for money-at least Ah could be with her then! It didn't-doesn't mean she is..." He trailed off and Buck could see his Adam's apple working as he fought for control of himself, "that." Part of Buck wondered if he should stop him as Ezra opened his mouth again, not sure the boy meant to be revealing all that he was, but at the same time it seemed like he needed to say it. "Everything she did, she did for me!" Ezra's eyes pleaded at him at the same time they were furious, and Buck found himself nodding, a lump in his throat. He wasn't sure if that was true or not, maybe, hell, even probably, when his brother had been small, but it was pretty clear that it had changed somewhere over the years, Maude treating the boy more like a partner in crime than a child to be protected. It was also pretty clear that Ezra needed to believe it, whether it was the truth or not. Buck nodded again, but before he could think of what to say next, Ezra, voice calm now to match his face, only his eyes showing any emotion at all, said, "Ah'd have thought that of everyone..." He trailed off, and pivoted a little on his foot, and Buck, worried that he was going to take off again, stepped forward and held up a hand.

"You're right, Ezra. Out of everybody I shoulda known better." Buck hadn't realized Ezra had known about his Momma, sure hadn't told him the way he had JD, but the boy was real good at reading people, and had practically grown up in saloons where there were often working girls a plenty, so he wasn't too surprised. Buck knew first hand how much words like his could hurt. He'd been plenty tipsy, but that was no excuse. "Can you let me explain, pard?"

For a second Buck thought Ezra was going to say no, hell, for half a second there, his brother's mouth tight, Buck thought he was gonna haul off and hit him again. Instead, he said, voice measured, "Ah suppose as you attended to mah piece, it is only just that ah allow you the same privilege."

"Thank you," Buck breathed it sincerely, relieved. Then, even though he'd been thinking over what he was going to say all day, he found the words weren't coming, not easy anyway, stumbling and tripping off his tongue. "First thing I guess you should know is I didn't mean it in no real sense...I know your Ma...I mean." Buck wasn't an easy blusher, but he could feel a little heat rising in his cheeks.

"Ah believe, sah," Ezra said, voice unimpressed, "that the term you are seeking is 'literal'. You did not mean it literally."

Buck nodded, because that was exactly the word he'd meant, for all he hadn't been able to think it for the life of him. "Yeah, exactly. Hear me out here, because you might not like the next thing I have to say, alright?" Ezra just looked steadily at him, not giving anything away, certainly not an answer. Taking a breath to steady himself, Buck said, voice plain and straight forward, "Sometimes Ezra, it can be easy to see that you wasn't always treated right growing up," seeing the uncomfortable shift Ezra did at that, he hastened to add, "Not to strangers I don't expect, but to me and the boys and the other folks that care about ya. Maybe it wasn't your Ma doing it, but it was people she left you with, and hell-I love you, pard, you're my little brother, and it makes me damn angry to know that people hurt you."

For a split second Ezra appeared utterly bewildered as he looked at him, Buck not sure if it was just because he hadn't imagined his comment had been anything but random meanness, or if it was because he still didn't get how important he was to all of them, to Buck, before his face smoothed out. He hoped it was just the first, it would be easy enough to fix that, but Buck was pretty sure they were in for the long haul on the last one. It was like Ezra got it sometimes, or about some things, but it didn't stick. "Ah appreciate your sentiment, Mistah Wilmington, but it was hardly as abominable a situation as you appear to think. Any relations or othah's who proved truly unsuitable, if Mothah had reason to believe Ah had been ill-treated, Ah did not stay there again."

"And how long did it take her to come and check on you, how many times were you left with people like that in the first place?" Ezra was doing his best to look composed now, like he had since he finished telling Buck off, but Buck caught a little half-flinch at his words and was glad he'd clamped his lips shut on the rest of the questions he had-just how bad had things had to be before Maude considered it 'unsuitable', how many places had he been sent back to that were almost, but not quite, crossing that line?

"Ah am growing tired of your line of speaking Mistah Wilmington, Ah may take mah leave soon if it continues along this route, and yet Ah still have no explanation for how you came to speak so about mah Mothah, your opinions on mah upbringing not withstanding." An edge of impatience had crept into his voice, and Buck held up his hands in a gesture of surrender.

"Alright, alright, I get it, I'll get to the point." Ezra merely raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, and Buck drew in a breath, "You remember when Josiah came to fetch you when we was playing cards in the saloon a couple days ago?" A stiff nod was his only answer, and Buck plunged on. "You had avoided going and seeing him at the church, 'cause you thought you were in trouble even though you hadn't done anything," a slight twitch of both of Ezra's hands at the same time put rest to that idea, but if he hadn't gotten caught Buck figured it couldn't have been too bad. Hopefully. "JD-and I let him drink a bit more than I probably should've that night, don't be mad at him, pard, alright?-wanted to know why, why you thought Josiah would be mad at you for nothing...and maybe I'm wrong pard, you'd be the one to know, but I blame your ma for that. And I'd been drinking plenty myself, so instead of saying that, what came out was...what I said," He finished it lamely, looking at Ezra for his reaction. He looked, honestly, like he didn't quite know what to do next, an expression that Buck wasn't used to seeing on Ezra' face. Buck fancied that maybe the boy wanted to forgive him, but either his pride or not being sure how to go about it was stopping him. Deciding that after a day of being constantly avoided, and pouring out his heart just now, he wasn't above it, and ignoring a little prick of guilt, said quietly, looking straight at Ezra, "But I guess if that ain't good enough, it ain't good enough. You go on to the dinner with everybody, and I'll head back to the boardin'-"

"No!" Having not expected quite that reaction, Buck winced, seeing Ezra swallow hard, and that his hands had already squeezed into fists, not angry, more like he was doing it to keep control of himself, "No, Buck, you shouldn't-Ah would not wish, Mistah Wilmington for you to remove yourself from the festivities on account of mah person. If anything-"

Getting a little frustrated now, and wondering just what he'd missed, Buck said firmly, "No. I ain't going if you aren't there. It wouldn't be right and I'd be miserable the whole time anyway."

"Ah would feel much the same way if the situation were reversed." Ezra's gaze had moved so that he was looking at a spot somewhere around Buck's ear, and while his voice was steady, if quiet, Buck thought the only way it would be that steady, almost unnatural, was if he was forcing it to be. Buck frowned for a second, and then went with his instincts, which said there had been enough space, enough letting him think-right now what Ezra needed was a hug and to be told it was gonna be okay, even if he didn't know it himself. Stepping forward, not moving overly fast in case he was dead wrong, Buck put a hand on Ezra's shoulder and tugged him in, wrapping his arms around him in a bear hug. He stiffened for a second, and Buck prepared to let him go if he tried to pull away, wasn't going to force it on him, but instead Ezra gripped him back, tight, not plastering himself to him the way JD would've, more burrowing in, body still tense, like he was trying to hide in Buck's chest.

"It's alright, Hoss, it's gonna be just fine, you hear? Brother's fight. It don't change nothing." A fierce nodding, Ezra's forehead grinding into his collar bone a bit, but Buck just squeezed him tighter, "it don't change nothing."

*.*.*.*.*

"There you two are, we were about to send out a search party," Josiah grinned at them, big and broad, as Buck walked through the door that went from the saloon front to the big open kitchen and store room in the back, Ezra a step in front of him, the older man obviously pleased to see them here and together.

"More like about t' eat yer share a the biscuits." Vin muttered, looking almost mournfully at his still empty plate. Buck supposed, as he headed around the table for an empty chair inbetween Chris and Nathan, Billy insistently calling for Ezra to come and sit between him and JD, if everybody was sitting down and ready but them they'd been waiting for a bit. It wasn't as though either him or Ezra had been paying much attention to the time.

"What was that, Vin Tanner?" Nettie asked, eyebrow raised, Vin blushing a little as he looked around Casey to her, obviously not having expected her to hear. Buck chuckled as he finished settling in his chair, nodding with a smile at JD across from him, and then catching Ezra's eye for a second and winking as he jerked his head in Vin's direction, Ezra hiding a chuckle. That was what Vin got for plotting to eat their food.

"Aw, I was jus' teasin', Miz Nettie."

"Good," she said matter of factly, "there's more than enough for everybody. I might even have an extra biscuit or two for you if you eat all your string beans."

"I like string beans, Miz Nettie," Billy piped up, Buck almost sure Ezra had taught him that 'so sweet, I'm an actual angel' expression on his face.

Smiling at him, more than a bit amused, Nettie said, "Is that so? Seems you have some competition for those biscuits, Vin." Buck had to hide a laugh at the face Vin made at that, not sure whether to be amused at Billy himself or not. Looking around the table he saw that it looked like all the womenfolk had had a hand in this meal-a big, steaming, platter sized bowl of Inez's picadillo, which near as he could figure was basically spicy Mexican hash with a lot of tomatoes in it and rice underneath the rest-it was delicious and Inez didn't think it was fancy enough to serve in the saloon, so Buck was particularly happy he hadn't skipped this meal-Nettie's biscuits, string beans, (which she pan-fried in butter, and if Vin wanted to slip his portion Buck's way he wouldn't say a word), and a couple of sweet smelling pies sitting over on an old sideboard that he thought Mary must have made. Luckily for all of them, while Mary couldn't cook a stew or fry a fish, or anything like that for the life of her, she could bake a pie or a casserole just fine.

"You two fix things?" Chris asked quietly as plates started being passed around, Josiah closest to the big platter and scooping out generous portions on each plate that passed his way, not leaving much room for Nettie's string beans and biscuits.

"'Course. Wouldn't be here if I hadn't." Chris smiled a little at him, his hand coming up to clap lightly at Buck's shoulder, squeezing for just a second before he let go and turned to accept his now filled plate from Nettie, and Buck, realizing his own would be next, held out his hands just in time to not slow them down. And to nudge JD's ankle with his shoe, and gesture for him to put his fork down with his chin, because you didn't not say grace with both Miz Nettie and Josiah at the table. Sure enough, a second later when everybody had a full plate in front of them, Josiah cleared his throat and held out a hand to either side of him. This had been the part that had been the hardest to get Chris, who was not much of one for praying, and certainly not for hand-holding, to go along with, but they'd worn him down.

"Thank you, Lord...", Buck didn't pay as close as attention to the grace as Josiah would probably have liked, letting his mind wander a bit, he had jailhouse duty in the morning, and then the afternoon patrol...he wondered if any of the boys would want to ride along, stop at the river and go fishing..."...Amen."

Taking a moment to take a bite of picadillo before he did anything else, Buck swallowed, "I'm thinking on going fishing tomorrow afternoon, anybody want to go along?"

"You've got patrol," Chris interjected, before anybody else could, and Buck waved him off.

"Hel-heck, pard, I know that, I meant after, of course." He shot an apologetic look at Mary, knowing she didn't much like Billy hearing language like that, but she just shook her head at him, a smile playing at her lips.

"I'll go," said JD, and Buck, mouth full of biscuit, nodded at him, having expected that answer. "Casey, do you want to come?"

The girl blushed a little, and said, "Sure do, but tomorrow is baking day...", she turned to look at Nettie, who cocked her head to the side, as though considering, and then gave in with a smile.

"Long as you help me in the morning, I can spare you for the afternoon." Casey beamed at Nettie, and JD beamed back at her, and Buck figured he was gonna have to watch to see they didn't sneak off too far. That reminded him of Lilah Gold, he hadn't thought about her in at least a decade, and it was another before that since he'd seen her...

"I remember the first time I took a girl fishing, a little gal I met when me and Chris stopped in-"

"Buck." Chris cut him off sharply, shaking his head at the same time and Buck frowned at him, confused.

"What I'd do?"

"I know how that story ends."

"I wasn't gonna tell that part, just about teaching her how to fish!" Buck protested, as most of the table started laughing, Nettie shaking her head at both of them, and Billy's voice piping up in the background, "What's so funny, Mama? Can I go fishing with Mr. Buck?"