"Bartholomew Henry Allen? I need you to sit up and look straight ahead.."
Everything fades into silence as he looked up at her. The light was blinding but nothing in comparison to that of his headache, the pounding in the back of his head that reminded him he was still conscious. It was a fist fight after all, always is, nothing he can avoid or fight his way away from as long as jocks like him existed. Funny, how the kid who could spit out math equations far ahead of his regarded IQ, never found the smarts to back down on situations he knew would only lead to blood and bruises.
He told himself he wouldn't get involved with Ronnie because he shouldn't. It was his decision after all so he should listen to himself and suck it up. But how could he when everything he said pushed his buttons and went against all the moral codes he was taught to follow and respect all his life? Then he reminded himself why he got himself in this situation in the first place. He sat up and stared into the bright white light the school nurse shone in his eyes and awaited his dismissal.
It was 6th grade when they first met. He was bumped up a grade for his superior intelligence, an unwelcoming significance that already put him on the bottom of the social scale (which didn't help as he was already picked on for his scrawny physique; Probably the reason his dad branded him with a nickname). Ronnie was being forced to stay back a year, something he was recommended to do last year but somehow cheated his way out of. He was about to get away with skipping class when he ran into Barry at the door, outwitted for sure when he noticed the teacher right behind him directing them both into class. He did nothing but scowl at the endearing brown haired brainiac with bright blue eyes, already figuring he'd work as his next feasible victim. He looked at Ronnie with the most sincere smile, drawing his hand from his books to extend it for a gratified and amusement filled welcome but Ronnie just rolled his eyes and sat at the back of the class to avoid getting caught when deciding not to pay attention to the lesson. The class was silent for a moment until the teacher spoke his name and addressed his presence to the class; The new kid. Barry declined the invitation and told her an introduction to the class wasn't necessary, but his choice of vocabulary just made her laugh and she do away with her antics anyways. That's when he caved in, not just because of the use of his full name during her introductory sentence, but the silly explanation of how he had come from a lower grade looking for more of a challenge in this one - nothing the class needed to know, but they did now. This was when he realized the stammered look of defeat on Bartholomew Allen's face suited him well, it kind of made him look less intimidating - as if a bully could be intimidated, especially by a nerd but that still seemed to be the case.
"I'm Barry. What's your name?" When he didn't respond, he tried again. And again. Until he finally brought him back to senses and away from the far focus that was his phone, by calling him by his unfavorable full name.
"Ronald Raymond, correct?"
"Huh?! What did you just call me?"
"Is that not your name? I could've sworn the teacher called you that as she ushered you back into class"
"No! It's not my name and I never want to hear you call me that again. Got it?"
"Okay, man. Geez. What does it take to make friends around here?" He said rhetorically as he pulled his chair closer up to his desk and set a full attention span towards the teacher. "But truthfully, What is your name then?" He asked only moments later, the curiosity inside him was building.
"Ronnie" he replied in an exasperated tone of voice, not afraid to show the anger behind the constant questioning.
"Well, that's not a bad name. I don't know why you'd be ashamed of it, at least it's not Bartholomew" He breathed, picking up his bags and making and exit as he already had full permission to leave class once he'd completed the required assessments. "See you around, Ronnie"
"Yeah. See you around, Bartholomew." He released the firm grip he had on his phone, watching him and his smart-ass attitude walk out of class sent a relief down his spine. He really wanted to strangle that kid. Barry gets to skip a grade meanwhile he's held back for almost 2 years straight, where's the justification in that? He was just glad he didn't have to see him again. There's nothing like being around a know-it-all all day.
But no. He did see him soon after their initial interaction though the many attempts he made in trying not to. The only thing holding him back from a fateful encounter was the consequential threat of being suspended, or rather expelled from yet another middle school. Lucky for Barry.
Years have passed and he was forced to grow up although not completely forgetting the pieces of his childhood. (Specifically that fateful day he met him) He still believed there was a chance of friendship between the two of them, but with every passing notion his regards were always shoved 2 steps behind where he started. But why couldn't there be? Barry always had faith in others. Yes, there were times Ronnie made his intentions adamant enough to make Barry stop trying because it was just soo damn annoying to hear his happy go lucky outlook on life and persistence on equality but nothing more, nothing less. Agreed, it was silly of him to dwell on it too much because some day he would have to grow up and let go of the petty friendships made in middle school, learn to realize it would not matter just as much as it did at this moment in time. He would have to pave way for things that are yet to come, for things that would really matter. And who knows? Maybe knowing him would play a significant role in his future, not just somebody who is a mere memory of his past, but somebody who would help him get where he needed to be in the future. Its what his parents always told him, what they always wanted their little boy to believe because when the ungodly hour was too cruel for him; It never hurt to know you had friends out there who would be willing to help you get through your toughest days.
And maybe if he tried hard enough in those years to come, he'd actually gain more friends than just his mom and dad.
It was his grade 8 graduation when it all went downhill. Their so called 'friendship' he was trying to pursue for a couple of years now had finally rounded the corner for unfortunate events. The same light-tanned skin he managed to coerce into an intangible fist followed by the defined tricep and deltoid muscle that were very expressive as he had witnessed many times before, were suddenly materializing in front of him. It was so surreal had he had a moments notice he could have calculated the velocity at which it were coming towards him but he was left staring at him with unbelievable eyes and quite an embarrassingly gaped mouth. He was too oblivious to his surroundings at this point that he didn't hear his name being called to take his walk down the aisle and stand center stage to receive his diploma. He seemed to recognize the motion in front of his face too (because he often witnessed Ronnie beat the pulp out any kid who dared even look at him wrong) and just like Deja-vu it was happening to him. There was no way he'd be snapping into his senses any time soon.
"Bartholomew? You want to be friends?" The amusement in his tone and the beaming smile he wore across his features was nothing compared to the smug self-gratified expression hiding behind it.
"Yeah. Of course I do" His smile is cheeky and he tries hard not to show his overwhelming distress by teasing back with a, "I've only been trying for 2 years now for you to finally say the words."
"I never will be. And you know what kid? You better stop with this gay 'lets be friends' bullshit, or you're going to end up with this pained expression more often that not. In fact, it kind of suits you." He replied with a wicked smirk of his.
"I've got to say those are some punctual words for a student with such intellect as you. Especially since your the one straddling me like I'm some sort of body pillow or whatnot." Where he got the confidence to say that, he didn't know. And it's kind of unnerving what his reaction may be especially after one blow to the jaw knocked him straight to the floor. But when he quickly gets up and removes himself from atop of him, his worries quickly flush down the drain.
"Funny. Don't worry I won't waste my time on you. Like I'm getting suspended on the day I can finally leave this hell hole. Just know payback is a bitch, Bartholomew."
"Yeah, yeah, just like all those other kids you pummeled into the ground before me. Why don't you just go pick up your diploma before they hold you back another year for significant incompetence." He scowled at his knowledge of being held back.
"Just.. Shut up Bartholomew!" He inched closer to him about to take a hold of the lapel of his shirt. "Whenever the hell you thought you could speak to me like that, doesn't exist. Now get out of my face before you say something you really regret." At that he pulled himself together, straightened his tuxedo and turned his focus to the graduates that were supposed to be the center of their attention in the first place, wiping the grimacing scowl from his lips.
He was at a loss of words and all he could think of was how intimidated but thankful he felt after his encounter with Ronnie. He's afraid to speak in case it were to happen again. It took a while before he composed himself and a little more to focus his attention to the ceremony rather than the muscular jock standing before him.
When he heard them call his name, he walked up center stage and received his honorary diploma. Nora looked at Henry to ask him why they had to call his name 4 times before he came down the aisle but he just shrugged and replied with a, "He'll be late to his own funeral, it's his signature." When she stared at him, he continued speaking. "I mean, I'll have a talk with him and his tardy behavior? When his ceremony is over first, at least -"
"Henry."
"- I'll take away his Xbox, there won't be any TV time for the first 2 weeks of summer vacation, no books to read in the mean time and -"
"Henry!"
"Wha-Yeah?"
"There's no need."
"No need for what?"
"Discipline; He's only 13, it's astounding he's graduating at such young an age to begin with. Giving him some slack for being late isn't a bad thing every once in a while"
"Oh yeah, right. He is still young"
"Now, let's be quiet; Look, he's smiling at us!"
"I'm so proud of him"
He told himself to ignore the pain in his jaw and stand tall with a bright smile as the parents ushered him off stage with a round of applause, and it worked to his avail. When his classmates awarded him with another round of applause he found himself insisting they don't make a big to do about it but the confidence in his expression showed otherwise. They just congratulated him like they did the rest of the students and eventually he found himself taking a seat within the group. (Which wasn't too big compared to the class Barry should actually be graduating with) So instead of indulging in self loath any longer than the average person, he raised his hands in the air too and started applauding the next student that took the stage.
"So, you headed to Central City high, huh? Have you figured out what you want to be yet?" She asked, remembering a conversation she had with Ronnie a few weeks prior.
"Hmm. Actually I've been thinking of getting into forensics" He said casually
"You don't say?" She looked at him with wide, unbelieving eyes.
"I think it would be fun. I've always fancied bio-chemistry and my best friend's dad works at CCPD"
"Wait. So does that also mean you're telling me that your parents are allowing you into the forensics program they're offering at Central City high next year?"
"Yeah, I guess I am"
"And you don't even sound the least bit excited that you're participating in that? Are you aware of how many students have been dying to get accepted into that program and been rejected, now having to rethink they're high school experience because their dreams were shattered? If I were you I'd -" before she could finish off with her rambling, Barry looked over and came face to face with her.
"Okay, I'll let you in on a little secret, I'm actually -" He paused and found himself at a loss of words, he was face to face with the most popular girl in school. Seeing him like that, so adorably speechless under her focus, made her turn into a fit of giggles. Giggles that quickly turned into her biting her lip to suppress them, before she turned from that of an utterly beautiful canvas to that of an adorably embarrassed girl when the M.C's of tonight's ceremony usher her to quiet down.
"You don't have to be scared. I won't bite if you wish to continue talking to me, I enjoy holding a conversation with somebody who actually knows what they're talking about." She quipped and sent him her trademark smile while crossing her one leg over the other and straightening her posture.
"Oh do you now?" He quirked an eyebrow towards her.
"Yeah. And I think you're really proving to be quite an intelligent young man at that." And she had this adorable smile plastered on her face and he couldn't do anything but smile at her antics.
"Well, I'm happy to hear that. But just so you know, I'm not scared to talk to you, see? So you have nothing to worry about." He admitted although behind that façade was his lingering fear just waiting to show.
"Okay that's good. I honestly didn't think you had the confidence to speak to me, not many people do, Mr. Allen" She winked at him wearing this overly noticeable blush.
"How did you -" he looked at her confused.
"It says it on your name tag." He sent her a look of relief, only to raise an eyebrow at her when he realized he wasn't wearing one. "They called you up to the stage 4 times, Barry Allen" She smiled back at him. He pouted.
"You owe me a proper apology for that" When she raised an eyebrow at him he continued. "For teasing me and embarrassing me. It hurt my feelings" He dramatically said while pointing at his.. well it wasn't his name tag for sure. She just rolled her eyes at him and said, "Okay, fine. I'm sorry Barry, do you forgive me?"
"Nope. Not like that. Not when your about to laugh again."
"Fine, what do you want me to do?"
"Let me talk to you again. I've never gotten the chance to hold a conversation with you and It's really been quite the pleasure." He had a hopeful smile on his face and it only widened when she agreed.
Their conversation came to a close just in time for the last graduate to take a spot on stage, finally receiving his diploma, than taking a seat beside his girlfriend. Ronnie, and Caitlin, who would've guessed.
It has been over a year of dancing around each other when he finally decided to take the chance and talk to her again. He thought that maybe she wouldn't want to be bothered now that prom is right around the corner and leaving her to do her own thing was the best option but he could never decide that for her so he couldn't think of a better timing than now. With a lot of fidgeting and nervous babbling when getting close to her and her noticing how extremely weird he was acting (well, weirder than he normally is) He decided it was now or never.
"Cait, there's something I wanted to tell you." He whispered over at her while they closely held their attention towards lesson at hand, listening but not looking at the teacher.
"Yeah? There's something I need to tell you, too." She pulled her face away from the microscope slowly so that she's meeting his gaze. Seeing the sparkles in her eyes with her words, he urged her to speak first.
"Since you look so happy to tell me, why don't you go first?" He said, giving her an encouraging smile.
"Okay here goes. You remember that paper I received at grad? The one I refused to show anybody because it was just too private?"
"Yeah, the one that had you clinging to it all night like a grumpy human being without their morning coffee"
"Why, thank you for that very detailed description Mr. Allen." Her tone laced with as much sarcasm as she can muster. "But that said paper wasn't to be opened until my 14th birthday. Now I want you to guess what day is that?"
He gave a staggering sigh knowing full well she has to be talking about today, but seeing her so excited and happy like this made him want to give into her whims. "Hmm, maybe it's the nineteenth of September.. last year?"
"Yes! The one and same. Can you believe it? But that's not the best part." He swore that by this moment her smile had reached her ears literally, not that he minded though.
"Okay, what's the best part?" He asked, making her light up like a kid waiting to open her Christmas presents.
"Our research advisor talked to me the other day and told me if I continued working on that paper I'll have a huge chance of getting a good recommendation into the university I've had my eyes set on since my dad - never mind. The only thing is, I've never opened that paper until today.."
"That's great! - wait, what?" His voice didn't sound as happy as he had hoped. It was a mixture of surprise and wonder, and of course he was happy for her but for the first time in forever she had managed to successfully confuse him. He could have sworn she was older than him (especially because her birthday celebrations are very well known around the school) but he must've been wrong. A lot has changed in the past few years but still here he was, too absorbed in that thought, thinking maybe the girl he talked to that one fateful day on stage (whom he'd been crushing on ever since) was just messing with him in the only way she knew how. It was silly of him to make age his priority in life when he could barely afford to go to school. He was too caught up with the idea that she, herself, was just like him and he'd be dammed if he were to ever let that secret slip out. Sensing that something's wrong with him she asked, "Bar, are you alright?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Its just that I'm really happy for you. But I seriously think your pulling my leg on that one, you can't be younger than the youngest student here, can you?" He teased to lighten the mood which she replied with a playful smack on the shoulder.
"You know I don't want the whole school knowing about that. Besides, it's only by two months, you can't be that jealous."
"Whatever you say, Cait. So going back to this paper thingy, does it mean you would be a slave to your laptop for one more year? My, I don't even want to imagine how you'll multitask your phone into all that homework."
"You just have to tease me about that don't you? It was one time and I really wasn't that engrossed in my phone, I was just.. needing to check it. Now I'm starting to doubt if this is good after all. I wouldn't have a life anymore and I sure can't have any distractions along the way." She let out a heavy sigh and the cheerful expression she had moments ago is slowly disappearing.
"Yeah, that may be true. But you don't have a life to begin with do you? So that's nothing you have to worry about."
"Hey! I do have a life. I study, I cook, I read, I talk to you and lots of other stuff."
"You just spelled out to me that you clearly don't have a life. Well, except for the part where you talk to me because that's totally awesome." He said with that confident smile of his.
"Yeah right." She replied, giving her famous eye role than lowering her volume. "Speaking of which, what were you gonna tell me?"
Deciding that maybe this isn't the perfect timing to confess he just wanted to talk to her again, (which was totally worth it to him by the way) he just thought of the first thing that came into his mind - that wasn't her. "It's nothing really. I just wanted to tell you about..."
"About what?"
"About.. the.. the upcoming theatrics performance next week. You're going to be there, right?"
"Of course, I'll be there. Although I can't sing so I will very much so be just an audience member."
"Yeah right. I've heard you humming over your homework before. So you'd be cheering for me then?" He asked with a hopeful smile.
"Being there is one thing, but cheering for you? I doubt you can even sing." She replied with a playful grin.
"Aww. Come on, Cait. It would really mean a lot to me you know."
"Oh? Tell me why that would be?"
"Because you really mean a lot to me and to have my source of inspiration sitting in the front, center row of the audience would give me enough courage to anything and everything I've ever wanted to do." That's what he wanted to say but deciding against it he shrugged and said, "Because it's the last performance of this school year and it's really important to me and you've never heard me sing before. And I couldn't give it my best if I didn't see my personal mascot cheering for me down there, in the centre of the first row. Like she always has for each of the school performances. Wouldn't wanna risk anything less than a perfect for my last performance, right?" He said trying his best to convince her with his puppy - dog eyes.
"Okay fine. But I'm only doing this because you won't be the only one performing. And for the record I am so not your personal mascot."
"Oh but you are, Ms. Snow" His smile was too sincere she couldn't do anything but groan in acceptance.
"You're the best there is." He added which only made him tingly inside.
"I know." She smiled at him then buried her focus back into the microscope within her hands trying to hide her crimson red cheeks.
As they spent the rest of class talking about everything and nothing, he decided this was where he wanted to be. Although he believed that this wasn't the right time for them - even though he's already hers, irretrievably under her spell - he still had hopes that someday they'll find their own way to be together. But for now, he'll just admire her from a distance, sneaking love letters into her locker while waiting for that special day.
It was the middle of their freshman year and everything was going as smoothly as he had hoped. Between sneaking love letters and trying his best not to get caught by her or him together with teasing her about this 'secret admirer' of hers (which was totally him by the way but he only did the teasing part just so he knows what she thinks of his letters), and everything seemed pretty much the same until one day he encountered a problem in the form of a 'he'.
The last bell rang and with routine he was waiting for her at the end of the hall, knowing that's the route she'll take when she's done packing away her things in her locker like she usually did.
"So did your secret admirer leave you yet another sappy poetic love note? Or did he finally realize that your eyes were set on - what did you call it the other day? Oh right, your popularity, your popularity thesis." He seemed confident on the outside but secretly he was dying to know what she thought of his latest masterpiece.
"Actually he did send me one today, but I never got to read it, sadly."
"Wait what? Why didn't you get to read it? He must've put so much effort into that, I imagine it was beautiful."
"What do you mean? I think it's up to me to determine whether it's beautiful or not. Why are you so nosey about what I think about his notes anyways? If I hadn't known better I'd have thought it was you leaving them in my locker." She narrowed her eyes at him.
"What?! Why would I do that?!" He quipped, trying to play it cool. "Unlike him, I already accepted the fact that you were pretty smitten about your school work and are far too focused on your future career to have any time for love-"
"Okay, I get it. You don't have to be that defensive Y'Know?"
"I am not. I was just saying that this guy seems to really be putting a lot of effort into making sure you smile at least once a day, so you could've given him more credit than to not read the note all together."
"I would've given him more, if I hadn't set my eye on somebody else." She replied with playful wink.
"Am I hearing you right or did you just say you were eyeing somebody else? Oh my, who would've guessed the science prodigy Caitlin Snow, herself, would indulge in something as petty as love." By this time he was practically jumping out of his own skin he was so excited (though he tried his best to refrain from showing it on the outside) and the determination he didn't know he had was beginning to settle its way within his bones.
"For your information Mr. Allen, I may be into everything that is geeky and nerdy most the time but it doesn't mean I still don't do romance."
"Yeah? If that's so, can you tell me about this guy you've been keeping your eye on?" He couldn't help the curiosity welling up inside of him, silently praying that maybe, just maybe, it'd be his name to slip through put of her mouth.
"Well, I've actually been -"
"Caitlin!" A dark haired boy with a backpack slung over his shoulder called put to them as they approached the exit.
"Ronnie! What are you doing here?" She asked, slightly caught off guard but excited to see him.
"I was wondering I can walk you home? I just transferred here from Starling City High and I know we haven't seen each other in a while but I don't think it's safe for you to go home alone."
"She's not alone." Barry who was just as shocked as Caitlin (certainly not in the same context, for sure) decided he couldn't stand to see or hear his annoying mockery. Why was he here anyways? They purposely made it clear it was best to attend different high schools (Barry having already pulled the short straw, because he had his eyes set on high school in Starling City since he knew what high school was).
"I didn't know you were with him, Caitlin" Ronnie questioned her while scanning Barry from head to toe; Disgusted.
"Right, how silly of me. Ronnie this is Barry, he's a friend and Barry this is Ronnie, he's my uhm.. well, my boyfriend."
"It's nice to see you again, Barry." Ronnie chuckled extending a hand in Barry's direction.
"Yeah, you too" Barry replied, returning the gesture. "But if you'll excuse me, I think it'd best for me to get going, you two have a lot of catching up to do.." He said grabbing Caitlin's attention with the sudden foot - dragging attitude.
"Wait -"
"He can go. Mr. & Mrs. Allen wouldn't want to be kept waiting for their little boy to return. Trust me when I say you wouldn't want to ruin your goody two shoe recognition." He teased while taking Caitlin by the arm.
"Aww, don't tell me your afraid of a little obedience. Or do you need Cait to define what that word means, too?" Barry teased earning a glare from Caitlin which he just shrugged with a seemingly innocent, "what?"
"Hey, can you excuse us for a second? I just want to talk to Barry privately." She smiled at him then dragged Barry a safe distance away.
"Okay, what was that about?" She questioned waiting for a reasonable answer.
"What? Nothing. I'm just being friendly, that's all." He uncomfortably answered.
"Come on, Barry. We both know that was far from being friendly, Spill it." She said giving him an all too intimidating glare.
He groaned in response. Sometimes he wished he didn't have to explain himself, especially in uncharted territory like this.
"Fine. I don't like him okay? Who does he think he is, barging in here and acting like he owns the place."
"Barry he's just being nice. Besides, he's my boyfriend and wanted to come see me. Its not like he's trying to cause trouble or anything."
"Yeah, like I would believe that." He mumbled to himself.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. I just said that I hope you have fun walking home with him."
"Yeah. And don't worry about us, this doesn't mean we still can't be friends." She replied with a smile.
"Whatever you say. I just don't think he likes me that much or at all for that matter. Plus, we have history."
"I know. Just imagine dating him when your the most popular girl in your grade. Come on, you still have some apologizing to do." She said and was about to drag Barry back into the vicinity of Ronnie when he halted to a stop and asked, "What? Why would I do that?"
"You were rude to him, and you know it."
"Didn't you see the way he looked at me from head to toe? If that wasn't rude than I don't know what is."
"Barry, please, can you just -"
"No. I can't believe you're taking his side, Cait."
"I'm not taking anyone's side here, okay? I'm just asking you to humble yourself and apologize so we can get over this and go in our separate ways without any problems."
"You're actually letting him take you home, Cait?" He almost screamed at her in utter disbelief, but it only came out in a high pitch voice crack.
"I want to, okay? I thought we established I'm dating him. And when your dating someone you don't blow them off for a friend."
"Right. Use the boyfriend card for all I care. You know what? You should've just told me that you like his company more than mine. Or better, you should've just told me that he's the guy your crushing on, instead of me spending all my spare time on those letters. To be honest, I thought you would've understood that." He knew all too well he's be regretting those words as soon as they escaped his mouth. But when his emotions run high and Ronnie is there to take all his rationality away from him, he just couldn't stop pouring his feelings out.
"Where the hell did that come from, Barry?! He was just walking me home, maybe to his house, nothing more, nothing less." Now she's the one raising her voice at him. How it came down to this, she didn't know. All she's certain of is something is going on with Barry and by the looks of it, she's certain it's been bottled up for quite some time.
"You know what, Cait? I'm sorry. It was stupid of me to think we had something going on here. I thought going home together was our thing. But the fact that you can easily replace me with someone else is a clear sign that you don't think the same way." He didn't want to sound this childish, but he couldn't fight the overwhelming feeling of jealousy from talking.
"Barry, it's not like that -"
He held up his hand to his face, tears threatening to fall if she didn't let him continue speaking.
"No, Caitlin. I'm sorry for being so caught up in the idea that we have this.. this thing, this special connection from way before we first knew each other. I guess deep down, I'm still that kid, that kid who was late for his own graduation because he was getting his ass pummeled into the ground by your boyfriend. Only to inevitably strike up a conversation with the most popular girl in school - who I didn't even care was popular, because popularity doesn't define anything - and then wonder every single day over the summer break as to when I'll get to speak to you again because I couldn't let go of how interesting of a person you were. Than I found the confidence to talk to you again and I couldn't help but believe that maybe we were meant to be together. But now I'm just living in a fantasy, huh?"
"Barry.." She found herself at a loss of words. Everything happened way too fast and it was just too much for her to take in.
"It's okay, you don't need to say anything. It's just a stupid crush anyways." He gave her a sad smile and with one final look at her, he picked up his bag and walked away. Maybe it's time for him to let her go and grow up, for real this time.
It's been weeks since her last conversation with Barry, but the weight of his words still lingered on her mind like it was yesterday. Could it have possibly been that he had developed feelings for her in such a short amount of time? Would it be crazy to assume he really meant what he said in those letters of his? It would, especially now that her secret admirer has stopped delivering those messages the same day Barry decided to stop talking to her altogether. Even if this was his decision to stop talking to her, she still decided to she would give him all the space and time he needed. There was a certainty of tension floating around them whenever they were forced to be in the same room together and it didn't help that they were almost always seatmates. Its a good thing spring break had come and gone, it had really helped her sort out her thoughts and feelings for a while.
After yet another week of debating whether she had given him much time or not, she decided to talk to him and get this over with once and for all. The cold shoulder he'd been giving [not just] her was too hard to bear (and it didn't help that she misses his company too). So when she spotted him alone in his usual spot in the cafeteria (or that before they became friends), she quickly approached him.
"Hey, Barry.." She watched him tense up with her sudden approach.
He didn't respond but instead sank further into his seat, pressing his forehead between his arms.
"No, please don't ignore me, Barry. We really need to talk about this."
"Is this about school stuff or -"
She could tell by the sound of his voice he was beat, for what reason though she wasn't particularly sure.
"It's not about that. You've been giving me the cold shoulder for weeks now and I've been trying to understand by giving you some time so don't you think it'd about time we settle this?"
"There's nothing to settle. We're fine, just fine now Caitlin."
"Fine? You can barely look me in the eye, Barry. Can we please just talk about this?" Her eyes pleaded for his acceptance and she could only see the war going on inside him.
"What do you want me to say, Cait? I thought I had said enough before and you seemed pretty adequate with saying nothing in response." He spat, making her wince as if it inflicted physical pain.
"I know. I know I said nothing in response and I'm here to apologize for that. Its just that it happened so fast and it was just soo much to take in all at once. I've been thinking about it since then and -"
Barry looked up from his arms and made a pathetic attempt at eye contact but he was struggling to hold it as long as he had hoped.
"We're okay, I promise. I haven't been ignoring you or giving you the cold shoulder in particular." He replied with no following smile as she had hoped.
"Just hear me out okay- Wait, Barry what's wrong?" She noticed the line of tears that stained a trail down his face and his bloodshot eyes in comparison to that of their usual cobalt blue colour; He just turned away.
"There's nothing wrong with me." He quipped only to earn a concerned glare from Caitlin.
"You know that's not what I meant, Barry. You look defeated and I want to make sure you're feeling alright." He didn't realize she had closed the space between them, wiping away the tears before they escaped his eyes.
"I don't know if I want to talk about it, okay? Initially I got upset with you but we're better now. Because I came to realize if it wasn't jealousy, how could I not get you out of my head? Why would I never miss a single day without thinking about what we could possibly talk about next? Why, even if I don't know you as well as he knows you, I still hope to see you everyday - You didn't understand how bad I felt when I raised my voice at you and couldn't stop, I wanted to stop soo badly but I didn't even understand myself at that point. And because of it, because of my foolish actions I was late getting home, the one day I decided to take the long way so I could free my mind of the feelings I dared not bottle up, only to get home to.. to cops cars and.. and an ambulance and my dad.. my dad was being taken away and I wasn't even allowed in my own house.. but I ran in and couldn't find my mom.. but than I did and.. and.." Everything he'd been bottling up had come to the surface and all he could do was release it through tears. She never saw him cry before and quite frankly it was never a sight she wanted to see again.
"Shh. Its okay, Barry. I'm right here -"
"I'm sorry I hadn't found the courage to tell you this sooner but.. but my mom was put in the hospital and everything was going fine and now.. now.." she held him in her arms, one hand rubbing circles on his back to soothe the pain.
"I understand why you didn't want to tell me." She said with as much comfort as she could muster.
"It just, it hurts soo much Caitlin." He said drawing his face closer to her neck, inhaling her beautiful, lavender scent.
This wasn't the fate he had hoped for. Between trying to pursue the girl he had his eyes on and watching in slow motion as his mother's heart rate monitor flat-lined, his life was beginning to be just not as normal as he had hoped.
Originally I posted this story with chapters 1 through 9 but I got to rethinking the sentence structure, added detail and background information and it just didn't seem to fit my liking, so I restarted.
For those of you whom read those originally posted chapters, I apologize for not reaching out to you before rewriting this fanfiction.
As a side note, this will indeed be following the same story line and even though it isn't very well described in the summary [because I ran out of space] this fanfiction will entail mentions and/or descriptions of [my take on] self harm and mental illness - so for those of you whom are not comfortable reading about those topics, this is where I'm warning you [in a polite way, of course].
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I did writing it; Reviews and criticism are always greatly appreciated.
Until next chapter, -SnowbarryFamily