In what must have been the first good news she'd heard in a while, Lindsay came out of her Matheletes meeting the next morning beaming, after being awarded first block. Normally she wouldn't be so smug, but this meant her parents would be proud of her, which therefore meant an easier time at home for everybody. She wandered into the library with Millie by her side, who couldn't stop gushing over the news.
"I always knew you were a Mathelete, Lindsay." Millie nodded profusely. "It's what you were born to do."
Lindsay faked a smile, unable to crush her friends idea of who she was. Deep down, Lindsay knew she wasn't a Mathlete anymore. She was doing it to gain back her parents trust. She and Millie sat by the back of the library, getting their textbooks out.
"I don't know." Lindsay sighed. "The Academic Decathlon is two weeks from now, I still feel pretty rusty. There's a lot going on at the moment, I've just been so distracted."
"Oh, you mean because Kim is pregnant?"
Millie said it so casually, that Lindsay nearly fell off her chair in shock. She literally grasped the edge of the table to steady herself, eyes wide as she turned to her friend.
"You – Millie, who told you that?"
"Who do you think? Kim told me yesterday at lunch."
It was an impossible thought. Here was Lindsay, believing that she was the only Kim trusted enough with that information. To find out that she'd spilled the beans to Millie, of all people – it hurt. She knew it wasn't her secret to keep, but it didn't make it any less painful. Most of all, she felt guilty. To say that Kim and Millie are two very different people, was an understatement. Lindsay welcomed the innocent escape she was granted whenever she saw Millie and now, that person had been dragged into Kim's mess. She wished she was happy that two of her closest friends had learned to get along, but in that moment, she could barely feign it.
"Wow." Lindsay mumbled, and Millie was nodding her head again.
"I know. She wanted some advice on what to do. Can you believe it? Kim needed my help!"
As a matter of fact, Lindsay couldn't believe it. Millie was devoted to her religion; her advice should have been obvious from the get go.
"So what did you tell her?" Lindsay asked. Millie appeared faraway for a moment.
"I told her that it was her choice. She has to do what's best for her."
All of a sudden, Lindsay was in complete awe of the girl sitting in front of her. For someone who had spent her entire life being told that she had to live a certain way, Millie had just proven she had her own thoughts, her own values. And she was a good friend. Probably the best that Lindsay had ever had. She instantly felt horrible that she detested the closeness between Millie and Kim. Lindsay wanted nothing more than to support her friends, and therefore she had to allow that friendship to exist.
"Do you wanna hang out later tonight? We should catch up properly. Right now, I just want to get these stupid equations out of the way." Lindsay asked, to which Millie responded with a resounding yes. The two of them stayed in the library for the rest of their spare periods, nothing on their minds except the looming date of the Academic Decathlon.
Following her catch up with Millie, Lindsay set off to find Nick. She had realized in horror that it had now been over a week that they'd hung out at the park, which meant it had been over a week that he had told her that he was still in love with her. Given Kim's absence, it seemed like a good time to catch him alone. She wasn't sure why she wanted to do that, or what it meant, but she knew she had to talk to him. He had mentioned the day before that he was still practising his basketball in the gym after school, in between the rehearsals for the play. She figured that was her best shot.
The school was virtually empty when she opened the doors to the gym, a loud echo vibrating across the room as they closed behind her.
"Hello?" She called out, seemingly to nobody. "Anybody here?"
"Lindsay?" A voice called back to her. "Over here."
She realized with a slight disappointment that it wasn't Nick calling back to her, but Daniel. He was lying on top of the half built set for the play, it looked like a set of bleachers, or a grandstand. She wandered over to him, stepping over paint buckets and discarded brushes as she did so.
"You know the gym is off limits until Grease is over, right?" She asked him, cautiously climbing up the poorly painted bleachers to reach him. He sat up, taking her hand to help her. She took it hesitantly, sitting down next to him and trying to forget that her fellow students had built this set, and that it probably wasn't sturdy.
"Oh yeah? What are you doing here then?" He asked.
"I thought Nick might be here."
If she didn't know any better, she might have thought he looked disappointed by her response. She couldn't stop thinking about their conversation from the day before, how badly it had gone.
"He is. Ken, too. Our genius friend Nick forgot to bring a basketball to basketball practise."
Lindsay supressed a laugh. Daniel shuffled in his seat a little.
"They'll be back soon."
They sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment, neither of them knowing what to say. She wondered how it were possible that they could keep having these intensely intimate moments, yet still be so uncomfortable when it came to having a normal conversation. She began swinging her legs beneath her, trying not to appear to uneasy.
"Look, I'm sorry." He blurted out suddenly, and Lindsay was taken aback. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did yesterday. Kim already hates me, I really don't want you to be mad at me too."
Lindsay smiled softly, instantly feeling better. "I'm not mad at you, Daniel. I just want you to be ok."
"You've done so much for me." He murmured, and Lindsay shrugged because she didn't know what else to do. She sat on her hands, legs still swinging. From the corner of her eye, she saw him running his hands through his hair.
"What am I gonna do, Linds?" He sounded desperate. "Me and Kim are like some dumb old couple, who aren't happy unless they're fighting. I'm so sick of being like that. But I can't imagine my life without her."
"You love her." Lindsay put simply. Daniel was frowning now, shaking his head.
"No. It's not that. I just – I get her. I get who she is."
"You love her, Daniel."
"Fine. If that's what you wanna call it."
She watched him lean back in his seat, his knuckles tightening as they balled into fists. She briefly skimmed over the fading cuts and grazes that lay on the surface of them, wondering if anybody besides her knew where they had come from. His eyes were closed, head drooping back. The tips of his hair rested on the seat behind him, having grown so much over the past year. She couldn't stop staring at him.
"Sometimes I just wish – never mind." Daniel stopped midway through his sentence, and Lindsay was strangely intrigued.
"You wish what?"
"I don't know. I guess sometimes…I wish things were easier. I wish Kim was more like you."
Every ounce of her being told her to leave. Her legs were telling her to walk away, her mind was screaming run. But unlike the other moments she had shared with him over the past few weeks, she didn't think of Kim. She didn't think of Nick. She thought of herself.
"Daniel…You have to stop saying things like that."
All of a sudden, he placed a finger on her lips.
"Shhh."
Her heart was beating so fast, she didn't register the noise coming from behind the gym door at first.
"Hello? Is somebody in there?"
She heard it that time. It was unmistakably the voice of Mr Rosso, no doubt coming to check why there were students messing around on the sets for the play. Lindsay knew that if they were caught, it meant Nick wouldn't be able to practise in the gym anymore. It also probably meant she would endure a long and torturous lecture from Mr Rosso. She and Daniel instantly dove behind the seats in front of them, crouching down low and not daring to breathe as Mr Rosso came into the gym, his boots echoing across the floor. Daniel's hair was grazing against her forehead as they both held their breath. The footsteps stopped, and she knew he had to be close to the bleachers by now.
"I swear I heard a voice…" Mr Rosso was talking to himself now, which didn't seem unusual.
Lindsay bit her lip from behind their hiding spot, half tempted to jump out and admit her guilt. But then a loud crash came from nearby, and a yell from Mr Rosso.
"Gosh darn it!" She heard him exclaim, and from a crack in the seats, she saw blue paint spilling near his feet. "Man, I bought these shoes last week."
She and Daniel exchanged a grin as they heard the footsteps stomp toward the exit, and finally the unmistakable sound of the gym door slamming shut again.
Only then did either of them breathe a sigh of relief. But neither of them had moved. They were still crouching low, hearts beating in increased synchronisation as they stared at each other. In that moment she completely forgot where she was, or the fact that this was wrong, and that she would almost certainly be regretting all of it in a matter of minutes. His nose brushed against hers, his breath hot against her lips. For a second Lindsay thought that she might actually stop breathing, a thought which was only amplified as he brushed his fingertips against her cheek. She closed her eyes, letting out a quiet sigh that was immediately silenced by Daniel's lips crushing against hers. She had no hesitation in kissing him back, her mind frantic, only thoughts consisting of wanting to be closer to him. Her skin was hot as he moaned quietly into her mouth, revelling in his touch as his hand grasped the back of her head aggressively. She was keenly aware that she hadn't kissed anyone like this before, and she'd never felt this good about it. She felt giddy as his lips moved toward her neck, which was also when she instinctively pulled away.
"Oh my God." She cried out loud, pushing him away and jumping to her feet unsteadily. "What is – how did that happen?"
"I don't know." He murmured, sitting back in his initial seat. She stood in complete shock for a second, before rigidly sitting next to him. It was strange that she couldn't look at him, given what had just happened.
"That was…was-"
"Amazing?" Daniel suggested. She looked at him then, realizing that he was right. It was amazing. It was also the worst thing that had ever happened to her.
"Yeah."
They sat and stared at each other for a moment, Lindsay completely overcome with emotion. She had no idea how to feel, or what to think, but she had to deal with the fact that she had just kissed Daniel. There was no going back from that, not now. Her palms were clammy, and she felt more anxious than she had in a long time, but it was combined with an overwhelming satisfaction.
"I should go." She decided quickly, feeling as though she had finally come to her senses as she stood up, not daring look him in the eye again.
"Okay." Daniel replied, mirroring her as he stood up to face her. Lindsay lost her breath as he closed the space between them. "See you."
Initially she had every intention of leaving, but her legs weren't moving. She exhaled as he stared down at her, and she found her eyes straying back to the lips she had just kissed not a moment ago. Daniel took another step forward, their hips now touching, faces inches away. Lindsay closed her eyes once again, a jolt of electricity shooting through her as Daniel placed his hand on the small of her back.
That was when the side door of the gym swung open. They sprang so far apart that Lindsay tripped over the bleacher behind them, grasping the back of her knee in pain as she turned away from Daniel. He too reacted quickly, leaning on the seat behind him, a little too casually as Ken and Nick came barging back into the gym, laughing loudly.
"I swear to God if you hit me with that goddamn basketball one more time, I will kill you." Ken said, as Nick pretended to throw it at his head. Ken shoved him, and Nick started dribbling the ball towards where Daniel and Lindsay were sitting. He was beaming. Lindsay wanted to cry.
"Hey Lindsay." He grinned, spinning the ball on his finger. "You wanna help me practise? I think I'm getting better."
"Yes, despite the fact that he's mistaken my head for the hoop seven times." Ken interjected.
Lindsay's eyes were wide, her only thoughts filled with that of sheer panic. She was certain it was written all over her face that something was wrong, and she didn't dare look toward Daniel.
"I uh – wow, I'd love to but I actually have to go…somewhere else. I just gotta go somewhere." She stammered, inwardly cursing at her inability to think on her feet. Apparently she couldn't even walk on her feet either, as she clumsily stumbled her way down the bleachers. She smiled awkwardly, marching straight for the exit.
"See ya."
And then she left. She had no idea what to do, or how to feel about anything, except that there was no way she was going to be able to stay silent about this. So she kept good on a promise to a friend that morning, heading straight to Millie's house without a second thought.