"So we're bound to linger on, we drink the fatal drop. Then love until we bleed, then fall apart in parts."

~Until We Bleed By Kleerup Ft. Lykke Li

(Clarke's POV)

It's a terrible sinking feeling, waking up after pulling the kill switch. The feeling of Lexa's hand over mine. Pressing it backwards, turning away from our only chance to be together. My only chance at happiness. The minutes drag on, everyone's happy reunion, everyone's but mine. There it is again, the tightening in my chest; knowing that I'll never have that again. I'll never fall into the arms of the person I love more than anything, and feel the relief of finally breathing again after a long period of holding my breath. I barely notice the needles slide from my veins or my mother removing the metal device holding open Ontari's chest.

"We'll need to make a decision, about what we're going to do with the body. Her heart's still beating but her brain is gone." Bellamy's words are lost on me, I can't make heads or tails of anything happening now. I'm no longer able to push away the crushing feeling of grief.

"We're not gonna keep her alive with a feeding tube, that's a waste of resources and time. Let's get this over with." Murphy says drawing his knife, he approaches her on my right and out of the corner of my eye I see him pause. "I thought you said she was brain dead?"

"She is." Mom nods, Kane standing right behind her. A hand resting on the small of her back, just another thing I'll have to get used to.

"Not anymore. She's saying something."

"What?" My mother rushes for her, her face falling into a frown. "I need my medical bag." Bellamy reaches for it and Mom makes quick work of finding the needle and thread to stitch up her patient on the table. "Can you hear me Ontari?" She asks, taking a moment to assess the situation. "Clarke," Mom looks over at me, "she's talking to you."

"Ontari?" I say softly, approaching her with caution. Her lips are still moving but I can't hear what she's saying so I lean in closer. My ear just a breath away from her mouth.

"Fealty to you, Klarke kom skaikru." She murmurs, barely audible.

My breath hitches in my throat.

"To treat your needs as my own...and your people as my people." She continues, there's only one person in the world who could know that.

"Lexa." Her name escapes me in a sob and her lips twitch up ever so slightly into a smile.

"I told you I'd always be with you." She confirms, it can't be...and yet it has to be.

"This is impossible." My voice cracks again.

"I have found that with my love for you all things are possible." She reaches for me, to take me into her arms and never let go.

"No baby, don't try to sit up." I feel everyone's eyes on me, but I ignore them.

"My chest-" she reaches for it but I stop her taking her hand in my own.

"Well it's been pried open for the past hour while I pumped your heart for blood so you'll probably be sore for a while." Murphy remarks.

"My soul was searching out a sustainable vessel, it appears it found one. Only reincarnation doesn't work that way. Not like a parasite, it doesn't take from another person." Now she too is trying to make sense of the situation at hand.

"Technically Ontari was brain dead." Kane offers by way of explanation.

"Her spirit had passed but her body was still..."

"A sustainable vessel." I nod.

"Where is my body?" Lexa's eyes restlessly scan the room; panic washing over her as the realization hits. Never again will she wear the face she was born with, this body is new to her, it moves different, looks different, and feels different.

"It doesn't matter," I cup her face in my hands to calm her, "all that matters is that you're here now with me. We don't need to worry about the rest of it, just keep looking at me."

"I love you too." She tells me in a tired voice, "I should have said it then, when you did but I just thought it would be easier-"

"You have the rest of your life to make it up to me." I cut her off.

"I'd like to give you a sedative," Mom says to her gently, holding up the vial for Lexa's inspection. "Just so your body doesn't work too hard, you've lost a lot of blood and your heart wasn't beating on its own for a prolonged period of time, that paired with everything else you're experiencing mentally and emotionally I don't want you going into cardiac arrest."

"Clarke." Her eyes don't leave mine, searching for approval before accepting or declining as she has done so many times before.

"That's a good idea." I nod, brushing the dark hair away from her face.

"Then don't look so worried." She replies teasingly.

"I'll be right here, the whole time." I lay a kiss on her knuckles.

"I'd expect nothing less." She slurs as my mother plunges the needle into her neck and releases the medicine into her blood stream. Her dark eyes fall shut and her grip on my hand falls away. I place it beside her still body and it feels so horribly familiar, sitting aside of her, crying, desperate for her to wake up. Only now I knew that in time she would.

"Sweetheart you should rest." My mother insists.

"I'm not leaving her." I argue.

"Clarke I will take care of her, I swear to you, there's nothing to worry about. If anything changes or she wakes up I'll come get you." She thumbs away the tears that fall onto my cheeks.

"Reshop Heda." I murmur, giving her forehead a chaste kiss. I leave the room for the commander's chamber, throwing the blood soaked fur onto the floor and clambering under the top sheet. I take a deep breath, allowing my eyes to close finally realizing how tired I am. Sleep claims me, pulling me deep into a dreamless slumber.

(Lexa's POV)

I startle awake, my heart pounding painfully within the confines of my chest. I try to push myself into a sitting position but end up falling onto my back again with a cry of pain.

"Woah, Lexa calm down. You have stitches we don't want them to reopen." Abby rushes over to me, her fingers running over my bandages, checking for new injuries.

"Clarke," I ask softly, swallowing against the dryness in my throat.

"In your room, sleeping. I convinced her sitting here waiting for you to wake up was doing more harm than good." She smiles kindly.

"Thank you."

"Of course." The doctor nods, "how are you feeling?"

"Thirsty."

"And your chest?"

"Hurts." I reply simply.

"I can give you something to take the edge off but I expect you'll be recovering for at least a month if not more. I'm going to help you sit up and give you some water and a muscle relaxer."

"Ok." I grit my teeth, my torso burning like an inferno as I'm sat upright. I bring the cup to my lips, gulping down the water. It's the best thing I've ever tasted; I take the pills next hoping they take action quickly. "I'd like to see her."

"Lean on me, lets see if we can get you up. If you feel you're going to faint let me know."

I rest my arm around her shoulder, using her to support my weight. It takes everything in me to put one foot in front of the other, but I do; over and over, step by step until my fingers grasp the door handle of my bed room. Dr. Griffin helps me onto the bed and I practically fall down aside of Clarke, panting like I've run for miles.

"Try to get some sleep." She tells me, pulling the covers up around me.

"I will."

The morning comes, basking the room in light and illuminating Clarke's peaceful face. Blonde hair falling softly around her like a halo. Almost as if it were a reflex I brush the strands over her shoulder, giving me a better view of the most beautiful woman in the world. Plush pink lips curving up into a lazy grin as she begins to stir.

"Hi," she greets me in a whisper, voice rough with sleep.

"Good morning Clarke." I know I don't have to say her name, she is after all the only one here but it feels nice to say anyway. A name that holds more meaning to me than any other ever has. The name that has made my heart soar to the highest high and sink to the lowest low. She worms her way over to me, so that her nose brushes against my own and my breath is hers. Still her sky blue eyes are closed, perhaps she's not ready to see me yet; not like this.

"Second chances are hard, you're still living with all the heartache and fear of the first failure, worried that it might repeat itself and leave you even more broken inside...but second chances are rare and when given the chance you jump in with both feet. Knowing that it's now or never, it's still me Clarke. Only the packaging is different." I realize there is a very real possibility that she will not want this, that the situation is too odd to fathom.

"I don't give a damn about the packaging Lexa," she says with fierce determination her eyes opening to finally meet mine. "I want you."

I search her face, finding no uncertainty there; just love. My heart swells, aching in a way only she can soothe; and she does, leaning in to shower my face with gentle kisses before her mouth lands on mine. Careful at first, as if to test the waters and then not careful at all. Our lips crashing together in waves, a desperate exchange of lips and tongues.

"I love you Lexa," she murmurs, never breaking our kiss. "I love you." She repeats as if the first time wasn't enough.

"I love you too, I always have and I always will." I admit, sinking deeper into my feelings, sinking deeper into her. A place where I felt like I could never love her any more...yet somehow I did.

"We should get up soon, return the flame to you. Start working things out with Arkadia. Get things back to normal." Clarke never ceases to amaze me.

"Is that what you want? For me to be commander again?" I wonder. Being Heda caused so much regret and heartache between us. Why would she want that again?

"That's who you are Lexa."

"That's who I was, I have a choice now; we have a choice. Maybe this is the time for us to be selfish, the time where we owe nothing more to our people." I whisper because it feels almost wrong to even think let alone say aloud.

"If you don't want to be commander I'd never force it on you."

"But?" I encourage her to continue.

"But our people need you. And I need you, to finish what we started. To teach them a new way, show them that blood must not have blood." Our legacy will be peace.

"If that is what you wish Clarke, consider it done." I stretch my arms carefully until I can run my fingertips along the swell of her hips.

"What about you? What do you want?" She asks.

"You, that's all. No more, no less."

"You have me either way." Clarke assures me, melting away all the tension inside me.

I stroke my index finger over the place where her eyebrows pull together watching them relax beneath my touch. "Tonight then, we'll perform the ascension ceremony. There's a lot to be done around Polis, I don't understand how things can be so different after only a few days."

"Ontari...she wanted everyone to know there was a new commander." She swallows hard, struggling to keep the unpleasant memories at bay.

"Well then, today will be the day we let everyone know that I have returned."