Pearl, summoned her swords from the tallest of her water towers. Her eyes fell upon a small curved dagger, it was one of her favourite ones, balanced well, strong, almost unbreakable, and unsheathed it. It was a rather plain steel blade, with a braided leather grip, it had lasted her for generations. Pearl smiled as she slowly brought it up to her pale, and slender wrists, making a quick slash down it. It left a well-sized mark, perfectly neat. Alas, she is a gem, and didn't have the satisfaction of seeing crimson blood drip down, and fall into the surface of the water tower. She imagined the tiny droplets, becoming diluted in the water. Pearl then made another precise and calculated, cut, as if a surgeon had made it, on her arm. It soon was accompanied by many others until she reached her elbow. Each was evenly passed from the other, and perfectly straight, parallel.

She then moved over to her other arm, repeating the process. Relaxing, so orderly, and perfect. The gem's eyes watered a little. Pearl would do this whenever she was stressed out over Steven or was just sad about Rose. When it started, it was a rare occasion, now, she did it on a daily basis. In the extremes sometimes twice a day. It was her drug, her relief, her saviour, her tormentor. It was everything, wrong with her world, yet everything right. To let it all out, all her pain and misery, it was like a miracle, out of nowhere!

It was always, and would forever be, better than to accidentally taking it out on others, especially Steven. She promised rose that she would take care of him, she would give her life for him. He was the small fraction of her world that was happy, joyful, he was the light, in her world. She shuttered thinking about what he would do if knew of her addiction, her wrongness, her dark passenger, ever present, it was always sucking the life out of her. It would eat all the goodness in her world if she let it. If Pearl gave up, even for just one second. It would descend like the coming storm, but she'd never let it even if killed her. Pearl would kill herself before that ever happened.

She was just a pearl anyways, why would they care if she did this? Pearl, silently lied to herself, it hurt, the darkness, oh how it hurt. It was the silent hand behind her, the ever-present, invisible hand, guiding her, forcing the gem to smile and put a show on for all her friends to see. Pearl smiled as she looked at the neat and orderly cuts she made, relaxing, the addiction whispered in her ear, the darkness forced her hand. She was merely a puppet to it, so wrapped, so strangled in strings, it would be a wonder if she ever served them all loose.

What a satisfying sight. Pearl teared as it whispered you deserved every last one of them, and she truly believed it. She let out a cheerful laugh, forced by her sadness, to pretend she was happy. The pale gem hoped and prayed in vain that if she pretends for long enough, it would be so. The cruel and distasteful world would never be as kind to show her mercy, after all, she was just a pearl, useless on her own.

The self-doubt she felt, was like wolves, snapping and tearing at her heels, and she would never escape, they would consume her before she was ever freed. Worse yet, Pearl feeds herself to them, knowing what they would do to her. Pearl closed her eyes reliving the lovely work she'd done. The work that she did religiously, it was sacred to her. Pearl sighed, soon all her effort would be erased, like the waves erasing footprints left in the sand by their owner. Now all she needed to do was use Rose's tears to heal them.

The gem summoned an ornate jar with delicate rose patterns painted on the porcelain. It carried the magical liquid. Pearl took the large cork out and held it above her left arm, wishing to heal it first. She slowly tilted it, closing her eyes she waited for the tears to work, their wonders. After holding the jar there for a few moments before realising her sacred ritual had been disturbed, by none other than her incompetence.

Tears welled up in her eyes, they twitched slightly with emotion, her unstable mind panicking. Pearl then looked to see that it was empty. She would have to go out with her cuts and refill it. She was close to panicking, no she was panicking. The puppet master, making her decisions, was panic as well. The warp pad was just outside her door. Pearl wouldn't run into anyone if she did it wasn't likely. She laughed at the idea as if they'd care anyway, she tough forlornly, the wolves, how they snapped and tore at her very soul.

The gem elegantly hopped down from her tower to tower until she reached solid ground and opened her door. It was the worst possible scenario she could imagine. Her eye twitched all the gems were sitting on the couch playing a board game with Steven. Pearl smiled at them, it looked like an insane person's smile. Sadly that wasn't her intention, she was failing miserably at acting normal.

Now everyone was looking at her, it freaked them out a little. She walked over to the warp pad, protectively holding the rose patterned jar as if it was her very life.

"Where are you off to?" Garnet said, noticing the edge of the cuts on her arms. She had a sharper eye than most, plus the other two were busy focusing on the game. Garnet was furious, but she used her vision to tell that is was crucial she acted as if she saw nothing. However, Pearl wasn't sure if she knew or not. She must be careful, so the gem was just going to play it safe. Pearl carefully and calculated on how to show her the jar without showing her cuts. She must not let them know, it was crucial that they did not know.

"I dropped it and spilt most of the tears," Pearl stated, sounding like a robot, the lie came off awkwardly her tongue. Garnet's brows furrowed more behind her shades. Lucky, Pearl couldn't see this, and was still praying to all the human gods she could remember that she didn't notice. Why had she been so incompetent, and forgot to fill the jar after she used it all? Guess she couldn't really focus very much anymore, he judgment was very cloudy, and important decisions, like asking for help, were lost to her.

"Okay," Garnet replied to the lie, letting Pearl believe she wasn't caught. Garnet didn't want to confront her in front of Steven, there was no way that would turn out well. That's beside the point that it was just a bad idea. Garnet would just have a talk with her later. "Be back soon I want you to play this board game with us."

"I will," She said right before she warped to Rose's fountain. Pearl sat the jar gently down and began wildly flinging her spear around, in anger. She let out an angered and frustrated scream, as she collapsed on her knees, and began to cry. The moment of weakness, the world was all darkness, she gave in. Pearl knew that all it would take is a moment of weariness, weakness, or if she just gave up, the tiny advantage she had against the darkness of the world she sadly called home. Pearl had failed everything, she let the tears fall freely now, not wishing for them to stop. She felt like a prisoner to the vicious cycle she went through day in and day out.

She screamed, through her tormented cries, thoughts of finally giving up flashed through her mind. The end, the resolution, the great demise, the conclusion, the end, it was so final. Pearl stood up tears finally drying walked over to the fountain jar in hand, she dipped it in gracefully. She held it there till it was full and put the cork in the craftsmanship.

"Oh, what would you think of me now..." Pearl sighed, she was a mess. She hated everything, And on top of that list was herself. She wasn't a good caretaker for Steven, Pearl barely helped on missions, so they would be just fine without her, if not better off. "Why am I just so, useless, Rose? You were the only person who actually made me feel like a person," she lamented to the statue. That's when she remembered she was just a pearl, and that's all she would ever be. Nothing more, nothing less, however, she certainly felt less than a pearl.

Pearl put her arms into the water, her cuts instantly disappeared. Her heart ached, it felt as if it had been ripped out. There was a pit in the bottom of her stomach. Her tongue felt too large for her mouth. She felt like life had already ended, it might as well have. After she remembered Garnet would be wanting her back, she took the jar and headed back to the warp pad, leisurely.

Should she stay, she really couldn't decide, she didn't care about the consequences anymore. Though it was for the best if she left. She didn't want Garnet to be mad. Pearl was halfway to the gate, and just stopped and turned around. When had been the last time she just admired the scenery of the fountain?

It was beautiful, to say the least. The rose bushes, the light coloured stones; the statues. It was all just lovely, smile though she briefly felt a small flicker of joy. It was to be savoured, it was a rare treat. Sadly she had to go back to the temple, to Garnet. Pearl didn't want to keep Garnet waiting, her anger is like Ruby's though she stays calm for the most part.

She walked over to the warp pad and left, she felt like the vicious cycle that was her life would never end. When she got back she went into her room and sat the jar on the edge of the water. Pearl would put it where it belongs later. She really didn't want to be around the others right now, she wanted to repeat her dreadful process. Maybe she might even end it. Sadly the pearl would get in trouble if she just stayed in her room.

Pearl walked out and sat with the others ready to have loads of fun. They were even playing her favourite game, Monopoly, Pearl was distance while playing, thinking, about how to end it all. It was just so finale, the gem was terrified of it, and yet pushed to do it. Pearl played for over an hour, though it felt like it dragged on for an eternity. It was noon when they finally finished the eternal game. Steven went out with Connie to do whatever it is they do, and Amethyst and Garnet went into their rooms.

Pearl sat in Steven's room for a while, it's not like she had anything important to do anyway. She made her way into her room, it was beautiful, though it didn't make her feel any better. She hopped up and landed on multiple towers, before reaching the highest one. Pearl put the ornate jar up, and just stood in the centre of the tower. Hot tears flowing down her face, staining it.

That's when she heard it, it was the final nail in the unstable coffin that was Pearl, and it was born from Garnets breath, "Pearl, we need to talk."

Pearl's heart dropped she felt like a prisoner heading to the lethal injection room. Garnet knew. Pearl felt as if she was stabbed or a mountain was thrown on top of her. The gem let out a sorrowful cry. She felt a rush of adrenaline and butterflies threatend to rip her open. Pearl though her life could not possibly get any worse.