Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I'm just in love with Cassian and his big brown eyes but he is not mine (sadly) and all others aren't mine either. I just don't want THEM dead and had a nagging feeling to write that.

This is my first Star Wars fic so please be gentle. I'm a big fan of the books and the pre Disney universe but one I can tell Cassian Andor was one of the kind good idea!

Chapter 1 Loving can hurt

Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive (…)

Ed Sheeran 'Photograph'

Chapter One - Loving can hurt

The hangar on Yavin IV was too small for the two of them right now for Jyn. The whole planet actually was not big enough, she just wished to put time and space between the two of them today or maybe forever after today. She generally had enough of him. His eyes, his looks, his touch were just too much. She needed a way out. Now. She would go anywhere and do anything just not to be in his presence any more. There were times like that that she just had enough and she was pretty sure she would explode with all that pent-up feelings inside her. They decided it was a mistake, they decided that it would never happen again and they just agreed at being friends and partners in the common fight. They both were too emotionally damaged to understand, much less named the things which were going between them and yet another fight was the example of this impossible situation. They wanted to talk but never find the right words at that time. So now when she was practically chased by Cassian to the hangar she knew one thing. She didn't want and wouldn't talk any more. She had enough. Cassian finally caught up with her and grabbed her by her elbow. She wrenched her arm from his hold and she spun around to sent him a dark look.

'I don't want to talk about it, just don't'. She almost snapped at him, glaring daggers at him.

'Don't what?' He asked confused. As if he didn't know, as if he didn't take part in this emotional roller-coaster they were on since they recovered from Scarif. He was staring at her with his warm, dark eyes and for a moment, just a moment, she almost forgot why she was running away. But than she remembered and said the first word that came to her mind.

'Everything.' She blurted and she regretted it the moment she spoke it. She could see the hurt in his eyes. Those eyes she loved so much and those eyes which hunted her at nights.

"Jyn…" He started but she cut him off.

"Just leave it Cassian…" She said in tired voice not looking at him but anywhere but him. She could deal with everything except his pleading eyes. They were her weak point she knew that all too well. There were so many evidences of that and she didn't want to go back to those memories. It was forbidden, they talked about it and they agreed it was a mistake.

"So, this is your way… to fly away." He spoke his tone accusing and hurt at the same time. He reached to touch her hand but stopped himself just in time. There were boundaries, strict rules which they both agreed to obey and he was crossing the line, again.

"I'm on a mission…" She began to explain to him. But this time it was his time to cut her short. "You are running away." He said angrily but she could heard a hint of something else in his voice. But she promised to herself that she would not be reading between lines anymore and finding things which were not there. She did it once and look where it took her.

"You are not helping Cassian, more the opposite." She said in tired voice spotting Bodhi her pilot on her target mission and waving at him. "You make everything worse…" She finished not really believing in any word she had just said. She knew that the more time she would spent here talking and staring into those brown eyes she would eventually change her mind. And she didn't want to do it. Not now, when she did everything to find peace and space and distance. She needed to find herself again. The old self -Jyn Erso or more the girl who didn't care about anything and anyone. She was too tangled, to emotionally distracted and too weak to deal with the feelings for Cassian on this little piece of rock which Yavin become after all that happened. She needed her head to be back in the game and the only solution she knew was to escape. It was to run up the hills and didn't look back.

"Everything?" He questioned. But it took quite some time when she heard him and the hidden meaning under this small word. Feelings and images came crashing down on her at full speed. She almost lost her in the look he was giving her right now as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. Jyn finally tore her eyes form his face and saw that Bodhi was looking at them in a strange way. When she looked at Bodhi he just pointed at his chronometer and back to the ship.

"Please don't." She said sadly and started to walk away. But he didn't let her. He grabbed her hand and this time he held her. She tried to pull her hand back but to be honest she didn't put up a real fight.

"Jyn we need to talk." He said softly. She heard that tone before. He used it often to her after they came back from Scarif and she was suffering from the loss of mostly everything. Those were the times when they would sit together too close for friends and not enough for lovers just helping each other to cope with the reason they were still alive. And she loved that tone. But not now. Now it only made her angry.

"No, we don't," She almost screamed pulling her hand hard form his grip. He didn't try to take her hand again and that told her she was wining. "All we do is talk and its getting nowhere… I need to go." She said angrily and started walking away in the direction of the ship.

"Will you come back?" He asked almost in a whisper talking to her back. She stopped mid step. Haft angry half devastate that he knew her that well. She wanted to escape and he knew that. He knew that form the moment he opened his eyes and learnt that she signed for a mission.

"What kind of question is that?" She tried to sound offended but failed miserably. It was more a plead that he let her go.

"The only one that I need to know right now." He answered honestly looking into her eyes again and this time holding her eyes with his.

"I don't know." She whispered back still looking into his eyes. He was dangerously close to her again. Partially she was wondering how was he doing that, this closing space between they. She could swear he mustered some secret skills of moving too close.

"It's the only thing I know now." She finished and finally tore her eyes away form his. The connection broken it was easier for her to breath and to talk "I need to go, please. Goodbye Cassian"

"I'm not going to say it, Jyn". He answered her without hesitation. "I will never say goodbye to you. I didn't say it on Scarif and I won't let you go that easy." He finished matter of factly taking a step back from her.

"You have the one in a million ability to make things harder that they are, you know that." She said to him trying to gather her thoughts. Damn it he had almost convinced her. Almost being the key word here. She knew that she needed the space. She needed to escape form one Captain Cassian Andor and she truly had to sort her feelings for him before she come back. If she would ever be able to do that.

AN: Tell me what you think! This scene came to my mind and just couldn't leave me alone till I wrote it down. There is more but first I need to know if it's worth Your time. I'm sorry for all the mistakes (no beta reader). Still hope it was good enough to write some reviews.