There's always a second you wonder what the end is going to feel like, before you feel that final moment. When you and everyone you know seems to acknowledge that it's over. A fight well fought, and a life well lived.

I'm happy that it's over, that I can finally stop fighting, and she the most beautiful girl in the world is smiling at me. Like the gift, she is. Annabeth's hand clutches mine, my mom has her forehead pressed to my temple. I can feel every heart beat going through the room. Piper's arms wrapped around Annabeth's shoulders, chin resting on top of her head.

It's a sudden sensation, like I'm drowning, I try to cough my way into the next breath, but it's all rasps and not enough air. Maybe this time...

I feel her tears on my sleeves, she trembles beneath me like a kitten soaked to the bone. I don't try to brush them from her cheeks, sometimes you need to cry. Everyone deserves that much. At least she was here, and at least this is the last time for a long time any of us will set foot in a hospital room. I would tell her that, but I think it would destroy her.

I can't say I don't want to come back to this hospital, I know, a hospital shouldn't be a home. But what else am I supposed to call the place that taught me to love? Carried me through tough times and gave me the strength I could not give myself.

I let her mourn, crying steadily, sobs that don't make her want to scream, but tears that are obviously heavy with their grief. I try not to look at Percy's mom, her body heaving with tears and pain. A mother shouldn't have to bury her child.

Annabeth finally gathers enough courage to stand and walk out of the room. "We should… Should…"

"I'll call them, what do you want to do?"

"Let's… just go to your car or something." I can tell she's struggling to keep herself together, so I lead her to the car. But there's a distinctive buzzing hanging in my ear even when his heartrate monitor is far from hearing range.

We sit in my car, as I recall this familiar grief settle between us. We've seen a lot of death, Leo, Calypso, Hazel, Bianca, and Reyna. I think about the people I know now. The kids in school whose biggest worry is whether they'll get caught cheating on a test… and I hate them.

The two of us shoulder a grief not meant for teenagers. We do not deserve the burden of sorrow that we bear, and even knowing Percy was bound to die… It didn't make his death any easier.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Annabeth asks harshly.

I don't answer and instead dial Jason's number. He doesn't answer, I don't leave a message, I call Nico.

"Hello?"

"He's gone." I say the tension between Annabeth and I is stiff as I wait for a response.

"He-… Really?" Nico manages to ask.

I start nodding before I realize he can't see me. "Yeah. Annabeth and I just left."

Nico sighs heavily, "He was a-… a good one. You know what they say about the good ones."

"Yeah, I know."

"Is she okay?"

I look at the girl beside me, her eyes all red and puffy, skin blotched red, eyelashes stuck together. She's folded her arms over her chest and she's slumped down deep in the seat. Her hair had been piled up on top of her head but just before we went to see him she brought down every unruly curl. Her eyes the color of storm clouds, tears like rainfall down her flushed cheeks. She clutches a napkin from the center console having tried and failed to wipe the snot off her face.

The only light around us come from the street lamp I had parked near, and she looks beautiful. Stronger than any person I have ever seen in my life. Ever since Reyna's death I dared to wonder why we find crying to be a weakness, why the emotion of despair is so weak in our eyes. It takes a lot of strength to show the world that we cannot feel anything but sorrow.

This girl knows she hasn't lost everything, but she also realizes that what she's lost is precious. This will not destroy her forever, but today she will be in ruins.

"You wanna ask her?"

Annabeth looks at me sharply as Nico gives an indifferent answer. I hold out the phone for her to either receive or deny.

She rips the phone from my hand, "No I'm not okay." She says harshly, "Nothing is going to make me feel better today so don't tell me anything like at least I was there. Because I'm still here, and he's not and there isn't anything that's going to change that." She slaps a hand over her mouth and I instinctively wrap her up in the tightest hug I can muster.

I feel little bits of her crumbling, in the way she grips my arm with her free hand, in how horribly hot her gasping breaths are, and the way her tears melt into my shirt.

I ease my phone out of her hand when the spell of earth shattering sobs ceases for the time being.

"When's the funeral?" Nico asks me gently.

"I don't know, I'll tell you as soon as I find out."

"Have you told anyone else?"

"Soon, Jason didn't answer, I'm going to call Frank."

"Alright… Is she… Never mind."

"Night, kiddo."

"Night."

I hang up and hold on to Annabeth as another wave of sobs overtakes her. "Why? Why did god take him from me?"

It's not my place to say why a god I do not understand took someone so unendingly kind and generous away from the world. To say I understand what she's going through would be a limp argument. Would be awful, cruel, and redundant. We have faced the same deaths together before, but that doesn't make it any easier.

She eventually resumes her place slumped in the passenger seat of my car when I call Frank. He is much better about picking up my call.

"Please don't say it." He says, his voice harsh and strained.

"Ok." I agree, listening to the soft breaths he takes.

"This can't be real, right?"

"He couldn't even talk for two days, Frank… Of course, it's real." I hear Jason's tired voice creep in.

The day Percy lost the ability to speak… I shudder just thinking about it.

"How's Annabeth taking it?"

"I-… I'll tell you later."

"Tell them I'm a fucking mess, don't keep them in suspense." Annabeth says wickedly.

"She's a fucking mess. Her words not mine."

"It's not safe to ask her to talk, huh?" Jason asks, I can almost see him rubbing his face the way he does when he's stressed or at a loss.

"No, it isn't." If anyone understands what this feels like, it would be Frank.

"I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. I have to drive."

"Okay… Love you." Frank says before Jason can.

"I love you too." I stifle a chuckle but not the smirk.

When I hang up and start the car Annabeth asks me to stay with her the night. I agree, even though a Tuesday night is not ideal for sleepovers, she knows I can't refuse her.

"How lame is that? Died on a Tuesday." I can practically hear Percy's voice in my head, I hope that doesn't become a common theme for me. I'm already a half-lunged freak, I don't need to add hearing the voices of my dead friends to that.

Annabeth goes straight to her room, leaving me to inform her parents of what happened, and ask them if I can stay the night. I'm half convinced her parents think I'm gay for her daughter, but even with that hesitation they allow it. I spend my night holding her to my chest until the exhaustion of crying knocks her out and I finally get the chance to cry. I am silent in my grief and am tired out quicker than she was, curse my half lung bullshit. I don't feel as though I've cried enough, but I don't want to choke, so I pull myself together before I too fall asleep.

The funeral is on Thursday, and we're lucky enough to have that Friday off. Great way to jumpstart a three-day weekend is to attend a funeral, let me tell you. The church in which his funeral is held is much more simple than Reyna or Leo's. The walls are white and the cross has no freaky Jesus imagery, it's simple, plain, and reverent. This place feels holy, untouched by the world around it, withstanding a test of time that I didn't know existed.

Percy's casket is closed, so when we approach the shining burial box, no one is sure what to do. But each of us at some point puts a hand down on the shinning wood and send up words we aren't sure anyone hears.

Dr. D and Chiron have come, bringing the kids with them. There are only eight of them, all heavy with despair, and that look that reads, 'am I next'? I hold my breath and count to three, before the procession starts. I hold my head up, with Jason's hand grasped firmly in mine. Earlier that day when he picked me up, he told me that he wished he could have been there to say goodbye to his best friend.

I don't know how I almost always managed to be there for my friend's untimely ends. First Reyna, then Leo, Calypso, and Hazel, now I guess Percy is on the list. Call it a gift, call it coincidence, or shit timing. I'm going to call it fate and call it a day.

Annabeth rests her head on my shoulder, so I take my free hand and rub her arm. The priest calls Percy a kind soul, with a gentle heart. I think that's only half true.

Percy's soul wasn't kind, it was wild, impulsive, and full. When I think of Percy, I think of being whole, overflowing with laughter so real my stomach aches. I think of toothy smiles and the way his eye twitched when he thought he was winking. I think of him asking me what it was like to die, and him holding Annabeth when her head hurt like a hurricane. I think of our house being full, and I wonder what our lives will be like without him.

Here's what I've learned about losing those you love, it hurts like fire all-consuming and horrifying, painful even after the flames have gone. I know I will survive with him gone, of course I know that, I have lost and lived. That doesn't make this pain any easier to deal with, it doesn't change the fact that I don't want to live without him.

Percy's heart was not gentle, it was fierce and loyal, easy to see but impossible to understand. He held so much love, harbored even more hurt, and chose to see the world for what it could be. Maybe this priest didn't know him and is using some stock speech he gives at random funerals. I don't know what his deal is, but I know the truth about Percy, and this is not the goodbye he wanted.

Frank, Annabeth, Jason, Nico, and I are going to spend the night at my house, and so when our friend is buried in the ground, Jason drives us to my place. I snag a bottle of wine from my dad's liquor cabinet and pour everyone a cup.

"What's this for?" Jason asks, "We're not old enough to drink."

"You're gonna need it." I sigh, "Give me a second." I rummage through my backpack and pull out my math notebook. "I'm proposing a toast, and I figured we should have a proper drink for it."

They look at me with shifting eyes as I flip to the right page. "The day before Percy lost his ability to speak he gave me a message to bring to you guys." I remember it so clearly now as their eyes pass glances across the room to one another.

Piper looks at me with bright eyes, no glass in her gaze because this girl knows turmoil. She is not afraid to die, and she didn't, she has been where I am now, and I'm glad I have a companion in her at least in that sense. She looks pretty, hair falling over her eyes, scanning over some page of math problems. I had told her she had way more than a page of problems and she smacked my arm for it, I thought that was a good one too.

Annabeth and mom went to eat something, but Piper stayed behind, she always does. I don't know why she's so determined to make sure I never feel alone, but I'm grateful for her. She never lets anyone feel like they're alone.

"Hey… Pipes." My voice doesn't sound like mine, it's rough and harsh. Gurgled and raspy from all the coughing I've been doing these days.

"Sup, nerd?" She smirks effortlessly at me.

"I know it'd be super lame of me to ask… but could you do me a favor?"

"Depends on the favor." She says.

"I want a…" I let a cough wrack my body. Her gentle ever-cold hand rubs my shoulder, "Thanks I'll be here all week… maybe."

"Don't even start with me." She says, her eyes flaring up with an inensity I have rarely seen. I wish I had that kind of passion left in me.

"I want you to write me a will of sorts."

"Does that mean I get the underwear you die in?" She teases.

"Nah I think Nico gets that."

"What do you want a will for?"

"I just… it's less a will and- more- a thank you." She grabs my oxygen mask and holds it to my face, allowing me a second to breathe easier. "I want my final sentiment to be my own words. Not some random priest I've never met."

She turns to a new page and smiles at me. Her face reads as if she doesn't know pain. Not even an ounce of sadness has ever graced her body as she ready's her pencil, "So tell me then," She asks in the tone of a reporter, "when I tell the world of the impervious Percy Jackson, what should I say?"

"Aside the fact that I'm roguishly handsome and really good at cards?"

"In addition to that."

I take a second to pull myself together, clear my throat and hope my voice remains even as I read the last words of my best friend. "He said to me, 'Now write this down, because I have lots of things to say'." My friends kind of laugh, almost uncomfortably that breathy kind of laugh where they'd have typically rolled their eyes. Because of course the great Percy Jackson would use what little breath was still held inside of his weak and dying body to laugh.

"First, I hope that I laughed enough so that annoying little snort I always made will never truly go away, even once I have. Second I know how tough it's going to be the live on without me because let's be real here, I'm a gift to this world and you should appreciate me. I take that back, I know you all appreciated me, and I love you for it. You made this whole life thing a lot more bearable.

"Third please make sure that the day of my death spans a few days on my tombstone, I want random future passersby to think they missed some elaborate event. Or maybe I'll end up in a super pretentious novel where teen detectives try to find out how I took a week to die and instead find out the meaning of life and a good slushie.

"Fourth, I want you to know, that those of you who lived up until now are the ones who deserved this life. You guys deserved to keep going and the rest of us, well, we deserved the relief of finally falling asleep. I hope I was worth your time, because each second I spent with one of you was a second I will never regret. Just remember, I wasn't ready to die when I did, but I'm relieved that it happened.

"I have one thing to ask of all of you." I don't believe in ghosts, but the next words that came out of my mouth sounded as if Percy was saying them right in my ear. Each word phrased and emphasized exactly as he had said it that day. "Just enjoy tomorrow for me, and every tomorrow that you have. I know they're gonna be crying by now, Pipes, but tell them to shut the fuck up for a second and listen, this is important.

"Don't be destroyed by something that didn't destroy you. Just because I am gone doesn't mean you get to be too. Keep fighting for what's right, and as my last word, tell them I said this. There isn't a thing worth dying for but there are plenty of things worse than death." I swear that his voice comes out of my mouth when I say, "Before you go, tell the sun I said good morning and kiss the moon goodnight."

For a moment, we are all silent, the room is heavy, and I know that Percy would have hated it. I decide that I hate it too. "So, cheers, to the sun, the moon, and stars."

Everyone raises their glasses together, like a premature new year's clink. Annabeth suddenly says, "And may every morning begin with a kiss goodbye to yesterday."

Needless to say, we stay up to watch the sunrise, to remind ourselves of all we've lost, but with the fading darkness we release the sorrow of yesterday. And while five teenagers who already narrowly escaped death shouldn't sit on a roof we watch the night melt into morning. Annabeth leaning on Nico holding Frank's hand while I am wrapped up in Jason's arms.

"It's gonna be hard to kiss the moon don't you think?" Frank says.

"That's just like Percy, giving us an impossibility to put him to rest." Annabeth says with a slight smile. The first smile I've seen on her face since Percy lost his voice.

Once the sun is well above the horizon we all climb back into my bedroom and disperse to snuggle under blankets for a well-deserved rest. Jason holds my waist as we curl up together. He kisses both of my cheeks, my nose, and finally my lips.

I smile when he pulls back, "What was that for?"

"I'm just helping fulfill my best friend's dying wish."

"Oh?" I ask.

"Well, sort of… because you're my world, so I guess that makes me the moon."

"You're more than that you know." I tell him gently, tying my fingers up with his.

"Let me have this."

"Okay… I love you."

"I love you too." He barely speaks it, he's whispering so softly, his eyes already fluttering shut because the big softy can't handle staying up late.

"Goodnight." I tell him, and when I close my eyes, I feel as though a heaviness is lifted around me. I don't believe in ghosts, like I said, but I entertain the idea, just for a second before sleep takes me, if I've set his spirit free. And that thought, makes me endlessly happy.