So, this is a gift for my friend. It's her birthday, and I wanted to write a little something to let her know I love her buckets and heaps! ErzaDLaw, you're the best! Happy birthday! I hope you enjoy this crazy thing! lol This is only the first chapter of what I imagine will be a three shot.

Also, just as an FYI, I took some liberties with Cobra's magic, so please don't kill me!

Also for those of you who are Kpop fans, part off the title came from the name one of my favorite Kpop songs. Now, let's see who knows what I'm talking about! Lol

As always, Hiro Mashima owns Fairy Tail. I own nothing but my pervy brain.

MIND FXXK

The Girl Code.

It was one of the most important parts of any female friendship, one that Lucy had dutifully followed her entire life. Each rule was upheld in its entirety, from the marginal to the crucial. Nothing was exempt.

Not once had she ever felt burdened by this. In fact, the honoring of the Code had always been easy for her. She loved her friends, so the caring of them and for them had only ever been enjoyable. She'd protected secrets and offered chocolate during heartbreak. Supported crushes and cursed exes. She'd done it all.

But most importantly, she had never...EVER gone after one of her girls' guys.

Out of all of the rules of the Girl Code, that was easily the biggest, and it included all manner of men. From the ex-boyfriends to ex-crushes. Even ex-friends with benefits were off limits. Girl Code declared them all off limits, so for Lucy, that's exactly what they were.

And that had never been difficult to abide by either, because she'd never felt an attraction to any of the men her friends' had been interested in.

Until now...

And how the hell it had happened, she had no idea. She'd just woken up one morning liking him.

She was fairly certain the thought had been there before, maybe even in passing. Still, there had to be some reason he'd been on her mind. Had he done something to warrant her attention? Said something to lead her poor heart to believe she had a chance?

She didn't know, and really, it didn't even matter. Because regardless, it was a horrible idea.

Not that it was even an idea. It absolutely wasn't, because an idea suggested a corresponding action. And she damn sure had no intentions where he was concerned. None at all.

That would be wrong on so many levels.

Because it was common knowledge that Jellal was Erza's guy. Like THE ONE. And only a jerk would go after someone's true love. Plus, Erza was one of her closest friends, and Lucy would sooner rip her own heart out before purposely hurting a friend. And to top it all off, the redhead was beautiful and strong. There was no way Lucy could compete with that.

And she wouldn't even really want to.

Because really...who the hell was stupid enough to try to take Jellal away from her?The woman would cut someone down for simply looking at her strawberry cheesecake. And that was just cake. Well, to be fair, cake was never just cake for Erza, but the point remained. Stealing from Erza, in any fashion, was basically asking for a quick and painful death.

But none of that required consideration because Jellal had never once looked her way. In truth, Lucy wasn't sure he even knew she existed. From what she could tell, the man had only ever had eyes for his redheaded knight in shining armor.

Which sounded absolutely ridiculous now that she thought about it.

Normally, it would just be a pain in the ass, something she had to work to push out of her head, but with Erza's birthday raging all around her, things had gotten significantly worse. Especially considering that Jellal and company had arrived at Fairy Tail only thirty minutes ago to help her celebrate.

Which didn't make Lucy jealous...like at all.

Nope, she was happy for her friend.

Honestly, she really was. She just wished it didn't also make her feel like complete and utter shit. And she knew she needed to get over it. Erza was her friend, and pining for her man in secret was a crappy thing to do. If the requip mage ever found out, Lucy would be so ashamed.

And terrified, but that was beside the point because nothing was going to happen. Erza would never find out.

Hopefully.

Still, she could at least enjoy the sight of him. There was nothing innately wrong with that, right? Everyone did that. She wasn't going to do anything about it. Just look...and imagine.

Lucy sighed, forcing her eyes away from the blue-haired man. Better not to take the chance of getting caught while he was so close to Erza. She didn't want her friend to look up and see her staring at her guy.

Even if he was sexy as hell.

Shaking her head, she turned to the white-haired woman who'd joined her table a while back. "So Sorano, where are you guys off to next?"

"That's classified," the other female answered tartly. She waited until Lucy's eyes widened to the size of small saucers before she laughed. "Just kidding. We've picked up some chatter about another dark guild forming on the other side of Clover Town, so we'll probably head there in another day or so." She tossed a glance in Jellal and Erza's direction and added, "As soon as the boss finishes visiting with Erza, I mean."

Her words were innocent, but they were like a dart striking Lucy in the heart. Of course they were here to simply accommodate Jellal's need to see Erza. Why else would he have come?

Slapping a smile on her face, Lucy focused on the woman beside her, trying to remind herself that Jellal was irrelevant. "That's a long trek. You guys taking a train?"

"Yeah, we're gonna take a train and hope the Rune Knights don't catch us," a snide voice added. "What are you, stupid?"

Lucy turned and shot the Poison Dragon Slayer a glare. "I'm not stupid."

"Whatever you say, cupcake."

"Ignore him, Lucy. He just likes being an ass." Sorano stood to her feet with a grin, waving a finger between them. "Think you two can behave while I go get a drink?"

Cobra scowled. "I'm not a fucking baby."

"Could have fooled me," Lucy muttered, allowing her eyes to drift back toward the Heavenly Body mage across the guild hall.

She watched as he settled himself beside the redhead, and then he smiled. And while their closeness hurt, she couldn't help but acknowledge how gorgeous he was.

"I heard that."

The blonde snorted. Like she cared if he heard her insult. She'd kind of intended him to hear it. "And?"

"I mean I can hear you mind-fucking Blue Balls over there," Cobra grunted.

It took longer than she'd have liked to realize what he was saying, but when she did, her eyes nearly popped out of her head. No one was supposed to know that!

Instantly, she schooled her features. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah right," he crooned, that ever-present smirk climbing his face. "Lying doesn't exactly work with me, doll. I can hear it all," he said, tapping a finger to his head. "Every dirty little thing you wanna do to-"

Lucy's hand stopped the rest of the words from leaving his mouth, and she glared, letting her hand fall away once more. "Could you be any louder, asshole?!"

"Well...I could." He smirked, then drew in a deep breath as if to test the theory, but Lucy put a halt to that too.

"You're an ass."

Cobra grinned darkly. "Thank you."

"You know, I can't exactly help who I have feelings for," Lucy said, her eyes blazing. "It's not like I planned to like him!"

Immediately, Cobra threw his hands up. "Whoa! Who the fuck said I wanted to hear about it?"

The blonde shot him a furious glare. "You're the one that brought it up!"

"Actually your fucking mind brought it up."

"Well, who the hell asked you to listen?!"

Cobra lounged back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest. "Kinda comes with the magic, sweet cheeks. I can't really help what I hear." He paused, his eyes narrowing. "Including that."

Lips lifting in a devious smile, Lucy let herself imagine Cobra butt-naked, his limbs spread wide, with each appendage nailed down with various kitchen utensils. Including a large forked speared through a slightly smaller sized dick.

She'd been hoping her thoughts would shut him up or at the very least piss him off enough to leave her table.

Sadly though, neither seemed to be in her future as Cobra leaned forward with a smirk. "Might wanna fix the size of my cock if you want it to be accurate."

Grinning snidely back, Lucy shrunk the penis in her mind. "Like that?"

The Poison Slayer snickered. "Cute."

"Tell you what...why don't you go find someone else to annoy and I won't force you to live through everything else I'd like to do to Jellal."

"Now, why would I wanna do that when we were just starting to have fun."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "I did try to warn you."

With that, she let her mind go, envisioning she and her crush in every sexual position known to man. Her on top, Jellal on top. Up against a wall, on the counters of her apartment. Tied up. Handcuffed. Chains. Whips. Even shit she wasn't into. Anything to grate on Cobra's nerves, but one look at his face was all she needed to know that he was enjoying himself.

And honestly, she was kind of an idiot for expecting anything else. She'd basically just given him pornos of herself. Way to go, Lucy.

Still, there was one thing she hadn't considered. Something she felt fairly certain he wouldn't want to see.

"Try me," he taunted with a leer.

Her smile returning, she watched his face as she pictured going down on Jellal, paying extra special attention to his cock. Length, width. She let herself imagine sucking him into her mouth, drawing him deep into her throat and listening to him groan her name as he thrust between her lips.

And finally, Cobra relented, his eyes squeezing shut as if he could block out everything Lucy was sending him. "Okay okay! I'll fucking leave! Just quit thinking about his cock!"

Lucy giggled and lifted a hand to wave. "Bye-bye now!"

Cobra was scowling by the time he reached the other side of the guild. He couldn't believe he'd let her turn his own damn magic against him. He supposed he shouldn't have poked at her quite so damn much, but really, how was he supposed to know she was such a devious little bitch?

Growling, he moved toward the bar, pushing past Jellal and catching another thought he really didn't fucking want.

He turned and glared at the blue-haired man Lucy was admiring not even five minutes ago. And he was apparently doing the same fucking thing with her. All he could see in his head was sex, sex, and more sex. Hell, he was beginning to think there was nothing else in anyone's heads here tonight!

And it was making him sick.

Sure, he liked sex. He liked it a lot, but that didn't mean it was the only fucking thing he thought about. And he damn sure didn't want to see everyone and their fucking brothers screwing everyone else. Bunch of fucking perverts, all of them.

"You're fucking disgusting!"

Jellal's head whipped around faster than Cobra had ever seen. "What? What did I do?"

"Blondie?" Cobra challenged, "Ringing any bells?"

He watched as Jellal's face flushed. "Hey, that's private!"

"If it's fucking private, then stop fucking thinking about it in public!"

"It wouldn't matter if somebody could keep his nose out of other people's business!" Jellal immediately fired back, then paused, casting a look around to make sure no one was listening before he added in a whisper, "And why do you care who I'm thinking about?"

Cobra pressed forward with a growl. "I wouldn't if I didn't have to hear it! But I don't think Titania would feel the same way!"

"Erza? What in the world does she have to do with anything?"

"You're thinking about another woman! Doesn't that usually piss chicks off?"

Cobra wasn't even sure why he was bringing that up. He didn't give a fuck. He was just pissed at Jellal, and Lucy too, for putting him in the middle of this fuckfest.

But Jellal just huffed. "Erza and I are just friends, not that it's any of your business."

The Poison Dragon Slayer watched as the Heavenly Body mage walked away and couldn't help releasing a growl. Why was everyone so fucking irritating tonight?!

Spinning around, he took a step and nearly plowed right into someone else. Instantly, his hackles were up, especially once he picked up what was on Natsu's mind.

The dumb fuck was so busy imagining Titania riding him with nothing on but the pair of tit tassels he'd bought for her that he couldn't even sense that someone had caught him staring at the birthday girl.

What the fuck was wrong with this guild?

Cobra gave the other man an aggravated huff. "Is that all the fuck you Fairies think about?"

Natsu turned with a start. "Huh?"

"I can't go anywhere in this fucking place without one of you assholes thinking about fucking somebody!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Annoyed, Cobra tossed a glare in Lucy's direction. "Fucking perverts. You. Your stupid best friend. Blue-"

"Lucy?" Natsu laughed, cutting Cobra off and glancing over at his friend. "You've gotta be kidding."

"Do I look like I'm kidding?!" the maroon haired man snapped. "She wouldn't stop thinking about fucking that stupid blueberry! Kept showing me his fucking dick!"

Natsu burst out laughing. "Serves you right for getting in her head. Does this help?"

Suddenly, Cobra's mind filled, and what he saw had him throwing a hand over his mouth to block the vomit that was threatening to come up. The bastard was thinking about the night before when he'd danced for Erza, his body naked and his cock spinning around in a circle.

"You're a piece of shit, you know that?"

The Fire Dragon Slayer snickered. "Stay outta my head, and you won't have to see it."

"Like I want to be in your head," Cobra fired back, feeling nauseous all of a sudden. "Fucking revolting!"

"Now, about Lucy. You saying she likes Jellal?"

Cobra's head came up and he glared. "Fuck you."

Natsu's grin widened. "You sure you wanna be like that?"

Instantly, Cobra could see Natsu lying in bed, his hand moving slowly over his cock, and the Poison Dragon shook his head desperately. "Stop! STOP! Fuck, I don't wanna see this shit!"

"Then tell me what I wanna know," Natsu hummed. "I could always show you the time-"

"Fuck no!" Cobra shouted, "Don't show me another fucking thing, or I swear to God I'll rip your throat out!"

The pink-haired man snickered. "Sure you will, but not before I think about every time I've walked in on Max and his favorite broom."

The thought had him nearly puking on the spot. "Fine. She likes the stupid fucker, wants to screw his ass into the ground. Now, leave me the fuck alone!"

"Wait...one more thing."

Cobra shot him a venomous look. "That's not what you said."

Natsu shrugged, unconcerned. "What about Jellal?"

"What about him?"

The Fire Dragon Slayer rolled his eyes. "Does he have a thing for Luce too?"

"Why the fuck are you asking me?!"

"Because," Natsu explained, his lips curling. "I saw you talking to him, and I know how you like to get into people's heads. So..."

Cobra's teeth ground together. "If I tell you, will you go the fuck away?"

"Sure thing! Now, spill it."

"Yeah, he wants Blondie too. Now fuck off!"

"You got it!" Natsu called back cheerfully, then added, "Oh, and I'd stay away from Cana if I was you. No telling what you'd see there."