Wasn't That Drunk by Josh Abbott Band

I was tipsy when you kissed me
But that ain't why I kissed you back
I'll be honest, I've wanted to do that, to do that, do that
Oh so long and oh so bad
Then last night, it happened so fast
I'd do it over, I wouldn't think twice
'Cause lying here sober, it still feels right

I know we were laughing saying whatever happens
We can blame it on the wine when the sun comes up
If you're thinking it's because we were drinking
Well, that don't mean that it don't mean much
'Cause it did and it does
The truth of it is I wasn't that drunk

'Ten years, Jesus how did that happen?' Dean thought to himself as he looked around the horribly decorated gymnasium. There were balloons and streamers and all the typical cliché of school dances in the years of his teenage years. Dean glanced from the decorations to the little groups of people who were mingling and trying to remember why they actually liked each other in high school.

Dean shrugged uncomfortably in his jacket, an honest to god jacket that Sammy had left at home during his big move and that actually fit Dean, and made his way straight to the open bar. One of the only reasons he had agreed to come to this thing of course. He hadn't particularly liked high school. Even at that young age Dean had preferred to be under the hood of a car helping Uncle Bobby. But when the invitation had shown up in his mail he had the momentarily insane flash of blue eyes and black hair and had said hell yeah! Maybe it was the six pack he had downed with Benny after work that assisted in that fantastic decision?

'Why in the hell would he even be here? He ran from this place as soon as he could.' Dean thought while getting his beer and turning to see if he recognized a single person from his graduating class. There was the usual blonde cheerleaders who had married their jock boyfriends, or some version of them, and now had 2.3 kids and the mom haircut. There was also the nerds who were now rolling in Silicone Valley money and had only come to rub it in those cheerleaders noses. A few former goths and emos wandered around giving the decorations slight sneers which meant they hadn't actually grown out of their phases as much as they liked to pretend. And of course there was the

'good' students who had actually come to see the teachers that had inspired them along the way. Dean thought they were the only ones who might actually enjoy this thing. A glance at his watch told him he had only been here ten minutes and already he was planning an escape.

"Dean? Dean Winchester?" Dean heard a voice that both made him smile and reflexively brace himself for a prank. He glanced to his side and saw that Gabriel hadn't

really changed all that much. He was still short, still smirking and still had that twinkle in his eye saying he could equal parts torture you or be your best friend.

"Gabriel! How the hell are you man?" Dean asked patting him on the shoulder. He was actually surprised to find that he was happy to see the little trickster. They had had a strong friendship in high school after Dean had helped him prank the school's lacrosse team after they had harassed one of the smaller kids in school. Dean had been all for beating the crap out of the team captain but Gabriel had a much better plan. They had served three months worth of detention but it was worth it to see the punk cringe every time Gabe or Dean walked past him in the hall. And apologize to every kid he had ever bullied as well.

"I never would have expected to see you here tonight." Gabe said honestly as they both turned back to watch the crowd.

"Sammy made me come." Dean sighed.

"How is the ol' Samsquatch? Still growing?" Gabriel asked and Dean smirked at the nonchalance in that question. Dean had been the only one to know that Gabe was gay in high school and had been sworn to secrecy when he found himself enamored with Dean's younger brother.

"Nah, he stopped thank god. Became a lawyer and lives on the coast. Single." Dean said chuckling as Gabriel blushed.

"Good for him." He said as easily as he could.

"What about you Gabe? Any special someone?" Dean asked. He was dying to get to his real questions but didn't want to appear over eager.

"Me? Nah, no lucky guy yet. Thought there was in college for a while but he turned out to be Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right." Gabriel said lightly. He lifted his hand and waved as someone recognized him..

"Thank god we're not too old yet hey buddy?" Dean drained the rest of his beer. He ordered another before Gabriel spoke again.

"He's here you know." Gabe said not looking at Dean. Instantly Dean froze with his beer part way to his lips.

"Where?" he asked before flinching. So much for not sounding too eager.

"I knew it!" Gabe said triumphantly as he looked over at Dean grinning huge.

"Gabe." Dean warned.

"I told him you'd be here. He wasn't sure if he wanted to risk it but I convinced him to join me. Right now he's talking to his old English teacher, Mrs. Bale." Gabriel said.

"How is he?"

"He's grown." Gabe shrugged.

"Is he…"

"He settled down with a guy about five years ago. But it recently fizzled and he moved in with me. He works at the University now, got his own place after a while."

"That's good, good for him." Dean couldn't think of anything else to say.

"He never got over it Dean-o." Gabe said finally turning and looking at Dean. Dean lowered his head in shame, ten years of it.

"Me either." He admitted to his former best friend. Gabe looked at him seriously, a rare occurrence. Dean hoped he found what he was looking for in his face.

"I won't let you hurt him again Dean. He's my brother." He said.

"I was young Gabe, young and stupid. So fucking stupid." Dean hoped Gabe could hear the sincerity in his voice. He just might have because after a minute he nodded.

"I just don't understand it Dean. Three years you two made heart eyes after each other and then when you finally hook up you have your big gay freak out and blame it on the liquor. Do you know he still won't touch the stuff? And won't date anyone that drinks either." Gabe raised his eyebrow at Dean's beer. Dean felt his hand drop.

"Damn." He said as his breath rushed out of his lungs.

"Yup." Gabe agreed. He put down his empty glass and rubs his hands together.

"Well that's enough serious time for me. Time to go find some jocks who still think they're the shit." He said and wandered off into the crowd. Dean watched him go. He raised his beer back to his lips but instead of drinking it like he planned he lowered it back down again. He let his fingers slip from around the bottle and something in him just knew he'd never touch another one.

"Hello Dean." Came from over Dean's shoulder and instantly Dean both tensed and relaxed as that gravel tone washed over him. God he had missed those words on those lips.

"Cas." Dean said turning around to look at the man he had become. He still had messy black hair, amazingly blue eyes and those soft pink lips but Cas had grown into his body. He was no longer skinny and gangly but looked toned and lean. And with a few extra inches in height so that he was almost as tall as Dean. A dark blue dress shirt was rolled up to his elbows and he wore a vest over it. It was adorably both dorky and hot.

"How are you Dean?" Cas said with a small nervous smile. Dean felt his palms beginning to sweat.

"I'm good Cas, you? Gabe said you're teaching at the Uni." Dean said surprising himself with actual honest to God grown up conversation.

"Yes, American Literature. Yourself?" Cas asked. When a group of people came up behind him trying to get to the bar Dean followed him away from the bar and into a quieter corner.

"I took over Uncle Bobby's garage after he had the accident. He still does a lot of the paperwork, the wheelchair doesn't interfere with that of course, but I do all the actual running of the shop." Dean said. For a kid who had barely scraped by enough to graduate high school he was pretty proud of himself for having that much.

"That's great Dean. I'm heard about Bobby's accident, it's a shame." Cas said politely.

"It took him a while but he's ok with it now. The hardest part was convincing him that he couldn't live in that house with its thousand stairs. Finally got him to downgrade to a single level and turned the house in to the office." Dean said kind of proud of that.

"He's lucky to have you to take care of him." Cas said and Dean blushed.

"Hell it was a little selfish to be honest, I just wanted to be able to turn the upstairs into an apartment for myself." Dean said with his lopsided grin and Cas chuckled.

"Whatever works for everyone." He shrugged. They fell in to some drawn out silence and it was threatening to smother Dean.

"Look Cas I'm sorr…"

"You want to get out of he…"

Both spoke at the same time and then stopped. Dean couldn't believe what he had just heard. Did Cas just ask him…

"My place isn't too far from here, would you like to see it?" Cas asked and there was something in his voice that Dean couldn't understand.

"Uh, yeah sure." He said completely taken by surprise. Cas nodded once and then turned to walk out. Dean followed in confusion.

Cas led him to a small little house on the further side of town near the University and as Dean pulled his Impala in behind Cas's eco-friendly green planet conscious nerd-mobile he started to panic. Why had Cas invited him back here? Was it for what Dean hoped it was? Or was he just going to show off how well he had done without Dean? How good his life was despite Dean Winchester fucking him over so completely? Dean wouldn't blame him if it was the later.

"Would you like something to drink? I only have water and soda." Cas asked as they hung up their jackets and Dean looked around the small cozy little living room.

"Water is fine thanks." Dean said as he looked at the little framed pictures on the bookcase. Dean recognized Cas's family, he had grown up with them after all. Gabriel was always the black sheep but his family had loved him none the less. Castiel of course was the baby and therefore loved just a little bit more.

"Here you are. Sorry I don't have any beer or anything." Cas apologized coming in to the room and offering Dean a cold bottle of water.

"No problem man, I should probably drink more of this anyways." Dean gave him a weak smile. He pointed to the family picture in front of him.

"How is everyone?"

"Mom and Dad are great, enjoying life without kids in the house. They started their own little hobby shop a couple of years ago. Michael is some corporate big wig out in New York and Anna just had baby number three. Her and her wife run a non profit for LGBT youth." Cas explained. "And you know Gabriel of course, nothing ever changes with Gabe." Cas smiled.

"I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not." Dean chuckled and Cas agreed. He had drifted closer to Dean as he spoke and Dean looked over to see that he was almost close enough to touch.

"Cas…" Dean said before he could talk himself out of it. He needed to do this, he needed to make Cas understand just how sorry he was.

"Don't Dean." Cas said not looking at him. His brow was furrowed and there was a little crease that Dean hadn't seen before.

"I know you don't want to hear it Cas, probably would rather forget me altogether but…"

"I never forgot you. As much as I wanted to." Cas finally looked at him and Dean swallowed at the raw emotion he saw there.

"I just wanted you to know…" Dean began lowering his head and letting the water bottle drop to the table.

"We were kids Dean." Cas said sounding drawn away. Dean squared his shoulders and looked up him.

"That was no excuse Cas, no excuse for how I treated you. You were always there for me, more than anyone else in my life and I just threw you away. I freaked out and I'm more sorry than you can ever know. I never forgave myself." Dean said. Cas looked down and away from him but Dean reached out to grab his chin and lift his face.

"I loved you Cas, I always loved you. But of course being the emotionally stunted punk I was I didn't know how to handle that. So I did something unforgivable and I'm sorry." Dean said finally, finally!, getting out the words that had been on his tongue for ten years. Cas looked back and forth between his eyes as if looking for any sign of insincerity.

"I can only beg forgiveness and hope that by some miracle you can be my friend again. I've missed you Cas, so fucking much." Dean sighed. He hadn't dropped his hand and without thought stroked over the slight stubble that Cas had.

"I couldn't ever be your friend again Dean." Cas said and Dean's heart dropped. Of course he couldn't. Why in the hell was Dean stupid enough to think Cas would ever want to be friends with him after what he put him through?

"I need more." Cas said and Dean stopped all movement.

"What?" Dean asked but then Cas surged forward and was kissing him and Dean couldn't do anything but react. He closed his eyes, let his hand come up to Cas's waist and just kissed him back.

Ten years hadn't changed a damn thing about Cas's lips except now he was more sure of what he was doing. He kissed Dean with hunger and passion and so much more. Dean actually swayed on his feet and he felt Cas smile against his mouth.

"Shut up." Dean growled and kissed him harder. He felt Cas's fingers grip the lapels of the stupid suit jacket and pull him closer.

"Wait, wait…" Cas said suddenly pulling back and panting. He rested his head against Dean's forehead and refused to open his eyes.

"What?" Dean asked running his hand back over Cas's neck and into that soft black nest of crazy hair.

"Have you been drinking?" Cas asked hesitantly.

"One beer. I promise." Dean smiled shyly as Cas finally looked up.

"I…I won't survive another drunken mistake Dean." Cas said in a small voice that tore at Dean's heart.

"It wasn't a mistake Cas." Dean assured him and then leaned in to whisper against his ear "And I wasn't that drunk."

"Thank god." Cas turned his head and captured Dean's lips again. This time there was no pulling back, no stopping and no hesitation. Dean showed Cas just how much he had missed him over ten years and when they finally lay in bed exhausted but smiling he reached across the few centimeters of space between them and took Cas's hand in his.

"I want more too." Dean admitted.