From the Ground Up

Chapter Three

I woke up for about the third time that night to the sound of Esme's high-pitched crying.

Sighing, I sat up in bed and waited, hoping to eventually hear the sound of Edward walking down the hall towards the nursery. Surely he could hear her, couldn't he? She was as loud as a friggin' howler monkey.

After a full three minutes had passed, I let out a loud groan and reluctantly swung myself out of bed.

Fuck you, Edward.

I'll be damned if I had to get up every single time Esme started crying. Like hell was I going to allow him to get a full night's rest when I couldn't even get in a decent five hours. Who did he think he was, making me do all the work? Clenching my hands into fists, I stormed out of my room and walked right past the nursery, straight to Edward's bedroom. Oh yes, I was a girl on a mission.

My mission?

To knock some sense into Edward's dense, mammoth head.

I narrowed my eyes the second I discovered the reason as to why Edward was sleeping so soundly.

The door was closed. Closed! Did this man have absolutely no sense at all? I was utterly flabbergasted.

Furthermore I'd never felt so pissed at him than in this precise moment, and that was certainly saying something considering the way he had treated me on our blind date. I suddenly felt the dire need to punch something. Anything. Preferably, Edward.

I jerked the door open in one swift motion and tore into the room, fully charged and ready to kick ass.

I headed directly to his bed and was about three feet away from it when my feet stumbled unexpectedly over a pair of shoes. It only took around two split seconds for a loud, piercing scream to escape my mouth, followed by a very distinct curse as I landed flat across the length of Edward's unconscious body.

I struggled to sit up as I continued my impressive line of curses at the same time Edward groaned and shot straight up in bed. We immediately butted heads. Pain shot through me, my head spinning as it hit me hard.

"Ow!" I exclaimed.

"Fuck!" Edward grumbled, obviously now wide awake.

I leaned back and tenderly touched the spot where our heads had collided, knowing for a fact that it was going to bruise. Wonderful, just wonderful.

"Bella, what is the matter with you? And why the hell are you in my room?" Edward demanded.

I flashed him a piercing glare even though it was dark and he could hardly see my face. "No, Edward, what is the matter with you? You left your door closed!"

"And your point is?" Edward questioned.

Holding back a growl I leaned over, snatched up the pillow that was beside him, and whacked him hard across the face.

"That's for being stupid," I hissed at him. "In case you've somehow forgotten, there is a baby in the house. How can you hear her crying when your door is closed?"

Edward rubbed his head with the palm of his hand and muttered, "I'm sorry, it's just habit. I won't do it again."

"You better not or next time I'm going to hit you with something much harder than a pillow," I snapped.

"You already did," he pointed out.

"What?"

"Your head."

I smiled and forced myself not to laugh; I needed to remain serious. "Very funny, now could you please get your ass out of bed and check on Esme? I've already done it twice tonight."

"I don't know if I can, my head is pounding so hard I can barely see straight."

"Edward, don't even think about making excuses, I will kick you out of this room myself if I have to," I warned him.

Edward smirked smugly in the darkness. "I highly doubt you could do that, Bella. I'm a fireman, remember?"

"And I'm a professional dog trainer. If I can handle a one hundred and fifty pound Great Dane, I could probably handle you as well," I remarked cleverly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Wanna bet?"

"Edward, if you don't check on Esme right now I'm going to-"

"All right, all right, I'm going! Don't get your bloomers all in a knot."

"Excuse me?" I blinked at him a couple times in surprise.

"Your panties," Edward said.

I shook my head, grinning slowly. "No, you said bloomers."

Edward shrugged. "So?"

"Since when did we go back in time to the mid-19th century?" I joked.

"Now you're the one being funny," Edward said with a quiet snort.

"I'm not the one who said 'bloomers'," I replied, letting out a giggle.

Well, so much for remaining serious. There was no way I could when he popped out a word like that.

Shaking his head, Edward got out of bed and headed towards the door.

Right before he left the room he turned back around and asked casually, "Were you trying to seduce me or something?"

I nearly fell off the bed in shock. What did he just say?

"S-sorry?" I sputtered, staring at him in bewilderment.

"You were on my bed when I woke up…or rather, on me. Care to explain?"

My face turned beat red and I mentally thanked my lucky stars that the light wasn't on for him to see it. How dreadfully embarrassing that would have been!

"I tripped! Over your shoes!" I exclaimed defensively, "And then I fell! I was not trying to seduce you!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Am I…of course I'm sure about it! I'd never seduce you, you idiot!"

"I think what you mean to say is - you'd never try to seduce me," Edward said slyly.

I grabbed the same pillow I had before and chucked it at him with all my might.

He laughed and quickly ducked out of the room, snickering all the way to the nursery.

I was just seconds away from drifting off into a peaceful slumber when I heard the door to my bedroom crack open. Esme's distressing cry caused my eyelids to flutter open, immediately jolting me awake.

I sat up in bed and stared at Edward with sleepy, narrowed eyes as he walked towards me with Esme in his arms. He sat down on my side of the bed and heaved a loud, frustrated sigh.

"I got her to be quiet for about ten minutes but then she started crying again. I don't get it. Why the hell won't she sleep?"

"Did you try feeding her?" I asked tiredly.

"Yeah, I tried giving her some of that baby food we got today, the same kind Alice and Jasper always fed her, but she wouldn't have any of it."

"Okay, what about her diaper?"

"Her diaper?" He sounded startled.

I raised an eyebrow. "Yes, her diaper. You know that absorbent material babies wear around their bottom to go to the bathroom in?"

"I know what a diaper is," Edward said flatly, "I just…"

"Don't what to change it?" I smirked knowingly.

"Well…yeah," he sheepishly admitted.

"Too bad," I said, "you're doing it."

Suddenly, Edward leaned his head down next to Esme and asked her, "What's that?" He listened to her cry for a moment before nodding and lifting his head to look at me. "She said that she'd rather have you change her diaper. Since I'm a guy and all, it'd make her feel awkward."

I smiled and shook my head. "Nope, nice try funny man."

He sighed, admitting defeat. "Fine, but you're coming with me to show me what to do."

I gasped, "Wait, you mean you, Edward Cullen, have never changed a diaper before?" Flinging my arm dramatically over my head, I let out a soft fainting noise and fell back against the bed.

I heard Edward chuckle and say, "Haha. And you have?"

Sitting up, I crossed my arms and nodded, "As a matter of fact, yes, I have. I babysat every now and then during my sophomore year of college. There were two babies around Esme's age that I had to learn to change diapers for."

"Wow," Edward said sarcastically, "the experience you have with diapers is just blowing my mind."

"Oh yeah? You know what blows my mind?"

"Cucumbers?"

I ignored this and said in a firm, irritated tone, "The fact that women actually tend to like you. You must have found some clever way to trick them, huh?"

"Ouch, what a way to wound a guy's ego," Edward joked.

I snorted non-comically. "Oh, trust me, I think your ego is big enough to handle it."

As Esme let out a long, ear-piercing wail, I bit down on my lip and pulled the covers back. "All right, we should really check out her diaper. Come on."

Edward stood up and I quickly got out of bed, following him out of the room and into the nursery. He laid Esme on the changing table in the corner of the room and then glanced over at me expectantly.

"All right," I said, "now first you need to unfasten the tabs."

"Got it." Leaning over, Edward unclasped the tabs and then slowly pulled the diaper down to check what was inside. He scrunched his nose a bit and said, "Yep, she's soiled it."

"Okay, well before you put on a new diaper you need to clean her."

"Sounds like fun."

I grabbed a baby wipe from the shelf underneath the table and handed it to him. "Wipe from front to back," I instructed.

"Why?" Edward asked curiously.

"It helps keep bacteria from causing infection."

Edward nodded and said, "Right." Using the wipe I gave him, he began cleaning Esme from front to back. The expression on his face was an interesting combination of colossal discomfort, determination, and clear, undeniable torture.

After a moment of watching I couldn't help it – I leaned my head back and laughed uproariously.

He paused and flashed me a look of surprise. "What?" he exclaimed, clearly dumbfounded.

"Oh gosh, the look on your face when you started wiping her was priceless!" I bent over and continued to laugh, tears beginning to form at the corner of my eyes.

Edward scowled. "Shut up, Bella, and let me concentrate."

"I'm t-trying!" After about a minute I finally regained my composure. Pushing a strand of hair behind my ear, I nodded to him and said, "Okay, I think I'm good now…you may continue."

"Thanks," Edward said dryly, rolling his eyes. Turning back to Esme, he finished wiping her off before throwing the wipe away in the trash can beside the table. "Okay, now what?"

"Now you need to dry her off and then put the new diaper on."

Edward nodded with his lips pressed in a firm line and bent down to grab a clean cloth from the shelf. Once he had dried her off, he put the cloth off to the side and picked up a new diaper.

He stared down at the diaper and blinked, glanced at Esme, then back at the diaper, looking utterly perplexed.

I sniggered quietly from beside him. This is just too entertaining to watch!

"Okay, so now just lift her up and put the diaper beneath her, and then lay her bottom on top of it," I said.

Edward did so, and then without having to ask me what he needed to do next, pulled both tabs over one by one and sealed them onto the diaper.

"Hah!" he exclaimed, lifting Esme up into the air in a triumphant gesture. "I've done it!"

I shook my head slightly and laughed. "Congratulations Edward, you have officially changed your first diaper. Now you can look forward to changing hundreds more!"

Edward snorted, "Hardly. She's one year old; we should start potty training her soon."

"Agreed, but until she learns we'll need to keep changing her diaper. And now, hopefully, you'll know how."

"It's pretty simple," Edward said, "I think I've got it."

Esme reached out and playfully grabbed Edward's nose.

"Hey!" Edward said, grinning, "What do you think you're doing, missy?"

Giggling, Esme squeezed his nose with her tiny little fingers. Edward made a funny face, causing her to let out a loud shriek of laughter.

"Well, you've obviously made her very happy," I said, smiling softly at Esme.

"It's because I've got the charm," Edward said matter-of-factly, giving me a teasing grin.

"Whatever you say, Edward, whatever you say." I put my hand over my mouth and let out a giant yawn. "Okay, I really need to get some sleep. Put her to bed, will you?"

"Sure, Your Highness." Edward swooped low in a gallant bow. Esme clapped her hands together and squealed with pleasure.

"Edward, honestly, you need to get her to sleep," I said sternly.

She was so cute right now but I was so tired. Tomorrow was Monday and if I didn't get any shut eye soon I was not going to be a happy camper in the morning, no matter how many cups of coffee I drink. If Edward didn't understand this now, well he'd understand it soon enough.

"Don't worry Bella, I've got this covered," Edward said.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay, well…wake me up if you still can't get Esme to sleep."

Edward nodded. "Deal. See you in the morning."

I walked out of the nursery and headed back to my bedroom, but not before overhearing Edward exclaim playfully to Esme, "Look, Esme! Bella left! This is our chance…let's party!"

I stopped, thought about turning back around, but then shook my head and continued on.

One single thought passed through my mind as I finally drifted off to sleep.

Stupid, irritating, cocky fireman…

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