Hi folks, Final Chapter. Thank you for taking this journey with me and for those who commented. I would have loved to reply to all but I haven't figured out how to reply to guest commentors!
Sorry this final chapter is a little sloppy and very late. Uni is killing me
x
-:-:-:-
Thursday, 15th December 2016
14.00
I said bye to Isak this morning knowing I wouldn't see him until late afternoon/ early evening. He has basketball practice and an appointment at the barber's. I like his hair as it is but apparently I do not have a say in the matter.
"I look like a fucking clown."
I went back to bed but it wasn't long before Isak's Eskild was all up in my face. And I played ball to begin with. I got out of bed on his insistence. Ate the breakfast he made. Sat out and watched some shitty reality show re-run that made me wish for death (not really but I think I am making my point). I drew the line at going out with him to buy ingredients for gingerbread which of course meant that he stayed home because he wouldn't leave me alone.
That's when I rebelled. I refused to get out of bed so he joined me on it. He is annoying me so I try to go back to sleep while he tries to get someone to sleep with.
"Even!" He pushes the duvet off my face and his phone into it. Shows me the profile of some guy on grindr. "This guy. Yes or no."
"Don't care."
"You're right. I think he's a no. What about this one? I mean… hello!"
Literally just a dick pic. I close my eyes.
"Is a dick pic a deal breaker? I mean, can you really blame a guy who's being up front with his intentions?"
I groan in despair and turn away from him. Leave. Me. Alone!
"Okay. I hear you. Imma say no then." A moment of silence. "Bingo! Fuck! Hello! Wait! I recognise this guy from Uni. Cutie. Look!"
I open an eye. Face pic. Very nice face. Dark short hair. Olive skin. Stylish. Agreed. Cute. His profile is:
Online
3 miles away
19 years old
181cm
72 kg
North African
Currently: Single
Looking for: Friends, relationship
Eskild is messaging him already.
Eskild: Hello. How are you?
DE: Hi.
DE: Do I know you from somewhere?
Eskild: Dunno. Do you?!
DE: Yes! UiO. Business undergrad? 2nd year? Is your name Eskild?
Eskild: Hello. Stalker!
DE: Ha! No. I've just seen you around Blindern.
Eskild grins. "Okay. This is good. Checking me out on campus. Very cool."
Eskild: What's your subject?
DE: Politics. 1st year.
DE: Turned off?
Eskild: Turned on.
DE: What are you doing now?
Eskild looks at me. "Um."
"Go." Please. I beg you!
"No. It's okay." He looks at his phone longingly. "He's not all that."
I sit up. "I am not going to kill myself."
His phone alerts.
DE: If you're busy it's cool. I was looking for a distraction from my coursework.
"I don't need someone to look over me." I say.
"I know you don't. Anyway, Noora has texted to say that she's nearly home. She's got the ingredients for the gingerbread men. I can start getting ready. Need to shave and douche."
TMI TBH.
He sits up and starts chewing his lip, all troubled suddenly.
"What?"
"So I know this is cheeky but this cute morsel here is only like ten minutes away and the nearest shop to get condoms is thirty minutes away and I've totally run out so could I borrow a couple from you guys?"
Ah. Yes. Sex. That thing that Isak and me are not really doing right now.
"Borrow?"
He nods.
"Like you're gonna return them once you're done?" I crack a smile. I'm deflecting.
He grins. "You know what I mean."
I had a fucking shit tonne of condoms when Isak and I went to the Radisson. I have no fucking idea where are they now. Probably burnt to a cinder by my ex-girlfriend in a fit of jealous rage.
"No. I haven't. Sorry." I say.
He frowns. "Not to preach but you guys should take care of each other. Keep each other safe."
Oh God.
"Yep. Got it."
"I'm serious. Many died before us not knowing the risk they were putting themselves through. We are lucky to have a choice to protect ourselves, mate."
"Yep. I said I got it!"
We're not having le sex at the moment so it's not a problem… mate.
"Cool. Maybe Noora or Linn will have some… ha! No! No chance!"
Eskild fires off a message to his cute little morsel:
Eskild: Hey. I can be over in an hour?
DE: You're ten minutes away.
Eskild: Yeah. Some course work to finish first…
DE: Liar!
DE: You're lucky you're cute.
-:-:-:-
18.50
Isak is home and he finds Noora, Linn and me in the kitchen moulding gingerbread men and hearts out of dough. He is still in his training kit. Yum. And his new hair is fucking hot. Yum again. I want to run my hands through it.
"Hello."
"Hi. Nice hair." Noora says to him.
"What about it?" Linn asks.
"He's had a haircut."
"Oh. Really?"
"We are baking for tomorrow." Noora puts the second batch of gingerbread into the oven while addressing Isak. "Want to join us?"
He approaches me. "Have you been baking too?"
"Yes. I was told it would be fun." I say dead pan.
Isak hesitates for a second then gives me a kiss. Lingering. Nice.
"I like this." I comb my hand through his scalp. His hair is shorter at the back and sides but still has some length to it. "Hot."
I gently grip a fist full of it at the back and it reminds me of the times I have done the same when kissing him deep or when trying to seduce him by fondling his neck. Yeah. It still works.
I let go when I catch Noora beaming at us.
I raise an eyebrow and I point to the human-shaped piece of dough on the kitchen counter in front of me.
"I have made a Gingerbread Isak."
He grins. "You're going to eat me?"
"Yes."
Noora laughs.
"Okay." He whispers to me. "You can eat me but only if I can eat you too. I mean your ginger bed. I mean- bread."
He blushes.
Linn scrunches her face. "Ugh! Get a room." She whips her apron off. "My fingers are tired. I'm going to take a nap. Laters, people."
"Later." I say.
I love her.
So dry.
Noora looks at Isak. Then me. Then Isak. "Actually. I have a bunch of things to do too. Spanish homework…"
"I do Spanish. I'm pretty good." I'm very good. "I can help." I volunteer as Isak circles an arm around my waist.
"Um." She looks at Isak. "No! No. That's okay."
Did I just see him slightly shake his head at her?
"That's- thanks for the offer but it's an assignment that I need to do with Eva… at her house… so."
"What a pity." Isak says. He does not look like he is sorry at all.
"Yes." Noora starts to back out of the room. "But like don't get too distracted, guys. You need to take the biscuits out in 12 minutes then rest them for ten then let them cool completely before decorating them."
"I've baked gingerbread before, Noora." Isak pouts. "You should go so you aren't late."
"Great. Okay then. Well, have fun then!"
-:-:-:-
Isak has a way of making my heart feel less heavy. Of making my mind feel less sluggish. Of making my body feel more alive.
We have eaten a lot of gingerbread while waiting for the batches to cool down enough to decorate. When I say eat, I mean that he has fed me and I have fed him. He giggles when the biscuits crumble onto our clothes and against our teeth as we kiss.
He is really tactile today. More so than normal. Touching me at every opportunity. Makes me feel desired. Wanted. Cared for.
He talks about school. He tells me about his basketball practice and his team mate- that asshole Marcel"- who caused him to fall over and graze his knee again- "my wound has reopened… LOOK… asshole!".
And how his coach keeps saying that he is on track to make captain in his final year but he is not sure if that is a good idea because he is worried his grades will suffer and what do I think about that?
And we talk about my day and I say how I am really warming to Linn.
"Really? Linn?"
I nod. "She is a dark horse."
And that I think Eskild might have found someone he might click with.
Isak is not convinced. "Trust me. That's he'll just turn out to be another ."
We talk about how some of my mates came up to him today to ask after me.
He presses himself against me, wraps his arms over my shoulders. "One was a really tall guy called Alec and then two other guys. One was called Ismail and I forget the other one's name."
"Eric?"
He nods. Rubs his nose against mine. "Yep. That's it. Ismail took notes for you. They're in my bag."
"That's nice." I murmur.
"Um hum. You have nice friends." He kisses me and pulls me in; gets sensual.
I pull away when I feel the press of his hardening cock against my thigh.
I cough and say,
"The biscuits must be cold enough to decorate by now."
-:-:-:-
We are sitting at the kitchen table with a pile of biscuits and various colours of writing icing for decorating.
The mood in the room has shifted.
Isak has gone quiet. He barely looks at me; treats the decorating as a chore rather than a pleasure.
I stop to look at him. He is angry with me and I know why. I have rejected his advances again. It wasn't personal but I get that there are only so many times someone can be pushed away before it starts to hurt. I just- I don't know. My brain wasn't in the moment, unable to completely feel and completely let go. Unable to experience that kind of pleasure. Right now, right this minute, I don't feel an overwhelming drive to get physical. I don't have that primal animal instinct that defines sexual desire. That is normal for everyone, right? Otherwise the world would be a mess. But during my lows there are moments where my libido is at rock bottom.
But it could change at any moment. I could look at Isak, the person who I have desired the most in my life, and feel unrestrained passion... just not now.
He deliberately places Gingerbread Even in front of him. I wait for him to treat the biscuit like a voodoo doll; break it into pieces in a violent rage or stab it with a knife. Instead he picks up a white icing tube. He starts drawing. Eyes and a mouth. A top with cuffs. A bow tie. Socks. Trousers. A pocket. Wait. Is he drawing…
"Is that Dick?"
He puts the white icing down- "Yes" - picks up the red icing and places a small blob of it either side of Dick. "And these are your balls."
"Okay."
So what's he going to do now? Cut them off in front of me?
"Do you like it?" He asks.
He slides my gingerbread equivalent over to my side of the table with one finger and I turn it so that it's facing me. "I mean, you really gave it detail."
"I think so."
"I love it but I'm not sure a certain part of my anatomy is drawn to scale. You could have been more generous." I wink at him.
He pouts. "I wouldn't know. It's been fucking ages."
Ouch.
I deserve that.
"Let me do you." I grab Gingerbread Isak and start decorating. Given that I am supposed to be the artist I do a shittier job of drawing a dick than Isak did. But I am not done.
I smirk when I pick up colour icing to do his balls. I place two blobs either side of the dick.
Isak rolls his eyes at me. "You're not funny, Even."
"Blue balls."
Isak throws a heart at me which I catch and take a bite out of.
"I don't have blue balls!" He protests.
"No?"
"No!" He goes red. "Okay yes. Or I mean, maybe a little, but whatever."
He suddenly blurts out, "Just be honest and tell me you don't fancy me."
Sorry. What?!
"You think I don't fancy you?" I am incredulous.
"Yes." He shrugs.
"That's ridiculous."
"Really? So like, do you remember the hotel night?"
"Yes. My fucking naked fuck up."
"No not that bit. I mean the bit before." He looks away, bites the inside of one cheek as they both go red. "Like what we did together. You know... fucking" He pauses "Friday."
Has the temperature suddenly gone up in the room?
"Yes." I look at him and his eyes are sinful. "Insert aubergine and peach emojis."
"Shut up."
"What about it?"
"Do you regret it? Doing it with me that night."
"No. Why would I?"
"Because it wasn't how you really felt about me."
"What makes you say that?"
"Because you were manic."
"And so?"
"So you can't account for your feelings when you are manic. And now that you aren't manic maybe those feelings for me are gone. That is what someone kind of told me."
"Who?"
"Doesn't matter."
"Sonja?"
"No..."
"It's fucking bullshit. I met you before I went manic, Isak." Someone has planted seeds of doubt in his mind. And now those seeds are growing shoots. "What I feel, what I felt, is real. What we did was exactly what I wanted to do. It was just turned up to the extreme. Lust on steroids."
"Yeah?"
"Yes."
He sits back. "So why aren't you into me now."
"I am into you. Just not- I guess it's how I get when I feel low sometimes but I will have moments when I'm in the mood... just not as often as normal, but..."
I can hear myself and, honestly, if I was in Isak's shoes I wouldn't blame him if he decided, "Well then this is fucking bullshit. I signed up for a boyfriend not THIS! I'm out!"
He sighs. Looks at me. Sighs again. He's conflicted. He would be having a much better time with someone else. Someone less complicated. Without as much baggage. I should go home. Without me here he can decide whether I am worth the bullshit.
"I really like you whether I am stable, high or low."
He throws me a lopsided smile. "And I really like you whether I you are stable, high or low."
He says that now but in time he will change his mind.
"Come here."
"Huh?"
"Come here." He says gently. "I need a kiss."
I exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding.
I stand up.
"I can't remember who is charging who for kisses anymore or if that is still a thing." He whispers as I perch myself on the edge of the table next to him and lean towards him.
"It's still a thing but we can just keep our bill on a tab…" I search his eyes and swallow a heavy lump in my throat, "which we can pay off... at the end."
"The end?" He brushes his lips against mine. "I won't be able to afford it. They'll have been too many kisses."
"Or we could just not split up."
He smiles. "You are such a romantic."
"I know."
"But yeah okay."
"Okay?"
He smiles and nods and whispers, "Okay."
And then I get to kissing him.
-:-:-:-
Friday, 16th December 2016
Text message (Mikki)- 08.46
Dude, I know that you may not feel up
to it but please drop me a quick text
otherwise I'll assume the worst.
Text message (Mikki)- 08.56
Just realised how dramatic that sounded!
Text message (Mikki) - 08.56
In other news, Mari came over last night.
I was so sure I was back on the singles
market. Crisis averted!
Text message (Mikki) - 09.01
Also as per usual Taco Fridays at mine
tonight if you're interested. I can cut
the crowd down.
Even: Thanks but I'll pass. I think I'm going
back home to see my parents tonight.
Mikki: No worries.
Even: Good news about you and Mari
Mikki: Yeah
Text message (Cute Caesar)- 09.47
Just discovered your drawing in my bag.
*Four heart emojis*
Thank you.
Cute Caesar: I don't look as good as you drew
me though
Even: You look even better
*heart emoji*
Cute Caesar: *blushing smiley face emoji*
Is it from memory?
Even: It's from the hotel. I drew you when
you were sleeping. You're dating someone
seriously creepy x
Cute Caesar: I like this kind of creepy.
Text message (Dad) - 10.03
Hey, kid. Just to let you know that I have
managed to get your purchases refunded.
Check your e-mail. They didn't kick up as
much of a fuss as I expected. Hope you're
okay. Say hi to Isak for me. Why don't you
bring him over for dinner tonight?
(E-mail)
Dear Mr Bech Næsheim,
I am writing to confirm that your recent purchases have been cancelled and that you have been fully refunded for the cost of the items. A deduction of 110kr has been made to cover the delivery costs of an item that had already been shipped out (Sony Shake X1D Black - 1200W Home Audio System with Bluetooth, NFC, CD Player). Please contact our customer services department if you have any further queries.
Item
Number of Items
Cost
Samsung UE49MU7000 49" 4K Ultra HD Smart LED TV
1
12,999 kr
Sony Shake X1D Black - 1200W Home Audio System with Bluetooth, NFC, CD Player
1
3499 kr
1200 LED Spherical Centrepiece Moving Head
2
2400 x 2= 4800kr
Delivery costs
110 kr
Total
21,408 kr
Total refunded
21,298 kr
Yours sincerely,
Phillip Taylor
Customer Services Manager
I text dad:
Even: Thank you. Sorry.
Dad: No problem at all. You have nothing
to apologise for
Even: I don't think Isak can come tonight.
He is hosting a Christmas thing for the
cuddle group
Dad: Okay. It'll be good to see you though.
Text message (Mum)- 10.25
Morning baby boy. I have written a haiku
for you x
Text message (Mum)- 10.28
From when you were born
My heart was given to you
Neverending pride
Even: x
Text message (Ismail)- 11.37
Hey brother. How's it going? Bumped
into your boyfriend yesterday. Seems
like a solid guy. Also I know we have
only known each other a few months
but you can talk to me. No sweat.
Voice message (Elise)- 13.01
"Hi Even. Just calling to see how you're doing. Mikki called me. It sucks that you've had another crisis. I read somewhere that falling in love with someone, all those emotions, can cause it. I am not saying that is what happened with you but if it is then I guess it is a weird and beautiful example of how the world is one complex place where good and bad and positives and negatives are constantly battling with each other. I am not sure what I am trying to say except, I love you and get better soon and let me know when I can come over and give you a big hug."
Text message (Cute Caesar)- 13.02
*heart emoji*
Text message (Even)- 13.02
*heart emoji*
Voice message (Mum)- 13.30
"Hi baby boy. Ring me when you have a minute. Just want to catch up. Love you."
Voice message (Auntie) - 15.37
"Favourite Nephew! Hello. It's your best auntie. I know what you are doing right now. Get your head out from under that duvet cover. Get up. Walk around. Get something to eat and ring me back! Love you! Bye."
-:-:-:-
15.45
I pick up my phone when I hear Isak's ring tone.
"Hi."
"I am coming home... with Vilde." He groans. "She insisted!"
"Okay. Cool." I feel my throat tighten up.
"She says she needs to get there early so she can get things ready for the party." Isak is whispering.
"Okay."
"We'll be stuck with her until Noora gets home."
I feel like I am struggling to take a breath. "Yeah. Sure."
I'll stay in his room. I am used to his flatmates but I am not up to mingling with anyone else.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes." I wheeze.
"I know. She's a lot. I'll just distract her in the living room. Gotta go. She's coming."
-:-:-:-
Voice message (Mikki) 16.37-
"Hi buddy. Ring me. It's important."
-:-:-:-
18.01
Isak is flying around his bedroom with his bath towel around his waist becoming less efficient the faster he goes.
"Shit. The boys are on their way."
He whips his towel off and I lick my lips. They feel dry suddenly. I stand up.
He opens every drawer in his chest of drawers and swears. "Shit!" Closes them again. I gave up on underwear after my second night here.
He grabs his dark jeans and whips them on. Commando. He walks to the wardrobe and I follow him. Stand behind him and pop my chin on his shoulder while we stare at his options.
"I have fuck all that's Christmassy." He mumbles. He rifles through his tops and picks up a smart olive/grey button-down shirt. Turns to me.
I nod.
He puts it on.
"Where has my Isak gone?" I ask with a small smile as I button it up for him. "He looks like you but he dresses skater."
"Who is Isak?" He says seriously. "My name is … Adrian."
"Really?" I grin.
He nods. "Eksett. Adrian Eksett."
He pulls me to him and gives me a kiss.
I pull away. "I don't think we should. My boyfriend will find out."
"I don't think he'll mind sharing you with me." He says it all sultry like.
Fuck. I felt a stir.
YES.
"Kinky." I whisper.
Our kiss is passionate. Reaches into my soul. Gets my juices flowing. Fuck yeah.
"ISAK!"
Fucking Vilde!
"What?!"
She is outside the closed bedroom door.
"I spilt some wine on your carpet."
"So?"
"So I need to know where you keep your table salt or cleaning solution."
"Where's Noora?"
"Having a shower. Hi Even!"
I don't reply. It feels like I would be adding fuel to the fire if I did.
"Is Even in there?"
"No! I'm coming." Isak huffs. Gets out of my embrace. "Gotta go."
"I think I'll lie down for a bit before going home." I say.
"You don't have to go."
"My parents probably think I don't love them anymore."
"Do you want to bring them some gingerbread?"
"No. I love them. I want them to live."
"Hey! They're good biscuits!"
"My aunt is a professional baker who runs a pastry cafe."
"Okay, fine." He smiles. And I smile too. He kisses my cheek. "I'll catch you a bit later then."
"Bye Adrian."
He winks and goes.
-:-:-:-
19.10
I groggily wake up and look at my phone. Shit. I properly fell asleep.
MIKKI
calling
I ignore it and close my eyes.
It rings again and this time I answer.
"Hello mum."
"I thought you were coming home?"
I rub my eyes. "What time is it?"
"Seven ten."
"Shi- shoot! Sorry I fell asleep."
"Dad and I were looking forward to seeing you. Can you come now?"
There is music and loud voices down the corridor.
"I could."
"Sounds like the party is in full swing."
"Yeah."
"You're not taking part?"
"I'm feeling tired."
The bedroom door swings open. It's Linn. "Sorry. I thought you were asleep. I came to wake you up!"
"Speaking to my mum."
"Hello Mrs Bech Næsheim!"
I think Linn's a little drunk.
"Mum's surname is just Bech."
Linn raises an eyebrow. "Oh I get it. You have taken both their surnames. Cool."
"Yeah."
"So are you coming to join us?"
"I'm going home."
"But Eskild is about to put up some mistletoe." She raises both eyebrows. "You should do the whole Mistletoe kiss with Isak!"
"Bye Linn."
She smiles. "Bye. Bye Mrs Bech- Not-Næsheim!"
She stumbles out.
"You know what. I think that Linn girl is right. You should stay there tonight. Try to have fun." Mum says through the phone.
"Nah."
"Yah! Remember you're in control so if it's too much then walk away but it would be a shame to miss out, baby boy."
"Maybe.""There is one condition if you stay there again tonight."
"What's that?"
"Tomorrow, you and Isak have to drop by for lunch. No excuses."
"I can't promise that if he says no."
"You're a bright boy. You'll find a way to make sure he says yes."
-:-:-:-
19.19
I creep out of the bedroom, slowly walk down the corridor. I hear Isak's voice in the kitchen and follow the sound. I take a deep breath and walk in. He is there with his boys.
It's a bit awkward, but Isak gives me a nod that reassures me.
It's the first time these guys have seen me since my crisis but they are super chill. Rather than dwelling on my state of mind we talk about Magnus's love life and I give away my love life advice. Basically, there is no such thing as too desperate. Not when you are in pursuit of someone you really like.
When they finally leave I tell Isak about my mum and the invitation,
"So, what do you think about dropping by tomorrow?"
He says 'yeah' about a dozen times which makes me know that he is nervous about it. Meeting the fucking parents. Fucking hell. But it'll be fine. I just need to warn them not to scare him off. I get a text from Mikki while Isak says something about how he is fine with anything as long as I am smiling ... and wearing clothes in public... lol. Fair enough.
Text message (Mikki) 19.17:
Hey, why aren't you answering my calls? I
was with the lads yesterday. I know you
don't like me talking about them but Yousef
took me aside and asked after you. Not sure
how but he's heard about your recent crisis.
I really think he want to build bridges, mate.
He says that you've ghosted him and blocked
his calls.
What do you want me to do? I can get you
both into a room if you want.
My heart is beating out of my chest. I quickly text back:
I don't want to speak to any of them
I put my phone into my back pocket and turn my attention back to Isak.
We get interrupted by one of the Cuddle group leaders.
"Sana!" Isak looks at me. "You have met each other, right?"
I remember meeting her twice before. At the first cuddle group meeting at the auditorium and then at the pregame Isak hosted. There is something in the way she stares at me now though that triggers a memory. Something in her smirk as she says,
"Yes, cuddle group."
I narrow my eyes at her as she grins knowingly at me.
"Sana is my biology partner." Isak is oblivious to our stare off.
Yes! Shit! SHIT! SHIT!
She is Elias's little sister. Little Sana Bakkoush. She looks so fucking different. I didn't recognise her. Things change over the course of two years, I suppose. She was 14 the last time I saw her, skinny girl always in basketball kit with dark long hair tied into a ponytail that went down her back. She didn't wear a hijab then. I saw her because she and Elias lived in a very nice part of town and our group of friends would hang out there. Sana would keep to herself, studying in her room but on occasion she would storm past us to get to the kitchen to get a drink and then throw us dirty looks as she strutted back to her bedroom.
Elias would joke that if she put her mind to it she could probably kill us all in a fight.
Times have changed but I sense that the sass has remained as she gives Isak some weed (hell yes) as a Christmas present.
I snatch the bag and give it a sniff.
It reminds me of great days; of school benches, bedroom window seals, friends and parties.
Sana leaves us and leaves me with a sense of unease. Why hasn't she come up to me before and said she recognised me? Has she spoken with Elias about me? Has she told him about my most recent crisis? Is she the one that has told Yousef either directly or through her brother? It had nothing to do with school or the Quran this time... Has she told them that I am with a dude now? Would that make them feel that they have been proven right? That I am just a gay boy (who was using Sonja as a smoke screen)?
When she is gone, Isak snatches the weed back off me and tells me it's bad for me. That he can have it but I can't. I know he's intention is good but I get flashbacks of Sonja pulling snus bags out of my mouth and saying I'll get mouth cancer. Of her chastising me for drinking too much as she got drunk right in front of me.
That's what I heard for four years.
'I CAN BUT YOU CAN'T because I'm normal and you're not.'
I joke it off, "You shouldn't be having it either!"
He laughs and tells about how my mother secretly hired him to look over him. It is actually something I wouldn't put past her.
"It's literally my job!" He jokes. "I saw a poster in Lokka saying Help wanted: Even Bech Naesheim needs a support worker and boyfriend!"
I laugh because he is so fucking cute.
"So what? You applied?"
"Yeah, because I thought holy fuck. He's hot!"
-:-:-:-
I joined the party. Not for long but long enough to help Isak's Eskild put the Mistletoe up (as if he needed my help). Long enough to kiss Isak under it and get cheers from everyone. Long enough for Isak to get pissed off with Eskild for taking a picture of our kiss and immediately uploading it onto his instagram. Long enough to realise that I can stress about my past but can't change it. Long enough to realise that I may have lost some friends but I have made really decent new ones.
Long enough to appreciate that I have a great boyfriend and awesome parents.
Long enough to know that I will get better because life is good.
No. Correction.
Life is great.
-:-:-:-
EPILOGUE
Saturday, 17th December 2016
00.48
Isak isn't settling. He writhes in bed.
"Are you nervous about tomorrow?"
"No." He mutters. "My knee hurts."
"I'll kiss it better."
"No."
He hugs me then pushes me away then kisses me so I kiss him back. And he softens in my arms so I pull him to me and hug him tight and feel his warm body against my own.
I feel lucky to have him.
I kiss his jaw and bite it gently. Lick at it. Get a moan from him when i suck the area underneath it.
"Stop teasing me." He turns away and whispers, "Goodnight."
"I wasn't teasing you."
He huffs so I kiss his neck. And he sighs so I kiss it again. And he pulls my arms around him. I am his big spoon.
He adjusts himself; grinds back against me and I would swear it was a proposition. He kisses my fingers as they intertwine with his. Runs one of his socked feet up and down my legs. Reaches to turn the side light off.
"Don't." I say. I touch his arm as it settles back on the bed and trace it up to the shoulder.
Feel his shudder.
I comb my fingers through his hair and he rests his head back on his pillow. Lets me pet him. Lets me kiss his nape. The bone that juts at the top of his back. Let's me creep my hands under his tee-shirt. I am just going with the flow, just letting how I feel right now guide me. I kiss his shoulder. Gently.
"Okay?"
He nods.
So I do it again, and again. Let my breath linger. Suck the area. Reach over his stomach with my hand, feel up over his chest. Feel his heart thumping away. Feel the hitch in his breathing. Feel his heat. Tweak a nipple. And he pushes back. Turns his head and offers me his lips. It's a tricky position but I kiss him as I trace down his torso with my fingers. Barely touching. The suggestion of a touch. I can almost feel his skin begging for more. I reach the waist of his jogging trousers. The poke of his cock tenting its material. I grip it through the material. His lips part from mine and he moans.
I bury my hand inside and grab his dick and he sinks his teeth into his pillow. I trace its length and I feel its throb. Its desperation. I circle it and pump it. His whimpers are muffled but they still go right to my cock. Get it rock fucking hard. I rub it against his arse. Start a slow thrusting action to match the glide of my fist on his cock.
He manoeuvres his upper body enough to kiss me again while he pushes his trousers down. So I pull mine down too. And he touches Dick and it's a beautiful reunion. So I stroke him and he strokes me but then he goes back to how he was; back to being my little spoon, back to rolling his hips against me so that his bare bum rubs my cock. Skin on skin. And I swear I am about to cum because my cock twitches and my balls pull up and I get that tingle. It's the mere thought of fucking him that does it. The fact that I am a squirt of lube or a lick of spit away from fucking him. I look down and see the head of my dick nestled between the cleft of his cheeks. Fuck. He gyrates his ass against me, milking Dick. I part a bum cheek so that I can see his pink hole winking at me. I tap tap tap against it with the shaft of my dick. He whimpers and has his dick in his hand as he moans.
I stop his undulations for a second. Compose myself before I cum to soon. He gets going again. I tease him and he teases me. I rub right against his opening until he is gasping, whispering 'yes' and groaning with frustration. I won't fuck him like this- slip my dick into him raw- as much as I want to feel the depths of his warmth gripping my cock nice and tight. It's learnt behaviour. He holds my free hand and sucks on my fingers. Takes them to the base. Takes them into his wet heat and mimics another form of penetration and that is too much for me to handle. Too intense. Sensory overload.
He cums when I cum. We're such clichés. I drench his arse cheeks and back, while my mouth sinks into his shoulder to temper my shout. Isak is less subtle. He groans loudly and gasps and shudders and it sounds ridiculously loud in the silent apartment so I clamp a hand over his mouth. But he frees himself of my hold and moans and whispers, "Even!"
And it sounds like the best sound in the world.
So I make him turn to face me and I kiss him as he comes off his high. And he looks so fucking beautiful and so fucking fucked.
He smiles lazily and hugs me.
"Fuck." He whispers. He runs a hand over his bum cheeks and lower back and giggles. "Fuck!"
I kiss him again. "Sorry."
"Like, seriously, do you dehydrate after cumming?"
"Haha!"
"It's like I've had a shower."
I love him.
I love him.
I wrap him in my arms and whisper into his ear,
"We're going to need to buy some condoms tomorrow."
His cheeks pink up. "I mean we could or we could just use the shit tonne of condoms you already bought."
"What?"
"Remember the ones you brought to the hotel?"
"I assumed Sonja burnt them"
His eyes widen. "You think I would have given your ex a bag full of condoms that you bought for us?! I value my life! She already looked like she wanted to kill me!"
I grin. "So what did you do with them?"
"I kept them."
He gets out of bed, lifts his sweats up and he is a beautiful mess. He gets on his hands and knees and reaches under the bed and pulls out a storage unit.
He looks at me and opens it.
Bingo.
He picks up a pack.
"So what do you want to do now?"
-:-:-:-
The end.
I have questions (and answers)at the end of this fic/season 3 but do I have the will to write it down...!
- What happens with Sana and Even?
- How will Isak get on with Even's folks and vice versa?
- Will Even reconcile with his Bakka friends and what exactly broke up their friendships in the first place?
- Was Sonja just a cover or is Even really bisexual?
- What is the deal with Isak and his mum? What made him have such strong feelings against people with mental health problems?
- Isak sees himself as support and boyfriend. Will that start to wear thin on Even the way it did with Sonja?
- Will the condoms even last a week?! (Also what's the deal with the Bech Naeshiems and their obsession with Even using them...?)