I finally decided to update this. It's short, but I hope you will forgive me.

I'm thinking I might rewrite the story and stretch out the beginning but it probably won't be for a while. Anyway, I appreciate all your comments and especially your patience for putting up with my slow and unreliable updates. I'll try to update sooner next time, but no guarantees.

Just a quick note: None of my stories will be updated again until sometime after mid-August. I am currently out of town with limited internet access and spare time so I apologize. I'll be back to writing again in August though!

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An emergency surgery was scheduled for that evening to put the gastronomy tube in. The doctor didn't want to waste any time since Ayase might not have much left. It was a short procedure and first feeding was given that night, although Ayase was asleep for it. The doctor insisted it was probably better that way. Kanou sent the others home to shower and rest once it was finished and Ayase was in the clear. He however decided to keep a silent vigil through the night by Ayase's bed, determined to be there when they younger boy woke.

And he was. When Ayase's eyes flickered open the next morning, the first thing they focused on was Kanou. Honestly, Ayase wasn't sure he wanted to see him yet. He was still angry about the consent form. He didn't want the tube. It wasn't necessary. No matter what Kanou, the doctor, or anyone else said, Ayase couldn't accept that he was dying or that he was thin. He was still fat and ugly. Why couldn't anyone else see that?

However, Ayase found comfort in Kanou's presence too. He loved the man and wanted nothing more than to feel those strong arms around him, well almost nothing more. Kanou felt much the same way at the moment, wanting almost nothing more than to wrap his arms around his lover. Perhaps the only thing he wanted more than that was to see Ayase healthy and happy again, but that wasn't something that could be accomplished so easily or quickly. At least, holding him was something he could do right now, but he wasn't sure how Ayase would react. He wasn't even sure Ayase wanted him in the room at all. It wouldn't be a shock if he didn't. Kanou wouldn't blame him either. What Kanou did was wrong. It was for the right reasons, but it was still wrong. He would do it a hundred times over, he would not regret it, but it was still wrong. So if Ayase wanted nothing to do with him, he would understand. He wouldn't regret his actions, but he would understand at least.

After several minutes passed, Ayase made up his mind. He was still angry, but he was also in pain and tired and feeling far too vulnerable. He and Kanou weren't very good at wordless communication so he reached a trembling bony hand out and asked to be held. The blush on his cheeks was a fiery red from the embarrassment of asking such a thing, but he was too tired to hide it.

Kanou's lips formed an almost unnoticeable smile as he nodded his head and stood from his seat. In one swift continuous movement, he picked Ayase up and slid underneath, placing the blond on top of him and holding him tight.

A fresh wave of tears broke free and Ayase buried his face into Kanou's shirt, staining it with countless tears. He missed this. He missed Kanou's arms. He missed his warmth. He missed the light scent of his overpriced cologne. He missed Kanou's firm chest and the strong beating of his heart. He missed it more than he even knew.

Kanou didn't mind the wetness of his shirt as he pulled the blankets up to Ayase's chin and held him close. He missed the closeness and was glad to be able to hold the boy in his arms again, but there was sadness to it too. It wasn't the same as it used to be. Ayase had always been thin, but now he was little more than a sack of bones barely placing any pressure on Kanou despite almost all his weight being curled up on top of Kanou's torso. What Kanou held hardly seemed like a human being at all. He was too light and boney and his skin was too cold. Then again, Ayase hardly looked human anymore either, Kanou thought. The way Ayase's cheeks and eyes sunk into his pale greyish face and the dull look of those once bright determined blue eyes. The blue tint to Ayase's hands and thin chapped lips. The way one could count every bone and the paleness of the skin that desperately clung to each one. How Ayase's knobby knees were wider than his thighs or how his arms were barely wider than two or three of Kanou's fingers. None of it seemed quite human. It was too unreal and Kanou wished he could hold the old Ayase again. The one that laughed and the one with bright blue stubborn eyes and shining blond hair. The healthy one with such a strong will to live. The one that always…but he stopped those thoughts. They were no good for him now. He still loved Ayase whether it was this current version or the old one. Of course he wanted the old one back. Hell, almost anything would be better than what was currently reality, but he needed to stop reminiscing and focus on how to get that Ayase back. And they needed to talk. He and Ayase needed to have a very long talk about everything. They needed to talk about Ayase's thoughts and clear up the ridiculous misunderstandings between the two of them. They needed to talk about what each other was thinking instead of trying to guess, because according to Kaoruko and the others, that's how this whole thing got so messed up in the first place. Instead of talking, they acted and assumed and apparently they assumed wrong and acted unclearly.

He wasn't sure how to approach the topic. A fight might break out if he said the wrong thing and he didn't want that. Then again, was there even a way to approach the topic without upsetting Ayase?