They danced around on the balcony that ran down the huge building. Swinging each other around, laughing, getting all close and then moving away from each other again.

Lovino watched Antonio and Arthur from the courtyard. He sat on the stairs, but it didn't seem they had noticed him yet. Antonio was gorgeous, Lovino had already decided that. His tan skin, his hair tied into a ponytail, his green sparkling eyes filled with everything that mattered in Lovino's life, that amazing smile that parted those pretty lips and of course his perfect body. Lovino desired to get to know all that. He longed to hug Antonio, but not the way he did now. He didn't want Antonio to see him as an adopted little brother anymore, not when he had feelings for the man. He longed to kiss him, touch him... To feel everything with him.

They both laughed again and Lovino's chest tightened. It pressed on his lungs. He could barely breathe. His heart also ached. It was a dreadful kind of agony Lovino had never felt before and he feared his heart was going to break for real. That it would just burst and he'd pass away right on the spot. And then there was the sickening feeling in his gut. He tried to swallow it, but with no luck. The feeling went all the way down and twisted his stomach. It was jealousy of the worst kind. It made his skin prickle hot with anger and annoyance. Lovino felt every bad feeling in the world and at the same time he felt nothing. Because it emptied him completely to see Antonio with another, it ripped away all his thoughts and took away his will to do anything. It made him feel like a hollow shell that was meant for nothing else than suffering.

They were close again, this time closer than before and Lovino couldn't even process the situation when Antonio leaned in and placed his lips on Arthur, who just happily leaned close to him too. Lovino nearly choked, the feeling of jealousy exploded in his stomach and painted all his insides with envy. Lovino wanted to scream or yell at them to find a room, which it seemed they did; because when they finished their never ending, agony filling kiss, Antonio leaned in and whispered something in Arthur's ear. Arthur giggled and nodded, then Antonio took his hand and they ran off laughing, leaving Lovino on the courtyard stairs, staring at the nothing.

He didn't know how long he sat there, hours probably. It managed to get dark when footsteps sounded behind him. Even though he didn't want it to be like that, Lovino's heart rose, hoping it was Antonio. He had never been this mad at Antonio before, yet he craved to be around him. That would never change, and it made Lovino sick just to think of it.

"It's cold out here, you really should consider going inside" Lovino's felt his heart drop, then come back, pounding faster that before and pump the anger and jealousy that filled it, out in his every vein. Lovino refused to turn around and look at Arthur. "I'm fine" he just said coldly. Lovino could hear Arthur shrug "do want you want kiddo, oh and by the way, I think Antonio is looking for you."

Lovino's chest filled with meaningless excitement as he got up. Without a word, he walked close by Arthur, yet not touching him. He felt how Arthur stared after him, probably wondering why Feliciano was so nice when Lovino was so mean. But Lovino didn't care, he always had a reason to be mad at people and he was always mad at everyone.

Lovino pushed through the door to Antonio's office. He didn't know whether to feel excited or nervous. Most of all he tried not feel anything. Antonio sat in his office chair, with his legs resting on the table. He was investigating a ring as though it was the first time he saw one. "Would you believe it?" asked Antonio, still not taking his eyes from the tiny jewellery. "believe what?" Lovino sat down in the chair across him. "Look" Antonio handed Lovino the ring. It was made of pure gold, had a red stone in it and engraved inside it… Lovino nearly dropped the ring. He stared at the tiny letters in utter disbelief. He blinked, in hope they would go away, but they wouldn't. It was the bitter reality. His couldn't breathe again. It felt as though someone had grabbed his heart and now tried squeezing all the blood out of it. He was sure he was going to be sick, he was sure he was going to cry. "He said yes" Antonio said. Lovino handed back the ring. The smile Antonio wore now was brighter than ever, but this time Lovino couldn't fall in love with that smile. He felt betrayed, hurt, but he had no right to feel this way. Antonio did not like him like that. He only saw him as a little brother and Lovino was so sick and tired of it, but instead of yelling at Antonio to go to hell with his stupid fiancé, Lovino just got up. "Good for you, was there anything else bastard?" the words came out of his mouth, but he didn't speak them. It wasn't really him, rather just a shield to hide his true feelings. "Oh, come on Lovino!" Antonio put the ring back on his finger before making his way over to Lovino. He took a step back, but Antonio pulled him into a warm embrace. Oh no, this wasn't how he wanted it. He didn't want it to feel this platonic. He didn't want it to be this one sided. "Be happy for me for once!" Antonio's voice rose into a joyful laughter. It just didn't seem charming this time, it was mocking and Lovino couldn't take it. He pushed Antonio away "no touching."

Arthur visited them every day. Never in his life had Lovino seen them that happy, never in his life had he been so jealous. He drowned in envy. It filled his lungs, his stomach, his whole body. At last he was nothing else than the feeling itself.