A/N: We made it! This is it - the final chapter. Thanks so much for coming along for the ride with me. More notes from me at the end of the chapter. I do love reviews! Pairing is E/O, since that's all I'm interested in writing currently .

Rating: M/MA - please heed the rating for this chapter

Spoilers: Major/Minor spoilers for Annihilated/Screwed/Philadelphia/Swing/Smut

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Dick Wolf, not myself. No copyright infringement intended, and no money is being made.

*X*

Is it war if you fight it?
Is it love when you don't?
There is more when you let go
Of the fear that you can't - Benediciton, Luke Sital-Singh

"Elliot," she started, thinking of all the reasons she should say no, all the reasons why she should say stop. But her need to feel safe was too much. Her need to sleep soundly was close behind. There was a power in their coming together that was addictive.

El moved her wet hair, placing an open-mouthed kiss on the nape of her neck, his exhaled breath raising goosebumps. He groaned as quietly as he could as he ran his finger over Liv's clit. "You're so swollen," he told her, "I love that. I love how hard your clit gets."

Liv was trembling - could feel the quiver of her thigh muscles, and was grateful he was holding her up. She pushed back against him, sliding her wet backside against his erection, nestled in the center of her ass cheeks.

"Fuck," he mumbled, turning his mouth to the hollow of her neck. "This is insane. What you do to me . . . "

She turned in his arms, pressing her mouth to his hard chest as her hand dropped to his cock. Her clit throbbed at the feel of him in her hand, thick and hot, pulsing. Liv jerked him, dizzy with the sensation of the soft skin sliding, sliding.

"I think I'm dripping," she told him hoarsely.

"Let me taste you." El kneeled on the hard tile, urging Liv back against the wall. Wrapping his arms under and around her thighs, he lifted her high enough to get her legs over his shoulders, his weight holding her against the wall.

Flattening his tongue, he drew it up, between her folds, stopping at her clit to suck hard, then dragging his tongue back down, plunging it into her.

"Fuck," Liv hissed, thankful for the late hour and the how empty the precinct was. A few more minutes later, she buried her fingers into his short hair. "El, Jesus . . . I'm gonna . . . "

"Do it," he mumbled into her pussy, lapping at her. "Please." He rode it out with her as she bucked against the cool, tiled wall, drinking like a bird at a beloved fountain.

Somehow, they found their way back to their feet without either of them crashing. "Lord, I'm old," Elliot whispered, rubbing his angry knees.

Olivia smiled. "Lucky for you, I like old guys."

"Yeah, lucky for me," he chuckled. "C'mere, beautiful." He pulled her to him, kissing her full lips, his skin breaking out with fresh goosebumps at the feel of her breasts against him, her slippery thighs.

Liv's breathing was finally even, as she let go, allowing the shelter and strength of El's body to clean away everything heavy in her. "Turn around," he said lowly, nibbling at her neck.

Turning in his arms, Liv leaned forward, bracing herself against the shower wall with both hands. Elliot's hand flattened against her back, slipping down her spine slowly, encouraging her to arch her ass out toward him. She was panting again as he stepped up behind her, teasing the head of his cock at the source of her dripping wetness.

"Elliot," she breathed.

"God you feel good," he rumbled.

"Please."

"Are you begging right now, Benson?" he smirked. Then, more serious, "Say it again."

"Please, Elliot," she gasped.

"Please what?"

"Please . . . fuck me. I need you . . . so empty without you."

He parted her with both hands, watching himself slide inside her, her wet wanting engulfing him. She whimpered, and he could feel his cock twitch inside her pussy in response.

Liv dropped one of her hands from the wall to her clit, stroking and quivering under El's touch.

"Jesus, Liv," he said, drawing back to sink back into her. The push of his pelvis against her ass drew a grunt from her lips that nearly undid him, and he sped up, dizzy with the slap of their bodies and how unbelievably wet she was.

Their time apart had weakened their self-control, and Olivia was over the edge, coming hard, before she knew it. Elliot closed his eyes and focused with exactness on the feel of his cock, buried inside her, pulsing, filling.

He wanted to love her again before he could even pull all the way out of her. Liv stood from the wall and turned back to him just long enough to meet his eyes, before she dropped to her knees and took his cock deep into her throat, tasting both of them as she swallowed.

Reaching down, Elliot caught Liv by the armpits and drew her up to him. He shut off the shower and wrapped Liv in his arms as they caught their breath.

"What're we gonna do, El?" she asked quietly.

"Well. Right now, we're gonna get some sleep," he told her.

"But - "

"We're going to sleep," he said more firmly. He pulled a towel around her shoulders. "C'mon."

eoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeo

Olivia's head rose and fell with Elliot's even breathing. His heartbeat was strong and steady. But she knew he wasn't sleeping.

They were in Olivia's bed, with her body pressed on top of El's, enjoying the silence after hours of lovemaking. She watched her curtains, fluttering in the cool Winter breeze, admiring what little moonlight she could see, and the reflection of Manhattan lights against the low clouds.

The Lutz case was long-since settled. Their work relationship had returned to normal. And they had continued to sleep together.

Somehow, without discussing it in any great detail, they had simply slipped into a routine. They would sneak or grab as much time together on the job as they could - some nights catching whatever sleep they could muster in the crib. Many nights, she went home alone, while Elliot had to go home to Kathy to at least make an appearance.

It was far from perfect, but both of them were sleeping and there was no more fighting at work. But some nights, like this one, with her fingers tracing El's pecs, and their skin warm, soft against one another, Olivia's guilt overwhelmed her.

"This is not who you are, El," she mumbled against his chest, not sure what she hoped to achieve.

"To be completely honest, Liv, even I'm not always sure I know who I am," he admitted, sounding older than he was, and tired.

"Of course you do," she furrowed her brow stubbornly. "You're a husband. A father." Liv pressed her lips to his chest. "A man of faith. A family man."

Elliot took her hand and threaded their fingers together. "But . . . before I was any of those things, Liv, I was a Marine. And before that . . . I was just me. You know? I guess I never planned things very well."

"But you love Kathy."

"I did. I do - but God," he sighed, "I was so young. I love my kids, and I love the squad. And I love Kathy for raising my kids while I chased this career." He brought her hand in his to his mouth and kissed it. "But I also love you, Liv. I spend so much time thinking about that version of me you never met, and who I could've been if I'd made different choices."

There was a long, quiet moment while Liv considered all this.

"You don't believe everything happens for a reason?" she asked.

"I don't know," El mused. "I'm sure the endgame woulda been the same: I woulda had kids, I would have gotten married. Just not as fast. I guess . . . I just wish it had been more about choice, and less about duty."

She trailed her free hand up over his body lightly, feeling his cock twitch, his abs tighten. "Well, if you had never chosen to go to the Academy, you and I never would have met." She smiled. "I never wanted to be anything other than a cop."

"Oh, I probably still would've joined the force," El conceded. "It was what my father expected of me."

"Is that why you did it?" Liv felt such sympathy for this man who had lived for responsibility for so many years.

"Well . . . mostly, yeah. My pop was always so bitter about how he went out. Like his legacy had been interrupted, when he got forced out. It just seemed like a given - that it was my job to pick up where he left off. He needed me to finish what he couldn't."

Elliot took a deep breath at the threat of his voice breaking. Just like with my mother, he thought. Joe Stabler had never figured out a way to love the whirlwind that was his wife - he had left that job for Elliot, as well. It was no task for a child, who'd ended up building walls around his tender parts - any part that resembled Bernie Stabler - to keep his mother safe.

"Whoever I was," Elliot whispered, "before Kathy, and the Marines . . . I feel like that man is still someone I could be . . . when I'm with you."

Propping herself up on her elbow, Liv met his eyes in the filtered light. "I happen to love the man you became, Stabler," she said tenderly, running a thumb over his lips.

"I'm glad you do." He frowned. "But Liv . . . you deserve so much better than this. More than sneaking, and having to share me, and this half-assed crap. God, there's so much I want to give you." His chest shuddered as he sighed.

"You know what I think," Liv replied firmly.

And he did. She made it abundantly clear that she didn't want Eli to have to go through a split the way his four siblings had. She knew that meant waiting. Sharing. For now - but she loved Elliot's kids more than he really knew, and this was where they were. Besides, as a woman who had spent so much of her life alone, she was no stranger to uncomfortable compromises. It was better than nothing. Or so she kept telling herself.

"I know," he echoed softly, not sure where that left them.

Olivia rolled over until she was on her back next to him. "Everything would be so different, if Kathy had never gotten pregnant with Eli."

He knew she wasn't saying it to hurt him. She loved Eli. Not only that, she was right - the timing had been terrible. The two of them would be in a entirely different place if he hadn't slept with Kathy that night. Liv hadn't been back that long, and he had been a coward - unable to bring himself to tell Liv how he felt while he was still single.

And there he had found himself again, a man left without any choices, only duty.

"I'm sorry," he told her, not for the first time.

"Don't apologize, Elliot."

"Because everything happens for a reason?" he chuckled.

"Something like that, yeah." She shifted her gaze back to the window and the moonlight.

El watched her, words caught in his throat, their situation so unsteady. He propped himself up, finally, as she had done, leaning over her. She loved when he was over her, his chest was a wide, hard respite from the things she struggled to let go of.

"Liv."

She turned her head back to look up at him.

"Are you sure I can make you happy this way?"

Olivia held his blue eyes for a long, long time. Then she reached up, scratching her fingers along the shadow of the scruff on his jaw. He closed his eyes, feeling desire for her bloom in his belly all over again.

"El, I've loved you for . . . a very long time," she said carefully. "Even before I had as much of you as I do now. Sure, I don't wanna do things this way forever - "

El raised an eyebrow at the use of 'forever' and smirked. Liv rolled her eyes at him.

" - but this is real life, El. There isn't always a plan. Sometimes all you can do is ride things out as they come. Hardly anything changes overnight."

He nodded, acknowledging her, still thinking too hard for the late hour.

"Did you fall in love with me overnight?" she asked, grinning at him.

"No . . . and yes," El considered, surprising her. "I knew my life had changed, the day you walked into the unit. But it was longer for me to realize how much I needed you." He leaned in, kissing her mouth, his free hand cupping her hip. "How I couldn't live without you," he whispered.

Moved, she wondered when that had been. How that had been. Gitano? When she'd found her brother and disappeared to Philadelphia? Or maybe there really was no one magic moment - maybe everything that had brought them together was a series of moments that there was no purpose in trying to define.

Olivia pulled El down onto her, making their bodies line up. He was hard again and she sighed at the feel of him against her. She kissed him again. "Make love to me, Elliot," she demanded, holding his gaze with hers. "Let tomorrow sort itself out."

It wasn't a plan, the way Elliot thought he wanted. Nothing felt like a certainty. But as she shifted below him, arching her curves to meet his hard lines and planes, it felt like home in a way that nothing ever had. Every day with Liv was a new journey in freeing the tender things he had been forced to wall up.

His father, now himself - each man had their own fractured legacy to answer for. Elliot had often wondered if, given enough time, he could heal any of it - his lacking marriage, Kathleen, his mother, any number of victims who'd gotten too close. For the first time, he was learning to live with the unknown, and everything that meant.

Let tomorrow sort itself out.

Rolling over with his arms still around her, he pulled Liv with him, on top of him, and she giggled, her smile wide.

Yeah, his mind answered, melting at her smile, I can live with that.

A/EN: I just want to say an extra-special thank you to all of you who have followed me all the way to the end of this. This fic is the longest thing I've managed to write in about six years or so, after a long battle with some medical issues. My challenge to myself, when I started this, was to write a story that could fit into the chronological order of the Season 10 episodes, starting with Lunacy. I firmly believe that Olivia and Elliot were sleeping together in seasons 11 and 12, so this story was my imagining of how that could have started. While I'm not normally into stories where Elliot does stay with Kathy, I couldn't have him leave her for this, because it didn't fit with the timeline of 11 and 12. Someday I'd also like to tackle a story where Liv and Elliot get pregnant, but this outing was for something else. Hopefully that answers some of the questions you might have had, for those who were disappointed in the direction of the ending. Haha Your encouragement and reviews have been great. I appreciate you all very much. My next couple of pieces will probably be shorter, one or two-shot smut fluffs to give myself a break. Join me, won't you? =} - M.