A very short chapter, but it serves a purpose :)

Run away
I'll just run away
like a child
from all them to you
And now I see
my most constant mistake
is I don't know what I love till its gone

Day is Gone - Noah Gundersen.

It's been decided that they're going to the CDC. For the good of the group. Is what Shane had said in that rousing speech of his. The good of the group. Cal had to stop her eye roll at that. If she and Dale hadn't interrupted, well whatever the hell Shane had been contemplating doing in the woods then maybe she wouldn't have begun questioning Shane's sudden change of heart, when less than 12 hours ago he was hell bent on going to Fort Benning. Maybe if she hadn't have walked in on Shane lining his sights on Rick or overheard the angry short discussion between Lori and Shane she would have believed that heartfelt speech of his. Of how they all needed to stick together. How he trusted Rick's gut. That the man would never lead them into danger, that he would see them all safe and well.

It was so believable that Cal had almost forgotten what had transpired earlier. That Rick could very well be dead right now. The thought sends a cold shiver down her spine. She looks towards the pair deep in conversation, a map spread out in front of them planning the route. Rick could be dead right now.

Rick who was bouncing off ideas with the man he classed as a brother, not realising just how close it came to Shane giving another speech, a different speech. Like a heartfelt eulogy of what a good upstanding man Rick was, how there was nothing he could do to save Rick other than to put him down. He tells them this whilst looking them all square in the eye, hell he may have thrown a few crocodile tears thrown in to boot and saying "It's what Rick wanted" whilst Carl cries clinging onto Shane. His new Daddy.

He was convincing that was for sure. A damn good actor but then she catches how Shane is watching Rick. How he's looking at Lori and Carl when he thinks no one else is watching. He's looking at them like a man possessed. There's something eating away at him, scratching under the surface. Itching to be released.

There eyes catch. Shane kneeling near the camp fire and she stood leaning against the RV, stands a little straighter arms folded. She was never one to back down from a challenge and there was a challenge in his gaze.

"I see you." Is what her look says.

"I'm watching." Is his reply.

Both of them look away when their attention is drawn elsewhere. Carl is at Shane's side and Sophia is all but dragging Cal towards the group of women as they divvy out the jobs that need to be done in dismantling the camp.

-TWD-

Cal with the help of Sophia is helping the Morales pack away their meagre belongings in the back of their beat up car. She can't say she's that surprised that they've decided to leave. Leaving to find their family. to be with their own people. Can't fault them either for that had been her ill thought out plan when the pandemic had kicked off. She'd been at work, the ER overrun with the walking wounded. The never ending stream of people with chunks of flesh missing. At first she'd thought there'd been an attack, terrorist or animal. Can remember recoiling in horror when Andy one of the paramedics on duty had told her that this was the work of other people.

"People?" Cal had asked in disbelief, eyes widening in horror at the wound she's now looking at. Stomach ripped open and intestines torn out. The man is still alive though, pale and sweaty and moaning in pain.

"Yeah, Tash thinks maybe they've taken a bad patch of spice or somethin' I dunno, it's crazy out there. Never seen anything like it." Tash calls his name and he has to go, he's pressing the chart into her hands whilst he dashes away.

"Take care Andy." She calls out to him, a smirk followed by a quick salute and he disappears into the swarm of people in the waiting room.

By the time they realised just what was happening, the hospital was lost. She had managed to make it out just as the Army rolled in, clambering into her Volvo, mobile clutched tightly in her hand as she dialled and re-dialled Patrick's number, desperately praying that he would pick up.

Most of the streets are blocked either by crowds of people or by blockades, either police or man made. She has to abandon her car five blocks away from their apartment. Keep your fucking shit together Cal. Repeating it over and over. Keep it together, keep it the fuck together whilst she dialled and re-dialled Patricks number. It doesn't connect, until it does.

Rick and Shane though are surprised by this revelation that the Morales were choosing to venture out on their own. It wasn't quite a guilt trip that she'd overheard between the two men but it had made Miranda think for a moment. Cal could see it on the Hispanic woman's face. "I have to do what is best for my Family." Javier had said to Shane instantly shutting the cop down. There was no argument to that. Just what could Shane say to convince him to stay?

Not a damn thing as far as Cal could see. Sophia passes her a couple of luke warm water bottles, like everything here Cal thinks. Warm and hot and unyielding as Cal places them into the trunk of the car. Little Sophia, who has been glued to her side ever since the Morales had made there announcement. Which is surprising given how close she and Eliza were, Sophia hadn't said much but Cal can see the disappointment? No, disappointment wasn't the right word, hurt? in Sophia's eyes. The young girls behaviour suggesting that she was actively avoiding her young friend. As a way to protect herself from the loss that she would feel? It was a treacherous world they were living in nowadays. Hard for an adult to comprehend, worse still for a child. Cal can't quite picture how she'd have been if this had have happened when she was a kid. Her Pa wouldn't have protected her that was for sure. If anything he probably would have left all his children to rot whilst he drank himself into oblivion. Cal frowns at the wayward thought of her Pa. Wonders if he's still alive. Wonders if he went to Grams and Papaws, but then thinks that Papaw would probably kill him if he ever did set foot back on the farm.

Cal doesn't mind Sophia's company, it's comforting even, having her own person shadow for the young girl helps keep some of the noise in her head quiet, watching out for the girls keeps her mind occupied and Carol doesn't complain as it's another set of eyes watching her Daughter. Cal had always seen herself lacking in that mothering instinct, so she can't help but find the irony in how many children seem to gravitate towards her. Let's Hope Sophia doesn't end up like Lottie. Her mind whispers to her and Cal starts at that with a sharp intake of air.

Sophia who looks at her worriedly as Daryl approaches. She doesn't notice or hear him at first until he's pretty much on top of her and that makes Cal worried that if he'd been a walker she'd be dead right now, but then thinks that this is Daryl, Daryl with his hunter like gait and quiet steps. A walker wouldn't mask their footsteps or be mindful as to where they were stepping. A walker was a walker, nothing but a sack of a dead person driven by a mindless instinct to feed.

Cal watches as Sophia skips away from her side, keeps her watchful eyes on her until she's wrapped in the arms of her Mom. She doesn't expect anything to happen to Sophia in the short distance between her and her Mom but it never hurt to be careful. After all, the group had thought Amy to be safe and look how that had turned out.

"Doc." She turns to him tries to keep the surprise off of her face that he had sought her out. If she has to think about it Cal could probably recount all the times he'd spoken to her on one hand alone since she's been at the camp. None of them overly unpleasant no. Just guarded. Just like him. So for him to actively seek her out. Something had to be wrong.

"You need me for somthin'?" She asks running her eyes over him, looking for any type of injury but she can't see any. Ends up squinting as the sun blinds her and has to shield her eyes with the palm of her hand.

"Nah, I'm good." He's holding out a back pack to her and Cal can't help but be confused. The expression evident on her face.

"Its Jed's. Figured you'd want it." He states offering the bag once more for her to take. Cal doesn't know what to say, figures a thank you won't be enough to convey how much this actually means to her but says it any ways.

"Yeah." Is Daryl's response gives her one more look before he turns to walk away.

"Hey." She calls out stopping him in his tracks, wets her lips as he turns to face her. She's not sure why she called out to him but there was something there when he turned to walk away from her that made the knot in her stomach tighten once more.

"You need help squaring shit away?" She asks looking towards the Dixon camp that had barely been touched since the meeting earlier that morning. They look at each other then. Daryl's calculating look at her offer of help. Trying to work out if there's some underlying motive. There isn't one.

A solitary nod is all it takes before she's moving to follow him ruffling Sophia's hair as she walks past, "Hey." The young girl exclaims in protest, batting Cal's hand away as the youngster goes to straightening her head band and smoothing down her hair. Causes Cal to smile, Carol to laugh and Sophia to scowl at her retreating back.

"He ain't dead. Neither of them." Daryl says to her as she begins rolling up one of the sleeping bags that she's pulled out of Merle's tent. Cal still her movements at the unexpected comment.

"I know." She whispers out to him, almost feels like he's telling her off. Was she that transparent?

"So don't you be thinking they are."

"I'm not." Cal replies looking at him directly. She tries to be firm in her response but even she's not sure that it comes across as convincing she wants it to be. Because in the small hours of the morning when the noise in her head gets too much, those little niggling doubts creep into her head. Whispering to her. Telling her that she's all alone, that she'd never see her brother again. That he left her to die and right now he's probably dead too. She throws the rolled up bag into the flat bed of the pick up truck a bit more vehemently than she means to. Just to the side of the Harley placed in the back.

"Yer taking the bike?"

"Yeah. Merle would have my hide if I left it behind. 'side's its more manoeuvrable in tight spots. "

"Good idea." Cal says swallowing thickly as she looks at the bike, sleek lines, the chrome of the handle bars and the inky black frame. It reminds her of Jed and his own Harley and the stupid biker club that both he and Merle had joined. Brings a lump in her throat.

"He ain't dead. So don't start thinking that he is." Daryl grinds out again as he slams the shelf to pick up truck up. Cal can't help but roll her eyes. Men and their dramatics, she thinks but then smiles because Daryl, Daryl with his limited words had managed to convince her that Jed and Merle were alive. Something that a few members of the group had been trying to do since the night before.

Follows Daryl back towards the group who's now gathering round and saying their goodbyes to the Morales. There's hugs and kisses and words of advice even a few tears from Lori and Carol. Cal can't say she won't miss the Morales she will but she can't pretend that she was that close to the small family of four either. Then again Cal. When do you ever allow yourself to get close?

"Take it easy Doc," Javier calls out clapping her heavily on the shoulder. Distracted by her wayward thoughts she stumbles under the weight, whilst Miranda pulls her into a big motherly hug as their children gather round.

"Be good kids..." She says ruffling Eliza and Louis' hair. The two of them, so small in such a harsh world, grey eyes glistening with unshed tears and snotty noses. "Listen to your parents. Be brave." Words of advice, more of an after thought really, because what Cal really wanted to say was for them not to die. Miranda smiles warmly at her as she leads her crying children away. Away from them and the safety of the group. Sophia is stood next to her, she can feel the heat off her body as she presses into Cal's hip, hugging the doll the one Eliza has just gifted to her close to her chest. All of them watching as the Morales clamber into their own vehicle. The one that was taking tout into the world on their own.

It's risky, that was for certain but then even the simplest tasks these days were risky. Least they can say they tried. She mumbles to herself. Gnawing on her thumbnail. She feels Sophia's warmth leaving her as she walks to her Mom who is beckoning her over and into the Cherokee that, she Rick, Lori and Carl would be taking to the CDC.

"Yah got a ride?" Daryl asks stood to the side of her. Cal shakes her head. She hadn't really thought that far ahead in which vehicle she would be riding in, always thought that it would be the RV, but Dale hasn't offered and the RV is fit to bursting as is. Looks at him quizzically whilst he rolls his eyes.

"Don't make me ask." Cal has to smile at his briskness of his tone. Swinging up both rucksacks from the dusty floor she follows closely behind, opens the passenger door, places them into the foothold of the pick up truck as she clambers into the sweltering heat of the cab.

"Christ, I think it's cooler outside." She grumbles out as she slams the door behind her. Doubts the truck has air conditioning as she can feel the sweat beading on her head already, trickling down her neck and has to roll down the window to try and escape the heat.

"Yah can always walk." A long hard glance from Daryl that Cal interprets as 'quit yer whinin'' sighs as he starts the truck, following the slow procession down the uneven track towards to highway. Two beeps of the Morales horn as she watches their vehicle turn right whilst everyone else turns left. Watches the car disappear in the view of the wing mirror. Thinks that it will probably be the last she ever sees or hears of the Morales.

The procession picks up speed, a breeze wafting in through the open window which is a welcome relief. Arm dangling out of the window and eyes closed if she pretends she can almost make herself believe that she is on summer vacation, doing a road trip with Patrick. Lazy summer days filled with laughter and beer and good times. Doesn't realise that she's humming Lola until she hears a snort from Daryl.

"What?" She asks eyebrow raised questioning that stupid smirk on his face, as he's biting his thumbnail.

"Nothin.'"

There's something there in the look that they share, she's not quite sure what it is. It's not a look that says everything will be alright, or that they'll make it out alive it's something else, something deeper, something bordering fearful, something of the unknown. It should fill her with worry and doubt but it's strangely comforting.

The Shangri-Las flit through her head. "Cause you can never go home anymore…" But that's alright. This new world may be cold and harsh and violent. But this right here is enough.

This is home for now.

Songs:
Lola - The Kinks.
Shangri-La's - I can never go home anymore