AN: So, I pulled this the other week for a few reasons. One was that it tanked, majorly and two, was the focus on Bella.

After much thought, I've decided to just think screw it and post it anyway. I write for me and me alone. You review, great, if you don't, well that's cool. I'm still posting it anyways.

I do want to point out that I considered rewriting this, taking Bella out all together, but went against it. Bella does have a part to play, but she isn't, and will not be, a main character. For those that are hoping that Bella will take a staring role, suggest you look else where. This story was all about the boys, sorry, but it's true.

It is slash, and there is plenty of humps in this at certain points. Of its not your thing, then press then press the red X. This is my story, my boys and in this, I am God. Do not moan, you have been warned.

Big thanks to Laura, who has been a great help and let me bounce ideas off her.

So, for those that have gotten through the AN, enjoy!

Guilt and shame wrapped themselves around me as the threads of depression began taking root once again as I made the walk back home. In this, I had no one to blame but myself. I had made those choices that had brought on these feelings. That couple now lay dead somewhere because I had made the decision to kill them.

Because I couldn't contain myself and resist the temptation of human blood.

Truly, I was ashamed of how I acted and what I had done. But I was in a rage. A bloodlust filled raged. I had bolted from Emmett's grip the moment I had gotten outside. Filled with bloodlust, I ran straight to Seattle, with one intent. Blood. But not just any blood. Human blood.

Me and the wagon fell out and I fell off. Again.

Royally, I had screwed up, and had before I took those lives.

It had all been so simple. Monkeys could have followed this. All I had to do was stay in that nice neat corner Alice had made for me, keep myself full with animal blood and not talk to humans. Simple, right?

Wrong.

I couldn't do it. One tiny little paper cut and I'm off. The beast in me came to a head and I couldn't contain myself.

Maybe I was never going to tame. And if I was truly honest, I don't think I actually wanted to be tame. Sure, the emotional climate that I had with the Cullens was welcomed, but taming me? That really was never going to happen.

I wanted to go home now, go back to my mate, and now I had the perfect chance to do just that.

I'd played my part well, sat in that nice, neat little corner she placed me in, trying, albeit in vein, to be tame.

A fucking corner. What a joke that was!

I was feared, I was battle hardened and a fucking warrior. I wasn't a tame little vampire who wanted to attend the local high school and please ma and pa by being the good little son. No, me and tame was never going to happen, but by request, I had done so, or at least tried to do so.

Over the years, I had gone along with Alice. For the greater good, I had followed and done as asked. I sat there in my little corner and tried to pretend I was something I wasn't, tried to forget who I was. On rare, very special occasions, I was allowed to be me, truly me. When Alice allowed it, that was. She loved the fact that she had "tamed" me, having me trail behind her like I was weak and pathetic. To her, she had done the impossible and tamed the infamous Jasper Whitlock.

Alice adored that. It was one thing I have and would always hate about her. How she thought she had tamed me, how she loved to tell people that she had done the impossible.

Growling, in frustration, I made my way back to the household, determined I wasn't going back in that corner again. No, this time I was going home. Hell be damned if he thinks for one minute I'm staying any longer. It had been twenty years as it was.

I was truly sorry for almost attacking Bella. She was a nice girl, a little naive and blind, but nice enough. So easily, she could have died by my hands, and that thought ate at me more than the guilt of the lives I took this evening.

"Jesus, Jasper." Alice sighed as I came into view.

She was waiting like I knew she would be. Pacing back and forth outside the back door. No doubt she was trying to figure out the best course of action with me.

How to put me back in that corner.

"Why, Jasper, just why?" she pleaded with me. "She's my best friend, my sister. You could've…" she choked out.

So that's the route she's taking with me then.

"I lost control," I admitted. I could try and defend myself, say it wasn't all me, but it would get me nowhere. "I'm sorry."

Truly, I was. Bella's scared face was something I wasn't going to forget anytime soon, if ever.

"I'm trying to make him stay, but now that you've…. Well, you've just made it so much worse," she cried. "I thought you were trying harder to resist. I thought you loved me enough to try and not hurt her."

"I do love you, Alice," I admitted. That wasn't a lie. I did love her, she gave me something she would never fully understand. "Truly, I didn't want to hurt her or you or anyone else. But you want me to be someone I'm not. You want me to change everything about me, just to suit you."

"That's not true!"

"You lie," I snapped, my red eyes staring her down until she looked away. "Stay in that corner Jasper, and only come out when it suits you. Don't try and deny it. I've heard you. You've loved having me in your corner. Who's gonna seriously pick a fight with you with me behind you? It gave you such pride to have me, but for all the wrong reasons. "

"You're a battled hardened guy. Who wouldn't be proud to have you?" she defended. "I'm proud to have you, Jazz. You know that." That was just it, she didn't have me, she never had me. I wasn't hers to have.

"So no one fucks with you. But other than that, you want me to be someone I'm not. I'm not stupid, Alice. I'm done with this...whatever this was."

Although I loved her, it was wearing on me that she thought we were something else, something we only pretended to be.

"What are you saying?" she gasped, her eyes clouding over as she searched the future. "You can't… You just can't."

"I'm going home, Alice."

"You can't!" she screamed at me. "I won't allow you to go back to Maria."

"Won't allow me?" I growled. "I'll go wherever the hell I want. Besides, who said anything about Maria?"

"You can't...You just can't…" she whispered.

"I can and I am." Walking past her, I took hold of her hand. "I'm a free man, Alice. You always knew this day would come. We were never anything."

"But we could be, we still can be."

Shaking my head, I realised that this was never going to sink in with her. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry and I'll always be thankful."

Letting go of her hand, I headed inside, knowing that this would be the last time I called this place home.

Xxx

Leaving had been easier than I thought it would be. Carlisle and Esme had tried to talk me out of it, but I was having none of it. I respected them, but that didn't mean I was going to continue living this way. I wanted to go home.

For all intents and purpose, they liked that Alice kept me in the corner. A corner I wasn't going back into.

Though I had promised to stay in touch, it didn't stop the slight stab of pain at seeing Esme crying into Carlisle's arms. Over the years, I had become close to her, it was hard not to in all fairness. The woman had a big heart and just wanted to mother everyone.

Rose and Emmett were easier. They didn't try to stop me. They both knew my time with them had ended, but that didn't stop Rose from threatening me if I didn't call her. She was truly one person I would miss the most.

Not many people liked her. Her hard shell and nasty words put people off, but that was just a defense mechanism she had built up. She had been hurt deeply, betrayed by the person she loved and left for dead. For her, it was easier to push people away than it was to let them in. But once you got past the hard shell she covered herself with, and ignored her comments, she was an amazing person.

Though, maybe I was just used to dealing with people of more of an acquired taste?

I had ignored Alice. It had hurt to do so. Alice had been such a massive part of my life for so long, that the thought of her not being a constant presence in my life was almost hard to swallow. The fact that I was going back to my mate smoothed whatever hard pill that could've been. She had stood in our former room, begging me to stay, begging me to talk to her, but I couldn't. What could I say? I had said it all outside.

With parting words, and telling them to pass on my apologies to Edward, I walked away in a state of shock that it was actually over. I had pictured this day many times, pictured that I wouldn't hang around, that I would be on the first plane out of here, but that didn't happen.

It was like I was at a loss, just walking aimlessly around, thinking of the past twenty years, thinking of the past forty-eight hours. And how one little paper cut and all had changed for me, in a good way of course.

Somehow, I found myself outside Bella Swan's house. I guess part of me only felt it was right to talk to her, even though I doubted that she would welcome me anywhere near.

Sighing, I decided that if didn't do it now, I would only do it later, and I really didn't wish to come back to this place.

Surprisingly, I realised that Edward wasn't here. Part of me was thankful for that, I wouldn't have to deal with him to talk to Bella. Though, another part of me found it strange he wasn't here. Since he had met Bella, he had spent every night with her, whether she was aware of it or not.

Creepy little fuck.

Scaling up the side of the house, I peeked my head into the open window. My dead, un-beating heart broke at the sight of her curled up and crying. Pain, sadness and worthlessness slowly began to fill my body as I took on her emotions.

What the hell had I done?

"Bella?" I called softly, trying not to scare her.

She shot up, her eyes straining to see me in the window with a confused expression on her face. I guess I was the last person she expected to see.

"Jasper?" her voice shook with tears and uncertainty.

"Have you got a minute?" I replied, watching as she nodded her head and flipped on the bedside light.

Looking down, I climbed in, avoiding looking at her so she wouldn't see my red eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her even more than she was. Dropping my bag on the floor, I smelt the room out of habit, noticing that the scent of Edward was a few hours old.

"You're leaving too," she whispered, taking note of my duffle bag. "He said….. I thought…. He really meant it then," she mumbled as a fresh wave of pain hit me, causing me to shiver. Without thinking, I flooded the room with calm, as I slowly made my way towards her.

The bed dipped as I perched myself on the end of it, keeping a distance between me and Bella. Bending my right knee, I hooked my ankle under my left leg. Bella would soon see my red eyes, and I hoped that my position on the bed showed her she wasn't in any danger.

"Who else is leaving?" I asked in disbelief.

No one had mentioned they were upping sticks and heading out of town. Not even Alice, and she had thrown just about everything at me to get me to stay.

Not that I would have. My mind was so set on where I was going, that I was almost shocked she hadn't seen it. Then again, a lot of other things were going off at the time, Bella and Edward being the main factors.

My brow knitted together as it slotted into place that no one else knew about the pending leave. Edward had just said it to Bella and had hoped that everyone would follow suit. Me showing up here with a bag in tow only backed up what he'd said.

"He….He…" Bella choked, bringing my attention back to her.

A gasp left her lips as she suddenly noticed my red eyes. Her emotions went into overdrive. Fear hit first, followed by disappointment, then guilt, before finally settling on acceptance and understanding.

"They're red because of me," Bella stated flatly, looking at her hands. "Someone died because you smelled my blood."

"Yes," I answered honestly, feeling her understanding gaining strength.

There was no guilt in her wording, she understood that the actions of her blood hitting the air had repercussions. She was smart enough to realise that, and smart enough to fully understand that I, out of all of them, had the least humanity.

"They died by my choice, though." Which was true. Bella couldn't be held responsible for that one.

She hadn't held a gun to my head and made me do it, no, I had done it and done it willingly.

Bella nodded her head, and slowly lifted her face to look at me. Red framed eyes stared at me, and I felt like shit for causing her this heartache.

"They suit you." It was so honest that it shocked me, and I couldn't help but smile softly at her.

It felt nice for once to fall off the wagon and not be torn apart for it. She accepted what had happened, understood it, and actually commented on them. For so long it had been all negative when I fell off, that the feelings I felt when I killed my victims haunted me. Finally feeling the acceptance of what I was and what I had done, coupled with the understanding, was lifting.

Something that only my mate had ever managed to do.

The dark feelings and thoughts weren't filling my mind. Instead, peace and contentment flowed through me.

"Well, thank you," I said softly, pulling back the calm I was flooding in the room. "Bella, I'm leaving town and as far as I knew, they were staying."

Her bottom lip trembled at me as her eyes welled with tears. A sob rattled in her chest as she threw her head back and cried out, breaking in front of me. Her pain stabbed me in the chest again, and I wished that I hadn't been the cause of such pain for her.

Without thinking, I moved, picking her up and pulling her into my lap. Her arms wrapped around me as she sobbed into my chest. Bella's scent drifted up my nose and caused the all too familiar burn in my throat. My beast didn't rejoice in having her pulsing vein so close to my teeth. Instead, It felt saddened, I felt saddened by the heartbroken girl in my arms.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, so sorry," I whispered out, burying my face in her hair and breathing her in.

Again, the burn flared up in my throat and my teeth ached at the thought of sinking into her flesh and feeling her blood run down my throat.

Breathing deeper, I pushed myself, knowing I was well fed. I wanted to know just how far, or how much I had to breathe in her scent before I thought I was going to snap.

Slowly, her sobs subsided, and she began to relax. Her fingers began to play with the ends of hair at the nape of my neck. "It's so soft," she whispered into my chest, her head turning so her cheek rested against my chest. "Are you uncomfortable like this?" I could hear the reluctance in her voice at the thought of moving.

"No," I answered into her hair. "I'm well fed and satisfied."

"No tofu," she said with a slight smile in her voice.

"Meat is so much more for filling than tofu."

She fell quiet again, her fingers slowly playing with my hair as I did with hers.

Having my hair played with was something I missed. Alice never did it, and I began to wonder why. Was it because her hair was too short to be played with, that the thought never occurred to her?

This was soothing, relaxing and strangely intimate. My mind couldn't help but think of my mate right now, and how I missed this simple act.

Soon enough, Edward crossed my mind. He had left and left Bella behind. How could he just leave his mate behind like that? From what I understood and the emotions I had felt from myself, my own mate and mated couples, they would follow each other to the ends of the earth. Yet, he had gone, and by the way Bella was feeling, he hadn't left it open for his return.

Was he fighting his bond?

Could you even fight that kind of bond?

Then again, I knew they had never completed their mateship, and bound themselves to each other, so maybe he could have.

But still, it didn't add up. The only thing that added up was, she wasn't his mate to begin with.

More than once I had wondered if her silent mind and singing blood weren't there, would there have been an attraction to her? Had Edward just got caught up in everything else that he just assumed she was his mate and when it came to it, he realised she wasn't?

Whichever way, Edward was in a whole load of shit for this. Not to mention the whole Cullen coven.

Law had been broken, they all knew it when Bella found out about them. But as long as she was kept with the coven and turned, then there would be no punishment. Yet, Edward, and by the sounds of it, the whole family had done one, leaving a very knowing Bella behind.

"Jasper?" Bella whispered my name so softly it was almost as though she was scared that it might shatter the peace that was flowing so naturally. "What are you thinking about?"

"You," I answered, causing her to sit up in my lap and look at me. "Edward and the Cullen's have broken the law, something that is answerable by death. I'm working out the best thing I can do here."

"Turn me?" she was hopeful as she spoke. "I mean I understand if you don't really want a newborn around you." Her eyes cast down, looking at her hands.

"It's not that," I answered as Bella cast her eyes up to mine. "I can't do that here. I'm thinking of Italy."

I heard Bella's heart rate pick up as fear began to consume her. "Italy? As in Volterra? The Volturi?"

"The very same."

"They'll kill me, Jasper, Edward once said that…."

Putting a finger against her lips, I stopped her. "Don't believe everything he's ever told you. We owe a lot to them, and their law is simple. Permanent silence or be turned. You won't be killed unless you don't want to be turned, Bella. Besides, it's been a while since I was last there."

Bella looked at me in shock. "You've been there?" she whispered, her eyes wide as she moved off my lap.

"I have."

"Wow," she muttered chewing her bottom lip. "I thought Aro liked to collect gifted vampires."

"He does," I answered with a shrug, knowing what would come next if I let her. "My mate is back in Volterra."

"I don't understand."

"You will," I smirked. No reason to tell her my past right now. I don't honestly think the girl could take it if I did. "So?" I asked, raising a brow in challenge. "You game?"