A/N: Well, there you guys go! See! I'm following through with the requests to write this pairing xD. I kind of like it, actually. Before anyone gets offended, just know that this story is written from a guy's perspective. Based on my past experience with boyfriend's, men are completely clueless when it comes to a woman's period. Seriously, my last one thought that p blood was acidic enough to burn through underwear. I WISH THAT I WAS KIDDING, BUT I'M NOT.

This is written for mere fun and teasing purposes, and if you guys like it, I'll write more! As always, thanks for reading~!

Flat as a Pancake:

10:00 PM

Gilbert: Hey, babe! Whatcha up to? :D

Liza: Nothing fun -.-

Liza: Wanna come over and make things interesting for me? ;)

Gilbert: Say no more! I'll be there in twenty!

Liza: Tsk! Tsk! Gilly! You should know better than to make a lady wait!

Gilbert: Feel free to punish me when I arrive, my Queen ;)

…

Hallo, peasants! It's your boy Gilbert here, coming at you with Gott knows how much caffeine in me. Probably not a healthy amount, if I'd have to guess. Anyways, the awesome me is now on his way to Liza's apartment, who, by the way is my amazing girlfriend. Did I say amazing already? Ja, I did. Oh well, pardon a guy for getting excited.

You see, Liza and I have only been dating for two weeks now. We had always been really good friends, but for close to five years she had been dating this jerkwad named Roderich. Roderich, in my opinion, had never treated Liza in a remotely affectionate way. Heck, he cared more about his stupid music-making than his own living girlfriend. Hence the reason why I had deemed his sexuality to be pianosexual. Oi! It's not my fault that he's a delicate clusterfuck, that of whom willingly gave up on the hottest chick in the world. Your loss, Roddy! Kesesese.

DING!

The elevator door opened, and like the awesome beast that I was, I strutted right into the small space, admiring my handsome reflection in the mirror. I pulled back my sunglasses so that they were resting on top of my head, smirking as I gave a manly twirl. I was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and a simple pair of denim jeans, but they were both tight enough for me to strategically accentuate my hella-toned body.

I impatiently jumped on the balls of my feet as I waited for the elevator to reach the 8th floor. I couldn't wait to see Liza. The past week or so we had had some pretty amazing sex. My time spent as a fuckboy had prepared me well. I knew all the cues to pick up on when it came to bedding a girl, and let me just say that Liza's texts were full of them. Aw, yeah. Tonight was going to be another awesome one, I could tell already.

DING!

I strode out of the elevator, grinning to myself like an idiot as I walked over to stand outside of Liza's apartment. I firmly wrapped my knuckles against her front door, trying my best not to drool. I could only imagine what type of lingerie that she had put on for me tonight.

The door opened and my jaw dropped, but not in the way that I had been expecting it to. Liza cocked her head to the side, her messy bun titling over as well. "Oh!" she mused, looking at the rose that I held in my right hand. "Is that for me?" she asked.

"J-Ja," I stammered, trying my best not to sound too disappointed. Liza wasn't wearing lingerie, but rather a large pair of black sweatpants and a green hoodie. Keh, how unawesome.

Liza took the rose from me, smiling mischievously. "Why how gentlemanly of you," she cooed, gesturing for me to step inside.

I gulped and stepped into her apartment, all the while feeling nervous on the inside. I didn't have good vibes about this night anymore, and no, it wasn't just because my chances of getting laid were cut in half, thank you very much.

Girls only wear sweats for one of two reasons. #1, they don't have a boyfriend to impress, and #2…yeah, you probably don't want to know what #2 is. I had my suspicions, and didn't want to jump the pan on anything just yet.

Liza shut the door after me, setting down the rose onto the bench next to the door. "Don't I get a hello kiss?" she asked, batting her lashes at me in a devilishly Nala-like manner.

"Your wish is my command," I smirked.

I caved under her googly green eyes, bending down to meet her soft pink lips. I deepened the kiss, wrapping my arms around her waist, only to stop when she winced in pain.

"Ouch, Gil!" Liza grimaced. "Be gentle! I'm really bloated right now."

I tucked my chin over her head, burying my nose into her long honey-brown hair. "How come? Does the awesome me need to give you a back rub?"

Liza sighed, closing her eyes. "That sounds heavenly," she murmured.

The next few words that Liza spoke made me freeze on spot.

"Oh, and I'm on my period."

I fucking knew it.

"Period, you say?" I chuckled, pulling away from the hug, only to clumsily stumble backwards a few paces.

"Yes," Liza grit her teeth. "I'm on my period. What's it to you?" she just about growled.

I nervously smiled back at her, trying not to let her see right through my façade. "Nothing," I hummed, all the while feeling like screaming on the inside.

Oh hell to the no! I knew Liza, and boy did she ever have a temper. Just ask my younger brother, Ludwig, how many times that she had whacked me in the back of the head with her frying pan. Seriously though. Can you imagine how crazy this chick would be on her period?!

I shuddered just at the thought of it. As a reformed fuckboy, one of my main rules had been to never speak with a woman who was on her period. And that was for a very good reason! Women turn batshit crazy whenever they're on their period. I may be Liza's boyfriend, one who was willing to do and give up many things for her, but I certainly wasn't about to embark on a suicide mission. Sorry but not sorry, crazy hot Hungarian lady. You're on your own for now!

I shied under Liza's gaze, nervously fidgeting with my hands. "Ah! Well, you see. I should probably get home now. I forgot to walk my hamster." I backed up a few paces, slowly making my way towards the door.

Liza's eyes narrowed, gleaming that dangerous gleam that I knew all too well, but always tried my best to avoid. Pain typically followed whenever she gave me that look.

"Gilbert?"

"J-ja?"

"You don't have a hamster. You have a bird."

"Did I say hamster?! How silly of me! I meant to say bird! Gilbird suffers from really bad separation anxiety! He always misses his Vati very dearly…"

I reached for the doorknob, flinching when a clawed, manicured hand latched onto my wrist. Verdammt! I was so close!

"You're not trying to skip out on me, are you Gil?" Liza leered.

I felt trapped. Anything that I said now would probably result in a fist to the face. Thankfully, Liza's go-to pan was in the kitchen, and therefore out of reach.

I vigorously shook my head back and forth. "N-nein! Of course not!" I spluttered.

Liza dug her nails further into my wrist. "Good. Now why don't you let go of the doorknob, come inside, and be a good boyfriend to me?"

Her suggestion sounded more like a demand. But hey, that's just my useless male opinion.

My lack of response prompted Liza to tug on my arm, effectively ripping my shoulder out of its socket.

"Oi! Why don't you rip off my arm while you're at it?!" I protested, albeit futilely.

"Maybe if you weren't such a little bitch, it wouldn't rip out so easily~!" Liza hummed, shoving me further into the apartment. She then skipped over to the door, locking it.

I deadpanned. There was no escaping from this psycho now.

…

Liza was sitting on the couch in the living room, watching TV with a murderous expression on her face. I, on the other hand, was in the kitchen, far, far, far away from that psycho. I hadn't been in her apartment for more than five minutes before I had been slapped, punched, and simultaneously kicked in the balls.

My only safe haven was the kitchen. She didn't seem to have a problem with me making her food, even if it was almost midnight at this point. I was currently ladling pancake batter onto a buttered skillet over the stove, carefully watching Liza from the corner of my eye. Hey, it was better safe than sorry. If she was going to murder me, I at least wanted to put up a good fight.

Just in case, I had also placed my phone on top of the fridge. Heh. Surely she wouldn't try anything once she knew that she was being filmed, am I right? A guy can hope, but then again, it was hard to talk any sense into Liza whenever she was in one of her 'moods.' Those moods typically ended in me curling up in the fetal position before her feet. As totally unawesome as it sounds, Liza was much stronger than me, despite being hobbit-sized.

I placed a finger into the pancake batter, bringing it to my mouth to taste. I let out a satisfied hum, pleased with the result of my awesome cooking. I had my roommate Matt to thank for this delicious pancake recipe. I so owed him one whenever I escaped from this prison, that is, if I ever managed to escape. Liza was watching her front door like a hawk after I had tried to escape the first ten times or so.

I flipped over the pancake when it began to bubble at the surface.

"What's that you're making there?"

"HOLY FUCK!" I cursed, jolting with a start when Liza magically appeared at my side. "WHERE THE HECK DID YOU COME FROM?!" Was I dealing with a ghost or my rabid, hormonal girlfriend? Who knows.

Liza smirked, wrapping her arms around my waist. "You're such a pussy," she snickered. "I didn't know that you scared so easily."

I puffed up my chest. That tended to happen whenever my manhood was challenged. Don't ask questions, my friends, just bask in my awesomeness.

"I'm not scared!" I fumed, turning my head to the side when I felt blood rush to my face. Ugh, curses to my paleness!

"You simply caught me by surprise."

Liza shook her head, unwrapping her arms from my waist. "Whatever you say, honey," she patronized.

"Oh! These look tasty!" Liza spotted the plate that I had stacked the already cooked pancakes onto. She then grabbed one for herself, gleefully taking a bite from it.

"MMMMMMM! It's sooooo goooood," she mumbled in between chewing.

"Have you ever heard of cutlery?" I snickered. "You should try using it sometime."

"Oh, hush you!" Liza smirked, stuffing the rest of the pancake into her little greedy mouth. It was pretty cute how big her cheeks looked while she chewed.

"Okay, Miss Savage. That's enough pancakes for now. You're going to have to wait until I finish cooking the rest before you can have anymore."

I don't know why, but the temperature in the room dropped by a good five degrees.

"What did you just call me?" Liza hissed.

I froze, realizing my mistake when it was already too late.

"Miss Savage?" I squeaked.

Liza made a grab for the pancake pan, while I swallowed heavily, already embracing the prospect of my imminent death.

CLANG!

And that, dear readers, was the sound of Liza's pan crashing against the back of my skull. I blacked out before I had even hit the ground.

So not awesome.

Lesson #1: Food is your best friend. Sarcasm will be the death of you.

To be continued...?