I don't own One Piece.

Kinda-one-shot-mini-story set pre-timeskip on Sunny Go.

Italicized sentences, like so: "The purple cherries fell first-" did not actually happen. Jus' clarifying.

The night was perfect. Stars winked in and out of existence, and occasionally one of them would streak past the Sunny's mast. Cricket chirping was present but not too loud, adding a bit of auditory flavor to the moment as the smoky remnants of a barbecue wafted from the island's beach onto the Sunny's deck, where Luffy promptly started drooling giddily over dream-meat. Though Sanji had given him more than seven servings of barbecued lake king earlier, he was naturally still hungry. Nami mumbled in her sleep, and gave him a half-hearted punch on the head for making annoying smacking noises. How could the crew sleep inside on a night such as this?

Something scuffled.

Usopp made an incoherent noise as he rolled over, letting his hand fall against the deck. He jerked suddenly as a line of warmth ran up his arm and set his right ear on fire. By now he was awake. The further he opened his jaw to yell, the more his ears crackled and popped until finally, he felt something shoot out his left ear. Exhausted, he fell back to sleep, unaware that he hadn't made a sound.

"GWAHAHAHAHA!" Luffy teared up laughing as Chopper shoved chopsticks up his nose and stuck out his lower jaw. Chopper started to laugh too, only to start snorting as the chopsticks got in the way and intruded further into his snout. This just served to send Luffy into a bigger fit as he pointed and laughed uproariously.

"Oi could you guys turn it down!?" Usopp shouted. He shoved up his goggles with a thumb and scowled. "I'm trying to work! Honestly, learn some manners and be considerate, you buffoons!"

"What's got his trousers in a trundle?" Luffy whispered to Chopper, who snickered adorably. "Usopp, come over here!" Luffy shouted cheerfully.

"Oh all right," the sniper replied, though with less resignation than his tone led to believe. Not two seconds later, he was galumphing around deck with Chopper and Luffy, doing all sorts of games and dances and-

"No means no! Quit goofing around, I don't feel like playing any stupid games." Usopp gave them the cold shoulder and continued hunching over whatever contraption was taking up the space beneath the swing.

"Ehhh?" Luffy's face scrunched up in irritation. "What's that you got there?" he asked, swinging over to Usopp on a stretched arm. The mysterious thing that was taking all of the sniper's time and energy was none other than-

"A watch?" Luffy frowned. "Usooooppp, come play! You can work on a watch anytime."

Usopp simply sighed. "Luffy, I really don't feel like goofing around with you guys. It's childish and playing doesn't appeal to me."

"What's that?" Nami leaned over the Sunny's railing to peer strangely at Usopp. "I've never heard you tell a bigger lie than that one! Nice try." She shook her head as memories of Usopp, Chopper, and Luffy having the time of their lives doing the most immature things filled her mind.

"Yohoho, I can't help but agree Nami-san," Brook grinned- as well as he could with no lips- as he played a soft yet upbeat melody that gave the day a spirited mood.

"No honestly!" Usopp defended. "It would drain me. Like I said, I really don't feel like playing with you guys right now." With that, he pulled on his goggles with a snap and set back to tinkering with the watch. Luffy frowned.

"It would drain you, Usopp?" Chopper asked concernedly. "Are you feeling alright? Come with me to the sickbay and I'll check you for a fever or-"

"Chopper, I'm fine. Honest," he said, trying to placate the worrying reindeer. When Chopper didn't budge, he sighed. "Fine, fine, I'll go to the sickbay with you." Usopp let himself be led along by Chopper in his "human" form as the doctor rambled about possible diseases, symptoms, and remedies.

"There are several causes for exhaustion and unwillingness to participate in activities that would otherwise please a person. I'd assume dietary causes at first, but I don't doubt Sanji's ability to provide you with all the necessary nutrients you need throughout the day to keep your mood balanced. The second cause may be stress related. Usopp, have you been overworking yourself at all?" Chopper put a hand on Usopp's head to check for a fever.

"No, not real-"

"Nami did ask you to modify her Clima-tact, but I hope you haven't been pulling any all-nighters! Sleep is essential for managing stress levels, especially for a growing lad still going through puberty-"

"Chopper, you're younger than I am, don't talk like you're beyond that!" Usopp blushed.

"Well I'm not the one being drained and exhausted while going through mood swings!" Chopper argued, entering the sickbay while pulling along a spluttering Usopp.

"Hey! Whoever said I was-"

"Oi, shit-cook! Get a hold of yourself!" Luffy's attention was drawn away from the loss of his playmates to see Sanji's lips parted in a silent scream as he tore at his hair, kneeling as Zoro tried to help.

"Sanji!" Luffy screamed, dashing through the kitchen's open door.

"What? What's going on?" Nami hurried down the stairs, followed by Brook but no one else, as Robin was using her ability to assist Franky with ship repairs far below deck. "Sanji-kun!"

"Nami, go get Chopper!" Zoro ordered.

"On it!" she nodded and started running towards sickbay. "Chopper! Forget about Usopp, something's wrong with Sanji-kun!"

"Sanji what's wrong!?" Luffy demanded, worry evident in his voice. Sanji tried desperately to tell him, but though his mouth was forming words, no sound came out. Instead, a purple-ish blob flung itself from his ear onto the grass. The moment it did so, Sanji collapsed with a groan. Zoro whipped out Kitetsu and speared the thing, but it continued forward, letting the sword slice it almost completely in half before molding back together and leaping into Brook's ear. Or rather his earhole, as he had no ear.

"GWAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" the skeleton flailed wildly. "It's going to eat my brain!" He abruptly froze. "Not that I have a brain to- GAH!" Sweat beaded down his skull as he glanced to his right and saw Zoro's Kitetsu stuck through his skull, right through both earholes. Brook silently thanked his heritage for his large earholes. Quickly, Zoro withdrew the sword and the thing came with it, sticky and slimey as it was.

"I got it!" Luffy announced, smacking it to the deck with a rubbery palm that had been stretched to three times its original size.

"I wouldn't touch that if I were you!" Nami called, Chopper and Usopp in tow. Chopper had brought a medical kit, including several plastic bags.

"Here," the doctor opened a bag in front of Luffy, who dumped the thing into it after shaking his hand a few times. Unnaturally fast, the thing sped to the mouth of the bag to escape, causing Usopp to "eep!" unbecomingly, but Chopper sealed it just in time. For good measure, he double-bagged the thing. He then rushed to Sanji, who was staggering to his feet.

"Sanji are you okay? How do you feel?" Chopper gave the cook a quick once over, checking for regular levels of breathing, temperature, etc.

"Mmm. I feel fine. Just got a damn headache is all," Sanji scowled. "What the hell was that?"

"Ewww, it looks like a leech," Luffy poked the double-bag, "oohing" when the leech tried to bite at his finger. Chopper swiped the bag away from him with a glare and announced that he would be going to study the creature before reverting to brain point and pattering off to his office.

"What was it doing to Sanji-kun?" Nami asked.

"I'm not sure, but if it feeds on brains, it was probably harmless," Zoro said casually. Usopp snickered.

"Oi, you wanna say that again you damn hypocrite?" Sanji turned to Zoro, already clicking his black heels against the deck in anticipation.

"Who's a hypocrite!?" Zoro growled.

"You got nothing else in that hollow skull!" Sanji retorted.

Brook perked up. "Skull?"

Sanji continued, "If that leech entered your moss-head it'd probably shrivel up and starve to death!"

Not a minute after Sanji had stood up, the two were already trading blows.

"Enough's enough!" Nami konked the lights out of both of them. "Oh and Sanji-kun, I'm feeling a little thirsty. Could you get me a drink?"

"Of course Nami-swaaan! Anything for you-"

"Yeah, sure. Orange?" he offered.

The deck was silent. There had been no hearts, no overflowing praise, no sappy love statements...

Zoro whistled. "Wow cook, I didn't know you could speak normally to a woman, much less the witch." He never thought this day would come!

"Tch. Shut up, shit swordsman. Don't talk like that to a lady."

...That was it? Nothing past that weak statement, no outraged defenses of the oh-so-lovely Nami-swan, who was too much of a goddess to be called a witch by an oh-so-shitty swordsman such as himself? Zoro's eyes narrowed, and Nami, Usopp, Brook, and Luffy were greeted with unease.

"Oh my, something seems to have happened here," Robin said, stepping onto the deck behind Franky as she eyed the gathered crew members.

"OW! Leaks and snaps are all fixed, Sunny's as good as new!" Franky struck a supeerrr pose.

Suddenly suspicious, Brook did something he'd never done again since the first time. Against Nami it was one thing, but on Robin... "Robin, may I please see your pant-"

A deep, dark, blue aura of compressed murderous intent settled upon the gathered crewmembers. Though terrifying, Brook did not forget his goal, and he looked towards Sanji.

Who was not focused on him at all, instead widening his eyes at the vicious aura. Normally. However, this was not normal for the ladies-man.

Robin, incredibly smart as she was, caught on quickly as she observed Brook's subtle actions and Sanji's response. She knew Brook hadn't pulled that stunt since the first time she had responded like this, and she was surprised to see that Sanji did not fly into a lady-defender-induced rage.

"Sanji, could you get me a drink?" Robin smiled, even going so far as to wink at the cook to test her theory.

"Of course. I'll have it to you in a minute. Nami-san's as well." With that, Sanji headed off the the kitchen.

...

"EEEHHHH!?"

"What happened to him!?" Brook cried.

"First Usopp and now Sanji?" Zoro wondered.

"Huh? Usopp what?" said sniper wondered what Zoro was talking about.

Nami gasped, drawing everyone's attention. "You think maybe it was the leech?"

"What leech?" asked Franky, completely out of the loop.

"I wasn't attacked by a leech," Usopp said. "Oh wait, maybe I was... I thought that was a dream!" he cried, suddenly remembering the attack during the night. "Yeah, I remember! It squirmed into my ear and out the other!"

Robins face was shadowed ominously. "Perhaps it devours a small part of your brain, then leaves an infecting virus until you are nothing more than a desiccated corpse with no will of its own." She shook her head. "I apologize for your loss in advance, Usopp."

"Robin don't say things like that!" Usopp shivered, tears streaming down his face.

Luffy stood up. "I'm going to get that leech. If it's taking parts of my crew's personalities, I won't stand for it." He ran into the sickbay where Chopper was.

"But Luffy," Usopp protested. "You don't know that's what's happening! Besides, what happens if you kill the leech and-"

Luffy returned carrying the double-bag with the leech. With no warning, he squished it. When it molded back together, he squished it again. And again. And again. He sprinkled some salt in the bag and squished the whole thing a final time. There was no more movement.

"LUFFY!" Nami shouted.

"Captain," Robin gasped, "that might have irreversible repercussions-"

Robin was interrupted by a gusty tornado. Churning and dangerous, it turned the sky dark, and lightning struck behind the Sunny. Much to the crew's worry, the tornado was also on fire, sending small burning flakes as it came closer and closer.

"I've never seen this dramatic of a change before!" shouted Nami over the noise of the churning sea foam and thunder.

Suddenly, it stopped. Kneeling in front of Nami and Robin was Sanji, who had two marvelous looking drinks extended on a plate. He was still burning.

"Oh my dear Nami-san and Robin-chan! Forgive me for my earlier uncaring attitude, I don't know what came over me! I am most ashamed to call myself your romantic prince after my actions before, so to try and correct my blow against love I have brought you the most delic-"

"Yes, yes," Nami waved his rambling aside and took a sip of her drink. She was delighted at its refreshingly light, yet satisfying taste. "Thank you, Sanji-kun."

Sanji burst into tears and clasped his hands. "Nothing makes me happier than to hear my Nami-san-"

"BWAHAHAHAHA!" Usopp could not stop laughing despite himself. He hooked an arm around Luffy and slapped his knee as if the leech itself were upon it.

Luffy grinned. "Chopper said to smoosh it with salt, so I did. Whatever it did should be fixed. Let's party!"

Zoro smirked. "Sure. A toast to our ridiculous adventures!"

"Cheers!"

Woah, I sure let that run away near the end.

Yes, I am fully aware that's not the correct definition and usage of "trundle". But it seemed to fit, so how's Luffy supposed to know?

I'll admit, this was inspired on Cowboy Bebop episode 11, Toys in the Attic. I don't own that either.

Thanks for reading!