Disclaimer: I own nothing. Trails of Cold Steel 1 and 2, along with the entire Legend of Heroes franchise and their plots and characters are property of Falcom and XSEED.

What's up everybody? This is Apex85 here with a nice one-shot story for you to enjoy. This is my first non-lemon one-shot that instead verges into crack.

Won't deny I'm pretty new to the franchise and only played the Cold Steel games. Despite that, I was pretty disappointed at how small the fandom section here is considering how good the games are. Cold Steel 1 and 2 may just be some of the last great games for the PS3 and Vita, and many people won't stop saying how the other entries in the franchise are just as good, if not better, so its surprising how little interest people show them on this site and elsewhere. So, with that in mind, I decided to add my own small addition to the fandom.

This takes place in Cold Steel 2 during the alliance invasion of Ymir. Basically an alternate take on the fight between Rean and Crow inspired by a small snippet of dialogue I remembered during the end of the first game.

For which one specifically... well you're going to have to read and find out.

Just don't complain to me if you decide to read this and haven't played the second game yet.

Though just a heads up, some possibly OOC moments await. Then again what crack fic doesn't have some from time to time?

Narration: Nice

Dialogue: "PAYBACK TIME!"

Divine Knight Dialogue: [[Damage sustained. Recommend strategic withdrawal.]]

Thoughts and Emphasis: I am going to enjoy this.

(3rd person POV, Ymir Valley, Nortia Province, Erebonian Empire, December 12, 1204 of the Septium calendar)

"Damn it...!" Rean Schwarzer, the young dark-haired leader of Class VII cursed as another of his attacks were once again countered with almost painful ease.

How could they not see this attack coming?! Regardless of how thorough Toval and Captain Claire were, being so far away from any decent military facilities meant there was very few means to reinforce Ymir to any significant degree. Against a minor infantry raid on land probably, but not a GIANT AIRSHIP FLYING ABOVE THEM!

And being able to instantly transport their most elite fighters to the ground while the a certain someone came in? The word disaster will probably be redefined by the end of the day.

So caught up in his reminiscing, Rean almost didn't notice his opponent's blade about to cut into his shoulder. With a sudden jerk, he managed to force Valimar away from the blade of the giant double saber at the last second.

"What's wrong? That the best you can do? Man, I thought V and those guys from Zephyr were exaggerating when they kept complaining about how bad the provincial army soldiers were at piloting those Soldats. But if they actually lost to you with how you're using Valimar now, I can see they weren't kidding. Old Cayenne better be paying them well for that uphill battle. " Came the smug voice of the Azure Chevalier, Crow Armbrust from his Divine Knight Ordine.

At his former classmate's condescending tone, Rean could only grit his teeth in frustration. The fact that he had yet to land a blow on the blue knight merely added to the rage. When his former classmate had arrived in front of his hometown and made his declaration for a challenge, Toval immediately spoke up and identified Crow as the one that contacted him of Rean's whereabouts in the Eisengard Mountain Range.

At first, Rean had wondered if that had meant some part of Crow still cared and thought of him as a friend deep down. That sentiment died soon however, as he realized that if the gambler had known, it was likely he would have told the others in the Noble Alliance which would have been what lead the jaegers Duke Albarea hired into Ymir to wreck the town and nearly kill his father...As well as allowing Vita to abduct Elise and Princess Alfin.

With those thoughts in mind, Rean angrily called and boarded Valimar quicker than Celine could respond and furiously charged against the Azure Knight, his sudden aggression managing to catch Crow off-guard long enough to catch him with a fearsome tackle and drag him away from the village and land in the nearby valley.

To his misfortune, that was the only headway he made during the fight as Crow quickly separated Ordine from Valimar and proceeded to effortlessly fend off Rean's following attacks just as he did back in Trista.

Steeling his resolve, Rean charged forwards once again, the sword taken from an enemy soldats unit poised for a diagonal slash in Valimar's hands.

He roared in effort as he aimed at the Azure Knight's head, only to bite back a curse as Crow used his knight's double saber to parry the slash and counter with his own attack.

"Criminal Edge!" Crow roared as he charged Ordine's double saber with a vibrant purple aura, then swung it in a ferocious slash that knocked Valimar backwards across the field.

Fortunately, Rean managed to right Valimar's flight so that the knight landed on its feet, but that didn't prevent the damage to the frame.

[[Warning. Frame suffered significant damage from last altercation. Continued abuse likely to require long-term repairs and rest. Chances of Awakener survival unlikely.]] Came the warning from Valimar's mechanical voice, punctuated from several emergency klaxons going off in the cockpit.

Damn it! Just how strong is he?! Rean thought as he fixed Valimar into a defensive stance. While a rational part of the Ashen Awakener knew going against Crow would be an uphill battle considering their previous encounter, and that being able to cross the 3 year long gap in experience between them in a mere 2 weeks would be unlikely, Rean still couldn't help but be frustrated by how outclassed he was against the older pilot.

"Man this is just sad," Crow taunted, breaking Rean away from his thoughts. "Guess all those victories you had against the Alliance was just dumb luck after all." The terrorist boasted and had his Divine Knight pose with the double saber hung over the shoulders. That said posture left its guard completely open was clearly an intentional way to further mock the younger man, declaring how the leader of Class VII barely registered as a threat.

His words and actions had the desired effect as it was only the extensive drills of discipline offered by his Eight-Leaves training that Rean managed to stop himself from charging ahead once again. Even still, his aggravation was clear as Valimar continued to tremble in place as its awakener struggled to restrain himself.

Taking a deep breath to calm down, Rean managed to calm himself down. In response, Valimar also ceased shaking and returned to its guarded stance.

Noticing the Ashen Knight's change in body language, Crow couldn't help himself but chuckle. "Well good to see you can keep your temper under control if nothing else. What's next? Going to give some big heroic speech on how you won't give up and find some way to beat me anyway?" The albino teen bellowed a mocking laugh towards the end of the last phrase. "I swear, if you were half as good at piloting as you were at making corny speeches, I'd be the one getting swatted away like a fly."

And THAT was the straw that broke the camel's back. That final insult made Rean's anger to go full-circle. There was no growls, no screams, or any other emotions. Merely the cool, furious desire to MAKE. HIM. BLEED

"Tell you what," Crow piped up, ignorant OF the Ashen Awakener's tranquil fury, "As a favor in memory of the good old days back at the academy I'll let you have one free shot." No sooner than the words left his mouth, Ordine stood with its arms spread out to the side, leaving it completely open and unguarded to attack. "Go ahead and try to make it count. Do your worst!" Crow taunted, deliberately attempting to provoke Rean.

Fortunately, Rean did not take the bait right away, and instead deliberated on the proper course of action.

He's serious? The bastard must be convinced he can't be hurt if he's willing to give me an opening like that. If only there was a way I could go through his Divine Knight and smack him-Rean's mind left that rain of thought as his eyes widened in revelation.

Then his mouth curled into a savage grin as an idea popped up in his head. Idly, he remembered a small tidbit Celine mentioned after his first fight against the Azure Knight: When a Divine Knight is damaged, the Awakener shares its pain.

That in mind, he knew exactly what to do.

Taking deep breaths, he steadied Valimar as he studied the enemy knight. Specifically, at his chosen target point.

Grinning madly, Rean charged forwards and had Valimar prepare a Heavenly Slash towards Ordine.

Time seemed to slow down as Rean focused his anger to activate his latent powers, turning his hair silver and his eyes crimson while a crimson battle aura surrounded himself as well as Valimar.

At the last second, the large S1 Blade which was poised to strike the Azure Knight's torso shifted lower to the machine's groin.

There was a deathly 'CRACK' as the blade struck the Knight where the sun doesn't shine, Rean's unknown power allowing the attack to hit at far greater speed and force than normal, which unbalanced the bright blue machine.

The attack served its purpose, as the forceful impact's sensations on the knight were transferred to Crow, who let out an audible strangled gasp.

Rean's smile changed from one of savage vengeance to sinful malevolence as he capitalized on Crow's wounded and unbalanced state to launch a gruesome follow-up attack.

"Eight-Leaves One-Blade, Seventh Form..." His powers still active and coating Valimar and the sword with the violent crimson aura, Rean reared the blade back for his next assault."..Enlightened Domination!" Quicker than Crow could keep track of in his immobilized state, Valimar's sword all but transformed into a crimson haze as it sent a brutal flurry of slashes towards Ordine's crotch. The blade moved with such ferocious speed and force that the stolen blade shattered against the blue machine's armored groin.

By this point, Crow had removed his hands from the controls and desperately cupped his male parts in a futile attempt to soothe the phantom pain as a soundless scream of agony escaped his lips.

His pain was only further exacerbated as Rean took that moment to deliver a savage Destructive Impact punch fueled by his power with a loud cry straight at the same spot as the previous sword strikes.

All but paralyzed from the excruciating agony, Crow could do nothing as Rean then proceeded to tackle his prone Azure Knight with the last remnants of his Ogre power and flew them both away with Valimar's engines roaring at full power.

With a loud crash, the two giant mechanical knights landed at a nearby clearing. Unfortunately, Crow was unable to check on their surroundings or make Ordine move as the Ashen Knight kept them pinned to the ground and straddled over its blue counterpart's abused waist.

The Azure Chevalier felt the color drain from his face as he saw Valimar grab Ordine's double saber-When did he take that?!-and kept it poised over it's most recent favorite target on the blue knight's body.

Swallowing his spit in a futile attempt to calm his nerves, Crow attempted one last trick up his sleeve.

"...Mercy?" The terrorist leader squeaked in a high pitch whine more appropriate for a puppy recently castrated w/o anesthetic then the man who plunged the largest nation in Zemuria into a viscous civil war.

The resulting silence from the Ashen Knight's end answered him more than a thousand words ever could as Crow could practically FEEL the sadistic smile that adorned Rean's face.

Ruthlessly, Rean immediately had Valimar forcefully drive the double saber's blade directly towards Ordine's abused groin. The Zemurian Ore blade caused far greater damage to the machine's crotch (and pain to the pilot by extension) than the Soldats blade had managed.

He then lifted the blade upwards then plunged downwards again with much greater strength. He then repeated the action again but even stronger than the last time.

And again. And again. And again, while screaming and listing the many slights Crow dealt against him and his loved ones.

"THAT WAS FOR STEALING 50 MIRA FROM ME!" STAB "THAT WAS FOR LEADING THE ALLIANCE TO MY HOME!" STAB "THAT WAS YOUR GLASSES WEARING BASTARD ALLY KIDNAPPING AND DRUGGING ELISE BACK IN HEIMDALLR!" STAB "THAT'S FOR PUTTING ME IN A COMA AFTER YOU LEAD AN ATTACK ON THE ACADEMY!"

And so Rean continued his brutal assault, listing slight after slight, and punctuating each offense with a viscous stab towards the Azure Knight's mechanical nether regions, each one harder than the last.

All the while, Crow could only screech and moan from the unimaginable pain.

(Duvalie POV, Ymir Village, Same Time)

"DAMN IT ALL!" Came the angry curse of the brunette knight known as Duvalie the Swift as she avoided as viscous slash from the Purple Lightning.

"This was an unexpected turn of events." Came the monotone comment from the young girl Altina Orion, as said girl was stuck in a deadlock as her combat shell Claiomh Solais engaged its white counterpart Airgetlam in battle.

"UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR!" Duvalie irritably snapped. Unfortunately, her outburst left her open long enough for her to be caught in a trap of wires set up by Sharon. "Damn it!"

The brunette knight's rage was not without reason. At first the battle in Ymir had gone of well enough for the side of the alliance and its allies, their superior numbers managing to keep the Purple Lightning, Severing Chains, Icy Maiden, and insignificant Bracer at bay while Lord Rufus kept the brats from Class VII occupied.

Then the two Divine Knights showed up and it everything was shot to hell.

The sight of the two knights barreling so close to the village already made most of the combatants take their eyes away from the battle in surprise. That surprise turned into shock as the Ashen Knight then proceeded to brutally beat down its Azure counterpart.

Duvalie's eyes shot to the male members on their side and bit down a snarl at their prone, unconscious forms.

When the Ashen Knight proceeded to brutalize the Azure's groin, forcing its Awakener to scream out a cacophony of pained yelps and squeaks, every male combatant, friend and foe alike, paused and proceeded to cross their legs in empathy at the brutal sight.

That spelled the alliance's defeat as the Purple Lightning, Severing Chains, Icy Maiden, as well as the female members of Class VII took the opportunity to blindside their male foes in their distracted state. Normally, anyone of them would have been able to avoid the assaults had they been focused. Unfortunately, distracted as they were in their rare show of empathy, they were left completely defenseless and were easily overpowered and were knocked outcold by the swift and brutal combined attack.

Ordinarily, Duvalie would have also responded in kind and used her famed speed to quickly dispatch the males defending Ymir. However, the sheer insanity of the situation as well as a small, traitorous part of her mind that was annoyed by the antics of her male 'comrades' kept her rooted in place and basked in the catharsis at their ignominious defeat in vindictive glee. She was left too busy exercising the full extent of her illustrious lord's harsh training and discipline to merely keep herself from laughing at the inane sight to even bother keeping her guard up, let alone blitz the opposition.

Then the males in Class VII, plus the unimportant Bracer, snapped out of their reverie and joined their female compatriots in battle, outnumbering and overwhelming the Stahlritter and the Black Rabbit.

So now, she was forced on the defensive against 13 enemies with only Altina for backup while the Azure Knight was completely neutralized. Confident as she was in her skills granted by her immaculate lord's boundless wisdom, Duvalie knew she'd be unable to hold off all of them with just Altina for help, and taxed her mind in figuring out a viable counterattack.

"Duke Cayenne, Lady Clotilde," Altina's emotionless voice cut in, halting Duvalie's thoughts as she saw the younger girl speak into an ARCUS,"The battle is lost, I recommend an immediate withdrawal."

"What?!" Duvalie indignantly screeched. They can still fight! And the men surely can't-

"Lord Rufus and the Azure Chevalier have both been incapacitated." Altina curtly spoke, ignoring Duvalie's frustration. "And the Enforcers and members of Zephyr are unable to battle. Lady Duvalie and I can not hold off the enemy forces by ourselves. To continue as we are now would achieve nothing."

"...Very well." Came the uncharacteristically subdued response of Duke Cayenne. "Clotilde if you would?" The audible grimace indicated that the sight of the Azure Knight's continued one-sided brutalization had quelled whatever usual indignance he'd have to such a thought.

The Seventh Anguis chose to forgo a verbal response in favor of having her Familiar Grianos fly up to the Ashen Knight's eyes.

Duvalie was unable to give any further reply as the familiar glow of Lady Clotilde's transportation spell overcame her and everyone else and deposited them on the Pantagruel's infirmary.

( Just outside of Ymir Village, same time)

"GODDESS NO, IT'S BENT!" Crow screeched in a pained soprano as he curved into a ball inside Ordine's cockpit while having his hands cup his pained and abused nether regions.

"Yeah, you really need to get this double saber checked." Rean casually replied as he examined the weapon in Valimar's grasp which had dented after the umpteenth brutal stab to Ordine's groin.

"I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT THAT! AND HOW DID YOU DENT A GIANT SPEAR MADE OF ZEMURIAN ORE LIKE THAT?! OWW, my poor pelvis..." Crow feebly trailed off in a pained tone that reminded Rean of an unfortunate puppy he saw get mauled by a bear when he went on a hunting trip with his father some years back.

Any further thoughts the dark-haired teen had on continuing his vengeance on his traitorous upperclassman were stalled as he saw a peculiar sight on one of Valimar's camera-eyes.

A familiar lapis lazuli feathered bird he recognized as Vita Clotilde's Familiar flew in front of the knight so that it was centered on the optics. Before Rean could formulate a response, the same bird was replaced a large, vibrant flash of light that enveloped the entire screen and forced him to shut his eyes.

As he shielded his eyes, Rean heard a loud screech before a sudden impact the Valimar's head knocked the knight off its Azure counterpart.

After several seconds when the light faded and his vision returned to normal, Rean gazed around and saw that the Azure Knight was gone and glanced the stern of the Pantagruel as it flew away from the village.

Breathing a sigh of relief as his powers and the adrenaline wore off, Rean looked down to the village proper and smiled to see very little damage and that his friends were still alright after their scuffle with the alliance.

[[Warning. Mana Levels are at critically low levels. Extended recharge required.]] Valimar blared out in warning.

"Alright then, lets get you back to the valley while you still have some energy left. It'd cause some inconvenience to the village if you ended up stuck here." Rean replied as he brought Valimar back to his feet and flew back to the clearing he's been sleeping in.

(En route to Lamarre airspace, aboard the Pantagruel, several hours later)

"Crow? Are you alright darling?" The Azure Abyss, Vita Clotilde asked as she settled Crow Armbrust down on his bed in the room provided for him on the Pantagruel. Arcane lights appeared on her hands, as she attempted to help relieve the fallen Awakener of his pain with her witchcraft.

The position her hands were to heal him did not affect her in the slightest as she had used her hands, and other parts, on that specific region of his anatomy directly on many occasions.

"...I can never have children..." Crow feebly wheezed out, the pain still strong even with the potent witchcraft healing him.

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Vita growled. While undoubtedly loyal to The Society and intent carrying the Phantasmal Blaze Plan to its grand conclusion, she did not want that part of her future to be cut short.

She's hardly had anytime with her charming knight since the war began! It doesn't mater how long it will take or how much mana she'll need to use, she WILL get Crow back into shape and have him make up for lost time. Thoroughly.

After all, he survived the Ashen Kight's assault, a little late night fun wouldn't hurt now would it?

Well there you all have it. My first non-lemon story and contribution to the Legend of Heroes fandom finished.

Sorry for any mistakes, I just wanted to have this out soon as possible since, a) The year's almost up and b) To see how long it takes me to have a full chapter out under optimal conditions as a reference for if I ever make a multi-chapter story.

For those who are curious, I started the story late night on the 23rd and made a little less than 500 words before I went to sleep.

That aside, I'm pretty happy about this fic since it let me strike back against things I disliked in canon.

First was how Class VII barely left a dent on any of the bosses in the Infernal Castle. Yeah I know they're all still students so it wouldn't make sense if they could fight them off but it still bugged me. Especially after Rean's solo performance on the Pantagruel.

And before any of you say anything, I'm fully aware that that doesn't count since a) Rean was more focused on escaping than actually fighting, b) Everyone was caught by surprise by his powers, c) Rean himself isn't fully aware of the full extent or origins of his powers, d) Throughout his escape Rean was either holding onto, or in close proximity with Princess Alfin, who they would have been strictly ordered NOT to harm considering her importance to Duke Cayenne's plans.

Another thing that annoyed me in canon was how much Rean and the rest of the class kept talking about how they were going to bring Crow back with them while ignoring everything he did as C. Seriously, the guy STARTED THE WAR they're fighting and they all act like he's still their friend and that everything will go back to the way they used to be after Rean beats him. Put a bad taste in my mouth. Reminded me way too much of Sasuke Uchiha from Naruto(or more recently Windermere from Macross Delta which was still airing when the second game came out here in the west).

...Come to think of it, Sasuke and Crow have ALOT in common.

They're both handsome(NO HOMO!) young men with red eyes, favor their left hands for their best weapons/techniques(the chidori and double saber respectively) and are primarily motivated by vengeance for their dead family members(The Uchiha Clan and Mayor Armbrust).

In order to gain revenge they left their homes when they were around 13 and joined up with a villainous group with one having snake motifs(Orochimaru and Ouroboros), while being in-charge of their own little group(Snake/Hawk and the ILF) that consists of a huge musclebound guy(Jugo and Vulcan), a red-headed chick with eye problems(Karin and Scarlet), and a skinny guy that talks too much and smiles at the thought of bloodshed (Suigetsu and Gideon).

In the pursuit of revenge, they've proven willing to harm people who weren't involved, going so far as to attack a diplomatic conference(The Five Kage Summit and the West Zemuria Trade Conference in Crossbell) and played part in starting a war(The Fourth Shinobi War and the Erebonian Civil War).

While they did find a decent home and friends(Team 7 and Class VII) they decided their vendettas were more important and cut ties with them and went so far as to fight them off and ended the first half of their story by beating down the protagonist to near death(The Valley of The End and the Battle of Trista).

And of course, despite all the crap they pulled, and show little remorse for,that would realistically get them locked up for life or executed, the protagonists and narrative barely acknowledge them with the former still calling them a friend.

Suppose that explains why I made him act more of an arrogant jerk here.

Also, if the ending didn't make it clear I totally ship Crow x Vita.

Anyway, if you liked it be sure to leave a review. Happy Holidays and here's hoping for more good stories in the New Year 2017.

P.S NO FLAMES ALLOWED!