Title: There Was a Spider

Author: Mirianne

Beta: KaelinaLovesLomaris

Summary: In which a nonexistent spider, a catwalk, and Anakin Skywalker's predilection for petty vengeance save the galaxy.

Disclaimer: Not mine. No infringement intended, just entertainment.

Notes: So Kae and I were chatting about the confrontation on the second Death Star, and I said I thought Vader destroyed the catwalk out of petty vengeance and dislike for the station. Kae gave me him blaming a spider. After a few more exchanges, the result is this story.

Standing on the catwalk, arguing about whether or not Vader could really bring himself to kill his son, Luke felt a nudge from the Force to move out over the Emperor. Though he was cautious, he sensed no danger in that position and obeyed the Force's prompting. After all, he could argue just as well from the new position, and the Force had to have some reason to want him to move. When Vader threw his lightsaber through the catwalk, the destroyed section fell toward Palpatine, only the Emperor's own Force abilities preventing it from hitting him. Luke froze and stared.

"...Lord Vader. Would you care to explain why you just dropped a catwalk on my head?"

"Sorry, Master. I was aiming for Skywalker, but a rebel ship was about to hit the shield right outside."

"Indeed."

"Besides, there was a spider."

"What."

Luke stared down at the two Sith. There hadn't been any spider, and he was almost embarrassed at the transparency of his father's lie. Dropping the catwalk had been prompted by irritation with the Emperor and dislike for the Death Star, whatever Vader claimed.

If that was true, if Luke continued to provide an excuse—maybe Sidious would be the only one to die.

Luke adjusted his position to another bit of catwalk. "You missed, Father! I knew you couldn't kill me!"

Five seconds later, Palpatine tossed aside another section of catwalk with a crash while Luke, having been prepared, had flipped through the air to land on another stretch of catwalk over the dais.

"Lord Vader."

"There was a lothcat. I know you are allergic."

"I'm not allergic!"

"I thought that was why you always avoided kittens."

"Their innocence is sickening!"

"Sorry, Master, my mistake."

On Endor, Leia stared up at the Death Star and wondered what Luke was doing. She knew he was on the Death Star, knew he was with Vader, but she could sense him giggling. Had he gone mad? If he was so calm about things, did that mean he wasn't in trouble after all? If so, why wasn't he moving to get off the Death Star?

"It was a womp rat, Master."

"There are. No. Womp rats," Palpatine spat the name with the disdain of a Tatooine native, "on my station."

"I don't know, Your Highness," Luke interrupted. "They like to get into everything, and the wiring in here certainly looks like they've been nesting in it."

Palpatine shot a vicious glare up at the young man who was looking less appealing as a new apprentice by the minute.

"There was an acklay, Master."

"Lord Vader, an acklay would not fit on the dais. Be reasonable."

"Perhaps it was painted on the side of the rebel ship that just flew by. Need I remind you, Master, you designed my mask."

"And you expect me to believe you have not tampered with the design? I have known you since you were nine, child."

"What was it this time?" Palpatine sounded exasperated, but lightning sparked on his hand.

"A reek, Master."

Palpatine blasted Force Lightning at Vader, who caught it on his lightsaber without difficulty. "I thought I was supposed to be fighting Skywalker?"

"Then fight him! Perhaps you should join him on the catwalks!"

Vader looked down from the catwalks and didn't care if both Luke and Sidious could feel him smirking. "It was a nexu, Master. I feared its innocence would sicken you too much to enjoy the spectacle." Being on the catwalks had made it even easier to send another section toward Palpatine's head.

"For the last time, I am not allergic to cats! And how, precisely, do you think a nexu would have gotten onto the Death Star?"

"The rebels might have snuck one aboard," Luke offered, grinning. "It wouldn't be the first time. They're practically honorary members of the Alliance!"

Vader pointed his 'saber at his son. "I knew you had something to do with that!"

"Lord Vader." This time, Palpatine almost sounded calm. He made no effort to look up at Vader or Luke on the catwalks over his throne.

"There was a gundark," Vader said. He moved to stand beside Luke, not making any pretense at fighting for the moment.

"Lord Vader, get down here! Immediately! I am not the master you need to save from a nest of gundarks."

Vader jumped and landed on the dais with a crash while Luke took advantage of the covering noise and Palpatine's infuriated focus on Vader.

"And don't think for a moment you can convince me otherwise—" Palpatine continued, lifting both hands sparking with Force Lightning. Then he had to dive to the side in an ungraceful move as another bit of catwalk landed hard on his throne. He never got a chance to throw that lightning at Luke; Vader was waiting at the end of the dive with a lit lightsaber, and Palpatine didn't see it coming.

"Nicely done," Vader said calmly.

Luke raised an eyebrow. Was Vader really going to treat this so lightly? After everything he'd said on Endor, Luke found that hard to believe, however much he'd known Vader meant that offer from Cloud City. "Well, you had him nicely distracted for me. And you're the one who killed him."

"Which I could not have done had you not taken advantage of his distraction. Accept the compliment, young one. Now, we can—"

Luke started to head off any mention of ruling the galaxy now that the throne was vacant, but both men tensed at a sudden feeling of danger. "Perhaps we should continue this conversation off the Death Star?" Luke suggested.

"We will go to the Executor."

Though tempted to argue, Luke didn't really want to leave his father when they'd just worked so well together. Besides, the increasing sense of danger told him he didn't have time to knock heads with his very stubborn parent. "Fine. In the short term!" he added, feeling Vader's smug victory. "And while I'm there, you can tell me all about what happened with you, Obi-Wan, and a nest of gundarks."