Love Me Now

Summary: Lucy had been through many bad experiences but this time almost broke her. She had never wished for the presence of a certain dragon slayer, with hair the colour of cherry blossoms, more than now.

A/N: This is a gift fic for proudtobeaginger who wanted some gritty NaLu angst. I hope you like this, sorry it took me so long to write and if it's not exactly what you wanted. I wanted to get the scenes between Natsu and Lucy at the end just right. Many thanks to halseyheartfilia for proof reading for me and lady-brandy-arts for her support! Find the link to my Tumblr on my profile if you are interested.

I just about melted writing Natsu at the end, he is such a sweetheart (I fell in love with him myself lol). I realised I didn't put Happy in until I pretty much wrote the entire thing (I didn't really want to edit him in either), so please imagine he's on a date with Charla.

I always struggle with fic titles, so I normally name it after a song that I'm listening to whilst writing. Here is a small list of songsperations for me:

Love Me Now - John Legend

Sorry – Aquilo

I'm On Fire – The Staves

Warnings: This fic is quite dark and mentions torture and the psychological trauma that comes with it. I promise there is a lot of fluff at the end to make up for the angst.

Word Count: 5241

-x-

"Scared is what you're feeling. Brave is what you're doing."
― Emma Donoghue

'Why am I so weak?' It was the main question she asked herself in a spiralling vortex of despair.

'Why was she so stupid?' It wasn't like her to act without thinking. A young woman who planned her outfits for the next two weeks, down to her socks and underwear. Cold seeped through to her bones, the stone slab she was splayed across did nothing to insulate the basement floor of wherever she was. Lucy tried shifting her weight to relieve the pressure on her back. Wincing, she gasped as agony ripped through her body, in fact, it wouldn't be a surprise if every bone had been fractured. Instinctively clenching her fists, it took all she had not to yelp as pain shot through her system causing a fresh bout of tremors. Tilting her head upwards, trying to see out swollen eyes, her empty chuckle filled the room. Perhaps her brain had temporarily blotted out the fact some of her fingernails had been ripped off. She had been naïve thinking nothing bad could happen on a simple retrieval quest, that shouldn't have taken more than a week.

'Natsu.' It had barely been two days. Her slayer wouldn't be coming to save her yet. She wasn't expected back. Biting her already split lip helped her snap out of it, thinking of Natsu would break her. Plus, sobbing too much would disturb her broken rib cage, and she had come this far without crying. Lucy would never give the bastards the satisfaction of seeing her cry or beg. She had taken a longer quest in an admittedly childish protest. Natsu had been in one of his procrastinating phases and everyone else was seemingly on a mission. The choice was to wait for Natsu or go on her own. Lucy hated being alone, it wasn't that she didn't believe she could but the isolation resurfaced bad memories.

Now she was wishing to be back in the guild hall, waiting for a stubborn Natsu. Two sets of eyes were always better than one, and Natsu the man who lived on instinct, sensed approaching danger from miles away. If she had waited then it wouldn't have come to this, being kidnapped. Tortured. Thinking about the word had her diaphragm tightening in panic. The trauma of the past twenty-four hours hit like a sledgehammer to glass "Fucking magical scum," the shards now slicing at her nerves at the thought of them touching her "we'll purge your kind from the planet.".

After the war ended, Lucy had read in the Sorcerer's Weekly about non-magical citizens forming hate militias. She was naive to the extent of their hate, that it would amount to the mutilation of her body to sate a thirst for blood. Instead of focusing on safety, she had been careless. Recalling the sequence of events, they had spotted her weakness as a celestial mage, pick-pocketing her keys before ambushing her at the inn. A covert, well-organised operation, one she would have seen through had she not accepted a job whilst distracted. Lucy wanted to be curled up on her sofa with Natsu, reading a book whilst he played cards with Happy. Her gut whispered if she wasn't rescued this would be her last quest. Shaking her head to discard the thought, they wouldn't take away her future.

Heavy eyelids drifted shut in exhaustion. Images of golden skin, sakura hair and a toothy grin came to mind. If Natsu could lend her his endless courage perhaps she could make it? Help her forget the shame of lying naked in this unfamiliar cell, battered and broken. Growing up her mother had read her tales of princesses, of how the prince would come and slay the dragon in her stead. Lucy realised in Alverez, she had taken the ideals of childhood and applied them to her expectations as an adult. Consequently, failing to see the man standing by her side, protecting her, caring for her, becoming her light. Seeing him tainted by darkness in the war, the prospect of losing him had snapped her out of the daydream. Instead of hoping for a white knight, she discovered her dragon-slayer meant so much more.

Realisation hit home that she had fallen in love a long time ago. Moments she had treasured without question became clearer, the warmth of his body pressed against her, a comforting presence that soothed her worries, being able to share her life without fear of his judgement. Natsu was her constant, her rock and when he left the loss shook her to the core. She would never tell him, but if he left again, it would leave a hole she wasn't sure she could patch this time. If she could forgive him for being so selfish again. Last time she understood his pain, his need to be stronger, she had lost her parents as well. Solitude had changed her perspective on his unannounced visits, she kept the ruse of anger to protect herself. Trusting him with her life and trusting he wouldn't break her heart, were two separate issues when it came to the fire mage.

Fooling herself into believing Natsu wasn't romantically dense was a form of emotional escapism. Not that she could talk, considering how long it had taken her to figure it out. Forcing her stiff body to sit up, gritting her teeth to subdue the ache of tight skin and muscles. Lucy rested her head against her knees, peeking out at the stars visible through the tiny basement window. Her spirits couldn't help her, she had a feeling the entire building was coated in anti-magic runes. The creak of a door sent her pulse soaring, she was desperately trying not to wish for death, she wasn't sure her sanity would hold if she had to endure anymore torment. Collapsing her body to the floor in the strategic move of playing possum. Trying to stop any signs of panic, Lucy was hyper aware of the echoing footsteps moving towards her cell.

"Looks like she's still passed out. I was hoping to have some more fun." Lucy desperately controlled her tremors as she recognised the voice. She could hear his laughter as he dug a knife into her skin, the sick bastard taking pleasure in her misery. A sack had been placed over her head, a technique to heighten the senses and therefore her pain. Shame brought tears to her eyes when she woke up, passed out on the floor, his name carved into her stomach. Never had she wanted to claw her own skin off until that moment.

Feeling herself about to give the game away as her terror grew, Lucy felt the building shake, the sound of an explosion permeated through the structure. A glimmer of hope flared as she dared to believe Fairy Tail had come to save her. The sound of her visitor rushing to fight the intruders brought some comfort until she thought about the guild seeing her. She wanted to be safe, back with her friends. However, she didn't want to be seen in such a state. Humiliated, removed of her pride, and stripped of identity. Continuous bangs and crashes told her the battle upstairs was fierce, the basement door slamming open informed her she had company. Hopefully, it wasn't her kidnapper hoping to use her as leverage.

"Lucy, where are you? Lucy!" Yukino, her fellow celestial mage had come to the rescue. She tried to speak, her throat raw from lack of water meant her voice was a choked rattle.

"I can smell her, she's in there." Sting was here too. The cell door blasted off its hinges and she heard a collective gasp. Lucy didn't want to turn around.

"Oh, Lucy…" Yukina's voice trembled and there was a rustling before the celestial mages unique coat covered her "Sting can you carry her, be gentle her injuries-"

"I know." His voice was barely a whisper, uncharacteristic of his brazen nature. Whimpering in pain when the dragon-slayer picked her up, she finally glimpsed their faces. Yukina walked over and placed a gentle hand on her cheek, Sting had a fierce glint in his eye.

"The spirits told me something was wrong. I was going to get Natsu but they said there was no time."

"Yukina…I couldn't-"Lucy barely recognised her voice. A pale finger pressed against her lips "It's okay now Lucy. We're taking you home." Yukina nodded at Sting, signalling for them to leave. Lucy surrendered the weight of her head onto Sting's shoulder, strength leaving her body completely. She wanted to go home, the whisper of who that was, a murmur on her lips before passing out.

"Natsu."

Opening her eyes Lucy found herself still being supported by Sting, they were in a carriage with Yukina sitting to her left. Looking down she could see they had treated and cleaned her up somewhat. Lucy was glad she had passed out, it would have hurt like a bitch. Noticing the landscape outside the window, recognising the rolling hills instantly. She wasn't far from home.

"Lucy we're taking you to the guild, then Wendy-"

"No." Her tone was final "Just take me home." one thing she didn't want was a dramatic entrance into the guild hall. She couldn't deal with the gawking, at how much she had messed up, how stupid she had been. How pathetic she was to let them do such horrible things to her, at not being able to stop them.

"Lucy your injuries are still bad, you need help." Concerned eyes swept over the cloth serving as temporary bandages, her hands were completely covered.

"Please." Yukina looked like she was about to argue back when Lucy in her peripheral, caught sight of Sting shaking his head. It was a small mercy she would never forget. She needed time to process what had happened.

"Lucy I'll take you up to your room, after that, I'm going to the guild. You can't go without medical care." Sting voiced a compromise as they arrived at her apartment. Lucy thought being home in her apartment would make her feel better. However, as she was settled on her bed, the pillows and fluffy blankets didn't have their usual comforting effect. Nothing is what she felt, in complete numbness, she acquiesced to his plan with a nod. Focusing her gaze elsewhere she avoided further conversation.

"Lucy I'm leaving your keys on the table." Yukina's voice called out before she heard footsteps and the door closing. Silence followed, she knew she should try and bath, that it would make her feel better. All her energy had evaporated and it felt like she was losing herself as the minutes passed. It was as if the fact she had been saved hadn't sunk in, her mind still in a protective state of shutdown. How long she lay unmoving Lucy couldn't say, her heart leaping at the sound of a familiar voice shouting her name. She heard the sheer anguish, concern and rage compounded into one, a cry from his soul to her own.

Lucy felt his presence before shifting her eyes in his direction. Never had she seen Natsu without his voice, but the rage on his face spoke for him, it was from a sinister place. Natsu was never one to view life lightly, always maintaining the philosophy that the lives of his opponents shouldn't be taken unnecessarily. Right now, his steel eyes showed a thirst for violence that she had never witnessed before. Lucy knew Natsu's true power, how easily he could turn the world to ash. She didn't want revenge, his presence was needed here.

Seeing him opened the floodgates. Natsu meant safety and protection, her mind finally snapping out of the zombie like state. Lucy kept eye contact with Natsu. Fearing the possibility that if she blinked, he wouldn't be there and she would be cold again, awaiting the next moment she would be subjected to agony.

She knew Gray, Erza and Wendy had charged into the room not long after Natsu. Unable to take her eyes of Natsu, she could hear their shocked exclamations upon seeing her. It wasn't until Wendy tried to move the blanket to start treatment, her panic surfaced.

"No!" She yelped, dodging her touch "Not with everyone looking." Lucy knew her team-mates were not judging her. However, intense feelings of shame were making the thought of more eyes than necessary seeing her, unbearable.

"Everyone clear out! You too Natsu, Wendy will get us-" Erza started to take control of the situation, true to her leadership sensibilities but Natsu had other ideas.

"I'm not going anywhere." His face was adamant, there would be no reasoning with him when he was like this. Everyone in the guild knew that when Natsu was set on something he was both the relentless force and immovable object. In other words, impossible to deal with.

"Natsu you can't-" Erza wasn't a pushover either.

"Don't leave" Lucy was still holding Natsu's gaze, reach out to grab the fabric of his trousers.

"I just said I wasn't going anywhere, didn't I?" His gentle reassurance, alleviating her worries somewhat.

"Alright, we'll leave. Give us an update later." Erza knowing stare took in the exchange between the pair and smiled. Jellal's presence after she was tortured, meant more to her than words could describe

"Lucy get better soon" Raising her hand in goodbye as she left. Gray placed his hand on Natsu's shoulder, the two exchanging a nod that was commonplace in their unique bromance.

Wendy tried once again to start treatment, kneeling in front of her.

"Ok Lucy, are you ready?" Nodding she bit her lip hard at Wendy's warning. Her vice-like grip on Natsu's hand caused his frown to deepen. Nausea rose in his gut dreading what he was about to see, judging from Lucy's anxiety about it, he wasn't sure about his own control. Wendy moved the cloth covering her torso, her horrified gasp filled the room as the extent of the damage was revealed. Snapping her eyes to Natsu's face, her biggest fear was seeing disgust, disappointment. It was irrational, she knew Natsu wasn't like that but her insecurity was creating fears of rejection. Nightmares of the one thing that would truly break her, thoughts of Natsu not wanting her anymore. Rejecting her as his teammate, his partner, and the possibility that broke her heart, his lover.

The emotion on his face was the opposite, it was yet another first for her. Devastated, his teeth clenched in a snarl, his eyes a mixture of pure shock, unconcealed rage and to her surprise a glassy sheen. Natsu dropped to his knees, interlacing their fingers whilst his other hand swept the locks out of her face before cradling the back of her head. Lucy closed her eyes, shuddering as his forehead lent against hers, affection so pure it tore off the plaster keeping her stable. As her heart-wrenching wails filled the room, sore arms and hands clinging to whatever part of him she could grab, she cried properly for the first time. Feeling him move she panicked thinking he was pulling away, instead he lifted her body and sat on the bed so she was laying in his lap. Cocooned in his warmth Lucy didn't care that she was practically naked, that Wendy's healing was removing the abomination off her stomach.

"Lucy, I've healed the serious wounds. I think it's best to let your body heal the bruising." Wendy informed her whilst standing up, stepping away from the bed to observe for any wounds she had missed.

"Thank you." Lucy was good at giving others reassurance, even when she didn't feel it herself. It was part of her defences, developed by a lonely child in an empty home. Wendy being young took it at face value, leaving them alone with a promise to check in tomorrow. Natsu had been uncharacteristically quiet, his arms securing her in a protective hold against his chest. Lucy tuck her head under his chin, her ear against his sternum the faint beat of his heart could be heard. Still supporting her weight Natsu shifted his arm to thread his fingers through her hair, the other hand drawing patterns on her thigh. Using her free hand, since the other was snug between their bodies, she flattened her palm on his abdomen. Skin on skin, heart to heart, cold exchanged for heat is what she needed and Natsu seemed to know that. She shouldn't be surprised, Natsu may not be book-smart but his instincts were second to none, especially with her. Usually, this was a frustrating quirk, especially when she didn't feel like talking. His tenacity and what Gray had jokingly termed the 'Lucy Radar' during a quibble, was the reason for it being nigh impossible to keep a secret from him.

Smoothing her hand over bronze skin, each contour and crease of corded muscle belied his true strength. Passion embodied Natsu, conviction to protect precious comrades the motto of his fiery spirit. That is why she believes in the man holding her, since the moment he whisked her away in Hargeon. Lucy discovered Natsu never did things half-assed, he put his soul into every action and she couldn't help her fascination. Plots, puzzles, equations she could unravel them all due to her academic mind. Figuring out Natsu was a different story, predictable not describing the dragon-slayer. Natsu should be out for blood, instead, he was by her side. Slight changes in his behaviour towards her became pronounced after his fight with Gray. He was more affectionate, touching her randomly as if reassuring himself she was still there. If any of their team-mates noticed they didn't say anything.

"Are you okay?" Natsu's lack of communication was unsettling.

"You're always nice" his lips drew into a thin line, his eyes narrowing "You're beat-up, asking if I'm okay?"

"You're angry." A quiet statement.

"Yeah, I'm angry Luce." Her eyes watered at his nickname, he only used it in their personal moments "I walked in here today to find you half dead. Do you know what that did to me? Seeing you like this again?"

"Again?"

"I woke up and all I can remember is rage because what's-her-name was hurting you." He pulled her head back, looking into her eyes "You weren't moving." His voice cracked. Lucy had never seen Natsu so vulnerable, rather than anger it was fear glistening in his green orbs. A warm hand cupped her jaw as he nuzzled her nose, the gesture pure, as he held eye contact. In any other situation, Lucy would have found Natsu's poor memory of people funny. However, the revelation that he had started turning into a demon because of her 'death' was eclipsing everything else.

"Natsu-" his thumb running over her mouth silenced her.

"How can I talk about the future, if you are not here to share it with." She could feel his breath as he closed the proximity between them "I'm angry because I vowed that I wouldn't lose anyone in front of me again, that I would get stronger." Lucy's lower lip quivered, as Natsu bared his innermost feelings. He didn't always share his personal thoughts, especially when the topic was hard to talk about, he wasn't eloquent and preferred to speak through action. Clenching her fists, teeth grinding, the anger of feeling so helpless and pitiful rose as acid inside her mouth.

"I don't want that Natsu! I don't want to be reliant or need saving" hitting his chest weakly, her tears resurfaced "Why was I so stupid? Why can't I handle one mission by myself without something going wrong? Look at me Natsu!" she made a sweeping gesture towards the state of her body, wounded and dirty "I feel ashamed." That I'm not as strong as you. That I couldn't stop them because you would have.It appeared she didn't need to voice her unspoken words, Natsu's eyes narrowed as soon as she finished. He knew.

Springing from the bed still carrying her, the sudden movement making her squeak in surprise. Natsu marched into the bathroom, his face a picture of determination. Unease filled Lucy, he had a point to make, why they needed to be in here she didn't know.

"Do you think you can stand?" She nodded at he set her on her feet. Natsu was letting his instincts guide him, knowing that Lucy needed to believe in herself. She needed to see the future, just like Igneel had taught him.

"See Luce, that's the first step." Was he trying to make her a blubbering mess? Catching on to his meaning she started moving.

"I'll get stronger" Lucy on jittery legs walked towards her future "I'm going to be ok", for the first time since he arrived Natsu grinned, offering his hands "I want to go on more adventures with those I love." She reached out, connecting their palms not expecting him to pull her forward, brushing her fingertips over his lips. Curling her fingers over, he brought her over hand to the same position. Natsu kissed her knuckles on both hands and Lucy's heart melted, he was loving her so right.

"and you will." Natsu's belief in her was unmistakable, thinking of the bastards who did this had him wanting to track down the perpetrators. Incinerating their bodies until there was nought but ashes left sounded like justice. Lucy needed him here, even if the idea sounded great. Igneel had taught him many things, how to deal with an emotional girl was not one of them. Natsu figured the same advice Igneel had given him would be appropriate, thankfully the gamble paid off. When Lucy was upset, he was never sure what to say. A lump that refused to shift usually made its presence known. Often occurring when she was genuinely angry at him. Tonight, he knew the emotional outburst was to heal the wounds that were more than skin deep.

"You need a bath, it'll help. I'll wait outside." As he made his way to exit the bathroom, cool fingers enveloped his wrist. Looking round he saw her petite frame starting to shiver, her shoulders hunching.

"Please…please don't leave me alone." Her voice barely a whisper. Short nails digging into his wrist told him she was hanging onto a mental precipice, the emotional crevasse beneath threatening to swallow her whole. Consolidating her with a nod, Natsu looked at the hand holding him. Her guild mark proudly stood out but it was her nails that gained his attention. He didn't usually pay attention to her beauty routine, yet he knew she loved to paint her nails and style her hair. Her face would light up, her smile bright and exuberant as asked what he thought. Natsu was always confused as to why she asked, but he appreciated how beautiful she looked presenting her hard work. Nails that she loved to keep in immaculate condition, now showed the imperfections of trauma. All he cared about was that she was okay. However, Lucy would care and that's what mattered. She would be reminded of those bastards every time she looked at her hands.

"Lucy, you never have to beg me," Cupping her jaw in his hands, bringing her eyes up to meet his "Only ask." Her skin felt soft, like the finest cotton as she nodded. He noticed tears pricking at the corners of her eyes again. The sound of her robe hitting the floor told him skinship was rebuilding her confidence, a reassurance she wasn't alone in the nightmare that was her mind. Natsu knew what it was like to be trapped inside your own head, unable to escape the imagined worst case scenarios. He felt like that when he was unable to find Igneel, the loneliness he had felt before finding Fairy Tail was crippling. It also occurred when Zeref revealed that he was E. N. D.

Lucy accepted his demon side and the pure emotion in her eyes as she proclaimed he would always be 'just Natsu', meant more to him than she realised. Supporting her as she sunk into the hot bath, Natsu smiled. Lucy was strong, he'd known from the moment she tagged along on that first mission after she'd got the guild mark. She kept moving and never gave up, even if she was scared, or if the enemy was more powerful. Unable to see it herself and speaking the words of a coward, her actions told a different story. Natsu saw the brave young woman underneath, his instincts cutting through the bullshit. Hence, the next day he formed a team with her.

Ducking under the water, the feeling of relief as her clumped hair loosened and the dirt lifting was immediate. Emerging she noticed Natsu reaching for her shampoo, it was ridiculous but his every move tonight had the potential to make her cry tonight. Although this time it was because despite Natsu having a memory like a sieve, out of the long line hair care products he picked her favourite, macadamia and argan oil. She had never told him that, only forcing him to come with her on shopping trips, which meant he had paid attention to what she brought or he could smell what she used every day. Either way, it was incredibly attentive for the carefree dragon slayer. Strong fingers started massaging the shampoo into her scalp and she relaxed against his form. Lucy marvelled at their connection, at how he understood what she needed without needing to ask.

"I thought…" Trailing off she bit her lip, her pulse quickened and she pulled her knees up to her chest "I thought they might…" She couldn't even say it. The thought of anyone forcing intimate contact sickened her to the bone. Palpitating anger filled the room momentarily, she could sense rage coursing through his body as he stilled, catching onto her meaning. Continuing to wash her hair, the tension lifted but Natsu's soothing caresses were in stark contrast to his tone.

"Lucy." His voice a deep tenor vibrating through her petite body. All he had spoken was her name, she could hear the unspoken retribution said perpetrators would have faced if they had touched her. Not even the council prison would save them from Natsu's wrath, his power transcending all logical comprehension due to the demon inside. The irony was not lost on Lucy, that to her, the safest place to be was by the side of the most dangerous biological weapon ever made by Zeref. Whom just so happened to be her partner, team-mate and the man she had been in love with for the longest time. Gasping as he wrapped her in his arms, her back was pressed against his front. Lucy felt him tuck his head into the crook of her neck and she let out a giggle as he blew a raspberry.

"Natsu you'll get wet" He was simply amazing. It didn't matter that he wasn't the sharpest tool in the box, he was surprisingly perceptive at knowing how to cheer her up. Saving her even from her own thoughts.

"I don't care." Lucy smiled at his unimpressed tone, nuzzling her face into his hair. Taking in his wood smoke scent before sitting back to let him take care of her. He washed her down, his sole focus to pamper her. She didn't even care she was naked, she trusted him implicitly and it took a horrific event to realise how far that went. Her body had been inhumanely abused and still not a sliver of doubt entered her mind, despite the experience. It spoke volumes about how true and honest Natsu was in life. Many times, she aspired to have his resolute sense of self, sticking to his own moral code even in the most adverse circumstances. If Natsu could do it, then so could she.

Natsu had the strange ability to mesmerise people with his presence. Whether it was in awe or annoyance, it was all the same. She found herself once again, being sucked into his pace and wondering how she ever coped without him. Especially as he lifted her out of the bathtub and wrapped a towel around her shoulders. Walking over to the draws she scouted through them in search of a t-shirt. Keeping spare shirts in the bathroom was a must when your best friend was a spontaneous dragon slayer, who had no regard for personal space. In finding the shirt she froze, this would be embarrassing, it was one she stole from Natsu a year back. A shirt she may have denied knowing the location of by omission.

Quickly, she put the shirt on, her goosebumps telling her it was too cold to deliberating over trivial things. The smirk on Natsu's face when she turned around was infuriating.

"You knew all along where that shirt was" Folding his arms, Natsu shook his head. He should have known, Lucy was suspiciously quiet that day. And she was terrible at hiding a lie when she spoke, it made sense now. Scooping her into his arms once more he made his way to her bed. Drawing back the covers and placing her down gently, as if she would shatter at the slightest disturbance. The thought of how close he had come to losing her again was still raw. Scooting in beside her and tucking her into his chest, protecting her from the outside world for tonight.

"Natsu," Tucking her head under his chin, he could feel her hand reach around to clutch at his back in a fierce hug "Thank you." He could smell her shampoo and everything else that made Lucy Heartfilia.

"Get some rest Lucy." Stroking the strands of hair by her face, Natsu was glad she made it home. One thing he had learned today, of all enemies he had faced none of them had scared him like the thought of losing Lucy. To be precise, the thought he might not always be around to protect someone so precious to him. He had been lucky the previous times. He would never leave her alone unnecessarily again. Natsu, Lucy and Happy were a package deal after all.