Chapter Twelve

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Want forgiveness

Getting weaker

I'm addicted to the fever

Let go, I'm ready for it

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They had decided not to stop for the night on the way back to Konoha. Well, Kakashi had made the decision without consulting her and Sakura was too exhausted to protest. She had followed him down the trail through the mountains, taking extra care not to slip or bump into him. She could practically feel the anger pouring off of him.

She didn't know why he was so angry. She was the one he dumped without a care in the world, she was the one who had sacrificed everything to be with him. If anyone should be angry, it was her.

But, she wasn't. She stared at his back the entire way, wishing she could gather the courage to reach out and touch him. She stared at the spot on the back of his head where her finger had twirled around his hair as he carried her through the mountains. It had been so soft and if she had known it would have been the last time she could have felt it, she would have appreciated it more. But, what did she expect? It wasn't like they were going to kiss one last time, touch each other one last time...all she had were the memories now.

It made her sick to her stomach and with every step closer to home, she couldn't shake the feeling of unease. How could he not feel this between them? Could he really be so intimate with someone else and have it mean nothing? Maybe he had been right all along. She hadn't been able to handle it. He had showed her something so amazing and so intimate and it changed her. She was different and she couldn't handle it.

Tears stung her eyes and she drew in a slow, trembling breath, hoping he couldn't hear her struggling. Panic was quickly rising through her like a flood and she clung to any thought that could hold her head above the black waters of fear. She just needed to get home. She needed her normalcy again. A few days in Kyo's apartment, getting back into the routine of her life and she would be fine.

God, why didn't she believe that?

She felt her throat clench, blocking her breath and for a second, true panic struck Sakura. She stopped her trek behind Kakashi and grabbed hold of a tree to steady herself. "Kakashi." His name was out of her mouth before she could stop it.

He slowed to a stop and turned, his face full of annoyance at first. But, at the sight of her clutching onto a tree, he hurried back up to her, searching her eyes. "Are you hurt?"

Sakura shook her head, mentally cursing herself. It was as if the moment he turned around, all of her fear and trepidation ceased to exist. She knew it was her subconscious using its last ditch effort to see him again, to be near him. Squeezing her eyes shut, she stood back up and steadied herself. "I just got light headed. I'm fine."

"You need to eat." He pulled his pack around to the front and snatched a wrapped granola bar. It had no taste but she chewed, keeping her eyes glued to the bar. She could feel him watching her and knew if she looked up, she wouldn't be able to control it. "Thank you."

"We're only a few hours away. Do you think you'll be able to make it?"

No. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

She had no more episodes on their way back to the main road. It felt weird passing by the outpost they had camped beside on the journey a few weeks ago. Things had been so different. Why hadn't she been able to leave well enough alone then? Oh, but she just had to know. She had to keep pushing until she got her way.

The entire way, Kakashi kept himself just a few steps ahead of her. She had tried to close the gap, to make him look at her but he was aware of what she tried to do and put even more distance between them.

Her heart raced as the village walls came into view. No. She didn't want this to be the end. She wanted so much more. Could she fake being hurt again? Could she faint to get him to hold her one last time? God she sounded ridiculous. He obviously didn't want to be around her. That hurt more than anything else.

He waved up at Genma who sat on the wall, swinging his legs as he looked out toward the road. "Kakashi! You finally make it back? You'll never guess what happened!" The nin leapt from the wall and landed next to Kakashi. They threw their arms around each other and Sakura could only watch as he laughed at Genma's story as if everything was absolutely normal. Sakura pursed her lips and pushed past them, heading in to the gates. If he wanted to be an asshole, then fine. She could be just as bitchy. She signed her name, barely legible on the sheet, and glanced back at Kakashi out of the corner of her eye. He made no move to follow her. "Don't forget your mission report, Kakashi-sensei." She mumbled to him before turning toward the district where Kyo's apartment was. It was protocol to have an examination at the hospital but that was the last thing she wanted to do.

If her life was going back to normal, then she wanted to get a head start. She wanted to soak in her bathtub for at least an hour and she wanted her fiancé to dote on her and give her the attention she should be craving. And no matter how much her body screamed in protest, begging her to turn around and run into Kakashi's arms, she didn't.

AN- and this is where they leave us...but not for long. I decided to split the story up into two parts and I'll be writing a few short one-shots from Kakashi's point of view. This is Sakura's story ultimately, but he needs his voice too. Thank you so much for all your reviews, all those who favorited the story and me!