Snow Is Evil!

Author Chick's Notes: No I haven't smoked anything I shouldn't…I am just in the mood to be naughty. ^^  This all came about from a series of pics I have seen over the past few winters.  Pics sent to me by 'caring' mates who can't see why I absolutely despise winter and that white stuff associated with it.  For the record, I still hate winter and snow. 

Snow Is Evil!

Deep Six checked his watch before knocking.  He still had a few minutes before the room's occupant was to wake up, but the deep-sea diver figured that this particular person needed a little extra help getting out of bed.  It was two degrees below zero outside after all.  No response.  Deep Six knocked again, this time entering as he did.  He saw a mountain of blankets and comforters on the narrow bed.  In the middle of the pile was a large lump, somewhat human in form.

"Come on Kid, get up."  Deep Six caught what was muttered from under the linens and laughed.  "Two below."

"What?"  Torpedo bolted upright before burying himself even deeper into his warm bed. "No way I getting out of here."  He vowed.

Deep Six narrowed his eyes and nibbled at his lip, time for plan 'B'.  Going back to the door he got the pail he had brought along with him just in case.  The diver sized up the situation before grabbing the corner of the covers and quickly yanking them back.  Torpedo didn't have enough time to pull them back over his head before Deep Six dumped the pail full of snow on him.

Jumping out of his now snow filled bed, Torpedo screamed at the rude invasion of cold.  Deep Six smirked at the litany of language spewing forth from the Hawai'ian born SEAL and left.  Outside in the hall, Doc could hear the swearing and saw the smirk on Deep Six's face.  "Alright, what did you do to piss him off?" Doc asked.

"Bucket of snow in his nice warm toasty bed." Deep Six answered as he lit up a cigarette.

Doc raised an eyebrow before scolding the diver.  "The kid's from the tropics…he doesn't know what snow is."

"He does now." Deep Six replied.  His smirk was beginning to be replaced by laughter.   Doc made a comment about the diver's post life prospects in Hell.  Deep Six shrugged then leaned towards Torpedo's door.  "Forty five minutes Hawai'i!" 

"UFA HOALE!" Doc stared at the door before looking to the laughing Deep Six for a translation. 

"Politely?  It translates to 'up yours white boy'." Deep Six answered.  The hand gesture he used showed Doc what the actual translation was.  Doc's jaw just dropped.

At the appointed time, a heavily dressed Torpedo entered the lounge in the men's dormitory.  "You ever think of doing that again and I kill you." He scowled at Deep Six.  It took roughly six point three seconds for everyone else in the lounge to find out what 'that' had been.  The Joes from warmer climates gave Torpedo a look of sympathy, the ones from colder climes however were taking Deep Six's side.

"Oh my God! I'd have paid a fortune to see that!" Airtight howled in laughter.  " Eh heh just kidding." He sobered, when he saw the look of death from the SEAL.

"Look at it this way." Deep Six started.  "By sunset tonight you'll be on a nice warm tropical island where winter is a myth." 

"And I'm staying there until summer." Torpedo muttered under his breath.  After bidding farewell to friends, the two divers collected their bags and left for a plane awaiting to take them to their latest assignment. 

Outside they stopped when they saw Cover Girl sitting in the snow, howling in laughter.  As Torpedo tried to find out what Cover Girl found so funny, Deep Six looked around.  The cigarette hanging from his mouth fell to the ground when he spotted what the tanker was most likely laughing at.

In the middle of the courtyard were some of the most bizarre snowmen he'd ever seen.  Some of them were upside down, a few others had the parts mixed up, but it was the one with the head upside down that caught his attention.  It was a very well endowed snowman at that.  "Let me guess?  Someone got bored last night." Deep Six finally said.

Torpedo looked first at Deep Six, then followed his gaze to the mutant snowmen.  "What the hell?"  Cover Girl meanwhile flopped down flat in the snow and laughed even harder.  The two divers took in the scene and found even more odd creations made of snow.  Some of them qualified as downright obscene, that's when Torpedo started laughing.  "Dat's talent!" He managed to get out between fits of laughter. 

Scarlet was coming across the courtyard towards them when she saw the sculptures.  She reached her hand up to close her jaw before speaking up.  "Where on earth did these come from?" She stammered.  Deep Six didn't miss the blush that flushed on the woman's cheeks when she tripped over one of the cruder sculptures.  "What…Pervert?" Scarlet tried to ask as she looked at the one she tripped over.  It was a rough outline of a couple engaged in sex.

Cover Girl had calmed down a bit and managed to answer her teammate. "I don't know.  But when I find out who…" She paused to laugh again. "…When I find who, I'm gonna shake their hand." Cover Girl broke down in laughter again.

Scarlet looked up when she heard the door to the men's dorm open.  Frostbite took no time in spotting what had the others either laughing or flustered.  "Okay…"  Before Scarlet could accuse him of the sudden artistic outbreak, Frostbite defended himself.  "Don't look at me Red.  These are good, but they're amateur at best."  He started.  "I can do a hell of a lot better!"  After a moment, Frostbite defended his fellow arctic weather specialists too. "And so can the rest of the…"

A bright flash of light interrupted them.  Deep Six held a camera to his eye and took a few more pictures of the bizarre scene before turning to Torpedo.  "Okay, come on Kid, Palau's waiting." He stated.  Torpedo followed a few steps behind his teammate before striking.  Swiping a foot out, he tripped up Deep Six and sent him face first into the deep snow.  While his victim lay there temporarily stunned, Torpedo grabbed a handful of snow and shoved it down Deep Six's coat collar.  The shock of cold made Deep Six bolt upright as he tried to shake the snow out of his cloths, Torpedo meanwhile chuckled the whole way to the plane Wild Bill had warming up.  Soon the two divers were away on their mission. 

Back in the lounge, Sci-Fi came in dressed in his uniform, minus his helmet.  The laser trooper looked like he'd had a rough night the previous evening as he got a cup of coffee.  Someone greeted him as he turned back towards his room.  "Hold that thought." He muttered.  After adding a shot of whiskey to his coffee he returned to the lounge.  "We're doing what today?" Sci-Fi asked as the combination of coffee, whiskey and some pills he'd swallowed earlier began beating his hang over back.

"The usual." Duke answered, scowling at the hung over man. 

"Oh goody.  I don't have to think." Sci-Fi replied as he took another sip of spiked coffee.

Low Light came out shortly after, he had Sci-Fi's helmet with him.  "You left this on the desk." He muttered, handing the helmet over.  Sci-Fi thanked him and took the helmet.  Low Light meanwhile made his way over to the table with the coffee pot.  Reaching into one of his pockets, he pulled out a small flask and added some of the contents to his mug.

Duke stared slack jawed at the two for a moment.  "You two knew you had duty today, and yet you got drunk last night anyway!" He bellowed.  The two winced at the sudden increase in noise before replying.

"Blame Ace, he's the one who held the poker tourney last night." Sci-Fi explained.  Duke glared at the pilot as he wandered into the room.  Ace saw the disapproving look and turned back the way he came.

"Get back here!" Ace muttered a small 'damn' under his breath before doing as ordered.  As Duke chewed Ace out, Low Light and Sci-Fi made their escape.  Once outside Sci-fi stopped and stared at the weird landscape before him.

"Those have got to be the freakiest snowmen I've ever seen." He murmured.  Low Light looked at him before laughing.  Sci-Fi glanced at Low Light before looking back at the snowmen.  "Dude! Those things are friggin spooky!"

"You're the one who made them last night." Low Light told him.  "Don't you remember?"

"Me?"

"Yeah you." Low Light snickered.  Sci-Fi tried to recall what he'd done the night before, when he saw Scarlet glaring at him.  Cover Girl doubled over in laughter as Sci-Fi quickly sobered up.

"I'm a dead man." He gulped before making a break for it.  Low Light and Cover Girl both howled in laughter as Scarlet chased after the escaping laser trooper.

"I love when he gets drunk." Low Light spoke up when the two heard Sci-Fi yelping, Scarlet had caught up to him.

"Why?" Cover Girl asked.

"He never remembers the crazy crap he pulls until after he's in trouble for it."  The two heard more yelling and decided to go save Sci-Fi from the wrath of one pissed off Scarlet.  "He owes me for this." Low Light chuckled.

The End.