Hi SPN Fam! So this is the first thing I have written in about 5-7 years so please give me some feedback! Its also my first Destiel/Supernatural fic! So I'm pretty excited to be writing again. Let me know your thoughts!

I don't own Supernatural, otherwise Gabe would still be on the show and would spend most of his time in Sammy's pants ~_^

It had been a week since Cas had suddenly appeared before the winchester brothers, miraculously escaping purgatory. Dean could tell the angel that he loved so much was bothered; he could only imagine by what purgatory was almost worse than hell. And he would know. He finally had a chance alone with Cas but he found it so hard to say anything now that the opportunity arose.

"Cas. . . how are you holding up buddy?" The concern for his angel was very evident on Dean's face. Castiel was too stiff to be okay, he just continued to stare down at the newspaper in his hands.

"I'm fine Dean. As I've said every time you've asked." Cas knew he wasn't fine though, he had no idea how he made it out of purgatory, it wasn't like he wanted to leave. He planned to be there for the rest of eternity. He had murdered his brothers and sisters in heaven. How could he hope to atone for that here on earth? Certainly he couldn't return to heaven either. He was grateful that he was an excellent liar, or at least he thought he was. However Dean looked less than convinced.

Dean sighed and rose from the table by the door of the dingy motel room. He around the bed to his angel, wondering at what point he had become his angel. Dean sat down next to Cas and wrung his hands together. He wanted to touch him but didn't want to scare his angel off. Cas had a bad habit of flying away when things got awkward or right when Dean was about to say something meaningful.

"Cas. Don't lie to me. You've not been yourself for a while." Cas shifted uncomfortably, dean had no choice, he set his hand on the angel's leg. "Don't you fly off on me, we are talking here. This is important man. I need you, you're family, you can't just go flying off and leaving me to keep things to yourself. You leave then don't come back, you have any idea how worried that makes me? It was bad enough thinking you were dead after the leviathan incident. Then purgatory? Now you're suddenly back, I don't want to to go away again. . . Or ever for that matter." Dean's face flushed red and Cas watched this with intrigue, confusion, and a bit of fear. Intrigued over Dean's sudden openness, confused as to why he appeared to have suddenly gained a fever, and afraid that Dean would learn about the nightmares floating around in his head.

"Dean. . ." The way the angel whispered his name sent chills down Dean's spine. It was mixed with adoration and a bit of fear. He didn't know what to do, he wanted to comfort his angel, make it all go away. Just touch him and make it all better like Cas had done for him so many times in the past. "Your face is red. . . if you are ill then should I heal you? It is difficult to be of help to anyone if you're sick." Dean had to resist the urge to stare dumbfoundedly at the angel. He had forgotten how little Cas knew about human nature and emotions sometimes. He could kiss his angel, that could clear up the confusion - or make it worse. Who knows with that one…

"No man I'm not sick, it's just . . . I . . ." jeez, this was going to be harder to explain than he first thought. "Castiel." Dean internally smirked as he realized using his angel's full name caused an audible gasp and Cas's eye grew wide. "I'm worried about you, I care for you, and I want to help. I miss you when you're gone and it feels like you're not here right now even though you're sitting in front of me. So just let me in, tell me what is going on. I've been to hell and back man, I can handle it. . . Let me help you. . . that's what we humans do for people that we - that we love. . ." There. He had finally said it. It took 5 years but he finally said it. Whatever Cas did now was on him, and Dean would have to take whatever the choice was in stride. Either his angel would be scared off and never come back, or he would stay - and give this messed up man a chance.

Dean looked up to lock eyes with his angel, there were tears welling up in the beautiful man's eyes. "Oh shit! I broke him! I didn't even think angel's could cry!" "Cas! Castiel, what do you need, what can I do?" Dean looked around frantically, what the heck was he supposed to do? He thought back to all the movies he'd watched, what happened in those? He quickly decided to take a chance and wrapped his arms around his angel pulling him close. It was an awkward position but somehow it just felt right.

Dean felt Cas tense up and for a moment though that he had done the wrong thing. "Fuck. I've done it now. He's going to fly off and not come back!" Dean's chest tightened at the thought of Cas leaving forever. It was bad enough when he thought he was dead right after the whole Lucifer fiasco. He subconsciously gripped the angel tighter, almost desperately, as if he could hold him down by sheer will alone.

Castiel began to cry at that confession, he couldn't remember the last time he heard those words directed at him. Several hundred years at least. Gabriel had been the last to tell him that. Before he left heaven. That was so long ago, he thought he'd never hear those words again. When Dean pulled him into an embrace he stiffened for a moment, unsure of what to do but relaxing when he felt the embrace get tighter. He gently wrapped his arms around Dean and let himself relax for the first time in God knows when. Burying his face in Dean's shoulder he cried, it had been so long since he'd allowed himself this release.

After a few minutes had passed and Cas had calmed, he took a deep breath and began to speak. "You're helping by being here Dean. I . . . I can't even remember the last time I was able to let down my guard enough to cry. . . angel's must control their emotions. But sometimes it is just too much to bear. I don't know how I got out of purgatory. . . to be honest I didn't want to get out. I wanted to be left there for the rest of eternity to atone for my sins against heaven. I killed so many, so much of my brothers' and sisters' blood is on my hands Dean. . . I can't go home. . . I have no where. . ." The angel gripped the back of Dean's shirt as he spoke, somehow it calmed him - holding onto Dean.

At that statement Dean pulled away from Cas just enough to see his face, the angel's eyes were wide, innocent, lost and full of loss. He took the beautiful man's face in his hands and looked him dead in the eyes. "Don't you lie to me and don't you dare lie to yourself. You have a home right here; with me, with sam. Screw heaven and those fluffy winged ass holes! You belong here!" Dean's voice dropped down to a nearly silent whisper as his eyes broke their gaze with the angel. "With me. . ." He half hoped that Cas would miss all the painfully obvious hints he had dropped through this whole conversation. It would keep life simpler. But a part of him hoped that he would pick up on them. Understand was Dean was telling him so that he could finally have it off his chest.

Cas was losing his resolve. Dean's lips had always looked so soft, he often caught himself staring, wondering what they really felt like. Now he was so close to them, and with Dean holding his face in his rough hands, the will to fight back was fading fast. The angel placed a hand over Dean's, feeling the warmth it held. He then did something he never thought he would ever do. He leaned in closing the small gap between them and softly pressed his own lips against the others. Dean gasped slightly in shock, then relaxed and returned the soft kiss. Cas felt as though there were so many emotions in that small action; he didn't understand all of them but he knew enough to enjoy the sensation.

The angel pulled back slowly, "I'm sorry. . ." he whispered softly. "I should have asked first" As his deep blue eyes met the vibrant green of the other, he realized quickly that there was no permission needed. He saw a hunger reflected in those endless green orbs and barely had enough time to tuck his wings comfortably behind himself before Dean pushed him back on the bed following with his own body, a hand landing on either side of the angel's head as he brought their lips back together for another kiss, this one full of longing that had built for years; like a floodgate breaking loose the feelings were no longer going to be held back.

Dean ran his tongue along the angel's bottom lip asking for entrance, Cas more than willingly obliged. The kiss grew deeper as their tongues fought for dominance over the kiss, Dean had no problem winning in that department, he had far more experience than the angel. Cas groaned as Dean broke away from the heated exchange to catch his breath. "Shit Cas. . . what are you doing to me. . ." Looking up with hooded eyes the angel just shook his head slightly. "I could ask the same thing Dean. I never in a million years expected to gain this when I raised you from perdition."

A soft chuckle came from the green eyed man. "I'm glad you saved me Cas, I'm so glad you're here and I don't plan on letting you go anytime soon." The angel smiled softly and caressed the other's face. Dean leaned back into a kiss. He would enjoy the rest of tonight, no need to hold back any longer. He had his angel and he wasn't letting him go ever again.