Disclaimer: I own nothing; everything belongs to their rightful owners.
AN: Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and/or review my stories, that really means the world to me! And a BIG special thank you goes to my amazing beta reader, the wonderful greeneyedconstellations!
(for the sake of the story let's just pretend Emily is a few years younger)
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The Color In Anything
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"Apologies are just words." - L. Heather, CSI Vegas
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Part I
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2016
January
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He hears the girls' voices long before they come into sight. Talin and Lacey laughing and squealing, holding on to each other's hands, while they make their way through the snow.
"Uncle Spencer," they call in unison, waving at him as soon as they spot him waiting on the front porch. He waves back, a smile already playing on his lips.
"Do you have carrots, Uncle Spencer?" Talin asks, bouncing up the old wooden steps. "I want to built a snowman!" Spencer laughs, points at the open door behind him. "I'm sure there are a few left in the fridge."
The four and a half year old gives him a satisfied grin before she bolts straight into the house, leaving a trail of snow behind her.
"Talin, your shoes," Lacey calls, irritated by her identical twin, and rolls her eyes in the same way her mother does. "Hey, Uncle Spencer," she greets him then, bending forward to give him a hug. "Are you cold?" she wants to know. "Do you need me to get you a blanket?"
"No, I'm fine, thank you," Spencer murmurs, his face pressed against her dark curls. "You smell like cookies," he states. "Did you bring me some?"
Lacey giggles, her dark eyes glistening, when she pulls back to look at him. "Of course, Uncle Spencer. We made your favorites. Mommy has them in her bag."
"Where did you leave her anyway?" Spencer wonders, looking behind Lacey to check the small path leading through the trees.
"Mommy is- "
"Feeding Matteo," Talin finishes, a bunch of carrots in her gloved hands. "Or changing his diapers. Or both. He always wants something."
Spencer has to bite back a laugh at the blatant annoyance in Talin's voice and watches as she reaches for her sister's hand to pull her back down the steps.
He keeps sitting on the porch while the girls scamper through the snow, throwing and rolling snowballs as carefree as only children can be. It's only a little while later when he finally spots Emily making her way through the snow and towards his house.
"Talin told me Matteo is keeping you busy," Spencer announces as soon as she's close enough to hear him.
She chuckles, that laugh she does so well, that sound he loves more than anything else in this world, a hand protectively on the little boy's back where she carries him in a baby sling against her chest. "You can say that again," she states, coming up the steps.
"Hey," she murmurs thoughtfully, her dark eyes filled with warmth when she bends down to give him a hug.
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They're sitting in the kitchen, a chessboard set up between them on the table.
From where they're sitting they can still watch over the girls in the living room, drawing pictures with the new pack of crayons Spencer had found online.
"I'm still amazed there are glitter crayons."
"You wouldn't believe what else there is with glitter," Emily chuckles, her right hand resting on Matteo's back, the baby still peacefully sleeping against her chest.
She seems tired, but also at ease with herself. Even though-
"Do you miss it?" he asks, and he's startled by his own question. He watches her face falter in seconds. There's no need to clarify what he means, she knows exactly what he's asking.
"Sometimes," Emily answers after what feels like forever. Her voice barely above a whisper. "Sometimes I do."
He doesn't dare meet her eyes and so he stares down at the chess board instead. He's winning. But only because she lets him.
"What about you?" she asks after another long pause, her free hand reaching for his over the table. "Do you miss it?"
He shakes his head. "No," he tells her, looking up to meet her eyes after all. "I only miss you."
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They leave around noon.
Talin and Lacey give him their drawings to pin against his fridge, hug him tightly, before they bounce down the steps together, singing some children's song Spencer doesn't recognize.
"Talin, where's your scarf?" Emily calls from inside the house, where she's trying to get Matteo back into his snowsuit.
"Snowy has it."
"Who?"
"Our snowman," Talin explains, and Spencer watches Emily frown.
"Well, go get it, you need it more than him!"
"But Mommy-" Talin protests, dark curls flying when she shakes her head stubbornly, and Spencer reaches for his own scarf without hesitating.
"Here, Talin. Take mine," he says, and shrugs when Emily gives him a strained look. "Hers is wet anyway," he states calmly.
Emily sighs, but says nothing, and while she puts Matteo back in the baby sling, Spencer helps Talin put on his purple scarf.
"You'll get it back next week," Emily tells him when she steps outside, pulling her coat tightly around Matteo.
"It's not like I need it," he murmurs, watching the girls and wishing they could just build a snowman together, like he did with Henry and Jack a lifetime ago.
"You should come visit us, Spence. We have a guest-room on the ground floor. It would be no…" she keeps talking, but Spencer stops listening. Allowing her to visit him was as far as it would go. He'd told her. Again and again.
"Are you happy?"
For the second time that day he catches her by surprise.
She shuts her eyes briefly before she bends down to kiss him on the cheek. She smells like baby powder and chocolate cookies and something that's just her. Emily.
"Aaron is," she answers softly. Her dark eyes glistening in the sunlight that's breaking through the clouds, and for a moment he remembers the first time he saw her walking into the office. "Most days," she adds quietly. "That's enough."
He feels her fingers brush against his. "See you on Monday," she promises before she turns to leave, Matteo in her arms and the twins already running up ahead and down the snowy path. They keep turning around, waving back at him, just like they always do, and Spencer keeps waving back until they disappear behind the trees and he's left alone again.
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2006
November
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The first time Spencer catches them red-handed, they're on the jet back to Washington. He wakes up halfway through the flight, only to find the jet plunged into darkness and everyone else around him fast asleep.
Except for Emily. And Hotch.
The curtain that separates the back of the jet is closed, but not fully, and through the small gap and in the faint light that's falling from above, he spots them right away, almost as if they wanted to get caught.
He feels his cheeks flush instantly, but even though his mind is screaming at him to look away, he doesn't.
Hotch has her pressed up against the wall, in a way that seems far too practiced, giving the impression this isn't the first time. Emily has her arms slung around his neck, her cheeks flushed and her eyes closed. Her lower lip caught between her teeth to keep herself from making a sound. They're still dressed and Spencer remembers Morgan joking about their newest team member, Emily, always wearing a skirt to work. He hadn't understood what was so funny back then, but now he thinks he does.
He keeps staring even though he knows he shouldn't, keeps staring until she's falling apart, until that second when there's nothing but bliss written all over her face. It's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.
It's also the moment his book slips from his lap and hits the floor with a thud.
Spencer freezes.
There's a gasp, Emily's, followed by hushed whispers and the hasty rustle of clothes. Spencer shuts his eyes, both panicked and ashamed, sinking further down in his seat. When he dares to open his eyes again he finds Emily heading for the bathroom and Hotch sitting back down in his seat, his suit surprisingly unwrinkled.
Spencer counts to twenty before he stands up to get himself some coffee.
"He's married," he mumbles, when she steps out of the bathroom, surprising not only her but himself as well. "You deserve better."
Her cheeks are still flushed, but she's made up perfectly. There's not a single hair out of place.
"Do I?" she asks, her dark eyes searching his curiously. Daring him to keep talking. He doesn't, stares down at his coffee instead. Wishes he'd just kept his mouth shut.
"You know nothing," she tells him calmly, before she leaves him standing there.
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He falls in love with her the moment he spots her walking into the office for the first time.
(On a Monday morning in the middle of November.)
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2016
January
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"What happened to Uncle Spencer's legs, Daddy?"
Aaron stops short in the middle of the room, the fairy book he'd just read to his daughters still in his hands.
"I found a picture," Talin explains, the slightest quiver in her voice as she looks up at him from her pillow. "He was playing soccer with Jack and Henry."
Aaron swallows. Wonders where she found that bloody picture.
"There was an accident, Talin."
"What accident?"
"A terrible one, honey. I'll tell you when you're old enough to understand."
"That's unfair," Talin protests, and Aaron fights the need to sigh.
"Can't we just teach Uncle Spencer how to walk again?" Lacey asks, and Aaron turns his head to meet her gaze. She's lying in her own bed, across from Talin's on the other side of the room, her dark eyes watching him carefully.
"No, sweetheart," Aaron murmurs quietly. "We can't."
"That's why Mommy's so sad," his daughter says, but it sounds more like a question.
Aaron rubs the bridge of his nose, takes a breath.
"It's bedtime," he states, softly but firm, leaving no place to argue. "Good night, I love you."
"We love you too, Daddy," his daughters answer in unison, and Aaron turns off the lights, leaving the door slightly ajar before he makes his way back downstairs.
He finds Emily where he left her, fast asleep on a blanket on the living room floor next to Matteo. Unlike his mother, Matteo's wide-awake, sucking at his fingers, getting more and more frustrated.
"Hey, little one," Aaron murmurs quietly before he picks his son up in one smooth move, carrying him over to the kitchen to get his bottle ready before he even has the time to start screaming. Like always,Matteo falls asleep long before he's even finished his bottle. By the time Aaron puts him down in the crib they keep in the living room, he realizes Emily's watching him from where she's still curled up on the blanket on the floor.
"That doesn't look comfortable," he states softly, bending down next to her to push a strand of her long hair behind her ear.
"It isn't," she murmurs, her voice thick with sleep. "But I'm too tired to move."
He settles down next to her and Emily rests her head on his chest.
"The girls asleep yet?" she mumbles, her fingers curling around the fabric of his tie, making him aware of the fact that he hasn't changed his clothes yet.
He nods. "Yeah, Matteo should be asleep for a while too. Jack's still reading that book Spencer gave you for him."
"He'll be happy to hear that," Emily murmurs against his chest, and he slips an arm around her waist to pull her closer against his side.
"Emily," he starts, before he can change his mind. "I don't want you to drive all the way out there by yourself any longer."
He can feel her whole body tense.
"Lacey told you," she states.
"No," he whispers. His lips close against her ear. "Talin did."
She takes a breath, her grip around his tie tightens. "I'm just tired, Aaron. I lost it. I'm sorry."
He shuts his eyes briefly, fights against the image in his head. "Talin said you cried the whole way back. It's an two hour drive, Em."
"Three," Emily clarifies. "In this weather it's at least three hours and besides, you do remember that Talin likes to exaggerate, right?"
"That's why I talked to Lacey, too."
He watches her close her eyes. "What do you suggest? That I just skip visiting him?"
"No, I just don't want you to drive out there all by yourself. I'm going to ask Dave if he's free next Monday."
"You know Spencer doesn't want to see anyone else."
"I'm sure Dave's more than willing to play your driver."
She stays silent, but only for a moment.
"Fine," she agrees, and it pains him how easy it has become to convince her. He'd loved fighting with her. Now the most stubborn person in the house is Talin, and fighting with her usually ended with him being frustrated and Talin slamming the doors or crying or sometimes even both.
"How is he?" Aaron asks, despite his better judgment.
"Aside from all the obvious things, you mean?" Emily laughs. It sounds cold and bitter. He shuts his eyes.
"Are you ever going to stop blaming yourself?"
"No," she whispers. Giving him the only answer there is. "Never."
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2010
November
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The man shows up out of nowhere.
Suddenly he's just there, in the middle of the office, and when Emily catches sight of the gun in his hands it's already too late.
"Aaron Hotchner," the man calls, prompting Aaron to turn around from where he's standing only a few feet away from Emily's desk. "This is for my son," the man states, his voice frantic, his eyes burning with rage when he pulls the trigger.
The first bullet goes straight through Aaron's shoulder, throwing him backwards. The second finds a home in his chest, making his body jerk from where he's lying on the ground, turning his white button down crimson. The third bullet hits the window to Aaron's office, shattering the glass into a thousand pieces.
Emily blinks, watches as the man in front of her crumples to the ground. A bullet hole at the back of his skull, a puddle of blood forming on the floor.
There's something wet and warm and sticky on her face and she doesn't understand, until Morgan's hands close around hers. His voice strained and all wrong when he tells her to please, put down her gun.
There's an eerie silence before everything interrupts into chaos.
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In the end it just ends.
(On a Monday morning in the middle of November.)
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"We all make mistakes, and we all pay a price." - House M.D.
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Disclaimer: I own nothing; everything belongs to their rightful owners.