The air is clear in the mountains. Sharp as a knife, and cool as the taste of mint. I stand motionless outside the little cabin and watch as the empty sky turns from blue to the deepest indigo, stars scattered across the landscape like the crumbs of salt at the bottom of a bag of Honey Buddha chips.
I think about Saeyoung's expressive face. I can't stop the montage of his emotions playing across my mind. Desperation, trying to reason with his brother. Love, looking into Saeran's odd pale eyes. Guilt, when Saeran repeated over and over: you abandoned me. You abandoned me.
And panic, when he realised Saeran had been taken in his place. Horror, when he thought about what the agency might do to him. Then determination - his jaw set, eyes hard - as he made the decision to put himself on the line for the only person he'd ever truly been close to. Since they had both grasped at life on the same day, in the same womb.
The softening of his shoulders when I touched his arm and told him: I'm with you.
I would always be with him, no matter what. No matter where he led me.
For now, he had led me to this cabin. Drained and leaden, we had sat in silence for what felt like hours, barefoot, our toes curling in the sheepskin rug at our feet. I'd stared into the fire that Saeyoung had lit, watching the dancing flames and the glowing amber sparks which would float away into the chimney like tiny angels of the depths. The heat had eventually driven me outside to feel the chill of the mountain breeze across my skin. I'd left Saeyoung focusing on his cellphone, typing in frantic messages to Jumin, trying for the rich man's help.
It was full dark now, insects shirring softly and the occasional hoot of an owl the only things to break the silence. I wrap my arms around myself, shivering slightly in the night air. A click of the latch, and the golden light of the cabin washes over me as the door swings open.
Turning, I see Saeyoung limned in the arch of the doorway, his red hair lit up like a halo.
"I wondered where you had gone," he says, moving towards me hesitantly. "Is everything okay?"
"I just needed some air," I reply.
Saeyoung sighs. I see his chest puff out, see his shoulders drooping.
"I'm sorry. I never meant you to get dragged into all this. I was too weak. I should never have given in."
I frown up at him, noting the lines between his brows. He looks as if he is carrying the heaviest of weights in his heart.
"You have nothing to apologise for, Saeyoung. You know I want to be here, with you. I wouldn't let you do this without me."
"I feel so guilty." Saeyoung's voice is small, childlike. He doesn't meet my eyes. "I thought if I could be better, stronger, I could keep you safe and still take something for myself. I should have known I couldn't be that person. I should have known that this part of life isn't for the likes of me."
"Saeyoung," I murmur, stepping forward to take his hand in mine. He flinches at my touch, and I feel something in my stomach curl up. "You aren't weak. You're far from weak. You're one of the best people I have ever met. I love you. The you I see now, not this mythical person you seem to think you should be. Just you."
There are tears in his eyes when he opens them and finally locks his gaze with mine.
"You are an angel," he says, his voice watery.
"Nah," I say, smiling now. "Pretty sure angels don't feel the cold. Come on, let's go back inside."
My change of tone seems to work, and Saeyoung brightens before following me back into the cabin like a lamb. I throw myself down on the sofa, patting the cushion next to me, and he curls up beside me with his feet tucked under his body.
"One more thing," I say to him, one eyebrow raised. He looks at me quizzically. "You said you wanted to take something for yourself. What did you mean by that?"
Saeyoung blushes suddenly, the pink of his cheeks clashing with the auburn of his hair. "I…" His mouth opens and closes like a landed fish.
I wind my arm around his waist and pull him closer.
"This, maybe?" I ask, leaning into his chest. Saeyoung makes a low sound which sounds like a purr. I tilt my head and press an open-mouthed kiss against his neck, feeling sinews stretch taut beneath my lips. "Or this?"
His golden eyes seem to glint in the firelight as he gazes down at me, enraptured, unable to speak as I press fluttery kisses along the line of his jaw. When I meet his lips, he sighs into my mouth as I melt into him, the kiss gentle and searching. Our tongues dance together for long moments before I pull away, nipping lightly at his lower lip.
"Or that?" I say with a smile.
"Mm," Saeyoung says, his skin flushed, his hair falling over his forehead like strands of spun copper. He has never looked so beautiful.
"Or maybe you had something else in mind?" I say, a teasing tone in my voice. I cringe inwardly at the coquettishness of it, but when Saeyoung quietly groans and closes his eyes I feel a twinge in the pit of my stomach which gives me the courage to keep going. I run my fingers down the sides of his shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath.
"I just wanted…" he says, then breaks off, biting his lip.
"Tell me, Saeyoung," I say.
He takes a deep breath, pulls back slightly so he can look me in the eye.
"I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but this could be our last night. If this is all we are to have, I want to leave… evidence… with you, evidence that I existed. That I breathed, that I lived. I want to spend all this night living, loving you, leaving memories of me, in case…"
He breaks off, his eyes glistening. I wrap my fingers around his and squeeze them.
"I dream of forever with you," I say, my voice breaking slightly. "But if I can't have forever, I'll take tonight."
We stare at each other for long moments, both of us choked with emotion, before I see Saeyoung swallow and force a smile, bringing his hand up to his brow in a salute.
"Seven-oh-seven reporting for duty. Mission: to bring pleasure wherever it can be found. Failure is not an option."
I grin at him, delighted to see the gleam in his eye, the genuine smile on his face. It feels like it has been so long, even though it can only have been days.
"I love you," I say, a giggle rising from my belly. "I love you so much, God Seven."
"Worship me, O Follower," he says, dragging my hand to press against his chest. I can feel his heart thumping against my palm, betraying his nerves.
"Always," I say, holding his gaze. He takes a deep breath.
"I never thought I'd have this," he says with a sigh, his smile crooked. "But, oh, how I love you too."
Words I'd dreamed to hear from him, words I had begun to think I would never hear. My heart felt as if it had swelled so much that it was pressing against my ribs. I could barely breathe.
"Touch me," I managed to say, the words tight in my throat. "Please."
"Receiving loud and clear," he says, snorting slightly at how ridiculous he sounds saying these words with one hand on my breast and my body writhing at his slightest touch.
His finger ghosts across my nipple over the thin cotton of my dress and I arch my back, whining into his mouth as he leans over me and pulls me into another devastating embrace. God Seven is good at this, I think, perhaps he is the God of Kissing. I close my eyes and lose myself in the sensations of his lips against mine.
He cups his hand around my breast before moving his palm down to my waist, tugging at my dress so it rides up over my thighs, leaving my dark blue lace knickers exposed. I hear him catch his breath before he kisses me again, ever more urgent. I feel him grind against my hip, the hardness of his groin pressing into my flesh.
"Show me what to do," he murmurs into my ear.
I feel a rush of affection for the man hovering over me, gnawing his lip anxiously, his eyes wide and innocent like a child on Christmas morning. He is trembling, and there is a line of sweat beading on his forehead. It's clear he has never done this before, and I can feel the nerves and excitement radiating from him as he gazes at me intensely.
Wriggling out of my dress, I lay back on the bed in my underwear and smile at him. "Here," I say, and I move his hand between my thighs. He rubs his fingers over the lace, biting in a harsh breath as he feels how wet I am already. I tug at my knickers and draw them down my thighs, kicking them clear. He swallows visibly as he looks at me, drinking me in as if he is committing me to memory. I guide his touch, encouraging him with words and noises as he dips his fingertips into me, stroking softly along my folds until his finger skates over my clit. I wriggle and whimper and he tilts his head to watch me before touching me again, searching for a reaction. He gets it, oh boy he gets it. His insistent, circling touch has just the right pressure, just the right combination of feathery and firm to bring stars to my eyes. He is a quick study, I think, as my body begins to tingle like thousands of tiny shocks of electricity are flowing through my veins.
"Yes," I say, my voice thin and panting. "Just like that."
He pushes two fingers into me, his thumb pressing against my clit, and I writhe and clamp my thighs together around his wrist. He laughs softly and shakes his head. "You're not making this easy for me."
"Sorry," I breathe, and try to relax. It's hard, when this is the best I have ever felt in my life. And this is just the beginning.
I fight to keep my legs apart, my muscles quivering, as he pumps his fingers in and out of me, his mouth pressing kisses across my chest, my breasts, my stomach. I'm a mess. I'm making noises I never thought my voice could create. When he dips his head between my legs and runs his tongue over me, my entire body feels like it collapses in upon itself, shuddering and fizzing. He chuckles and does it again. And again.
"Saeyoung," I say brokenly. "Oh God."
He's relentless. I marvel at his transformation from shy and nervous to… well, to this, this man with the glittering eyes who knows exactly where to touch me to make me wail. With his tongue, with his hands. With his whole self.
When the pulsing wave of my orgasm hits me, he stills and I feel his hands on my hips, holding me close as he breathes warm air over my centre, as if he were inhaling my pleasure. My vision goes white and my eyes roll back into my head as I ride it out, on and on, until I collapse against the sheets, a juddering wreck, panting and shivering.
Saeyoung pulls himself up the bed to lie alongside me, one hand lazily tracing patterns across my torso.
"Was that okay, then?" he asks, a wry smile on his face.
I stare at him, almost speechless. "More than that," I manage, feeling as if my voice is coming from a far away place. Feeling as if I was in a dream, that none of this could possibly be real.
"Good," he says, leaning over to kiss my neck, running his tongue along the pulse point which must still be racing. "Can I make love to you now? I want to be inside you."
I groan, incapable of words, and nod my head wildly. He grins and pulls his body over mine, leaning down to kiss me thoroughly. His tongue tastes of my musk; he smells like sex and honey. My eyes flutter as I feel his hard length press between my thighs and slide through my folds.
"Please," I whisper, and he pushes into me, oh so slowly. He never stops looking into my eyes. I gaze back at him, watching his face crumple and his eyes glaze as the sensations of our joining sweep over him. He feels incredible, and I wrap my legs around his waist to draw him deep within me.
We lie that way for a long minute, bound together, as close as it is possible for two people to be. Our breaths mingle, my skin feels slick against his, and it feels as if the world has shrunk to this tiny room, to our presence within it. My heart tries to hammer from my chest and my lungs feel tight. The whole time, we never once look away from the other. I have never known anything so intense.
When he begins to move - languid and gentle - he lets out a shaky breath and his eyes flutter closed. I notice a tic in his jaw as he struggles for control. He looks totally overwhelmed; his hair damp with sweat, his cheeks ruddy, his lips pink and swollen. I reach up to cup his face in my hand and he leans into my touch, letting out a soft sigh which ghosts over my palm.
"I love you," I say, and I see tears well in his eyes.
"I love you too," he says, his voice wavering.
My vision blurs too as his hips shift and he moans. I feel the drag and press of him inside me, filling and stretching me. I tell him how good he feels, and that's enough to send the tears cascading down his cheeks, pooling on my chest until he leans forward and buries his face in my hair, his breaths coming hot and harsh in my ear.
I clamp down on him and cant my hips, encouraging him to thrust harder, faster. He finds a rhythm and our bodies dance together, undulating in tandem. My stomach tightens, pleasure spooling deep in my belly as I concentrate on the delicious friction of Saeyoung's movements. I press my fingertips into his waist and feel his body shuddering, taut with tension.
"I can't -" he says, his voice breaking, and his whole body stiffens as he comes, calling out my name in a desperate whimper. I've never liked my name, but in his voice, in this tone, it is the sweetest thing I have ever heard.
He collapses on to my chest, spent and sticky with sweat, his whole body quivering. I pull my fingers through his hair and kiss his temple.
"You were amazing," I murmur, feeling his lips quirk into a smile against my neck. "The best."
"God Seven, on fire," Saeyoung says with a chuckle, tightening his arms around me. "Baam!"
I sigh and nestle into the pillow, continuing to pet Saeyoung's hair. He purrs like a cat.
"Mission accomplished," I say. "Memories permanent."
Saeyoung snorts. "Hey, hey, so premature. I said I was gonna love you all night, remember? It's not even eleven yet."
I grin at him, and his eyes sparkle up at mine, shining like the treasure at the end of a rainbow.
"Aye, aye, Captain," I say, giggling. "Awaiting orders."
Saeyoung's eyebrows rise and he flashes me a lopsided smile. "Ooh. This is gonna be so much fun."
I can't disagree.