It was about three in the morning when I woke up crying so hard it made my chest hurt and stomach ache.
Another nightmare, of course.

I've had horrible nightmares before, but this had been by far the worst.

As I set there helplessly shivering, quietly whimpering, desperately trying not to make a sound, my hand reached out to the place next to me I knew Dougal was sleeping, his soft fur had provided so much comfort last time.

But instead of his warm body I only felt the cold absence of the Demiguise.

Even he was sick of my constant drama. Even he had left me.

I sat up and hugged my knees, rocking back and forth, tears still continuing to fall down my face.

'At least I didn't scream this time, so I didn't wake up Newt. After the drama yesterday that'd be really uncomfortable..', I thought defeatedly, just as my door was gently pushed open and a head poked through.

"Hey.. uuhm.. you're awake? Sorry to disturb your sleep, I just.. Dougal woke me up and pulled me towards your door, I just wanted to… you know, I wanted to see if everything's ok..?"

With that, Newt opened the door fully and looked at me.

His shoulders dropped, his usually carefree, boyish, innocent expression faded, a shocked, worried and slightly disappointed look spread across his face. He slowly shook his head.

Helplessly he stood in the door frame, not really knowing what to do, debating his next step.
I could see him biting his lips, thinking about the last time he was in this situation. I had kicked him out for getting too close to me.

"Newt, please..", I whimpered, barely audible, silently sniveling, "please just leave me alone."

A moment of silence followed my desperate plea.

He exhaled heavily, looked up to me again and slowly and carefully shook his head.

"No, I won't, Tina." he whispered, sat down on my bed and pulled me into his strong arms.

To be honest, it felt really calming. Inhaling his very specific scent, being embraced by his warmth, feeling his heartbeat pounding against my ear, gently reminding me with every beat, that he indeed was still alive, sitting next to me, holding me close, wanting me close.

This time, he didn't try to tell me everything was ok, for we both knew it wasn't .

He didn't even try to pressure me into talking about my dreams. He just sat there and held me tight, rocking us both back and forth, soothingly stroking over my hair.

For a minute I allowed myself to close my eyes and savor this moment, letting my head rest against his shoulder.

I never wanted to admit it, but sometimes, when things got bad again, all I wished was someone to hug me and sit through the night with me, holding my hand while I fell asleep. I wished I wouldn't need to get through this terrible mess alone.

But, as stubborn and proud and independent as I was, I never allowed myself to think that way. I never had allowed myself to ask for or even think about support.

Even now, with Newt sitting so close to me, doing everything I could possibly wish for, him desperately trying to help me, I still couldn't bare to let him think I was vulnerable. wounded. weak. desperate. a complete psycho.

One last time inhaling his scent, I straightened up and tried to wrestle myself out of his arms.

"Thank you, Newt.. For always being there for me.. I.. I really appreciate this, you know?", I whispered, my voice sounding strangely scratchy from crying. Avoiding eye contact, I added "Thank you for staying with me.. But I think I'd better go to sleep now.. The rest of the night will hopefully be a more peaceful.." Having said that, I tried to stand up, not really knowing where to go. Since we were in my room, I had nowhere to leave to.

However, as I got up, Newt relieved me of that decision by softly pulling me back next to him.

"Don't", was all he was able to say, as he wrapped his arms around me again, continuing to hold me as he did before.

"Don't push me away, Tina.. I'm not leaving your side tonight, not after this!"

He cupped my face in his hands and wiped away a lonely, half dried tear, looking me directly into my eyes.

"I can't and won't let anybody, anything or even yourself hurt you anymore. I promise. I'll keep you safe." His thumb brushed over my shoulder blade. My latest cuts.

"Dougal told me.. about yesterday night. About what you did yesterday night. But don't be mad at him, ok? He's just worried.. as am I.

I don't want anything to harm you anymore. You deserve to be happy more than anybody. And I just wish I knew how I could help you."

I looked in his green eyes. They were so soft. so full of comfort. so gentle. so caring. so safe.

Even though I had sworn myself not to cry in front of anybody, I couldn't stop the tears forming in my eye as I listened to his words, which stood in total contradiction to what 'he' had said to me in my nightmares. I began shivering again, shaking, as the memories came back.

The first tear fell. Closely followed by another and another.

As my vision got blurry, I felt my wall crumble. Just a bit. Just one, tiny brick, but it was all it took right now. I couldn't hold my mask up any longer and for the first time, I also didn't want to.

As more and more tears flooded my eyes, I threw my arms around him, buried my face in his collar and cried first softly, then uncontrollably into the fabric.

After a moment of surprise he hugged me even tighter than he did before and carried on rocking us back and forth.

I couldn't remember ever having cried so much and in the end, I couldn't even remember what I exactly cried about. All I remembered was, that it hurt so much. It felt, like my soul was ripped in two. My thought, my memories, my mind, my heart, everything just hurt so unbelievably much.

The type of hurt that spread through your body, filling every vein, every muscle, every breath, every heartbeat.

As the pain began to be unbearable, I curled up on his lap, pulling my knees up to my chin again, head resting against his chest, a hand still clutching his shirt, never letting go of him.

All the pain and sorrow, the fear and grief I had bottled up inside for too long, everything now flooded my body.

We must have sat there for hours, though he didn't seem to mind.

He didn't mind that his shirt grew continuously wet from my tears, not did he mind that I clung to him like he was my personal life vest. He didn't mind that I by now had thrown my full weight against him, nor did he mind that I didn't talk to him at all.

"It's ok, Ti.. I'm here.. I've got you.", I heard him whisper into my hair, as I slowly, out of pure exhaustion from crying and lack of sleep altogether, drifted off to sleep in his arms.

Hey guys :)
Sorry it took me so long to update this story, had a lot going on bc of college..
So far I've passed all my tests *yaaaaay*, but there are still two more to go _ so.. well. Never mind.. :D

This chapter is rather short, I know, but I really want to focus on the dreams in the next chapter, their content and their intensity, so basically this didn't fit in this chapter too well, I think it's too important to just squeeze it in somewhere..
I hope you liked this chap, reviews, as always, appreciated :) You still continue to save my day and make me happy while studying :)

So, I guess that's it..?

Thank you for reading this and a Happy New Year to everyone :) May it be filled with joy, love, happiness, health and a lot of Newtina *_* 3