I just really wanted to finish this chapter. It's been almost finished on my computer since the first chapter of Feathered Friend went up. Also, a little heads up for this one. Lucifer worries he may be an abuser because of something Chloe says while drunk and annoyed at him. She neither means what she says, or rremembers she said it. If people want to hear the conversation in which Lucifer and Chloe discuss this, please tell me in review. I'm not too sure right now if I should write it or not. Also, don't expect another update until my Lucifer's Flock series is finished. (It is almost there now. The main series is 14 fics long.)

Disease

Lucifer was pacing the room by the window again and even though it should worry her because it means something is distressing him, it fills her instead with relief.

He's up and about and moving and showing what he is feeling. This is a much better place he was in since Thursday.

Another thing that made her feel like she should be worrying was it was a Monday, and he usually just stuck to appointments made in his usual slot. Something, either over the weekend or on Friday, happened that was distressing enough to send him to her for a session early.

"Lucifer? I know something's wrong."

He froze in his pacing, turned to her and folded his arms against his chest. He stayed standing. Bad signs from him.

"It's...do I...am I...Urgh!" He said, not getting out a single full sentence, before throwing his hands up in the air and flopping himself down onto the couch. "I don't even know what to think anymore!"

This peaked her interest. "Think about what?"

"Myself! It's stupid, it is, but I can't help it."

She had thought he had stopped seeing himself as the bad guy, the monster that needed to be punished for the wrongs he had done in self defence. "What is it you are thinking about yourself?"

He began wringing his hands together. "It...I don't know if anything was meant by it, I don't, but...you know I take things out of context sometimes."

She stopped the grin that wanted to form on her face. She really did not think now was the time for that reaction. He was definitely telling the truth there. He still did it, though it was a much rarer thing for him to do so. He was becoming much more self aware now. "I need a bit more information than that, Lucifer. What happened?"

He sighed and slumped himself further down in the couch. "I was working in the club and Ella and Chloe came over to watch my set on Saturday night since I felt well enough to get back to it."

"Okay, that sounds like it was good for them as well as you. What happened?"

He shifted and folding his hands against his chest again. "I joined them for drinks once I was done at the piano. And it was fun! It was. You know, just friends hanging out."

She nodded, glad to see that he was becoming more active with the friends he did have. "What happened?"

"Chloe drank a little too much. She doesn't generally drink to excess. And...And she said something to me that I didn't like much..."

Linda closed her eyes and sighed internally. He took anything Chloe said to him very seriously. She had more power than anyone else around him right now to hurt him with words.

"What did she say?"

"I was complaining about something. It was a cheap brand of whiskey that Chloe wanted to try. I was trying to get her to try the good stuff. I have impeccably good taste in everything, as you know!"

This time she did indulge herself in an eye roll, because she knew Lucifer was expecting a reaction. He grinned at her. "What about the alcohol?"

"Well, I don't serve cheap drinks. She knows this, which means she wanted to leave to go somewhere else. I didn't want her to leave so early, not when I had better drinks right there! All I did was tell her that. Well, that and she'd probably be barred from entering anywhere else because she was smashed."

Linda didn't see the harm in anything Lucifer had just told her at all, but she wasn't drunk. "What did she say in return? That is what's got you distressed."

"She...she said I had no right to order her around, that I had no right to keep her there against her will and that I had no right to stop her going other places. All of which I was not doing and completely agreed with!"

Linda took a deep breath and let it out slowly, because she knew that none of that was the problem and if he focused on that, then they were going to get nowhere. "Lucifer...that isn't the problem. You agreed with her, correct? What did she do in return to the agreement?"

And he set up shields around himself. She could basically visibly see them form in his eyes. Whatever she said hurt him deeply.

"I grabbed her arm when she was going to leave to try and talk to her about it but, she...she said that just because I was abused, didn't mean I had to hurt others in return..."

Linda closed her eyes and raised a hand under her glasses to rub there. "Is it possible you hurt her when you grabbed her?"

"No. I am always very careful with how I touch humans. You're so...fragile."

She nodded. "Then I am going to go with your original assessment of the situation. She was drunk and said something she didn't mean. Being drunk lowers a human's inhibitions. We are more prone to our emotions. We say or do things we normally wouldn't. Does she even remember saying it?"

He shrugged at her and looked to the ground. She sat back in her chair and folded her arms. "You've been avoiding her today then?"

He winced. "Umm, maybe? She didn't call me in for a case and she knows I want to get back to it now I am feeling better."

"Okay. Once you get out of here, I want you to call her and go talk to her about how this made you feel. And yes, it will hurt you and it will more than likely hurt her too, but you need to communicate, not shut down."

"But...is she right?"

She blinked, confused. "Right about what?"

"Do I hurt others because I was hurt before...?"

"Not that I am aware of. You punish those that do bad things because it's been wired into you to do so and even then, with one exception, you never go further than what is needed. And the exception was personal to you."

He looked at her blankly. "What was the exception?"

"Identity theft? Ring any bells?"

His eyes cleared. "Oh! Yes, and no, I didn't go too far in that either. Just scared him a bit until he promised to never do it again. Didn't even have to show him my other face for it. He just caved at being kidnapped. You were right when you said I was blowing things way out of proportion."

Linda nodded, but knew there was more to the story than just that. "What happened to make you stop taking it too far? I know something did, because you were set to really harm him for his slight which did nothing personally to you, but mar a reputation you have gained through practice. People soon would know he was a liar, Lucifer."

He looked to his feet and shrugged. Sighing, she prompted him with words. "Lucifer? What happened to make you stop?"

He groaned and buried his head in his hands. "I really wanted to hurt that bloody miscreant badly. I had a whole set of tortures I wanted to try out on him, you know? I had Maze set some up in the room so he knew we meant business and..."

She leaned forwards. "And?"

"Maze..."

Linda tilted her head to the side and frowned. "Maze said or did something to make you stop? That seems unlike her."

Lucifer sighed loudly and dropped his hands. There was a slight blush on his face. "She didn't mean it! I was telling him of all the things I'd like to do, you know, and Maze was getting all hot and bothered. She said it was sexy, and like I was punishing myself."

Yep, that would have done it. She managed to keep the grin off her face. "Okay, I can see why that made you stop. At that time, you still had nothing to be punished for happen to you."

Lucifer grimaced at the reminder of his brother. "Yeah... It may have turned Maze on, but turned me off."

"The point to this, Lucifer, is that even when you wanted to hurt someone, you couldn't do it. You can't punish someone who hasn't done anything to deserve it. It's not part of you to do that. To take a phrase out of your own book, you're not evil, you punish evil. I have seen no sign at all of you purposefully wanting to or going out of your way to hurt someone. You might sometimes hurt someone when you say something true they don't like, but that's not the same thing. You were hurt, actively, by someone who you love. You are nothing like your parents, Lucifer."

And that must have been exactly what he needed to hear, because for the first time since he entered her room that day, he fully relaxed. "Okay. That's...that's good to know. I'm glad you don't think I am like that. It means a lot. I've been worrying over it all Sunday and today."

Linda nodded and sighed. "We're almost out of time for today, Lucifer. And I want you to talk to Chloe. No putting it off, no burying your head and trying to forget it was said. Talk to her and face that it might hurt you or her to do so."

He got up off the couch and nodded, making his way to the door. "Thanks for the advice, Doctor. I don't think I say that enough to you. See you Thursday?"

Linda did smile at that one. "Of course. See you on Thursday."

He left quietly, which was nice to see. She could always tell what sort of session it had been now by how he leaves her office. At least she knows that she had gotten through to him with this point.

She had no doubt that they'd probably revisit it again quite soon. Possibly even before Thursday for his scheduled session. And probably more times after that.

It was clearly something that truly worried him.