Watermalone Tyrone the Last Negro

By: Boonaw J.O

WARNING: This may contain racism, and I am not a racist, you have been warned.

CHAPTER 1: Hidin' from the cops!

Smokey: "Watermelon. Corn Bread. Kool Aid. Fried Chicken. Long ago, these four substances were owned by Africans. Then everything changed when the white man attacked, only the blackest man, master of all four substances can stop them. But when the shit hit the fan, he went into hiding. It's been a day since the white men took over the neighborhood, me and my homie Craig have found the blackest man alive, his name was Tyrone and he's gonna fuck yo wife! Although we just met this nigga, we gonna try and buy some weed off of him."

-In the Basement-

Smokey: "Eeeeh maaan you got some weed on you, ever since the white man took over I've been craving some hard weed!" Smokey questioned in an already stoned voice.

Craig: "Hell yeah man, Dis all we have befoe' the white man take ov'a."

Tyrone: "Dude I ain't got no weed! The popo took it nigga and I skadadled outta there!" Tyrone said in his stout voice.

Craig: "Maaan dis shit is bogus!" Craig shouted in anger!

*knock *knock *knock 3 little knocks were heard coming from the front door of Tyrone's house, but as soon as they came followed a loud crushing sound and a loud dud! The door had been broken down!

Smokey: "OOOOH SHIT NIGGA! WE GOTTA GO!" Smokey panicked!

Tyrone: "Shut the hell up! You gonna get us caught! Jus-"

*BOOM the door to the basement was now kicked down! Tyrone, Smokey, and Craig hastily moved to a hiding spot, but Smokey was too slow!

White Officer: "GET DOWN!" The officer demanded while pointing the Desert Eagle at Smokey!

Smokey then let out a loud scream that would give your ears a period!

Smokey: "OKAY OKAY JUST DON'T SHOOT!" Smokey said in a paranoid tone!

Smokey then got down to his knees, like he was going to suck off the officer. Then suddenly the officer just shot Smokey! Smokey let out a hideous scream!

Smokey: "WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?" Smokey asked!

White Officer: "I-I don't know!" said the heavily shaken officer.

"You shot a nigger for no reason... I like that…" a mysterious voice said.

Tyrone felt as if he had heard the mysterious man's voice before, but where he questioned.

Jesus: "I am Justice, the light of your electronics, truth… All niggers must die, for I am God, I am Jesus…" Jesus said in a calm narcissistic tone.

Smokey: "Man shut the fuck u-"

*Slice! Jesus had ended Smokey's "useless" life, he sliced his head off.

Jesus: "Niggers are cruel and only soil my world… They are the embodiment of violence…" Jesus stated.

Craig the stepped from his hiding space to confront Jesus!

Craig: "Wut da fuk! I LOVED YOU JESUS, but you hate me, 'cause I'm black!? You actin' like a whole hoe!" said Craig angrily.

Jesus had a pause but then continued his gay ass speech.

Jesus: "It is hard to find a nigger that actually feels emotion in this world… I would spare you but you are too corrupted, the devil has put his seed in you and you are his child, this must stop now! I have killed 40% of the nigger population and will eradicate your species! NO NIGGER STEPS UP TO ME WITHOUT BOWING BEFORE ME!" Jesus said ferociously!

Jesus then tried to attack Craig but Tyrone grabbed Jesus's wrist! The velocity at which it was traveling was faster than sound, and Tyrone had stopped it without a flinch!

Tyrone: "You aren't Jesus! Jesus wouldn't do such things! He loves all of Gods creations! WHO ARE YOU!?" Tyrone demanded!

Jesus: "… You DARE DEMAND TO ME! YOU DARE TOUCH A GOD SO CASUALLY! I'LL SHOW YOU A COONS PLACE!" Jesus said angrily!

Jesus then removed his wrist from Tyrone's black creamy grasp and turn kicked Tyrone through the building! He also took Craig with him on the way, Craig could not handle the pressure and died due to his injuries! But Tyrone got back up!

Tyrone: "Is that really the power of a god!? More like the power of yo pull out game" Tyrone said cockily!

Jesus: "You still stand!? You fall before a god! Your disrespect is most unpleasant, I shall extinguish you from matter!" Jesus said as he powered up his Holy Cannon technique!

Tyrone was not scared though, Jesus looked like a little stoner pussy anyways!

Jesus then grabbed his right arm and said: "HOLY CANNON!"

A fast moving energy wave was headed towards Tyrone, but Tyrone underestimated the power of this blast!

Tyrone: "Guh! W-wut! How is this so STRONG!? His pull out IS STRONG!~" Tyrone questioned as he was trying to push back the energy beam!

But to no success Tyrone was master blasted into some rubble! Tyrone was down for the count, even the Wii Sports announcer tried to give him some extra seconds!

Jesus: "This is what happens to niggers who think they are higher than me, oooh I can feel your evil energy leaving my safe space. *Breathes in deeply, I am good, I am god…"

Jesus then left the destroyed neighborhood, and so did the police! Tyrone had not died though, this was only the beginning…

-In Gods Realm-

Tyrone was unconscious, but his soul was in a different reality, an energy like orb came to him, it was the one and only true God. Tyrone touched God, and God touched him back, but Tyrone wasn't into that gay shit.

Tyrone: "What are you? Where am I?" Tyrone asked.

God: "You are in my realm, a.k.a Heaven. You have died Tyrone, and are going to hell." God said calmly.

Tyrone: "What? No I've only fought for good my whole life, and I'm going to Hell!? Is this how you repay my heroic actions?" Tyrone said slightly annoyed.

God: "HA GOTEM! Yoiks!"

God had just been joking, who knew he even had a sense of humor!?

God: "Look Tyrone, you have to stop my son, I lost a bet against him and now he has power over the Earth for a whole 6 days. Plus he's just a horny teenager, and is also on his period."

Tyrone: "What da fuck!? You're GOD! YOU'RE GOD! How do you lose bets!? You know EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!" Tyrone replied in anger!

God: "Because I just like to see a little chaos ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" God trollishly said.

Tyrone: "Dick…" Tyrone said under his breathe "…You know I wasn't prepared to beat that nigga… How do you beat a guy who has supreme pizza I mean power over Earth!?"

God: "Look here Tyrone, you're special, and you know this… You need to use your black magic I gave you in order to kill-I mean defeat my son!"

Tyrone: "Did you just say kill!? So he's also alive too!?" Tyrone exclaimed!

God: "Well you see, he was complaining about not having a "real life", that he was born for nothing and died for injustice reasons or some gay shit… JUST LISTEN! FUCKING KILL HIM TYRONE!"

Tyrone: "You're a fucking ass dude, but I won't let you down! I'm gonna fuck his wife like that goat he fucked!"

God: "What?" God questioned.

Tyrone: "You already know! Just send me back to Earth, so I can roast his life!"

God: "Very well, but when you die…. Don't expect to come to Heaven BITCH!" God said quickly!

Tyrone: "Wait Whaaaaaaa~!"

Tyrone's soul was sent back to his body, it had been a day since he had his encounter with Jesus. Tyrone looked around at the destroyed area, and saw Whole Foods everywhere! This disturbed him very much! He didn't see a single black person at all… But Tyrone had no time for he had to find that holy fuck Jesus! Tyrone then walked up to a white man.

Tyrone: "HEY BITCH!" Tyrone shouted!

White man: "H'whaa what the hell, there's a black guy here!" the man said and the he proceeded piss his pants and run away in fear!

But Tyrone wasn't having anyone's shit! He didn't care how many wife's he had to fuck to find where Jesus was! Tyrone grabbed the frail white man, nearly breaking his shoulders!

Tyrone: "Pissed yo pants huh? You gotta know somethin', where's Jesus!?" he demanded!

The white man said nothing! Tyrone demanded again, and yet he said nothing…

Tyrone: "I didn't think I was ever gonna have to use this…." Tyrone exhaled.

The white man was terrified now, he had no idea what he was talking about, for all he knew Tyrone could've had a gun, a knife, or worst, a criminal record!

White man: "OKAY OKAY! J-J-J-J FUCK ME IN THE ASS JERRY!" he shouted!

Tyrone: "What?" he questioned deeply…

White man: "I have t-t-t-t-tourettes!" he pleaded!

Tyrone: "If you don't tell me where Jesus is I'm gonna fuck yo' wife so hard, all yo next generations are gonna to be black!" Tyrone threatened!

White: "F-FUCK! J-J-Jesus is a-a-a-at Detroit, ASS !that's where his headquarters FUCK! PISS! are anyways!" he answered.

Tyrone: "Thanks you bastard shit!" Tyrone exclaimed before violently cracking the white man's neck.

Tyrone then headed his ashy black ass to Detroit, his home town, but on the way he bought some lotion… Tyrone didn't see a single black person on the way there, maybe Jesus got what he wanted…

CHAPTER 2: Jesus' Breakdown

-Meanwhile at Jesus' Headquarters-

Jesus' headquarters was at the center of Detroit, or as he called it, the center of all evil, and he had to cleanse it.

Jesus: "I am almost done the eradication of all niggers! Hey William Simmons, how many niggers are left in the world!?" Jesus demanded!

Simmons: "Uuuh I sense only 1 black energy, but it's pretty big, and heading this way!" Simmons warned.

Jesus: "Send the racist mob after him, KILL HIM! NO COON NIGGER STANDS IN MY WAY!" Jesus angrily shouted!

Simmons ordered the mob of racist rednecks and KKK members to find and eradicate Tyrone.

Jesus: "Who is that big power level from ?"

BirdTurd: "… how the hell am I supposed to know?" Birdturd replied.

Jesus: "FUCK YOU!"

-A mile away from Jesus' Headquarters-

Tyrone was just flying towards the center of Detroit because his black senses, sensed Jesus was there, or just dumb luck. Tyrone was flying until suddenly he was shot down by a rocket! Tyrone flew to the ground like a cum jet! And when he hit the ground it cracked like my heart , I mean…. yeeeah….

Racist: "What da hell is THAT!? IS THAT A NIGGER!?" he said confused!

Racist: "Them's hard ta find round her!" a racist exclaimed!

Racist: "LES' KILL IT!"

The whole mob Surrounded Tyrone, who was back up and ready for some Gumbo! A racist came at Tyrone with a knife, like he was black or something! This offended Tyrone, so Tyrone wasted no time in shanking him with his fried chicken bone! And then used him Koolaid packet power to blind the rest of the mobs eyes! He then escaped, like he did from jail. After a minute of flying Tyrone finally made it Jesus's headquarters, and he was greeted by the one and only Simmons!

Tyrone: "Where the fuck is Jesus nigga!?" Tyrone demanded with pure rage!

Simmons: "What's it to you!? NI-GUUH!" Simmons said in a taunting manner.

Tyrone: "…. HaHaHAHAhaaaahahaAah!" He laughed!

Simmons: "You won't be laughing when I end you, for I am the founder of the KKK, God's favorite son, and only son…"

Tyrone: "Oh so you started the KKK huh!? Well I'm about to fuck yo' wife, AND YO DOG! I mean… that came out wrong, just shut the hell up I'mma fuck yo WIFE!"

Tyrone was livid now! He darted towards Simmons at a very high speed, Simmons noticed this and transformed instantly! He was now in his KKK get up. Tyrone threw a punch at him, Simmons dodged it, and kicked Tyrone in the cheekbone! Tyrone was pushed back but not by allot, he had gotten scratched a little bit though.

Simmons: "Once I kill you I'll hang your dick up as a trophy, because I know how much you niggers are proud of them!" Simmons said psychotically!

Simmons then spread his arms and summoned a triangle, it shot 5 beams out at Tyrone! Tyrone wasn't having no illuminati shit, so he decided to end this quickly, he powered up to 10% of his power and dogged all the beams and hit Simmons square in the stomach with the classic Boogie Punch he learned from Morgan Freeman! Simmons was literally reduced to nothing.

Tyrone: "Oh I migghta ova done it a bit there heehee!"

After a few seconds of silence, the douche bag- Jesus had to say some shit again.

Jesus: "TYRONE! YOU AGAIN!?" Jesus said in an angry, loud, god tone!

Jesus was atop a hovering, disc he made. Just like an arena, definitely not going to find anyone ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)!

Tyrone: "Jesus come down here and face me like a GOD!" He yelled back.

Jesus: "I DO NOT TAKE ORDERS FROM A NIGGER! DIE APE!" Jesus said as he launched a Holy Cannon at Tyrone!

But Tyrone deflected this one with no effort! Jesus was offended that a human, who was also a nigger, could match his normal Holy Cannon! Tyrone then darted up to where Jesus was! Jesus took notice of this and threw hells fire at him, but Tyrone was prepared for anything, he took out a giant raw chicken thigh, and shielded himself from the fire. Tyrone now had fried chicken to eat for later!

Jesus: "Eeerrr….. A nigger trying to be frogish huh!? I'LL SHOW YOU! LEAP YOU BOON!" Jesus shouted as he leaped to punch Tyrone!

But Tyrone went for a kick to Jesus's cheekbone, just as Simmons once did! Jesus was stunned at how strong Tyrone was. Tyrone then swiftly turned around and summoned a watermalone, and threw it at Jesus' head stunning him for a few moments, giving Tyrone enough time to do plan A! After a second or two Jesus ripped the watermalone from off his head, only to see a hippie's dream, beanies, and weed everywhere! Jesus almost forgot that he was even fighting anyone! Jesus then sat down and picked up a bag of weed, and saw the Deez Nuts' guy's face on it, with a caption the said: "GOTEE!", Jesus had no time to react though, as he had just been kneed in his face, by Tyrone's muscular knee cap, Jesus flew far, but quickly stopped!

Tyrone: "I KNEW YOU WERE A HIPPIE!" Tyrone said excitedly!

Jesus: "AAAUGH! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I LET A BOON FUCK UP MY LIFE! EEEERAHHHH!" Jesus yelled in an ear piercing screech! –Gotta get new ear buds now -_-

Jesus then bolted towards Tyrone and did some ninja shit on him, Tyrone did not have the proper training to block and dodge them correctly, because he was black, and they don't have much money. Jesus then punched Tyrone in the gut and tripped him, grabbing Tyrone's God like afro! Jesus pulled Tyrone to his face, it looked really gay, Jesus then said to Tyrone:

Jesus: "I hate niggers, it's like a burning universe! Niggers are the reason for all violence all hate all sin on my dad's precious planet. Niggers are the abomination of nature and can't even notice it… They are dumb, and ignorant, like my father if he actually loves his mistakes!"

Jesus then threw Tyrone away in a slowmo anime like fashion and kicked him out of the planet into the moon! The force made the moon lose 2 layer of its mass and was red hot, quickly moving away from Earth now! Tyrone thought about what Jesus had said, and was appalled by it! He never knew a black person could hate Jesus! Just as Tyrone was about to leave to confront Jesus and end him, but a beam was heading his way! Tyrone just dogged it like Gohan should've done a long time ago, it was no biggie. The moon was now erased from existence, but Jesus didn't care, he could always make a new one.

Jesus: "… Finally... All niggers are gone… The universe can be at peace now, knowing the all corruption is gone" Jesus said happy and calm with his arms extended in a god hierarchy pose.

But as he was getting ready to head to his Headquarters Tyrone appeared across from him!

Tyrone: "YOU! DICK! You're SUCH A DICK!" Tyrone exclaimed!

Jesus: "… I thought you were dead… Wait… Did you doge my Super Holy Cannon!?" Jesus questioned!

Tyrone: "Yeah not like it was moving at my top speed or anything." Tyrone bragged.

Jesus: "That beam was moving at 2x the speed of light! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU!?" Jesus questioned.

Tyrone: "I am the one that will destroy you!" Tyrone screamed as he powered up to 100%%%!

Tyrone then turned into his final form! Watermalone Tyrone! In this form Tyrone's Afro turns into a Watermalone helmet and his lower waist turn into half of a watermalone! Jesus was surprised at how high his power level had risen! It was like he was a god too! Jesus hated this and wanted him even deader now! Jesus then went 100% too, but he still looked like a hippie faggot.

Jesus: "Witness the power of Justice!"

Tyrone: "Witness the power of yo wife gettin' fucked!" Tyrone replied!

CHAPTER 3: Tyrone's last chance

Jesus: "The way you touch and talk to a god is so casually is, disrespectful! I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND NIGGERATCHI I AM G-!"

Jesus was interrupted by Tyrone's mighty elbow to the face, and then Tyrone summoned cheeto spikes to impale Jesus! Jesus dodged these and pulled out his holy water whip, a black person's worst enemy! Jesus then whipped at Tyrone! The whip was so fast he couldn't physically react to it! A loud whipping sound emitted from Tyrone! The pain was great! The force of the whip sent Tyrone flying to the ground, but Tyrone summoned a giant cornbread to cushion his fall! Tyrone then arose from the corn bread cushion and just looked at Jesus, Jesus was very angry now! Tyrone had to do something that would both offend and hurt Jesus! So Tyrone did the blackest thing anyone could do! Tyrone DABED! After the initial dab, an after image of Tyrone followed Jesus like a beam!

Jesus: "Huh what is THAAAAA~"

*BOOM a huge explosion of dabersty hit Jesus! Tyrone knew that wasn't the end to the asshole, so he used his consecutive watermalone blasts to hurt him even more! Before the smoke cleared around Jesus, Tyrone bolted into the middle with his elbow ready! Tyrone then got lucky and Elbowed Jesus right in the mouth, sending him flying out of the cloud of smoke, making him bleed too!

Jesus: "Blood?" Jesus questioned.

Tyrone: "How about you take this!" Tyrone shouted before power up for an uber move! "KOOL AID WAAAVE!" he yelled!

Jesus was confused by this, but then a wave of kool aid appeared to the right of him, it was moving really fast too, destroying anything that got into its way!

Jesus: "AUGH! No way there's even a human THIS STRONG! LET ALONE A NIGGER!" he stated!

Jesus got upright and then summoned his special attack!

Jesus: "Holy water destruction!" he screamed!

And then an opposing wave of holy water met with the kool aid wave! They then had a "beam struggle", It was hard for a moment, but the mighty power of Tyrone's black magic over powered Jesus' power!

Jesus: "N-n-nooooooo!" Jesus screamed as he was being engulfed by the kool aid wave!

Tyrone then forced the wave flying it the ground, to make sure Jesbus-Jesus was dead! A hugh explosion of dust and water vapor bloomed, and there wasn't a single sight of Jesus.

Tyrone: "*pant *pant… Finally it's over…" he said in relief.

But it wasn't over, for Jesus came back! A sonic wave, emitted from Jesus, broke through the dust and water vapor, spreading it into nothing. Jesus the rose above the ground slowly reaching the sky's, in his god pose, and a spotlight of light surrounded him.

Jesus: "*Panting heavily, you might have weakened me like your girlfriends ass, but I will still stand! I will not let a nigger kill me! NOW TAKE THIS!"

Jesus proceeded to charge up his final boss move!

Jesus: "Pasty Holy Cross!" he yelled!

A white cross appeared in front of Jesus, directed at Tyrone, it had sparkles all around it, and left a trail of them as it blasted towards Tyrone! Tyrone, had to use a move and quick!

Tyrone: "Fried Chicken BEAM!" he yelled!

A beam of fried chicken thighs hit the Cross, and another beam struggle happened! This one was much harder to push back though, Tyrone's whole body was jiggly wiggly, and veiny like a penis, but the cross was coming closer and closer to him!

Tyrone: "Eeer! I WILL NOT LET YOU DESTORY MY HOME TOOOOOWN!" He said in a fit of rage!

Tyrone's boner boost, I meant rage boost made both beams into a stand still. Tyrone was now equal power with Jesus!

Jesus: "You… you…. YOU STUPID COON! I WILL HAVE JUSTICE FOR I! AM! JUSTICE!" Jesus screetched!

Jesus' mentality then boosted his power over Tyrone's, the then Cross ripped through Tyrone's chicken beam and hit Tyrone's beautiful, luscious, black body!

*BOOM!

Tyrone: "AAAAUUGH!" he screeched in pain!

Jesus: "Finally… Finally! I HIT HIM! HA HA HAAAAA~!" Jesus said excitedly!

But a disappointment to Jesus, the smoke then cleared around Tyrone and Jesus saw that he was still alive! This really made Jesus feel like someone pissed in his cheerios!

Jesus: "YOU STILL STAND!? TYRONE! JUST FUCKING DIEEEE~!" He screeched! (He does allot of that doesn't he?)

Jesus then shot 5 Pasty Holy Cross' at Tyrone! *Boom *Boom! The first to made contact in no time! Tyrone screamed in pain, but this only filled Jesus's hate boner! *Boom *Boom! They continued on! Tyrone started to bleed from his left shoulder, and cough up blood! Then suddenly he fell unconscious!

-The vision-

Tyrone was now in his mind, hovering in nothing and only saw light below his feet, he could hear Jesus laughing all around him. Then God's orb came from that light.

God: "Dude you better get your pussy ass back out there and fight, because if you lose you go to hell BITCH!"

Tyrone: "God what could I do!? He's too strong!"

God: "You know what to do… Hot… Fire…."

Tyrone then knew what he had to do now!

-Back to reality-

Tyrone then regained consciousness! The last Pasty Cross just was about to hit him, but mamma didn't raise no bitch! His body lit on fire he then punch and decimated the cross into sparkles! He was now in his Fried Malone form! Tyrone went silent for a moment then said:

Tyrone: "Sorry Jesus but I GOTTA ROAST YOU!" Tyrone said with fire!

Jesus: "HOW DO YOU STILL STAND!? FUCKING NIG-"

Tyrone: "Yo Jesus why do you look like when you poop you go "OoOooO"!?" Tyrone said with fire!

Jesus's heart ached little after hearing that straight fire then a circle of fire set around him!

Tyrone: "Jesus, you talk about sin and how it's bad, YET YOUR TINY ASS DICK IS THE ONLY SIN I SEE!" Tyrone said with true fire!

Jesus then burst into flames, but it did not affect him! His heart beat grew faster though, and stuff just started to catch on fire around them!

Tyrone: "Yo Jesus! I know you're referred to as a lamb right? So I guess Mary had a little lamb, oh wait NO! MARY HAD A LITTLE MISTAKE!" Tyrone shouted with pure fire!

The flames started to burn at Jesus, and even more things set to flames, including your house!

Jesus: "W-WHAT IS GOING ON! AAAAUH!" he screamed!

Tyrone: "YOU'RE LIFE IS GETTING ROASTED BRO!" Tyrone replied!

Tyrone: "But let's just end this! Jesus you said you died for our sins right!? But you're lying! The only sin you died for was YOUR FASHION SENSE! BRUH!" Tyrone yelled with the purest fire known to cavemen while having his hand in the boi gesture!

Jesus then screeched loudly! So much pain filled his charred body! His whole life got roasted!

Jesus: "How could this beee!? HOW COULD A NIGGER DEFEAT ME!" He said in a burnt crispy tone.

Tyrone: "Because you're the bad guy duh, that's why you lost! HERO'S NEVER DIE!" Tyrone said as he charged all his powers to create a mini Nigga Bomb!

Tyrone: "Take your fake ass "Justice" and shove it into hell!" Tyrone exclaimed as he threw his Nigga Bomb at Jesus!

Jesus: "NOOOO~! FUCK! PISS! FUCUUUCK!" Jesus screamed!

*BOOOOOM! The Nigga Bomb exploded! Killing Jesus instantly, the power of a real nigga was just too great! There was no trace of him anywhere, not even in your mom and that's saying something ;)

Tyrone: "I guess you could say, it was da bomb! HAHAHAHA!" Tyrone said in joy!

Jesus was now dead, or at least in a worst place. Even though Jesus was gone, his damage was far from done… No blacks were in the world at all, just him, the last Negro alive, but that wasn't a problem for Tyrone, because he's going to be fucking allot of wife's! Tyrone then set out to repopulate the black population, one wife at a time!

Tyrone: "Now where'd I leave that fried chicken thigh at at…?"

-In Hell-

Devil: "Well looks like you got yourself in quite a pickle there huh?"

Jesus: "FUCK YOU BITCH!"

Devil: "I'm about to make you my bitch. Do you know what charazarding is!?"

Jesus: "OH FUUUCK NO! AAAAAUAUHAA"

*Devil laughs demonically…..

THE END