A.N.

Big thanks to Darth Retailation!

This rewrite of the first chapter into something (lets be honest) better wouldn't have been possible without her awesome Beta-reading/editing skills!

So please leave a comment and tell me what you think of the new & improved chapter 1 and if you love it as much as I do! Then she can see your appreciation of her hard work as well! :)

...Fated to Be...Fated to Be...Fated to Be...Fated to Be...Fated to Be...Fated to Be...Fated to Be...

I felt helpless.

I was unprepared for the strange bond that had formed between Maul and I and even more at a loss as what to do with it. I often wondered how it came to be. We didn't know each other that well and our time together on Malachor was short-lived.

Yet, despite all that, here he was, always popping into my mind.

Offering ''advice'' during a mission? Distractingly so. While I was eating? Of course.
Sleeping? Yep, still there... okay, there was no such thing as sleep with him dropping by whenever he pleased. Suffice to say, I was on edge from the lack of sleep and constantly anxious.

Of course, my foul mood and strange behavior didn't escape the Ghost crew. I would often snap at Zeb during the ships' night shift for his snoring that kept me up during the few hours of reprieve I had from Maul. And during the day, Chopper and Sabine would sometimes walk by and catch me "talking to myself" in the most awkward of places. It made me look crazy. But I wasn't sure I could stop. And this, of course, Maul found amusing.

So, I settled on avoiding them most of the time. Such a situation was happening now. I stood in the hallway outside of the common room, staring at the crack of yellow light peeking through the door into the dark and listening to their easy laughter.

I was tempted to tell them of my predicament, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. Whenever I would think about saying something, to seek help from Kanan, fear would rise. Like a foreboding pressure at first, but then like a tide it would swell, becoming more until I was choking on despair as the mere thought sent me to my room to wait out what I had later learned to be a panic attack.

I couldn't tell Kanan. I couldn't.

I looked away from the door in self-loathing, unable to move forward and join them for supper as a part of me rose with whispered denial.

What would he say if he knew that I had been talking to the man who had blinded him? Bonded, even?

Just the thought of him looking down in anger and disappointment made my chest quiver. The thought of rejection too much to bear.

Not that he could actually see me anymore.

Maul had made sure of that.

Yet I couldn't blame it all on Maul. He may have physically done it, but I was the one who brought the situation upon Kanan. And Ahsoka. Her death was my fault, just as surely as Kanan's loss of vision.

Secretly, I had admired her. The strength she had shown time and time again had been something I had striven for, even during my lessons with my own Master. She was someone to look up to. Someone I looked up to.

Honestly, I wished for more time with her. Everything happened too fast. One moment we were meeting her for the first time, and then the next thing I can remember is the look she had carried when the temple had closed between us, leaving her to fight Vader alone.

The pain that had coursed through my chest that day at the realization that she wouldn't be coming back with us had almost left me frozen in front of the temple. Kanan's voice calling out to me was the only reason I had found the strength to move at all.

I just couldn't leave when they had wanted to, I just had to rebel... I closed my eyes as my breath caught.

No… It wasn't all on Maul.

Lost in memories I didn't notice faint voices getting closer until the door of the common room slid open, making me wince in guilt as I looked up. I expected Hera to be coming out to get me with the same look of disapproval that she had taken to giving me lately, so I simply stood there until a familiar form stepped forward. Yet it was distinctly not Hera's. I instantly tensed.

Kanan was stepping out, a soft but noticeably strained smile on his face as he turned back minutely within the shadowed frame and waved with a chuckle at something Sabine had said. Seemingly happy.

But I knew better.

He couldn't be.

A part of me hoped he would look down the hall and notice me hidden in the shadows, call to me softly in worry like he used to and force all these thoughts and worries from my mind.

But he didn't.

He didn't notice my presence farther down the hall.

He rarely did anymore.

I clutched my chest, eyes shadowing as the familiar pain echoed through my heart.

I couldn't say anything, couldn't move as Hera stepped up behind Kanan and offered to help him to his room, just to be refused with a kind smile.

Hera simply frowned and watched him go, his hand following the wall as he went in the other direction, saving me from having to rush back to my room to avoid him.

I couldn't talk to Kanan right now. I just... couldn't.

Darkness and cold tickled the back of my mind as I watched Kanan make his way slowly down the hall, the door shutting behind Hera again as numbness enveloped me and a familiar chuckle echoed in my mind.

The sound of that chuckle snapped me back from my inner thoughts of despair in an instant, forcing my attention away from Kanan's disappearing form. I whirled on the dark hall behind me and glared as if the man himself would manifest from the shadows.

And a part of me wished he would.

How dare he be amused by my master's situation?! This was his fault!

My anger surged. Images of destroying Maul playing on a loop within my mind.

I really hoped he could see it.

"What are you laughing at?" I ask, my voice coming out with a deadly calm that I got used to using when talking with Maul. "You did this to him."

An image of him grinning flashed before my eyes. "Oh yes, I haven't forgotten."

I growled as I turned and headed towards the Phantom, not wanting Sabine or one of the others to find me talking to myself yet again. To see me like this.

Honestly, I was spending a lot of time in the Phantom lately. Of course, the others had noticed and commented, but they could only guess as to why. Though in the end, I felt it couldn't be that hard to figure out.
It was quiet there. I felt like it was an isolated world where no one would disturb me during my "episodes", especially since the others didn't go there as often as I did.

But then again, would they even want too?

I ignored the last part as Maul spoke.

"Why do you feel so guilty, Apprentice?"

My jaw clenched as I approached the ladder. He knew why. And yet he always asked.
Just like he always called me Apprentice, one way or another.
He knew how much it angered me, how much I hated it, yet he still said it.
I gave up trying to correct him all the time, but that didn't mean it angered me any less.

"You know why," I muttered, unable to stop myself from responding to his obvious bait as I grabbed the ladder and started climbing, pulling myself up into the Phantom just as Maul's amused scoff came across the bond.

"Oh? Do I? You must be mistaken. I simply do not understand the thoughts of a Jedi."

I froze, standing before the Phantoms cockpit as my fists clenched at my sides. That amusement was too much right now.

All he ever did was look down on my master and his teachings whenever he got the chance, trying to get me to respond in a way Kanan wouldn't approve of. And a part of me couldn't help but think he had finally succeeded.

I just... couldn't ignore him this time.

I glared at the stars beyond the port as if he was standing there, my anger projecting across the bond in a wave of heat.

"This is all your fault!" I shouted in response, not caring who heard anymore. "Kanan, his eyes-"

Tears distorted my vision, but I refused to let them slip out. "It's your fault! I'll never forgive you, Maul! I'll- I'll kill you myself! You-"

I lowered my head as the remaining words I wanted to shout stuck in my throat, the feeling of choking guilt and anger swarmed within me hungrily, wanting to consume me with whispers of power.

But even now Kanan's words echoed, reminding me that I had to stay in control.

That I had to... control my emotions.

The feeling of hesitation overcame me.

...Didn't I?

"Ah, yes, I do know what you're feeling." A dark sensation rolled through my mind as Maul shifted like a coiled serpent within our bond. "It's the feelings of the Dark Side, after all."

His smooth, honeyed words and dark chuckle seemed to echo within the room as my head snapped up, eyes wide and voice filled with desperation as I shouted again in denial.

"No! You're wrong, I... I'm not-"

My shout died into a whimper as dark tendrils began twisting across the edges of my vision.

No! What was... It couldn't be! It was a lie!

I stumbled backwards as the feeling of wrongness shivered through me, a cold feeling beginning to numb my body.

It was Maul. I could feel it. He was doing something to me.

"Maul! What are you-"

His mind suddenly shifted into mine with an unnatural ease, the resistance I once had seeming to fade alongside my vision as I gasped. It felt like we were becoming one, and that scared me more than anything.

Like an inky darkness upon my fading light, his mind was swallowing me whole.

I desperately fought for breath against the sudden cold, my breath visible in the air.

What was he doing?!

This had never happened before.

He'd never been able to come so far into my mind!

Something bad was happening, and whatever it was, I didn't want it to succeed.

"Ka-Kanan!"

I shouted with desperate fear, my voice echoing through the Phantom as I pulled on our bond as well, hoping he would feel it.

It would be the first time since Malachor.

And I hoped it wouldn't be the last.

As I felt my Master respond with surprise and worry through our bond, I felt relieved before my vision went completely black, the sensation of a hand covering my eyes making me stiffen as an all too familiar voice suddenly spoke into my ear, no longer in my mind.

"Sleep, Apprentice."

A chuckle, not my own, echoed through the Phantom, the voice continuing smoothly, "It's time for you to come home, my boy."

I tried to shout again, but nothing came out of my mouth. Against my wishes, my body went slack, and my mind started to fade to a different kind of darkness, the last thing I was aware of was my body leaning back into Maul's, and the thought-

Oh, he's really here... I have to warn Kanan... everybody...