Author Note: I need to repost the second chapter as well. Long story short, three peers in have been rather vocal about lists. If you're reading this, I'm not changing it a second time, you'll just have to deal with it.
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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, all rights belong to Warner Bros. and J.K. Rowling. I'm not making any money off of this.
How to Annoy Nymphadora Tonks
1. Invent a charm, that when cast on stuff, make it move automatically into her path.
2. Laugh when she trips over the charmed objects.
3. Call her Nymphadora. And don't stop.
4. Trick Remus into giving her flowers that continuously hum the first seven notes of "It's a Small World After All".
5. Impersonate her and do weird stuff.
6. Set her and Moody up on a date. (Added bonus of annoying Moody as well.)
7. Charm a bunch of googly eyes to stare unnervingly at her when she wakes up.
8. Frame her for stealing Remus' chocolate stash.
9. Hide/burn all of her Weird Sisters memorabilia.
10. Spread a rumor about an apple, Remus, and her.
11. Sing her least favorite song and get it stuck in her head.
How to Do All of These Things
One day at Hogwarts...
"You know what Fred?"
"What George?"
"I think that it's high time that we get back to pranking professors. What do you think about that?"
"I think that's a brilliant idea George."
Somehow, all the teachers in the castle shivered, except for Professor Snape. He was an unmovable rock. But not for long...
The mischievous twins left the Gryffindor common room to go and get a few prank items for over the holidays. First on their list, a visit to the "Spell Creation" teacher. Or rather, a visit to Professor Dumbledore on how to create a charm that summoned things to a certain target a high speeds and low heights. Finally, the twins were at the gargoyle that led to Dumbledore's office. Only one problem left. How were they supposed to get in?
"No, you can't get in. Do you know the password? No? Well then, there's your answer."
"Come on! It's not like we're going to prank the headmaster!" Fred protested.
"Yeah, our mum would murder us if we did that!" George agreed.
Eventually the gargoyle relented and the boys charged up the spiral stairs, and knocked on Dumbledore's door. "Come in," was the reply. Fred and George entered to see the old man hard at work, probably concerned about some document or other.
"Professor Dumbledore, we need your help to make a spell. The other teachers can't help us, or rather, won't help us because they're afraid of what we might do," Fred said.
"He's right. You're the only one that never doubts our COMPLETE INNOCENCE. I mean, we're practically angels, right?"
Dumbledore nodded. "Boys, this is a pleasure, but now is not the best time. Perhaps you could come back tomorrow night at 8:30? The password is 'Fizzing Whizbees'," and with that, Dumbledore dismissed the boys casually.
As Fred and George headed back down the spiral stairs, they came up with a list of other supplies that they needed.
"Fred, we're going to need: flowers, Moody, a whole bucket of googly eyes, Tonk's Weird Sisters memorabilia, an apple, and the knowledge of Tonk's least favorite song."
"Gotcha George. I'll take care of the googly eyes, apple, and flowers in Hogsmeade. You take care of the rest ok?"
George nodded as the twins went back to the Gryffindor Common Room.
The next day...
Fred and George woke up bright and early for the Hogsmeade trip. They had things to buy after all. They split up as soon as their carriage arrived in the little town. George went to meet Mundungus Fletcher in the Hog's Head while Fred went to The Three Broomsticks to try to convince Madam Rosmerta to give him flowers and an apple. This was going to be difficult.
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In the Hog's Head...
George knocked on the door and went in. A witch in a shawl sat in the corner quietly nursing a beer. George popped into the seat next to him/her and smiled.
"How do you do, Mundungus Fletcher?"
"'M fine."
"Thanks for coming out here."
"You owe me one, boy."
"Yes, I do. Maybe."
"What do you mean, maybe?" Mundungus asked cautiously.
"Er... Never mind that. Remember what I actually came here for today? Now, to business. First, what is Tonk's least favorite song? Second, where can I find Moody alone? Lastly, can you steal Tonk's Weird Sister's memorabilia for me?"
Mundungus held out his hand, and George tossed three Galleons into the grubby palm.
"I don't owe you anymore. See?" George smirked the famous Weasley Grin.
"Fine." Mundungus grumbled as he pocketed the money. "'er least fav'rite song is a Muggle one, 'Wake Me Up Before You Go, Go.' You can't find 'im alone, 'constant vigilance' and all. Also, consider the job done."
George got up to go. "Thanks Dung. By the way, pass this on the Sirius for me, 'kay?" A package of Cockroach Clusters landed on Mundungus' lap. "See if he can traumatize her before we get to her," George saluted to Mundungus and exited.
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At The Three Broomsticks...
Fred sighed. Trying to get Rosmerta to give up some of her precious Muggle googly eyes was a dead impossible task. He had already bought the apple though, and flowers were something that he could get any time during the break. Fred decided to give it one more try before he gave up. George would probably understand.
Fred walked back over to the bar and rang the customer service bell. "Coming," a voice echoed from the back. Madam Rosmerta came out of the back, wiping her hands on a towel as she went.
She stopped short as she saw Fred. "What do you want now?" she grumbled.
Fred tools deep breath and began again. "Look. I know that you hardly ever get the time to go and buy googly eyes, but this is REALLY important!" Fred pleaded.
"Fine. However you have to promise me that you won't be doing'anything illegal with these," she cautioned.
Fred nodded and ran off with the packet of googly eyes and the apple. He could see George waving to him at the other end of Hogsmeade's Main Street.
"Did you get what you needed Fred?" George asked his twin.
"Yep. How about you?" Fred replied.
George nodded his confirmation and the twins set off on the semi-long walk back up to the castle. They needed to pack; winter break started tomorrow and they were leaving pretty early the next morning.
Author Note: I will try to get the next (and hopefully the last) installation uploaded before I go on vacation.