Just thinking about it sends a shiver of pleasure up my spine.
Rei... the strong one, the gorgeous one... pushing his brother, his weak and pathetic impersonator, over the edge. It plays out in my mind with a background of perfect silence; and I would like it no other way.
There they stand, innocence and cruelty staring at each other with matching eyes. And then a single hand from cruelty's side rises, and is held openly to innocence. However, this is not a gesture of aid. I know the truth. I revel in the waves of nausea that would take hold of Rei's pitiful fan club if only they knew.
'Do it.'
That's what that hand was saying. That's what he meant by such a mocking gesture. For if Sei had taken his brother's offering of 'help' that fateful and beautiful day, he would have found the deepest roots of inhumanity that live and grow within Rei. His brother would have pushed him.
But no, innocence is too clever for that, imp that he is. A stark smile is drawn across his face in a quiet goodbye. And slowly, arms spread to his sides both ways as if he were some holy being that should seek to have angle wings and fly away rather then fall, innocence plunged forward.
A broken angel, then. For his wings didn't work. Down, down, down... the shrill hum of the air making way for his body slowly strangling all of the screaming voices that surround innocence's form.
And then, through the silence, the dull sound of flesh hitting pavement.
It isn't a morbid image, as so many might think. It is a exquisite moment for all of civilization. It is the true nature of people, lying pale surrounded by its own blood.
Leisurely Rei glances over the roof. This is his few seconds of lonely victory before he must rush downward to his dead angel and play his part. The smirk that touches his lips for but an instant makes me moan aloud. He's won. He's taken the wires that bound him to that ridicules boy and strung them around his neck, pulling until he choked out all the life. Sei is dead. And Rei is free.
Oh, God, why couldn't it be like that for me? Why couldn't my own puppet, dear Aoki, play the game so well?
The beatings he gave me served for a few moments of ecstasy in my mind, but that was all. It wasn't like how I imagined it for Sei. Sei was so lucky... how loving his brother was, how elegant, to slowly torment him over time.
Rei would give his brother mental thrashings, raping his soul over and over again with harsh words and ashen truths. How fitting for Mars, the God of war, to be born a twin. It meant Sei had a purpose... he was to show his brother his true nature.
I never had so much meaning. No one ever dreamt day after day of destroying me as Rei did for Sei. No one ever pined to hurt me, to drive me to kill myself.
That was Aoki's mistake. He wasn't as artful as Rei. Instead of giving me mental scars, he would riddle me with physical ones. Instead of driving me to the end in some stunning way... he tried to kill me himself.
Luckilly, Rei found me. And wouldn't that be fate? Now that Sei was gone, who could Rei open up his sinister side to? He needed a replacement. Someone who could look and act like Sei. That replacement was me.
I got to work on it right away. First, I disposed of my former master, Aoki, with the simple help of a knife. Nothing too pretty, or memorable. But it did give me a laugh to lick his blood from my fingers.
Next, I perfected my act. I had always looked feminine and scrawny, so I already had an edge at being Sei. However, I had to learn to speak. I had to learn to get my doses of pain from fighting the unjust, and not begging. Sei was so honest... I could easily pretend to be that. I could cry on cue. I could smile softly. The blemishes Aoki put on my face would heal.
I was ready, after only one year.
I enrolled into Rei's school and instantly became popular. This got on my nerves, though. Sei was never popular... ah, I'd pay no mind to it. I'd shy away from the crowds. I'd join the art club, so no one would have contact with me after hours.
During my first day, I caught a few staggered images of my Mars. The way he moved, talked; oh, he did have the perfect mask. But I would rip it from his face, and expose him. I would make him hate me like he hated Sei, and need me as he needed Sei as well. The perfect replacement...
Rei should have been thrilled. But unfortunately, I found that he was too preoccupied by something else to notice my subtle beauty.
Her name was Kira. And in her, I had seen another opening.
So many things contributed to Sei's death. But part of it was a girl. A girl that wept by his dead body just for show. A girl he loved and craved, but who really wanted Rei. But who could blame her? Who would want a shadow when they could have the real thing?
The plan was formed. To get to Kira, I would instill a lust in her. A lust to learn more about me, and then, when she had... she'd also learn the truth about her beloved Rei. It would horrify her. And then I'd be in the middle of that same tug-of-war Rei and Sei had been over that weeping girl.
And Rei wouldn't win this time.
I would.
Because he'll need me...
Like I need him.
That's why I said it, and that's why I cried. Because Sei was always honest... and for once, I wanted to be too.
"But there's someone else I like."
"Who's that?"
"..."
"See, you can't even say!"
"That Senior... that senior... Rei Kashino."
He would understand me, and need me. Because I knew him... and I needed him too.
Rei... the strong one, the gorgeous one... pushing his brother, his weak and pathetic impersonator, over the edge. It plays out in my mind with a background of perfect silence; and I would like it no other way.
There they stand, innocence and cruelty staring at each other with matching eyes. And then a single hand from cruelty's side rises, and is held openly to innocence. However, this is not a gesture of aid. I know the truth. I revel in the waves of nausea that would take hold of Rei's pitiful fan club if only they knew.
'Do it.'
That's what that hand was saying. That's what he meant by such a mocking gesture. For if Sei had taken his brother's offering of 'help' that fateful and beautiful day, he would have found the deepest roots of inhumanity that live and grow within Rei. His brother would have pushed him.
But no, innocence is too clever for that, imp that he is. A stark smile is drawn across his face in a quiet goodbye. And slowly, arms spread to his sides both ways as if he were some holy being that should seek to have angle wings and fly away rather then fall, innocence plunged forward.
A broken angel, then. For his wings didn't work. Down, down, down... the shrill hum of the air making way for his body slowly strangling all of the screaming voices that surround innocence's form.
And then, through the silence, the dull sound of flesh hitting pavement.
It isn't a morbid image, as so many might think. It is a exquisite moment for all of civilization. It is the true nature of people, lying pale surrounded by its own blood.
Leisurely Rei glances over the roof. This is his few seconds of lonely victory before he must rush downward to his dead angel and play his part. The smirk that touches his lips for but an instant makes me moan aloud. He's won. He's taken the wires that bound him to that ridicules boy and strung them around his neck, pulling until he choked out all the life. Sei is dead. And Rei is free.
Oh, God, why couldn't it be like that for me? Why couldn't my own puppet, dear Aoki, play the game so well?
The beatings he gave me served for a few moments of ecstasy in my mind, but that was all. It wasn't like how I imagined it for Sei. Sei was so lucky... how loving his brother was, how elegant, to slowly torment him over time.
Rei would give his brother mental thrashings, raping his soul over and over again with harsh words and ashen truths. How fitting for Mars, the God of war, to be born a twin. It meant Sei had a purpose... he was to show his brother his true nature.
I never had so much meaning. No one ever dreamt day after day of destroying me as Rei did for Sei. No one ever pined to hurt me, to drive me to kill myself.
That was Aoki's mistake. He wasn't as artful as Rei. Instead of giving me mental scars, he would riddle me with physical ones. Instead of driving me to the end in some stunning way... he tried to kill me himself.
Luckilly, Rei found me. And wouldn't that be fate? Now that Sei was gone, who could Rei open up his sinister side to? He needed a replacement. Someone who could look and act like Sei. That replacement was me.
I got to work on it right away. First, I disposed of my former master, Aoki, with the simple help of a knife. Nothing too pretty, or memorable. But it did give me a laugh to lick his blood from my fingers.
Next, I perfected my act. I had always looked feminine and scrawny, so I already had an edge at being Sei. However, I had to learn to speak. I had to learn to get my doses of pain from fighting the unjust, and not begging. Sei was so honest... I could easily pretend to be that. I could cry on cue. I could smile softly. The blemishes Aoki put on my face would heal.
I was ready, after only one year.
I enrolled into Rei's school and instantly became popular. This got on my nerves, though. Sei was never popular... ah, I'd pay no mind to it. I'd shy away from the crowds. I'd join the art club, so no one would have contact with me after hours.
During my first day, I caught a few staggered images of my Mars. The way he moved, talked; oh, he did have the perfect mask. But I would rip it from his face, and expose him. I would make him hate me like he hated Sei, and need me as he needed Sei as well. The perfect replacement...
Rei should have been thrilled. But unfortunately, I found that he was too preoccupied by something else to notice my subtle beauty.
Her name was Kira. And in her, I had seen another opening.
So many things contributed to Sei's death. But part of it was a girl. A girl that wept by his dead body just for show. A girl he loved and craved, but who really wanted Rei. But who could blame her? Who would want a shadow when they could have the real thing?
The plan was formed. To get to Kira, I would instill a lust in her. A lust to learn more about me, and then, when she had... she'd also learn the truth about her beloved Rei. It would horrify her. And then I'd be in the middle of that same tug-of-war Rei and Sei had been over that weeping girl.
And Rei wouldn't win this time.
I would.
Because he'll need me...
Like I need him.
That's why I said it, and that's why I cried. Because Sei was always honest... and for once, I wanted to be too.
"But there's someone else I like."
"Who's that?"
"..."
"See, you can't even say!"
"That Senior... that senior... Rei Kashino."
He would understand me, and need me. Because I knew him... and I needed him too.