The Twelve Days of Christmas – Gratsu Style

Disclaimer – I do not own Fairy Tail or The 12 Days of Christmas Song

*Rated M for Mature

Summary: Gray Fullbuster's take on the Twelve Days of Christmas. Who said showing true love was dead?

The Twelve Days of Christmas – Gratsu Style

Gray didn't know if he wanted to bash his head against a wall, bash someone else's head against a wall, or just blow up a damn wall. Why did Christmas have to be so complicated?

No. He took that back. Natsu made Christmas complicated. How was he supposed to woo the dragon-slayer during the holiday season, let alone get his attention in a positive way?

Sure, he could shower him in gifts, but as soon as Natsu knew the gifts were from him, all hell would break loose.

Unless he did it anonymously.

Now that was an idea. Tapping his hands on the guild's bar, a smirk crossed his features as a plan slowly started formulating in his mind. If Natsu didn't like him after this, then he didn't know who would.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, a partridge in a pear tree.

As soon as Natsu walked into the guild and saw a wrapped gift on his usual table with his name written on it, he was elated. And as he sat down in a chair and peeked at the note on said gift, he grew confused. There was no sender, but the message demanded that he open the gift immediately.

Shrugging, he unwrapped the gift and opened the box, only to find…a bottle. That was it?

But there was a note tied to the neck which read: Open me.

That was simple enough. Reaching for the cork, he pulled…and pulled…and stood up to pull some more.

"Stupid cor—ack!" he screeched when the menacing object suddenly shot from the bottle and flew across the room, where it hit Erza's strawberry cake, splattering it against the wall.

"Who destroyed my precious cake?!" the requip mage raged.

Paling, Natsu grabbed the bottle and fled. While he made his way out of the guild, he tipped the bottle. A small note fell out. It read: On the first day of Christmas, I, your true love, proclaim to shower you in gifts that express my love and devotion to you and I will continue to do so for the next eleven days.

Natsu smiled at that. Someone liked him! But who? Maybe his 'true love' would let more slip as the days went on. This was going to be fun!

On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, two turtle doves.

The gift on the table was a lot smaller today. Natsu sat down, the other guild members peering at him, waiting to see what he'd gotten this time.

Smiling to himself, the dragon-slayer opened the gift and found two ceramic hearts inside connected with a gold chain. It was beautiful. And the hearts looked as if they were made of porcelain.

Glancing around the room, he tried to see if he could detect who his 'true love' might be, but no one seemed to pop out at him.

Oh, well. There was always tomorrow.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, three French hens.

Natsu nearly skipped to his table today. As he plopped himself down in his usual seat, he ripped the package open and peered inside.

There were three jars of chocolate…BODY FROSTING?!

The dragon-slayer jumped from his seat and screamed, earning a few weird looks.

He reached in and pulled one of the jars out and re-read it, just to make sure. It was chocolate body frosting! And—oh, god—there were different flavors?! Milk chocolate, cherries and chocolate, and cinnamon and chocolate.

Well, that cleared up one thing. His 'true love' was a fucking pervert.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, four calling birds.

Natsu had been tempted yesterday to throw away the body frosting. But the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to keep it. The stuff was free chocolate, after all. As long as he wasn't putting it on anyone—or anyone putting it on him—the gift was perfectly fine.

So if he received another edible gift today, no matter if it was perverted or not, he was going to keep it…and eat it. He never said no to free food.

As he sat down at his regular table, the dragon-slayer looked at today's gift. Well, it was now or never.

Opening it, he resisted the urge to throw the gift across the guild and set it on fire. Inside were four pairs of fuzzy handcuffs.

"What the hell is this shit?!" Natsu screeched.

"Natsu! Keep your voice down so I may enjoy my cake," stated Erza with a glare.

"Fine," groaned the dragon-slayer as he left the guild and headed out, fuming. The reality of the situation was finally hitting him. His 'true love' was a pervert, all right.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, five golden rings.

Natsu sighed as he sat at his table. Another day, another gift. How bad was this one going to be? Well, there was only one way to find out.

He opened the festively decorated package and took a hesitant glance inside. Bottles. Bottles weren't bad. They were—

"Crap," he mumbled under his breath. They were massage oils. Tasty massage oils! Original, cherry almond, raspberry kiss, vanilla crème, and chocolate mint.

He paled.

But then a thought struck him. What was original supposed to taste like?

He immediately blanched at the thought. "This pervert is getting inside my head."

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, six geese a-laying.

Natsu'd had the whole evening to figure out how to handle the next set of gifts. And he'd come up empty-handed. He figured that the gifts would just get worse as time went on.

So when he sat at his table, he'd mentally prepared himself for the worst. But when he opened his gift this time, he paused.

Inside were six gourmet chocolate dipped berries—strawberries, to be exact. That wasn't bad. That wasn't bad at all.

Content, he began eating them in the guild, completely unaware of the eyes that watched him.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, seven swans a-swimming.

Maybe Natsu was overreacting to the gifts he was getting. They weren't all bad. Sure, some he could live without, but the thought was what counted, right?

Seating himself at his table, he quickly opened the new gift.

He paused.

Then he flipped the table over, the seven sex dice bouncing on the ground.

"You're the one giving me this shit?!" Natsu screamed as he pointed an accusing finger at Cana.

"Me? I'm flattered, but you're really not my type!" she protested. "I've got nothing to do with your secret admirer thing. I like their style, though."

"Who else would send me sex dice? That's your thing, Cana!"

"Cards are my thing, not dice," said Cana as she belched and returned to her drink. "Moron."

"Oh, yeah," said Natsu as he sobered up. Then he started pulling at his hair. Who the hell was sending him these perverted gifts then?!

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, eight maids a-milking.

Natsu came into the guild thankful that he hadn't been reprimanded by Erza for destroying the table yesterday. If he expected to get through the rest of these gifts, he had to keep a level head.

But it was just proving to be more and more difficult as time went on. He almost bailed on going to the guild because he was afraid of what might be in the dreaded gift.

However, he was not one to just stand down, so he went to the guild and stared at the package. When he got the nerve, he opened it. Apparently, his little outburst yesterday might have given reason for today's gift.

It was an eight piece aromatherapy kit, complete with a ceramic diffuser, three powerful essential oil blends, three replacement candles, and an instruction booklet.

This was perfectly harmless.

So then why the hell was he having dirty thoughts?!

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, nine ladies dancing.

Natsu groaned. There were only a few days left of this ordeal, which could only mean that things would get progressively worse.

And boy was his prediction correct.

Why he even lifted the things out of the box was beyond him. But he hadn't known what they were at first until Wendy screamed bloody murder and Charle covered the poor, young girl's eyes. That was when he realized that the box contained nine greatly detailed sex books.

"Natsu! Having explicit material such as this in the guild while children are present is unacceptable!" shouted Erza

"What? But these aren't even mine!"

"Were they gifts?"

"Yeah."

"And are they in your possession?"

"Yeah."

"Then they're yours."

"…"

"Go see the Master immediately."

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, ten lords a-leaping.

Natsu decided to play it smart this time. As soon as he spotted the gift in the guild, he grabbed it and bolted for the bathroom. At least then he'd have some privacy.

Making sure he was alone, he quickly unwrapped the gift…and gaped.

Ten nights of passion? Who the hell was this person?!

There were three tubes of motion lotion, a soft and tickly brush, a length of satin, and five double-sided cards with sexy suggestions.

He promptly dropped the box and ran.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, eleven pipers piping.

Natsu swallowed hard as he holed himself up in a bathroom stall with today's gift. He tapped his fingers on it, growing even jitterier by the minute. It was now or never.

He opened the gift…and immediately cringed.

It was an eleven piece mile high sensual erotic companion kit. There was a blindfold, a "Do Not Disturb" door hanger, massage oil, a feather tickler, a mini personal massager—

He couldn't look anymore.

"Thank goodness there's only one day left," he sighed, letting his head hit the wall.

But that meant something else other than a final gift. He might just end up meeting the perverted mystery person who'd sent him everything.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, twelve drummers drumming.

Natsu trudged into the guild. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep all night. And today was the last day for gift giving—or rather, receiving—too.

When his gaze landed on his table—which had been repaired—he froze. On it laid a sweetheart bouquet, consisting of twelve roses in red, pink, and white with baby's breath. They were stunning, endearing, and sweet.

Picking up the bouquet, he felt the longing stares from the girls in the guild and felt contentedly smug.

But then he spotted a note in the roses. It read: If you wish to meet your true love, come to the river at five o'clock.

Finally! He was finally going to meet this mystery person! And punch them in the face for being such a pervert!

Natsu paced back and forth with his bouquet, growing more impatient every step. And when he saw a certain ice mage heading his way, he wished he could engulf the guy in flames.

Oh, wait. Technically he could.

"Not now, ice bastard. I'm meeting someone."

"Is that so?" replied Gray with a smirk.

"Yeah. Now get lost," Natsu insisted.

"It's funny."

"Huh? What is?"

"I'm meeting someone, too."

"What's your point?"

"Are you really that stupid?" Gray deadpanned. The dragon-slayer really hadn't figured it out? Even after his 'meeting' clue? "I'm here to meet you."

"…"

"Oh, for the love of—I'm the one who sent you the fucking gifts!" the ice mage yelled, losing all patience. How could one person be so infuriating?

"You're the one who sent me that stuff?!" Natsu screeched as he gaped at him.

"Yes."

"You perverted bastard!" he screamed as he started beating Gray down with the bouquet. "Do you know what kinda trouble you got me in? Do you realize that I had to deal with Erza about this shit? Not to mention I was reprimanded by Gramps and had those sex books taken away."

"Ack! Stop hitting me!" said Gray as he tried to dodge the blows.

"Why couldn't you have asked me out like a normal person?" he asked as he stopped swinging the bouquet at him.

"…that would've worked?"

"Of course it would've—do I have to hit you again?" he threatened.

"No," the ice mage replied quickly. "So…do you want to have dinner with me?"

"Are you paying?"

"Yes."

"Is this gonna be a date?"

"Yes."

"Are there…pervy things involved?"

"Ye—no. Maybe. It depends."

Whap!

"Ow! Would you stop that? Those roses have thorns!"

"No pervy stuff!" stated Natsu, before he started walking away. He glanced back and quickly winked at him. "At least not on the first date."

Gray was stunned. That sounded promising. Perhaps it was going to be a good holiday season after all.

Happy Holidays!