"And then I just -bang!- Shot 'em dead! After that it was easy." Invader Larb bragged, making a finger gun with one hand while the other held tight to his vortian soda. Expensive vortian soda. He heard Skoodge, Skutch and Stink laugh, enjoying Larb's story telling. Zim looked down at his own drink and found it nearly empty. Tenn was talking quietly with Zee and Flobee.

They'd been here for several hours now. 'Here' was a loud, noisy planet that existed only for the sake of celebration. It hosted thousands of clubs, both posh and seedy. Bars that touted every known vice. The planet's day/night cycle was such that it remained dark for months at a time. It hung heavy with smoke and fog, dripped with promise and sin.

Zim hated it. He should be glad to have a moment of peace. His invasion had been successful. He'd proved himself before his Tallest and soon he would have a new mission. But, in the meantime they had a bit of a vacation while the planets to be invaded were chosen. Zim squirmed in his seat, impatient and itching to be out there. Doing something, anything worthwhile.

"-Zim?" His own name jerked him from his stupor. The other invaders were looking at him.

"Eh?"

Larb pointed his drink at Zim. "I said, what about you, Zim? Got any good stories of your conquest?"

Zim sat up straight. Of course he did. Right? When he'd gotten to the planet, it had been small, cold. It had no name but for the numbers and letters the Empire had given it. It's populace consisted of a mere four thousand primitive alien creatures. They had no idea an Invader had been in their midst. But, then again they had no idea about much of anything.

It had been dreadfully easy. He'd been done within a few days after proper assessment and experimentation. Nothing had risen up to stop him. No great challenge, no unforeseen complications.

"Not really. It was pathetic and boring. I long for a much greater challenge." Zim replied, honestly. Perhaps the tallest would give him that.

Skutch shrugged. "Yeah, mine wasn't super exciting either. But, hey. Maybe that's alright, yanno? Excitement tends to mean near death experiences. And even if death isn't something I fear, it's still not a bad thing to avoid it." Zim saw Skoodge and Larb nod in agreement. Yes, he supposed it was true. But, it didn't sit right with him.

Invading wasn't for the feint of heart. It was supposed to be danger and a test of all of their elite skills. Not another paper job, not another routine or circle to keep him trapped inside. Zim looked up,unhappily, scanning the large room they were in. It was dim and lit with a soft gold glow. Many species of aliens danced on the flashing floor. While many other lounged around in alcoves and tables like theirs. A bar was stocked full with hundreds of kinds of alcohols and sodas and other fizzy drinks.

His gaze automatically ran across everything until suddenly a pair of very pin point eyes met his own. It dragged him and kept him in. A creature unlike anything he'd ever seen before. It stood against the wall, draped in dark fabric, that clung to its frame. The eyes were amber and eerie. The creature had black fur on its head and lights shone through it. It's skin was quite pale, so pale it nearly glowed in the darkness.

A new voice to his left startled him so much he nearly dropped his bottle. His gaze fell away from the mystery creature.

"Hello Invaderss. Could I refill your beveragess? Or perhapss interest you in something...better?" The intruder was quite tall and slender and spoke in shaky irken. Zim figured it's species out to be plookeshian.

"I will take another soda." Zim declared loudly. He heard echoing sentiments around the table. A quick glance back in the direction of the mystery creature showed that it was gone.

Larb smirked at their waiter who wore the same garb that the strange creature had worn. It was jet black and tailored to fit the creature perfectly. "I will as well. And are you offering your personal services or is there a menu?"

The plookeshian chuckled. "Yess and yess. But, it iss no guarantee,you see. The workerss choose their patronss."

Zim glanced confusedly back and forth between the two. Larb nodded, understandingly. "I see. Maybe later, yes?" The plookesian smiled and bowed a bit.

"I will return with your drinkss quickly."

Zim hated being confused. "What was that about?" He spat. The invaders all turned to him.

"What do you mean?" Flobee asked.

"All of that weird talk." It was silent for a moment with the exception of the pounding music and hundreds of alien species chatting.

"Whoa whoa. Wait, Zim...do you really...not know?" Skoodge was the one to finally ask.

"Know what?!" Zim barked, getting angrier the longer people stared at him incredulously. Silence again.

Until Larb broke it, laughing. Soon the other invaders joined in, with the exception of Skoodge of course who just seemed to feel bad for his smeethood friend. Zim seethed.

"And just what are you laughing about, you fools?!" Larb wiped away an invisible tear.

"Oh my Irk, Zim! You crack me up." Zim was about two seconds from cracking his bottle over his fellow invader's head. Skoodge sighed, recognizing the signs of imminent disaster.

"It's a brothel, Zim. The waiter is a worker who provides special um, services." Zim's forehead furrowed for a second as he thought. Then his eyes flew open wide with disgust and shock.

"W-what?!" He shot glances around him, eyeing all the waiters and waitresses. The club they were in was one of the more prestigious. It was clean and smelt nice and had good service. Apparently very good service. Zim shuddered. "And you were talking about actually...being with one of them?" He shouted at Larb, who merely raised an antenna.

"Yeah. So?"

Zim sputtered, nearly standing in his chair. "B-but that's wrong!"

"Why?" Invader Zee spoke up.

"B-because it just is! It's..." He shuddered. "Filthy! And a waste of time and...and primitive!"

Stink raised his bottle to Zim. "Maybe to drones and shorties and mindless cogs."

Zim's shock melted away easily, reforming again into anger. "And just what are you implying, Stink?"

"Nothing, Invader. Just that higher ups, tallers, elite soldiers..." He shrugged again, downing the last of his drink. "Don't care. All of that stuff that you learned isn't meant for us. We're allowed to do whatever we want, Zim."

The very idea of such things was downright vile. Especially when he'd been raised on the idea that any kind of touching was weak. Anyone caught doing so would be punished. When sex was seen as primitive and for lesser species. It was far below them. And yet, here he was, sitting at a table with a bunch of elite soldiers, high ranking scientists, his fellow graduates who had all successfully completed one of the most grueling tests that the Empire had to offer...and they were all looking at him with sympathy, with disbelief and laughing at him!

Zim's tiny hands balled into fists. "You...you can't be serious! You've all...you've really all..." He looked at each face at the table. He'd grown up with them. They'd all been hatched in the same place, been through the academy and training together. Zim knew their strengths and weaknesses. But, now they all seemed like strangers. Because they all nodded or grinned or shrugged as if to say 'yeah, yeah I have.'

And his eyes landed on Skoodge who gave him a little half smile. "Even YOU?!" Zim declared, voice dripping with contempt. It was like he'd been betrayed.

Larb took their drinks from the waiter and passed Zim his. "Calm down, Zim. It's honestly not that big of a deal." He popped the tab on his drink.

"Easy for you to say." Zim muttered, sitting down again stiffly.

"Look why don't you just," Invader Larb gestured at a passing waitress. "Pick one and you can see for yourself what you've been missing."

Zim had been taking a sip of his soda and nearly spat it everywhere. "Wh-what? No way!"

"Why not?" Tenn asked. Her curled antenna lifted inquisitively.

"Because it's disgusting." Zim recited.

Skoodge was the one who replied. "That's fine, Zim. I didn't find out till later either and I was a bit afraid too. No one is going to make you do anything."

Larb nodded. "Yeah, no one is going to make you. But, I am going to dare you."

Zee snorted into her drink. "What are we? Smeets, Larb?"

Zim stiffened, clutching his drink tightly.

The other invader shrugged. "It's not a big deal, right? Zim goes through with the dare and he get's he doesn't and that's fine too. But, I bet hmm..." Larb dug into his pak and pulled out a small wad of cash. "200 monies that he doesn't have the spooch to."

Skutch scoffed and reached into his own pak, pulling out his own monies. "You're on."

Skoodge looked around the table, uneasily. "I don't know, guys. Should we really be betting on this?"

Zee stood and threw her own money on the pile. "300 that he goes through with it. Zim never could resist a dare."

Flobee rolled his eyes, and followed suit. "I say he starts to go through with it but, can't. 100 monies."

Zim screeched and stood on his chair, seething with rage. "Silence, all of you! I'll show you! I am no coward! I am no lowly drone! I am an Invader and I will do this vile ritual!"

With that he hopped off the chair and stomped away, determined. The Invaders watched him go, some cheering, others trying to get him to come back. He ignored them all. Instead, he eyed the patrons that surrounded him, looking for the dark silken garb of the workers of the brothel.

The ones he saw were all, well they were fairly attractive he supposed. But, not to him. Zim actually didn't know what he found attractive. He had never even considered it before.

He wandered through the crowd for a bit, feeling a bit lost, feeling a bit nervous. 'Just pick someone who you don't find completely abhorrent'. He told himself. 'You do not have to DO anything just...just pick someone and then you can take them somewhere far away and pay them to pretend. Just wait it out and then come back and act like it actually happened.' He nodded to himself, imagining his fellow Invader's reactions with relish.

They'd all regret making fun of him. He'd brush it off and be like 'yeah it was alright I guess, still disgusting and primitive and I'm never doing it again'. And it'd be done. Yes, it was brilliant. He was brilliant.

"Are you lost?" A deep voice asked in vortian. Zim looked up, and was taken aback when it was the same mystery creature from before. Up close though its eyes were much more vibrant, it seemed taller and radiated something...what even was that?

Zim stuttered for a second before he crossed his arms, pulled himself together. "No. I am just uh..." He saw the creature's black garb. How it fell on its frame, showed off its hips and shoulders. "I was looking for you."

A dark eyebrow rose in response. "For me? Why would an Irken Invader be looking for me? Unless...?" It let the question trail off. The irken looked away from its pin pointed eyes, away towards his group of comrades. They were watching. He scowled at them and stood up straight.

"I...I am propositioning you." He declared, unsure about how to go about...well...anything. The creature's eyes went a bit wide. Its lips parted a bit, showed off white blunt teeth.

"Oh really?" The irken was short, went up to his solar plexus. "I'm not cheap."

Zim waved that away. " I am an Invader. I have the monies. Just... uh..." He struggled to find the words, remembering something the plookeshian had said. That the workers choose their patrons. "If you will have me?"

It seemed impossible that the creature WOULDN'T want him. But, he asked, just in case. Zim was looking down at his feet, inspecting the carpet for stains so he didn't see how the creature's gaze softened a bit. Usually irkens were quite rude and arrogant. No doubt, this one was the same. But, this was a good start.

"Alright. What is your name?" He asked, holding a hand out. Zim's gaze snapped up. He stupidly felt a bit of relief but, brushed it away. The irken glanced at the hand questioningly.

"ZIM. Invader Zim. Do you need your monies now?" His hand went to his pak.

The creature shook his head. "No, Invader. Give me your hand." Hesitantly, the irken complied, slipping gloved fingers between the pale ones. Five fingers. That was quite odd. "My name is Dib." He said over the music, as he led the irken through the crowd.

Zim didn't dare look behind him at his fellow elite, instead he preferred to watch the Dib move confidently through the the sea of people. Their hands felt so strange. Touching someone felt strange. He flexed his grip between the creature's fingers, testing it. And felt them grip back.

A.N.: I stayed up way too late writing this. It was supposed to be a one shot. It is not. HOPEFULLY it will be four chapters at the most. It will become quite explicit so be warned. Dib is in his late 20s here.