this was meant to be a super quick little post-ep fic. but it's been A Week, and it's taken a ridiculously long time instead. not beta'd, not edited nearly enough, lowercase because i am very tired. in keeping with the country theme, title from kasey chamber's 'falling into you'. my tumblr is justdrifting if anyone wants to come emote about sanvers with me!

"but life is too short. and we should be who we are. and we should kiss the girls that we want to kiss. and i really just... i… i wanna kiss you."

kissing maggie is like nothing alex has ever experienced before.

it's something, maybe, like the adrenaline-high that comes just before a good fight; something like the frightening exhilaration of swooping over the city in kara's arms; something like the comfort of curling up on her couch after a long day with a book and a glass of wine; something like the trembling peace that hangs over midvale beach at dawn.

it's something the seems almost immeasurable; far too immense to put tangible thought to. all alex knows is she doesn't want to pull away, doesn't want maggie to stop touching her, doesn't want to give up the fervour of this feeling that stretches her chest so tight, so full; that makes her pulse race and her body thrum, energetic and so very alive.

that first kiss in the bar had been desperate and fierce and fast. alex had wanted and she had taken and then- maggie had pulled away. alex can still remember too well what it felt like to shatter right there beside the pool table, maggie looking at her with what might have been kindness but that alex could only read as pity. this time, alex wants and wants and wants and maggie is still there, still holding alex, still drawing her in. this time is so soft, so sweet - intense still, in the way that alex feels so much, so much - but none of that desperation like before, like alex was drowning and kissing maggie was the only thing that could keep her from sinking below the turgid, turbulent water.

alex isn't drowning now... she's floating, so much so that she's sure maggie's mouth over hers and her hands gripping her arms are the only things keeping her here on the ground. she's buoyed and light and maggie is kissing her like they have all the time in the world.

the pizza is cold by the time they get to it. alex doesn't care. she thinks she could live entirely on the taste of maggie's lips alone. thinks she could survive just on the way maggie looks up at her and how maggie's smile brings life to parts of alex she hadn't even known existed before now.

the sit at the counter and maggie drags her stool so close, knocks their knees together. alex was hungry before, but now she feels far too full, hope and fear and joy and anticipation swirling in her stomach. maggie doesn't stop touching her the whole time, her fingers trailing over alex's hand, her wrist, up the inside of her forearm. she sways towards alex so their shoulders touch. she wraps her arm around alex's waist, holding onto her hip. she runs her hand up alex's back and twirls her fingers through her hair.

alex bites into a slice of a pizza slice she hardly tastes, sips her beer, and breathes deep.

with maggie, sometimes alex is brave and sometimes she is shy. she had kissed her that first time with such bravado, such determination, but maggie had cut her down so thoroughly that she had felt small for weeks.

tonight, every time maggie looks at her as if alex is the most wonderful thing she's ever seen, every time maggie touches alex like she can't keep her hands away, every time she leans over and kisses alex with a slow, quiet kind of passion...alex feels taller. stronger. almost, almost, in control once again.

as maggie's fingertips trail over alex's hand for the countless time, alex turns her palm up and entwines their fingers, holding on. without a word she pulls maggie away from the counter and leads her to the couch. maggie sits where alex directs, and alex kneels on the rough carpet in front of her, hands on maggie's thighs. gazing up at her, alex is overwhelmed by how maggie's eyes glitter in the low light of alex's apartment, by the glow of her bronze skin and her swollen lips and the way her hair gently frames her face. she's overwhelmed too that she gets this now, that she can look at maggie as long as she likes without having to hide it; that, if she wants, she doesn't have to just look.

and…she wants.

no longer too afraid, alex surges upward, gripping the back of maggie's neck and drawing her into a kiss. because she can, and she wants to, and maggie's lips might just be the sweetest thing she has ever known.

"this isn't..." alex is facing maggie head on, knees curled into the back of the couch but she hesitates, holds her hands close to her chest. "this isn't just because you almost died? because you're confronting your own mortality… you won't change your mind in the morning?"

maggie's smile is indulgent, far softer than usual, and she shakes her head slowly. "you know, when you kissed me the first time, i thought, 'she only wants me because i'm the only gay girl she knows. because i made her realise something about herself. she'll meet more girls, and she'll change her mind.' but you've had time and you still, somehow, think i'm worth it. so that can't have been right. can it?" the last question is said softly, maggie's round eyes holding alex's, waiting.

"god, maggie, no. no." alex reaches out but doesn't touch, still unsure.

maggie closes the distance, taking alex's hand. "i was scared. i couldn't start something with you only for you to change your mind. i... i couldn't lose you. and you really did need some time. but i've wanted you for... so long. and i just needed that push."

"to kiss the girls you want to kiss," alex repeats.

maggie laughs, nodding, still holding alex's hand. it's encouraging, but alex has learned the hard way how hope hurts.

"how...how many girls?"

instead of answering straight away, maggie lifts alex's hand to her lips, her intense, dark eyes never leaving alex's as she kisses each of her knuckles, one at a time.

"only you, alex. only you."

alex has no control over the way hope spreads warm and thick through her chest.

now that everything is still, maggie is almost hesitant the first time she reaches out and touches alex's face. it's almost as if she can't quite believe alex is really there, in the same way that alex is still not one hundred percent sure she's not going to wake in the morning from the sweetest and most cruel dream. when alex leans just slightly into her hand, maggie grows bolder, her fingers trailing up from alex's right cheek, over her forehead, and down the left. she strokes her thumb over the line of alex's jaw, traces the outline of her ear. she brushes alex's hair back from her face then let's her fingers fall to stroke over alex's neck, into the hollows of her collarbone.

"god, you're beautiful," maggie says, and alex wants to duck her head, wants to shy away from the compliment, but maggie's gaze, intense and earnest and kind, makes her stay. there's something that's almost reverential in the way she touches alex, in the way she's looking at her. there's something that makes her feel seen like so few people ever have before.

maggie leans forward and alex thinks she's going to kiss her again, but maggie's lips fall to her temple instead. she presses slow, gentle little kisses to where her fingers had just travelled, alex's nose and her chin, down below her ear and lightly over her throat.

maggie's touch is so soft, softer than alex ever could have imagined, and alex quivers. she's so tender that alex can hardly breathe. she's never felt like this before. she's never wanted like this before. she's never ached for anyone the way she aches for maggie now.

"alex," maggie says, and alex can't, she can't, she can't do anything except let herself be swept up by the tender affection of maggie's kiss.

maggie holds her like she's something precious; something to be cherished. it almost breaks alex, how terribly gentle maggie is with her. always, alex is the strong one, the one in control, the one handing out the orders; but here, in this kiss, maggie touches alex like maybe, this time, she doesn't have to be. like alex can let go, and maggie will be there, maggie will hold her steady.

alex can't quite believe that maggie could think she'd ever want someone else. not when maggie is there, not when maggie is so brave, and kind, and sweet, and makes alex feel safe like only her family ever has, and understands her in a way that not even kara does. not when maggie is the most beautiful thing alex had ever seen; the purest thing she's ever touched.

"maggie." and alex doesn't want to ruin the quiet joy of tonight, doesn't ever want to do anything to cause the pretty smile to fall from maggie's face. but. "are you okay? you were shot and the bar..."

alex breaks things, it's what she does. but maybe, maybe, alex hopes- this time she can help in putting them back together. maggie sucks in a sharp breath and suddenly can't quite meet alex's eyes. alex's heart hurts for the way her shoulders slump, for the look of devastation on her face. alex has known maggie only a few months and already she knows far too well the nuances of her anguish.

"it was a safe place," maggie says in a whisper. "at least...it was meant to be. and they..." she breathes heavily again, but she's looking up at alex now. "i knew them. they were my friends. and i couldn't do anything."

alex's arms are already open and maggie is falling into them, her body moulding against alex's. it's only the second time they've hugged, and maggie is warm and soft and alex never wants to let her go. maggie doesn't cry - not now, not yet - but alex can feel her damp eyelashes fluttering rapidly against her neck.

when maggie pulls back, she holds on to alex still, her hand fisting tightly in alex's shirt. her eyes shine with tears she won't let fall, and she is so, so beautiful. "there's a service in a few days, but i'm not sure..."

"i can come with you, if you want me to." the offer is easy, thoughtless; alex thinks she would do anything- everything for maggie.

"oh." maggie glances down at her lap. "you don't have to."

alex cups her palm over the side of maggie's face, stroking her thumb over her cheek. "that's how this works, isn't it?" her fingers comb gently through maggie's hair, tucking her fringe behind her ear.

maggie's hand is clammy now when she squeezes alex's, but she hardly notices. all she cares about is the way maggie is looking at her: hopeful and grateful and almost amazed, as if she's not used to having someone to lean on. it's not exactly surprising that maggie is very much alone, considering how hard she fought for alex's friendship. alex has kara, but she's used to being on her own, too. it strikes her hard and fast, the intense desire to be the person maggie needs, to be the person she wants, for so much more than just kissing the girl.

"okay," maggie says simply, easy now. her smile grows slowly, until it lights her whole face. it reminds alex, a little, of sitting on her roof in midvale watching the sun rise. maggie smiles just like that ethereal early morning light.

alex thinks maggie maybe isn't all that comfortable with words; that - with her gung-ho, reckless personality - maybe she's much more used to letting her actions speak for her. with alex, she tries. with alex, she's said some of the sweetest things. but tonight they've said a lot, and so many of their recent conversations have been so heavy, so intense, and alex understands that maybe maggie needs a break. that maybe she does too.

"come here," alex says, and suddenly she has a lap full of maggie. it's something she's imagined countless times but had never come close to matching how it feels in reality: the weight of maggie on top of her, how she smells, the erotic brush of her hair against alex's skin.

maggie grips at her neck, her fingers flexing against alex's racing pulse. her hands are calloused, a little rough, and the texture of them makes alex's skin tingle. there's an edge to this kiss that hadn't been there earlier; an itching, urgent craving, and the desire to convey something that neither of them are ready for yet.

without warning, maggie let's herself fall backwards, dragging alex down on top of her. alex stutters as maggie's lips find her neck, biting down in surprise over maggie's jaw. maggie groans; alex needs. it's electrifying: maggie's hands tugging at alex's hair, the teasing flicker of her tongue, the way her small body arches against alex's... alex is lost in her.

alex can't remember ever being this warm before. not just her skin, flushed and pulsing with heat, but her chest, her stomach, her bones- every inch of her. maggie's hands are scorching through her shirt where they grip at alex's sides. maggie is the match, and alex never imagined herself as volatile as kindling, but maggie touches her and she goes up in flames.

alex entwines her fingers with maggie's and twists their joined hands behind maggie's head, needing, needing... maggie hisses suddenly, breaking the kiss, and alex jerks away. "oh my god, i forgot! i'm so sorry!"

maggie's holding her arm, clearly in pain, but she manages a smile for alex anyway. "it's okay."

alex sits up fully in maggie's lap but keeps her hold on her hips; now that they're finally here, she's reluctant to let go. but glancing at the clock, alex is surprised by how late it is already. maggie is far too easy to get lost in; she imagines that might be in a problem in the future. the future. a future with maggie. surely, it's too good to be true? but, maggie is still below her, looking up at alex with such adoration and...it is, it really is happening.

for once, alex is getting exactly what it is she wants.

"you should take your next medication dose," alex says, pressing her hands into maggie's fabric covered stomach. maggie starts to say something, but alex is already sliding off her and heading for the kitchen. she finds the pain killers in maggie's jacket pocket and carries them back to the couch with a glass of water.

as alex hands the pills over, maggie's brow creases adorably and her mouth starts to turn down. she holds the pills in her hand but doesn't make any move to take them. "what's wrong?"

"they'll put me to sleep." maggie's frown deepens. alex wants to kiss it away.

"mhm," alex hums in affirmative.

"i don't want to sleep."

alex sits back down on the couch, the small of her back pressed firmly against maggie's hip. "why?"

maggie's eyes meet alex's, open and vulnerable and so trusting. "don't want tonight to be over."

alex can't help it, she beams, feels her smile stretching so wide. this is happiness, surely, pulsing sweetly through her.

"take your meds, maggie. go to sleep." alex starts to sift her hand through maggie's hair. it's thick and silky and alex loves the texture of it under her fingers. "i'm not going anywhere."

maggie considers her a minute, then swallows the pills obediently. "you'll stay?"

alex kisses her cheek, as soft as she can. "i'll stay."

curled together face to face, alex can't keep her hands from maggie's face. her skin is so soft, her dimples irresistible, her eyelashes dark and long against her cheeks. when maggie opens her eyes, alex is captive to her gaze, this spider web maggie's spun that holds her immobile- waiting, wanting. she's so close, alex can feel her breath over her face, and the way maggie's looking at her, the way alex is sure she's looking at maggie... it's almost more intimate than all the kisses they've shared tonight. alex wonders what maggie can see in her eyes; if she can read just how deep alex is already.

"this is really happening?" alex whispers.

maggie's smile is so sweet. "it's really happening."

maggie closes her eyes again, her eyelashes fluttering sleepily against her cheeks. she nudges her nose against alex's, brushing from one side to the other. it's possibly the cutest thing alex has ever experienced; she feels so light. their lips brush, not quite a kiss, just breathing against one another. maggie's arm wraps around alex and her hand slides under her shirt, her palm flat against alex's back. she's not trying anything, not making a move, it's just that she seems to want to feel the warmth of alex's bare skin against hers. alex twists her fingers gently in maggie's hair at the base of her neck, presses the side of her nose against maggie's, and breathes her in.

maggie falls asleep quickly. alex can tell by the change in her breathing, how her mouth goes slack, and the soft snores alex can only hear because she's so close. this is real, it is, it is, but alex still can't quite believe it. the girl of her dreams is sleeping soundly in her arms. the girl she's been pining after for weeks and weeks wants her too, not just an elusive fantasy anymore but solid and real and so, so warm under her searching hands.

alex isn't used to sleeping so close to someone else, and her couch is hardly roomy or particularly comfortable. but she can't remember the last time she felt this content, this at ease. maggie's body pressed against hers and her arm tight around alex is like finding shelter during a storm. the rest of the world might rage on outside, but here on this little couch with maggie, alex is shielded from her pounding thoughts and lashing worries. it's calm here, the only sound their slow, synchronous breathing, the only movement the easy rise and fall of their chests; and drifting off to maggie's steady heartbeat, alex is safe.