Look who Halloween raised back from the dead.

Disclaimer: I only own Sophia and that little twist she adds to the story.

The atmosphere in a rink felt a little chillier than usual and I couldn't help but wonder why. Is it because of an outburst of raw emotion that Yuuri let out for the first time since I came here? Is it because he answered Yuri's challenge with an equal amount of determination? Or maybe it is because of a sudden shift in a mood surrounding this contest?

A gut feeling and a little voice in the back of my head reminded me of one infamous Internet meme, and, dare I say, I found it very appropriate. Because when Yuuri screamed out his declaration of putting all the eros he can muster into this one performance - that was the moment Yuri knew - things are about to get serious. His victory might be harder to achieve than he previously suspected.

Of course, like any supportive friend, I couldn't be happier about shy Japanese skater's more confident side, but the reasons behind it left me conflicted. While I whole-heartedly approved of Yuuri breaking out of his shell, I don't really like that he's doing so for Viktor. Don't get me wrong - the Russian skating legend might have given a push that Yuuri so desperately needed, but a need for change must come from within that person. Otherwise, a damage dealt to one's personality might be too much in case things go awry.

Again, I had to stop myself from overthinking. You don't know how things are going to happen. There's no need to be so dramatic. Really, what right did I have to meddle with Yuuri's love life? I may call myself his friend now, but sooner or later I will have to leave and then I will be nothing more but a guest/worker who entertained herself with daydreams about having friends among top-class ice skaters.

That single thought brought me back to reality and left a bitter taste in my mouth. While I am having the time of my life, I won't be staying in Japan forever. September is fast approaching and while I'm happy that I finished my school years in Lithuania, it would still be nice to get higher education. Sure, a fact that I have absolutely no idea about what I want to do with my life pretty much downpours on my parade every day, but it's like they say. Every dark cloud has its silver lining.

I'm still searching for mine.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. My gloomy, depressed mind completely tuned out everything that was happening around me. Luckily, I returned back to reality just in time, because I saw Viktor on ice, about to demonstrate one of two programs that he choreographed specifically for this event.

"First, Yurio's 'On Love: Agape'." Rung out his clear voice and I shifted in a more comfortable leaning position on a rink wall. This should be interesting.

Yuuri pressed on stereo remote control's button and already familiar eerie music filled the room. I watched surprised as Victor's body moved fluidly along with a hauntingly beautiful melody. The intricacy of his movements and well refined grace made me feel slightly envious. I thought Viktor was nearing his thirties. And he's still in such a good shape?

Though I suppose, I shouldn't really be surprised, since skating was something he constantly did, without stopping for long periods of time.

And while the technical part of program had been executed impeccably, I couldn't help but find a little flaw in the emotional performance that he chose to put up to accompany choreography. Something about Viktor's portrayal of unconditional love seemed to be off. A could feel a sacral vibe going off of him in waves, which fit general Agape theme well enough but clashed terribly with Viktor's personality. There was a much easier way to express pure love, so why did he choose that one?

These and similar thoughts swirled inside my head until the music stopped and skater's chipper voice grabbed my attention.

"Kind of like that. What do you think?" Viktor directed this question to Yuri while I took in his sassy stance, mainly, one hand on a hip.

"Yeah, I pretty much got it." Came a very flat deadpan answer. Yuuri, who stood nearby, gasped slightly and looked at a teen with his eyes wide. Clearly, this wasn't the answer he expected to hear.

"Huh?!"

I was about to comment on Viktor's little demonstration but a clapping from somewhere near the entrance stopped me.

"Wow… That was amazing."

I saw Yuko standing there and staring at the skating legend with sparkling eyes and mouth slightly open. Not that I can blame her. Live performances are always more impressive, no matter what sport or activity we're talking about. And yes, I am speaking from experience.

While I wasn't surprised about young woman observing skaters, I mean, she does work in an ice rink and all, not everyone shared the sentiment.

"Hey, who's that chick?" Yuri's brash words reached my ears and I sighed. Rude.

"Oh, she's one of the staff here, Yuko-san." Explained Yuuri with a pleasant smile while gesturing to a woman in question.

"Sorry for interrupting your practice. It was so wonderful. I couldn't help myself." I could tell that this apology was purely out of politeness. I spent enough time around Yuko to know, that she would have done it again in a heartbeat.

However, her wide and full of amazement eyes struck young blonde because Yuri gaped slightly.

"Okay, Yuri. You're next. Let's go!" Before any of us could say anything else, Viktor's overly enthusiastic voice reached our ears, his attention now fully on Japanese skater.

"O-Okay!" Called young man back while fixing his glasses, prepared to observe the next program. Someone turned on the music and Viktor began skating.

You'd think that the sexual melody would serve as a warning about what sort of performance it requires, but apparently I was the only one who had so much sense. The moment Viktor turned to look at us at the beginning of his demonstration and sent a flirtatious smirk our way, Yuko fell down, blood gushing out of her nose. I knew the telltale signs of hardcore fangirling so I wasn't that concerned, but the same cannot be said about blond teen because he immediately dropped to his knees with a panicked look on his face. Yuuri, on the other hand, didn't even move a muscle but based on his facial expression I suddenly found myself afraid to even think about what was running through his mind.'

But even that was short lived, because soon enough admiration turned into pure panic and Yuuri grabbed his head, looking scared out of his mind. I could see him almost hyperventilating and was about to step in when Viktor's clear voice cut through the air.

"Yuuri! How was that?"

"Oh, um… It was very 'eros'!" A loud snort came from yours truly as Yuuri gave his response. Poor boy's speechless state caused a bubble of mirth to erupt in my chest but Viktor was either completely oblivious or chose to ignore that on purpose.

"Right? So, about the program composition. Which quads can you land?"

As the two of them went to technicalities, I turned my attention to the other party in hopes to strike a friendly conversation, if not with Yuri (wishful thinking at it's finest right there, people) then at least with Yuko, who always seemed overjoyed about having another female friend who did not prefer to spend her free time with a shot of sake (though Minako is totally cool, I wish I had a sister like that).

"So how's life been treating you so far?" I let the question hang in the air, open for anyone willing to answer and surprise surprise, it was Fairy of Angst who graced me with his response.

"I have to beat Japanese Pig while skating to some crappy music about unconditional love." He grimaced in disgust, eyes still trained on his opponent and fellow rinkmate. Or ex-rinkmate. Details details.

"Worried?"

That got his attention.

"Seriously? Of course not. I just hope that he'll at least make it interesting and put up a fight." Yuri scoffed and looked at me incredulously but my mind was already going one hundred miles per hour trying to decipher his words. That's why I almost missed the second part of his response. "Not that it would change anything."

Feeling confident, I see. That's good. But the 'put up a fight' struck me, no idea why. Any self-respecting sportsman likes a good challenge because it means that they are taken seriously. Yuri certainly seemed that way. But for some unknown reason I couldn't help myself but mull that little bit over and over again.

I got so far into my own thoughts, I completely zoned out on what was going on around me. I caught a very smug smirk directed at the two who were still going on about Eros program with my peripheral vision, but it was short-lived, frown taking it's place immediately and it made me snap out of my little wonderland.

The Universe has a very cruel sense of humor. That, or one hell of a timing. Or maybe that's just me. But it certainly takes some sick pleasure by catching me off guard. And for the record, when I said it's time for me to return to reality, I obviously didn't mean this. A piece of reality I was trying to ignore.

"You have the skill to win. Why can't you make it happen?" It was easy to hear Viktor's words because he wasn't really trying to be quiet and the rink was very conveniently about as filled with noise as a graveyard.

"Well, that's probably because… I lack confidence." Came Yuuri's response as a boy lowered his head, choosing to avoid an intense pair of icy blue eyed, directed straight at him.

Thanks to that, Yuuri failed to notice Viktor skating closer to him, very close. Next thing I know, Viktor reaches out and lifts brunet's chin up, smoothly shortening the distance even more.

"Right. My job is to make you feel confident in yourself." While the words were on point, a thumb brushing trembling lower lip was, however, not. I could see Viktor saying something else, but my mind chose that moment to go blank. When did that happened?!

Now, I'm not blind, thank you very much. And I'm not stupid either. So please tell me one thing. When did the two of them get so intimate with each other? Granted, the comfort in close contact was without a doubt one-sided and originated on Viktor's part. I mean, there's no way Yuuri could be so completely a-okay with all that emotional foreplay Viktor seemed so fond of initiating. Not that long time ago Yuuri could barely breathe around his idol and celebrity crush and now this?

Boy, that escalated quickly.

And surprisingly enough, I wasn't the only one thinking that. These or similar thoughts probably crossed Yuri's mind too because I saw him taking a deep breath and instinctively covered my ears.

"Hey, Viktor! Aren't you teaching me first?!"

As the couple separated and gave me a glimpse at a blushing mess that once was a skater known as Katsuki Yuuri, I turned at Yuri and said something that I've never thought I'd say.

"Thank you for cock blocking Viktor."

Sure, a little part of me screamed 'Just fuck already and send me pictures', but that part was quickly shushed as Yuri gave me a weirded out and slightly disturbed look, soon accompanied by a curt nod.

"Right." Viktor called back, completely unfazed, which immediately sent my over-analytical mind into frenzy. Was that an everyday occurrence or did I miss something? At this point it could be either. "So, Yuuri. Think long and hard about what eros is to you." He finished as if that's what they were discussing before being rudely interrupted. No sexual tension at all.

I took the last look at Yuuri's baffled face and took a seat on the front row.

'There's something oddly relaxing about the sound of skates hitting and cutting the ice' I thought as my eyes trailed after Yuri's lithe figure, gracefully moving along with soft music. I knew the program by heart at this point and I could see that the teen did too, but I found it difficult to turn my eyes away.

(My inner dancer immediately converted Agape program into a dance routine and was now urging me to make the good of Minako's generous offer to use her study any time I want. I could feel little metal key burning through my jeans pocket which did not help my resolve.)

But I had to resist. For my own good I had to kill my inner dancer before she could kill me. And this almost effortless grace, this beauty and feeling of having such power over our own body – it was leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. And yet I could not find it in myself to avert my eyes. Sharp nails of longing clawed my chest until it was difficult to breathe but I allowed these professional skaters to torment me. I felt so incredibly envious of spotlight that still shines above their heads, making my own shadows seem darker and longer in comparison. Shadows that I willingly pulled myself into. On my own volition.

'No,' A little voice whispered treacherously. 'You never wanted for things to end this way. Life forced you to take a step back and let others take your place.'

I wished I could just agree with that part of me and leave things at that. Maybe it would have hurt less. Or maybe I was simply fooling myself. But time had passed and it did nothing to soothe my aching heart. I could feel desire to feel the heat of spotlights on me. A wave of adrenalin coursing through my veins, the kind of adrenalin I got every time on the dancefloor. My body giving into an elaborate rhythm of music and moving fluidly across the room.

'And, I mused to myself after remembering what kind of event exactly marks tomorrow, 'I wish I could feel that reliable hold on my body that he used to have one more time.'

The day I have left hospital after hearing my final verdict was the day that ruined more than just my dancing career, social life and self-confidence. It also served as the beginning of my new but not necessary better life. It also happened to set off a chain reaction that made its results known years after my retirement. Personally I took it as a sign that any and all my pathetic attempts at making a comeback will not be accepted. Some higher forces were against me and I was too emotionally weak and compromised to question it. I regret my choice every day, but that's the kind of regret that I'll be taking with me to my grave.

Guys have decided that getting familiar with elements of their new programs is more than enough for the first day and wrapped the practice up. I felt relief destroying a lump in my throat and smiled a bit cynically. Like a dying animal, I was put out of my misery. And yet I knew without a doubt that I will attend every single practice as a spectator no matter how much torment it causes me. I suppose I'm spineless that way.

Yuuri decided to stay behind with Takeshi to do some extra stretching and mull over what eros means to him. As his self-appointed shadow I had a little debate with myself and made a split second decision to pretend to be an independent individual and go my own merry way. I couldn't care less about Yuri or even Viktor – I was too busy mentally self-destructing. After giving a half-hearted wave and quiet goodbye, I slipped passed others outside.

Cool evening air greeted me the moment I closed the doors behind me like an old friend and I felt compelled to let one small and broken smile to grace my lips. Sometimes these depressing feelings and thoughts from years ago would catch up and make themselves known. I could usually sense them coming and prepare beforehand by distracting myself in one way or another. But there were also days when they reared their heads without any warning and the consequences were always the same. Me, left behind in an emotional train wreck, desperately trying to gather scattered bits and pieces of my dysfunctional heart. The one I must protect at the cost of my dreams and the one I keep tearing apart with my own bare hands.

I don't remember returning to the inn. I don't remember making my way to my rented bedroom without anyone noticing. And I don't remember changing out of my clothes into more comfortable pyjamas. However, what I do remember is spending hours awake and then crying myself to sleep over all the things I lost to my own foolishness.

I don't even know, guys. A lot of stuff happened in my life since the last time I updated. I'm not sure how many of you are interested but I'm going to tell you anyway.

First things first, I finally graduated from high school. Immediately after that I had to take various State Exams, which took an entire month. But even before that I was busy filling out all forms and documents necessary for applying to universities. Trust me when I say how much of a pain collecting all signatures for identity confirmation in a town with barely over two thousand population where no one speaks English and is afraid to involve themselves in such matters. And I'm speaking about authorities.

With a touch of luck I got accepted in a few promising universities, but since all of them happened to be abroad, I had to move out of Lithuania. Currently I am living in Leicester, United Kingdom. Unfortunately, my family had to stay so I'm on my own, trying to learn how to adult.

Anyway, now that my moving in process is over, I'll be updating this story again and hopefully more frequently.

I'm really sorry for a long wait. But I'll try to do my best to write longer chapters to make up for it.

Please, leave a review! I adore every single one of you and I can't believe that there are people out there who still reads this story. I heard Otayuri is real popular these days.

Have a good day and see you next time!