Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. I hate this so much. Being this obsessed with the desire to have her. Being this fixated on the need to be with her. Waking up with the thought of her. Going to sleep with the wish for her. When did I become so poetic? I didn't realize it. Was I always so philosophical? I don't remember at all.

I only know that ever since my heart started to hurt for her, to ache for her, to long for her, I've transformed into another person. This is not me. This crazy person who jumps with joy at the mention of her is a foreigner to me. I myself am bewildered at the extent of my infatuation with her.

It was a bit chilly. Cool breeze was blowing ever so gently. The streets were cheerful. People were out making the most of the gay weather. When the breeze hit my chest, I felt a slight coldness. At that moment immediately a thought rushed to my mind and a longing seeped into my heart so strong, it shook me. It was so amazingly transcendent of a trance that I felt that if I just stretched out my hand, the air will morph into the shape of her warm hand and I could just pull her right into my arms then and there. The intensity of the reality of that trance was beyond description of mere words. It was beautiful. It was sad. It was lonely. A lump formed in my throat. A tear threatened to escape. When did I start longing her like this? When did my emotions become my reality?

I had texted her yesterday. Simple message. I was still waiting for the reply. I was really trying to give her time and space. If it was some other girl, I probably wouldn't have been so considerate. But Kyoko having sworn off love makes things tricky.

It was around 1 PM. A week off work means I had more time with my thoughts. Don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. But if I had to choose, I'd choose the latter. Yashiro dropped by in morning to check up on me with the doctor. I was told I was recovering magnificently. The choice of adjective by the doctor was pretty hilarious. He was kind of taken aback by my presence. At this point, I'd like to point out that I am not a narcissist. This actually happens when you are a celebrity. People just get a bit star-struck. And since I was trying to distract my mind from constantly gawking my phone, I took notice of it.

Except for her number, I had customized all other incoming calls and texted to be muted. But still every time the screen brightened from receiving a notification, my heart will beat fast for a moment. I'll scold itself back to reality later. And then she finally texted!

"I'm very happy to know your health is improving. I'll be back in ten days. Would you like to meet then?

-Mogami Kyoko"

My heart stopped. I was expecting so little. Like a simple hello. This was beyond my wildest imagination! This almost feels like she is giving me a chance!

I was grinning! A surge of overwhelming happiness over took me. Am I blessed? Really? Wow!

I was holding onto the cell phone like an idiot; reading the text over and over again! My cheeks were hurting from all the smiling I was doing! Okay. So now it was my time to reply. I shouldn't make her wait!

"I hope you are doing well. I'm beyond glad to have received your text. Yes. I would really like to meet you when you get back. I will be waiting for you very patiently."

So this much was good. The three words. Should I write them or not? Would that be pushing it? Or maybe I should write them so she would know that I didn't back out. I had to write something of those romantic sorts. Maybe not I love you directly but something similar. Think. Think. I like you? Seriously. Am I dumb or what? I like you is not good enough! Think. Think. Think. I'm smitten over you? Okay. Now I was considering punching myself! Stop being a dummy, Tsuruga Ren and think of a good ending!

After a few minutes of very careful deliberation, I chose a cliché. Nothing too burdensome. But romantic and on point nonetheless. Simple. Almost disappointingly uncreative. But that was the whole point. Something that will not burden her.

"I hope you are doing well. I'm beyond glad to have received your text. Yes. I would really like to meet you when you get back. I will be waiting for you very patiently.

-Tsuruga Ren

P.S. I missed you…"

Sent. My heart was palpitating. I was nervous. This nervousness is delightful. It's new. It's risky. It's interesting. I like this gamble. The rush. The emotions. The adrenaline. The surge of joy. It's different than any other game in this world. Because if you get lucky in this gamble, you win life. And if you lose, you lose life. When stakes are so high, the rush would be out of this world as well. It's delightful!

And….she replied!

" :)

-Mogami Kyoko"