NotLizzieMcGuire: Jane, please, I am begging you, come to the wedding.

JaneTheBee: Liz, you were the one who kept saying that I shouldn't go to my ex's wedding, that I should stay home get drunk, make a bonfire of all his things then pour all the remaining alcohol into the fire so it could light up the sky with my hate.

JaneTheBee : I don't even hate him! I've moved on.

JaneTheBee : What's wrong?

NotLizzieMcguire: You don't know?!

JaneTheBee: Know what?

NotLizzieMcguire: Have you been blocking mum's calls?

JaneTheBee: No, I just got off work, lemme check.

JaneTheBee: I have seventeen missed calls from her. Dafuq?

NotLizzieMcguire: His rich bitch fiancée's rich friends and their brothers are coming to town. You know what that means.

NotLizzieMcguire: YOU HAVE TO COME TO THE WEDDING!

NotLizzieMcguire: PLEASE!

NotLizzieMcguire: PLEASE!

NotLizzieMcguire: PLEASE!

NotLizzieMcguire: GOD FUCK, DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THAT MAD WOMAN AND RICH BACHELORS!

NotLizzieMcguire: DO YOU WANT TO BE A HALF ORPHAN?!

NotLizzieMcguire: BECAUSE I WILL KILL HER!

JaneTheBee: Chill, I was planning to come anyway. You're the only one who still hates John.

NotLizzieMcguire: He broke my favourite sister's heart; of course, I still hate him. So does Charlotte fyi, even though he's her bro. We decided all men are stupid and that we'd marry each other because anyone stupid enough to not marry you when they had the chance, is representative of a completely flawed species.

NotLizzieMcguire: Planning on adopting girls and starting a revolution to cull men from humanity.

JaneTheBee: How drunk were you when you decided this?

NotLizzieMcguire: Not drunk at all.

JaneTheBee: Your mind is a strange place.

NotLizzieMcguire: Thank you.

NotLizzieMcguire: So, you're coming to the wedding, right?

JaneTheBee: Yes, now stop texting me.

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2DoMrDarcy: I hate you.

CharlieAndTheBingleyFactory: Stop being an antisocial dick and texting me.

2DoMrDarcy: If I stop texting you, your sister starts talking to me. I'm beginning to question if our bromance is worth this.

CharlieAndTheBingleyFactory: So get out of that shitty alcove and fucking ask someone to dance already, and stop...and you're walking right at me, great, now I have to cut my dance with my angel short. Dick.

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NotLizzieMcguire: Darcy's a dick.

LucasLotto: MEN!

LucasLotto: But what did Darcy do specifically.

LucasLotto: And why are you texting me, we're in the same booth.

NotLizzieMcguire: Heard him telling Bingley that he was dancing with the only hottie in the place and every other woman was a dog-faced, two-bit whores. And, that I couldn't tempt him.

NotLizzieMcguire: Also, didn't want anyone else to overhear us like I heard him.

LucasLotto: A) Most of the women here are dog-faced, two-bit whores, have you not seen our sisters? B) He's still a dick, you're hot. C) Not everyone is as nosy as you, so talk, don't text.

NotLizzieMcguire: Low balance?

LucasLotto: Yeah, sometimes prepaid sux monkey balls.

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2DoMrDarcy: Help me!

GigiForEmpress: Oh big bro, what did you do now?

2DoMrDarcy: Why do you assume I did something, maybe someone else did something to me, did you ever think of that?

GigiForEmpress: ...What did you do?

2DoMrDarcy: Nothing!

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GigiForEmpress: Charles, what did my brother do now?

CharlieAndTheBingleyFactory: Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. He couldn't stop staring at Elizabeth, that's Jane's sister btw. Have I told you about Jane? She's an absolute angel, so kind and beautiful, I have never met anyone like her in my whole life, she's the one Gigi, she's The One!

GigiForEmpress: Dude, what about this Elizabeth chick? What did Will do now?

GigiForEmpress: She hot?

CharlieAndTheBingleyFactory: I guess sort of. Anyway, your brother couldn't stop staring at her and was his usual antisocial self. He badmouthed her a bit and I think she overheard.

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GigiForEmpress: I hear you were rude to Elizabeth.

2DoMrDarcy: What? No, I never even talked to her! Have you been talking to Bingley?

GigiForEmpress: Duh.

2DoMrDarcy: I wasn't rude to her.

2DoMrDarcy: And if I was, she deserved it.

GigiForEmpress: Why?

2DoMrDarcy: You didn't see her family Gigi, worst bunch ever.

2DoMrDarcy: Their mother's a total nightmare, social-ladder climbing gold digger.

2DoMrDarcy: And the dad, he just stood there and let his kids go wild, no discipline at all. That younger one, I'm surprised she hasn't been on an MTV show for getting knocked up too young.

GigiForEmpress: And what about Elizabeth? What's she like?

2DoMrDarcy: She's fine, I guess.

GigiForEmpress : Fine?

2DoMrDarcy: I guess her eyes were kind of...sparkly, and dark, and green.

2DoMrDarcy: And she had the most amazing laugh, all free and loud, head thrown back and all that. A proper laugh, not like those weird little high pitched raptor sounds that Caroline makes.

2DoMrDarcy: And she when she got drunk and started kissing all her friends and family, it was kind of sweet.

2DoMrDarcy: But her mother, ye Gods!

2DoMrDarcy: To have to be family with her, to actually have her as a mother-in-law, there can be nothing worse than that.

2DoMrDarcy: Gigi, you there?

GigiForEmpress: Will, mother-in-law, seriously?

GigiForEmpress: We have talked about this, marriage is not the answer to everything!

GigiForEmpress: Especially not to the question, 'What's this chick Elizabeth like?'!

GigiForEmpress: Unless...

2DoMrDarcy: No, there's no 'unless' here. It's just a repulsive family, that's all.

GigiForEmpress: OMG, YOU WANT TO MARRY ELIZABETH.

2DoMrDarcy: No I don't!

GigiForEmpress: Yes, you do, why else would you be talking about her mom as an in-law?

2DoMrDarcy: No, it's nothing like that, it's...Bingley! Bingley that's all. You know Charles, all head over heels and lovestruck, he'll do something stupid like marry Jane and be stuck with Mrs Bennet for life, that's all!

GigiForEmpress: Will and Elizabeth sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

2DoMrDarcy: I'm not talking to you anymore.

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SweetCaroline: Charles you forgot me at the wedding hall!

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