Christian

It's been months. Months since I've seen her, months since I've spoken to her, months since I've touched her, months since I've had her... Months.

I admit I realized it was a bad idea to pursue her, someone so innocent, when I asked her to join me for coffee after the photoshoot I did for the school newspaper she interviewed me for, which is why I ended it then and there before it could get out of hand. When the cyclist nearly hit her, and I grabbed her... feeling her close to me, in my arms, it was a heady mix. I knew she wanted me to kiss her, and I wanted to, but I knew I should leave her alone. I'm not the man she deserves. So, reluctantly, I let her go.

Feeling like shit for leading her on only to turn her away, I wanted to send an apology of sorts.

After I sent Anastasia the books, she drunk dialed me. I went to the bar and took her back to my hotel room.

I laid next to her all night, staying awake for hours just watching her sleep and envying the fact that she could do it so well.

When she woke the next morning, I explained that she should stay away from me, because it was too hard for me to stay away from her.

The sexy minx that she is wouldn't leave well enough alone and practically challenged me, wanting me to enlighten her of what I would expect if we were to be involved. So I took her to Escala that night and showed her exactly what I wanted from her and why she should steer clear of me.

To my surprise, I discovered she was a virgin, which threw me for a loop.

I've waited too long to have her, I couldn't resist her a moment longer. She came to my apartment with the intention of me fucking her and I did just that, rectifying her situation.

The next day, after breakfast and experimenting with oral, I gave her the contract to look over and dropped her off at home.

We met for dinner to discuss the details and eventually, she agreed to be mine.

She signed an NDA, like everyone does, but I was shocked that she didn't tell her roommate anything before signing. When she signed the NDA at my apartment, she said she wouldn't say anything about us to anyone. I didn't expect her to be serious. I mean, don't all girls gossip, kissing and telling sort of thing. I guess not.

The first three months went by fast, it was over before I knew it and I wanted more. I couldn't get enough of her, I was quickly becoming addicted in a clearly unhealthy way. But I didn't care. Things were somewhat different with her since she wasn't in the lifestyle and I was training her, but I found myself wanting to please her more than I should.

We've had vanilla, though I kept my shirt on and held her hands... I couldn't let her touch me. We have fallen asleep together on many occasions, and when I wake, I'm wrapped around her like a vine. Even in my unconscious state, I was obsessed. She knew of my limits and respected them well.

Needless to say, we extended our contract for another 3 months. And once again, when that term was ending, we were going to extend our contract again. This time I wanted a longer term, and I knew she would agree.

We didn't go out publicly, I never go out publicly with my submissives, so she was going to meet me at GEH to discuss the contract during lunch.

And that's when this whole thing went down the drain.

I remember the day like it was yesterday, even though it has been months.

~FLASHBACK~

Anastasia is on her way to GEH so we can discuss our contract and renew it. I've been with her for the past 6 months and these 3 month contracts are not long enough. I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack every time our term is nearing the end. Of course she can cancel at any time, but the end of our contracted term seems like it could be the end of us because she doesn't have to renew if she so chooses. I don't know what I would do if she ever said she wanted out.

I've asked Andrea to arrange our lunch, just a couple sub sandwiches from the deli that Anastasia loves. It's her favorite place for lunch during the week.

These contract renewals are worse than any acquisition or merger. I can handle a room full of men and bring them to their knees, no problem. But this tiny slip of a girl, who I AM supposed to bring to her knees, has me stressing out to the max. She has no idea the power she holds, and if she ever knew, I'd be fucked.

For the hundredth time today, I run my fingers through my hair, pulling at the roots as I sit at my desk waiting for my PA to announce that my girl has arrived.

What if she changed her mind completely and doesn't show up at all?

Taking a shaky breath, I check my email to see if Anastasia has sent me anything, like her canceling, but there is nothing new from her.

My knee wont stop bouncing, and it's pissing me the fuck off! I don't do nervous.

Finally, the familiar buzzing of the intercom goes off and my heart flies in my throat as I hold my breath.

"Mr. Grey?" Andrea's voice fills the room.

Clearing my throat before I speak, so it doesn't come out as a whimper, I answer, "Yes."

"Ms. Steele is here to see you, sir."

Finally!

I release the breath I was holding, blowing it out slowly.

She's not late, in fact she's early, but the thought of her not showing up was enough to render me incompetent.

"Thank you, Andrea, send her in. Is our lunch ready?"

"Olivia should return any moment with it, Mr. Grey."

That's one thing I like about Andrea and why she's lasted longer than any other PA I've had in the past. She never tells me no, she works around it.

I end the connection and stand, buttoning my jacket as I do so I can greet my girl. The girl who has me sweating bullets every time we need to renew our contract. After she signs a new contract, everything is fine, going back to normal, and I am no longer this weak bastard who somehow let a submissive hold this much power over him.

As the door opens, and the beauty that is mine walks through, I approach her with the confidence I don't have at the moment.

Fuck me, she looks amazing in that designer outfit I purchased for her.

She wasn't as thrilled as my other subs are when I showed her the fully stocked closet, but she didn't fight against me on it either.

"Good afternoon, Anastasia." I greet her in a husky tone once the door is closed.

Pulling her into my arms, and pinning her hands behind her back, I kiss her soft, pink pouty lips. They are darker than usual, which means she's been biting it since she doesn't often wear lipstick. A tick that she does when she's been overthinking or if she's worried about something. Most of the time she does this unknowingly, it's such a habit with her, but other times she does it intentionally because she knows what it does to me.

However, she's done this out of my viewing pleasure so I know something is bothering her and that just increases my anxiety.

"Good afternoon, Christian." She responds quietly.

God I love hearing my name come from her mouth. It's the reason I allow her to say it if we're not in a scene. I especially love it when she's screaming it in my bed while I fuck her. Vanilla has never been so appealing to me before her. I've never allowed a sub to call me by my given name before, but I allow Anastasia to do many things other subs haven't. She's... special. I don't know why, but she is.

"Let's sit," I lead her to the sofa in my office. "Our lunch should be here soon and we need to go over this new contract."

The sooner we get that out of the way, the sooner I can breathe a little easier, and the sooner I can take her on my desk to let out this frustration I feel. It's going to be hard and fast, and I cannot wait. I feel myself becoming aroused at just the thought of being inside of her, but I will him to stand down. For now.

Watching her as she slowly sinks down on the sofa, wiring her fingers together and chewing on her bottom lip, has me worried.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, sitting next to her, trying not to let it show that I am now more nervous than before she arrived.

"Um-"

She avoids eye contact with me and I know it's not because she's being submissive right now, something is seriously bothering her.

"Anastasia, what is it?" I should ask in a more firm tone, but my tone sounds more worried than anything. "Do you not want to... to continue... this... with me?"

"No, no, I want to." She says quickly, finally looking at me.

Her answer has me breathing a little easier but I know something is still bothering her and I want to know what it is.

"Then what's wrong?"

Perhaps she wants to change something in the contract, like I would care what it is, she should know I would give her whatever her heart desires by now.

"I- I don't know how you are going to react when I tell you this, but I need to. You need to know."

I stay quiet waiting for her to continue.

"I haven't been- I haven't been feeling well, so I went to the doctor..."

"Are you sick?" I'd gladly pay whatever amount to keep her healthy, she shouldn't worry.

She shakes her head no.

"The doctor... They did a test..." She glances up at me like I would know what she's talking about but I don't.

"Christian..." She continues. "I'm pregnant."

It feels as if I'm falling down a bottomless tunnel. I'm grasping at nothing but air, trying and failing to hold on to something.

"What?!" I breath out harshly.

The glare I now have plastered on my face is aimed at her stomach. It's still flat and shows no signs of what she just told me, but it's infected.

"I'm pregnant." She repeats, much more easier than the first time she said it.

"How?"

She raises her brow as if to say 'how do you think'.

"Your shot?" Is my next question.

I know she's using this method as her form of birth-control because she gives me the paperwork from the doctor each time she renews it. She wanted the mini-pill, but decided on the shot so she wouldn't have to remember taking the pill every day. I may have helped in persuading her with this choice. I've never let a sub use the pill before, it's too easy for them to not take it and me not to know if they have or not. With the shot, or an implant, a doctor must preform the procedure and I don't have to worry.

"The doctor said no birth-control is 100% affective and it could've been that my shot ran out before-"

I don't give her time to finish, I'm up and out of my seat before she can say another word.

The hair pulling I did earlier throughout the day is nothing compared to the two hands I'm using now.

I grasp the at the roots and hold my head in my hands as I pace.

This can't be happening. She's pregnant?! I don't want a baby, I never wanted to be a father.

Turning around, I glare at her stomach.

I'm at a lost for words but she's not.

"I've been thinking about this since I found out... I don't know what your intentions are, regarding this baby, but I'm keeping-"

Interrupting her, I can't help but laugh.

"Of course you are." I continue laughing. How else will she get money from me if she doesn't keep it.

A knock at the door disturbs us and in walks Olivia with our lunch. .

"Get out!" I snap at her.

She jumps startled, looks at Anastasia who is still sitting on the sofa, and then backs out.

My attention back on Anastasia, I don't trust myself right now so I stay a safe distance away.

We're both silent for awhile but I'm not for long.

"I want nothing to do with it."

She gasps, her breathing shuttering like she's holding back the waterworks I know are bound to come. They wont work. Nothing she can do or say will change my mind on this matter.

"I want you, Anastasia, not that." I need to let her know. "This isn't going to work if you keep it."

Come on, baby, you know you want me. No way will she chose this over us, over me.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." She says while coming to a stand. "But it's not going to change my mind."

What the fuck?!

"So you're going through with this? You're going to end us?"

"No, Christian, you are ending this."

"It's your choice, Anastasia," I correct her, "if you walk out that door, there's no coming back."

"I'm well aware."

With that, she walks out.

I pick up something from my desk without looking at what it is and throw it full force at the wall. It instantly shatters.

It can't end this way, not like this. I end my relationships, not them.

Following her out, she has reached the elevator and is pushing the call button.

She looks over her shoulder when she hears me approaching. Seeing it's me, she turns around.

"Anastasia." I don't know what to say. I don't want this this to end, I want her, but I can't be a father.

The elevator arrives before either one of us can say anything more. She turns around and walks inside, pressing a button on the control pad.

As the doors begin to close, she looks up at me.

"Goodbye, Christian."

~END OF FLASHBACK~

My employees were gathered around, enjoying the free show. When I turned around, they quickly scattered, going back to work before I fired their asses.

When I stormed back into my office, I saw what I broke. It was a glass paperweight that Anastasia gifted to me for my birthday. Inside there was a photo of us. I normally wouldn't display such a thing at GEH, but I enjoyed looking at the photo especially when I've had an extremely trying day. Just looking at her smile on that photo seemed to calm me.

It was now broken into a million pieces, much like how I felt on the inside. And the irony was not lost on me when I saw the only part of Anastasia not shattered was her stomach.

I called Elena immediately because I needed a sub. What I really needed was Anastasia, I wanted to beat the shit out of her for what she did, for leaving me, but I had to settle for someone else in her place. Elena, of course, was pleased to hear Anastasia and I ended our contract, though I never told her why. She didn't like that I wouldn't talk about Anastasia or about our relationship with her like I have all the others. She always insisted being with Anastasia was a bad idea.

When the submissive arrived at my place, I couldn't go through with it. As pissed as I was, and wanting to get my anger out, it didn't feel right. I knew I wouldn't contract this sub, I just needed to beat her once and be done with her, but having someone in my Playroom who wasn't Anastasia felt wrong. It was too soon.

A couple weeks after Anastasia left me, she sent me an email. I didn't want to read it, but I did, because I foolishly thought she was asking to come back. However, disappointment soon washed over me when I realized her email was all about her pregnancy. In the email, she included an attached photo. I couldn't make out what the photo was, but was told it was an ultrasound.

I never responded and haven't heard anything else from her since.

Sawyer was Anastasia's covert CPO when she was with me and after she left I told Taylor to keep him on. I needed to know she was safe. But seeing all the photos that went along with his daily reports of her became too much for me to handle and he now reports to Taylor. I'm not to be bothered with it unless it is absolutely necessary.

I still think about her, I can't help it.

I've seen Flynn, but he's useless. He thinks I should accept this change in my life. He says if I don't, my life will never change. But that's the point, I don't want my life to change. His whole session was about change, and the only thing it did was cause me to change my next appointment time to never.

I refuse to talk about it with Elena. But she insists I need to get over it and I agree. It can't be healthy, so I've finally allowed her to find me a submissive.

It was taking longer than usual for me to pick one of the girls out of the list she provides, so I've just chose one at random. If I didn't do it this way, I'd never choose one.

Tonight is our first night, we'll sign the contract after our first scene together. I always do a test run to see if we're compatible first.

She is already here, ready and waiting in the Playroom.

I don't know why, but I don't have the same feeling I've had before when I'm getting ready.

It doesn't usually take long for me to shower and put on a pair of jeans, but tonight it does.

If I'm ever going to get over her, I need to move on, I need to do this. It's the only way.

As I finally make my way out of my bedroom and towards the stairs, I stop dead in my tracks when I hear my phone going off.

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets...

It's not the normal ring I use for everyone, this ring is different. This ring, I know, is Anastasia's ring tone.

She was messing with my phone one night and changed it as a joke. She didn't think I would keep it as her ring tone, but I did and it's been that way ever since.

I usually keep my phone on silent, but after leaving GEH this evening, I changed the settings.

The ringing stops, but I don't move.

Soon it starts to go off again.

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets...

Instead of standing in the middle of my apartment like a dumbass only wearing my Playroom jeans, I rush to my office, where I left my phone.

The call ends again and I contemplate calling her back. She's not leaving any voicemail messages, there are no texts from her nor emails.

What does she want? Why is she calling me? It's been months.

Before I can think of what to do, she's calling me again.

"Anastasia?" I answer quickly.

"Christian," Her voice sounds just as beautiful as I remember, though she sounds to be in pain. "I'm in labor."

a/n: so, here is a new story from me. this one isn't prewritten so updates wont be as often as I usually do, but they will still be frequent.

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