Loyalty

"Shouldn't we be focused on other things right now?" Sebastian insisted, "This can wait."

"Bash, why are you so reluctant to see him?" Barry implored, "He's our dad."

Sebastian opened and closed his mouth a couple times, not knowing what to say.

"I just can't deal with this right now," he said in a strained voice, "I don't know what to say to him."

"He's going to forgive you," Barry insisted, "I know it's been fourteen years, but you know dad. He's just going to be happy to see you. He doesn't blame you for anything."

"Well, he should," Sebastian said softly, "He should hate me."

Barry stubbornly shook his head.

"He doesn't," he insisted, "Dad loves you, Bash. It's been killing him, not seeing you for all this time. He just wants to talk to you. It's been fourteen years. Don't make him wait any longer."

"But the last time I saw him…"

"I know you said some terrible things to him," Barry sighed, "But he's going to forgive you. I know he will. You just need to give him the chance to."

Sebastian let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand over his face.

"Okay," he whispered, "Okay, I'll go see him."

A wide grin spread across Barry's face at these words. Sebastian's lips twitched.

Barry was so confident that their father would forgive him, but it didn't help calm his nerves. His stomach churned both in dread and excitement to face his father again. Sebastian knew Barry was right. His father would forgive him.

That didn't mean Sebastian would forgive himself.

"I'll run us over there!" Barry said excitedly, grabbing Sebastian's arm.

"No!" Sebastian ejected, yanking his arm from Barry's grasp.

Barry gave him a confused look. Sebastian took a deep breath and forced a smile on his face.

"I'll just…I think I'll drive there."

At these words, the smile quickly slid from Barry's face, becoming a frown.

"Okay," he said softly, his eyebrows furrowed.

Sebastian kept the forced smile on his face as he explained.

"I just…want to use the drive to think about what I'm going to say."

Barry continued to frown at him.

"Okay," he said quietly, "I understand. I…I'll meet you there then."

Sebastian nodded, giving Barry an uneasy smile.

Barry's lips twitched, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. He took off without another word, disappearing in a flash of lightning. Sebastian let out a heavy breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

He didn't know why he was so opposed to having Barry run him places. Barry had offered three times now, and Sebastian had declined every time. Really, Sebastian still wasn't sure how he felt about Barry's powers. They were cool—he'd give him that—but something about them left an unsettling feeling in Sebastian's gut. Part of it was that his first experience with being run anywhere by a speedster had been that night with the man in yellow. It hadn't exactly been a pleasant experience, and it wasn't one he was eager to try again, even if he trusted Barry.

Did he, though? Did he trust Barry? At first, Sebastian had been sure Barry would never abuse his gift. He would never hurt anybody. But then they had had that run-in with Eddie. Eddie said the Flash had attacked him. Barry had attacked him.

Sebastian hadn't brought it up to Barry yet. He hadn't given him the chance to explain, so it really wasn't fair of him to jump to conclusions just yet. He didn't see how Barry could possibly justify it, though. He had used his speed to hurt someone.

Maybe Eddie had been exaggerating, or maybe Barry hadn't been trying to hurt him, but Eddie had mistakenly seen it that way. Sebastian wouldn't blame Eddie, if that was the case. Eddie said Barry had pulled him from a moving vehicle, and Sebastian unfortunately knew what that felt like. He had gone through the same experience with the man in yellow, and it had been terrifying. Being pulled from the safety of your own vehicle, being helpless as you're carried in a speedster's arms in a nauseating whirlwind of lights and colors…

Sebastian gave himself a small shake. What the hell was he doing?! What was wrong with him?! Barry was his brother, and here he was, comparing him with the man in yellow. It wasn't Barry's fault that he had the same powers as their mother's murderer. Sebastian felt sick to his stomach. Who was he to judge Barry? Sebastian had spent fourteen years, thinking his father was a murderer, and what was he doing now? He was comparing his brother to the man who had really murdered their mother. Barry was nothing like the man in yellow. He was a good person. He was Barry.

Still, Sebastian didn't know how to feel about his brother now. They hadn't seen each other in three years, and when he came back to town, Sebastian had quickly realized his brother had changed. It wasn't until now that he realized just how much Barry had changed. Did Sebastian really know him at all?

As he pulled up in the Iron Heights parking lot, Sebastian realized with a jolt that he had spent the entire drive thinking about Barry and the man in yellow. He hadn't paid any thought to what he was going to say to Hen—to his father. Now that he was here, though, Sebastian's mind was racing.

His stomach twisted terribly as he got out of his car. Barry was waiting patiently for him by the door, giving him an encouraging smile. Sebastian managed an uneasy twitch of his lips.

"Come on," Barry said softly, resting a supportive hand on his brother's shoulder as they entered the building.

Sebastian took a deep breath and allowed Barry to guide him to the visitation area.

"Hey, Barry," the guard at the desk said, grinning widely.

It was the same guard as before.

"Hi, Officer Gracie," Barry greeted.

The smile slid from the officer's face when he laid eyes on Sebastian. He looked back and forth between the two brothers, a confused look on his face. Barry let out a small laugh.

"Jim, this is my brother," Barry introduced, "Sebastian."

The officer continued to look confused as he shook Sebastian's hand.

"The doc has two sons?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

As he released his hand, Sebastian realized just how bad his hands were shaking. He quickly stuffed them in his pockets, looking awkwardly at the floor.

"Yeah," Barry answered quietly, "Sebastian, he…he lives out of town. He doesn't get the chance to visit often."

Sebastian kept his eyes on the floor, his stomach twisting in guilt with Barry half-truth. Officer Gracie raised his eyebrows, a thoughtful look on his face.

"You wouldn't happen to have been in here last week?" he asked slowly, a small smile forming on his face, "Lost your ID, huh?"

Sebastian looked up at the man in surprise.

"How did you…?"

"Barry never forgets his ID," the officer laughed, "Besides, I've been doing this job for fifteen years. I know when someone's trying to pull a fast one on me. Isn't that right, Barry?"

Barry laughed and shook his head.

"You definitely take your job seriously," he chuckled, "Never made it easy for me."

Officer Gracie laughed.

"Well, I'll give you points for creativity," he said, shaking his head, "You were only eleven, but you always managed to keep me on my toes. It's rare we ever see someone trying to sneak their way in to prison, but you were definitely a master at it, Barry. I swear, you know the layout of this place better than I do."

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that," Barry chuckled, "You almost always managed to catch me before I could get in."

"Almost always," Officer Gracie said, an amused smile on his face.

The two of them both laughed, but Sebastian looked down at the floor again. For fourteen years, he had refused to visit their father, but Barry had spent most of his childhood doing everything in his power to go see him. He was only a child, but he still managed to break into a prison, just for a few minutes with their dad, and Sebastian hadn't ever bothered.

"So," Barry said after a moment, sideglancing at Sebastian, no doubt noticing the look on his face, "Do you think we can get Sebastian a badge? We'd like to visit our dad together today."

"Of course," the officer nodded, "I'll just need you to fill out a few forms, but it shouldn't take too long."

And it was true. It didn't take long to fill out the forms and get the visitor badge. In fact, Sebastian wouldn't have minded if it had taken longer. In almost no time, Sebastian had his own badge and Barry was leading the way to the visitation area, an excited grin on his face.

Sebastian knew how much this meant to Barry. Barry had been asking him for years to come visit their father with him. Sebastian had vowed that day would never come, but now, here they were. Sebastian knew Barry still felt bad about how Sebastian had learned the truth, but he was over the moon about the fact that Sebastian finally believed him. Barry was happy, but Sebastian…

He didn't know how to feel.

It wasn't about pride. Yes, Sebastian always hated being wrong, but this was a rare occasion where he was happy he had been wrong. He was happy his father wasn't the murderer he had thought he was. But amongst all that happiness, there was one feeling that trumped all others: guilt.

As they sat down in the visitation booth, Sebastian let out a shaky sigh. And way too quickly, their father was suddenly entering the room, on the other side of the glass. Sebastian's hands tightened into fists, his nerves eating away at his stomach. He jumped slightly when he suddenly felt another hand slide into his. He looked over at Barry, sitting next to him. Barry gave him a small smile, squeezing his hand reassuringly. Sebastian squeezed it back, letting out a slow breath as he looked back to their father.

Henry paused in his tracks when he laid eyes on the two of them, his eyes widening upon seeing both his sons sitting there, waiting to see him. His eyes quickly filled with tears, a small smile forming on his face as he sat down across from them and picked up his phone. Barry held their own phone in between them so they could both hear their father speak.

"Sebastian," he choked, his eyes swimming, "You're here."

Sebastian managed a small, watery smile, realizing now that his own eyes had filled with tears.

"I'm here," he said softly, "I'm here, dad, and I…I'm so sorry."

Before their father could even say anything in reply, Sebastian continued, speaking in a fast, shaky voice.

"I b-believe you, dad," he cried, "I believe both of you. I know the truth now. I know you d-didn't kill m-mom. I know you're innocent. I know you l-loved mom and would never have hurt her. I know the man in yellow killed her. I…I know the truth."

"Bash…" his father whispered, putting a hand over his mouth.

"I'm so sorry, dad," Sebastian sobbed, letting his tears brim over, "I'm so sorry I didn't believe in you. I'm so sorry for everything I said to you. For never visiting you all these years. For thinking you were a…"

"Sebastian," Henry choked, cutting him off, "Sebastian, it's okay."

Sebastian let out a small sob and shook his head.

"I forgive you," his father said firmly, "Do you hear me? I forgive you, Bash. None of this was ever your fault. You were a little boy. You had no control over any of it."

Sebastian shook his head again, a sob escaping his lips.

"That's not true," he choked, "I had a choice, and I chose not to believe you. I turned my back on you. On you and Barry."

"It wasn't your fault," Henry said firmly, "You were being told so many confusing things. Every other adult in your life was telling you I did it. You weren't allowed to see me, and you were separated from Barry. You were a kid, Bash. You were only eleven years old. With everything you were being told, I can't hold it against you for not believing me."

"But," Sebastian whispered, "But Barry…"

"Barry was there that night," Henry said seriously, "He saw the whole thing. You didn't."

Sebastian shook his head, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Barry still would have believed you," he said surely, "Even if he hadn't seen it, he still would have had faith in you. He's…he's always been the loyal son."

"Bash…" Barry said quietly.

"Don't say it isn't true," Sebastian choked, "You never would have lost your faith in dad. You never would have believed what the police were saying, but I…I did. I believed it so easily."

"Sebastian…" Henry whispered, shaking his head.

"You and mom were fighting that night," Sebastian whispered, "When you dropped me off at Trent's house…you were arguing in the car. You were arguing about Barry. And then the police told me it was a domestic dispute, and I…"

Barry gave Sebastian a shocked look. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his dad.

"What is he talking about?" he whispered.

Henry let out a heavy sigh, running a hand over his face.

"It was a small argument," he said quietly, "I wouldn't really even call it a fight. We were just disagreeing on something."

"About me," Barry persisted, speaking in barely more than a whisper, "What did you disagree on?"

Henry let out a heavy sigh.

"Your…your bullying problem," he said in a strained voice, "Your mother wanted to go to the school board…to stop those kids from picking on you. I disagreed with her. I thought that would only make the problem worse. I thought it was better to let you fight your own battles, to stand up for yourself. She didn't want you fighting, though."

Barry stared at his father, tears forming in his eyes.

"You were fighting with her the night she died," he said in anguish, "Because of me."

"It wasn't even a fight, Barry," Henry assured him quickly, "It was just a disagreement we had."

"Why didn't you tell me about it?" Barry choked.

"Because I didn't want you to do what you're doing now," Henry said seriously, "I didn't want you to feel guilty."

"Of course I feel guilty," Barry said in anguish, "Because of me, your last moment with mom…"

"My last moment with your mother was tucking you into bed that night," Henry said firmly, "It was a good moment. Yes, we had a small argument about you earlier in the car that night, but it was only that. A small argument. I never told you about it because it wasn't a big deal, Barry. It was nothing. It wasn't worth mentioning."

"But I mentioned it," Sebastian said quietly.

The other two looked at him. Sebastian was looking down at the desk, his eyes sparkling with tears.

"I mentioned it to the police," he whispered, "When they questioned me about that night, I…I told them I had heard you fighting."

Barry's hand suddenly slipped out of his.

"You what?" he whispered, staring at his brother in shock.

Sebastian looked up then, looking back and forth between the two of them in anguish.

"I helped the police establish a motive," he choked, looking at his father, "I helped them put you away."

"Bash," Henry said in a strained voice, "That wasn't your fault. You just answered the detectives' questions. You were only eleven. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I helped put you in here!" Sebastian cried, "You can't say I didn't do anything wrong. I helped send my own father to prison."

"That would have happened with or without your statement," Henry said surely, "They had more than enough evidence against me without everything you told them. I never blamed you for it."

"You knew?" Barry asked, an incredulous look on his face, "You knew about it and you didn't tell me?!"

"I didn't want to give you more reason to be angry with your brother," their father explained calmly, "Barry, he didn't do anything wrong. He was a little kid."

Barry shook his head and let out a heavy sigh, a strained look on his face.

"I know," he sighed after a moment.

He turned to his brother then, who was giving him a nervous look.

"It wasn't your fault, Bash," Barry said quietly, "You just answered their questions. You were young. I…I can't hold it against you."

Sebastian shook his head, looking at Barry in disbelief. How could Barry possibly forgive him so easily? He had just admitted he had helped send their innocent father to prison, and just like that, Barry forgave him. Barry forgave him for everything. He always did. Every prank he took too far. Every cruel comment he ever said to him. He forgave him for leaving him when they were young. He forgave him for never answering his phone calls and skipping their visitation meetings. He forgave him for calling him crazy, for taunting him about all the therapists he was forced to see.

For never believing in him.

Sebastian had always taken advantage of Barry's forgiveness. He had always pushed it to its limits, seeing just how much he could toe the line, how much he could get away with and have Barry still forgive him. Through all if it, Barry never failed to be the bigger person. He never failed to forgive his brother, and Sebastian had always found it amusing.

Not now, though.

Just for once, Sebastian suddenly found himself wishing Barry wouldn't forgive him. He wished Barry would finally hold him accountable for his actions, even if he had been only eleven at the time. He wanted Barry to be mad. He wanted Barry and his father to rage and scream at him.

They didn't though. They forgave him.

Sebastian would never forgive himself, though.

"I don't deserve you," Sebastian whispered, "Either of you. You both have every right to hate me right now, but you don't."

"No," Henry said with a watery smile, "We don't. We don't hate you. We love you, Sebastian. I don't care how long it took you; I'm just happy to have you here with us now. I just want to move on like the last fourteen years never even happened. We can be together now, as a family."

Sebastian choked out a small laugh that was more of a sob. Held up his hand, hesitating for a brief moment before putting it up to the glass, the same way his father had last week. His father smiled at him, tears streaming down his face has he placed his hand on the other side of the glass.

"I wish we could be together," Sebastian choked, "Really together. I wish there was some way…"

"Don't," Henry said seriously, "Don't start thinking that way. I've been going through this with Barry for years, and I'm not going to start going through it with you, too. Listen to me, both of you. I'm perfectly fine. You don't have to worry about me. Of course, I wish I could be on the other side of that glass with you, but I can't even begin to say how happy I am right now. My sons…my two beautiful boys, together again. Seeing both of you here, supporting each other, it's all I could ever ask for."

"Dad," Barry whispered, looking down at the desk, "There's…something I need to tell you."

The smile slid from Henry's face as he stared at his son. Sebastian had a horrible feeling in his gut. He had a feeling he knew what Barry was about to say.

"I screwed up, dad," Barry whispered, "After…years of searching…I finally found him."

Henry's eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion, but he didn't say anything. He let Barry continue.

"I found the man who killed mom," Barry said, looking up to meet his father's eyes, "The man in yellow. The one in the lightning."

Henry's eyes widened, but he still didn't say anything. The anger was audible in Barry's voice as he continued.

"He's out there," he gritted, "And I had him."

Barry let out a heavy sigh.

"He got away," he said quietly, shaking his head as he looked away, "I…I was so close."

He looked back into their father's eyes then, his own filled with anguish.

"I promised you," he choked, tears filling his eyes, "I promised you that I would get you out of here. Every day you've spent in here was because of him…until today. Now you're in here because of me, and I'm…so sorry."

"Barry…" Sebastian whispered.

He knew that wasn't true. Barry had done everything he could. He had fought the man in yellow. He had done everything he could to beat him. He kept getting up. Every time the man knocked him down, Barry got up. He kept fighting. He had fought for their father's freedom. For fourteen years, Barry had been fighting for it. He didn't deserve to take on this blame.

If anything, Sebastian did. He had never done anything to help their father. Barry had been trying for years to get their father out, but Sebastian hadn't bothered to even visit him. Yet, Barry was sitting here, trying to take on the blame.

"Barry," Henry said quietly.

Barry's face screwed up, tears streaming down his cheeks as he ran a hand over his face, hiding it from view. Sebastian reached out and placed a hand on his brother's arm, his heart clenching. He knew his encounter with the man in yellow had been eating at Barry ever since that night, but he hadn't realized Barry had been feeling like this. He knew Barry was angry, but Sebastian hadn't had any idea Barry was actually blaming himself for any of it. As Sebastian had been processing all of the new information he had recently learned, Barry had been struggling with this alone. He had been keeping all of it bottled up inside.

And now he was unleashing it. Horrible sobs escaped Barry's throat as he buried his face in his hands.

"Barry," Henry said firmly, "Barry, son, look at me."

Barry choked back a sob and looked up at their father, his eyes red and puffy.

"This is not your fault," Henry said firmly, "I know what you've given up. Every decision you've made in the past fourteen years has been because of me and your mom. What you studied. Why you became a CSI. Why you stayed in Central City. You haven't let yourself live, Barry, because you've been too consumed with what happened to our family to let yourself have a life. Well, let it go now, Barry."

Sebastian felt his own eyes watering as he listened to their father, fully realizing for the first time just how much their family tragedy had held Barry back. It had held him back too, had affected his life in colossal ways, but Barry…it had more than incapacitated him. It had consumed him.

"Hear me now, both of you," Henry continued looking between his two sons, "The man in yellow…he's taken enough from us already. Don't let him take any more."

A small sob escaped Sebastian's lips. He had only just learned that the man in yellow was real. He had only just come to accept the truth, that another man killed their mother.

And now he was supposed to forget about it?! He was supposed to just let it go?

As he and Barry were leaving Iron Heights, Sebastian grabbed his shoulder to stop him, spinning him around to face him.

"We're not really just going to let this go, right?" he asked angrily.

Barry shook his head, his face set in determination.

"Not a chance in hell."