If you can't tell my how I hurt him Deeks is my favorite character. And this is the final chapter. I love how this ended though. I hope you guys liked it as much as I did!

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Blue eyes stared at the door waiting for a knock to come. Deeks had been waiting for Callen to come over and he had to admit it was killing him. He just wanted to get the whole conversation over with before it drove him insane.

Ever since Eric and Nell had told him to talk to the agent his mind had been working over time. Every way the conversation could happen had ran through his head. Somehow the ending got worse and more violent each time.

A voice in the back of his mind told him that it was ridiculous to be afraid of the older man. Callen might be one of the strongest men that he knew, but he wasn't randomly violent person. Unless he did something to harm the man or someone he cared for.

For a time he had thought that his leaving would cause some pain in the team, but he knew that was wrong. Eric and Nell might not like that he wasn't coming back, but they understood why. They weren't going to go talk to the agent about it though.

As for Hetty he knew that she disliked the whole thing. He wouldn't be all the surprised if she was disappointed in him. Hell, he was disappointed in himself. He really had tried to make being on a team work. It seemed as if he wasn't cut out for that though.

After everything that had happened with his parents Deeks had tried to find someone that filled the spot of a family for him. In all his years the closest thing he could find had been with Ray, but he had all but lost that now.

For awhile he had thought that he had found it in the team. Deeks had no idea how that had ended up crashing down around him, but he did. The whole situation had just fallen apart and even when he looked past he had no idea what happened.

Deeks had always thought that he was a pretty good judge of character. It helped him a lot when he went undercover. The best way to get tot he top of any organization was to find an in. That in happened when you knew the people.

If he couldn't judge a person after one meeting than he was all but screwed. He made reading people a career. So had they. The old saying 'It takes a thief to catch a thief' was flawed in his mind. If they knew how the other thief operated they were basically unbeatable.

Callen, Sam and Kensi were just better than him. He had known that going NCIS, but he had thought that he would learn from them. Instead he had been made fun of every time they came across something that he wasn't used to doing.

Everyone always said that Callen was a lone wolf, but he was a lot more used to working with people than Deeks was. He had people to have his back even when he didn't want them. In truth, Callen was never actually alone in anything he did.

Deeks, on the other hand, had no one at his side if something went wrong. Once he went under for the LAPD he was alone. Sure he had to call them to tell them what he had found and that he wasn't dead, but outside of that he was alone out there.

When he first started undercover he had learned that one of the most important things he could have was a connection with people. If he needed information or help with anything his best bet was with a community rather than his colleagues.

There was a reason why so many on the force disliked him. It was because he knew that cops could be just as criminal as the people they were putting away. Hell, from the cops he helped put behind bars they could be worse.

Don't get him wrong. He loved being a cop and everything they stood for. At least everything they should stand for. He knew as well as anyone that even the best people could go bad quickly. It didn't matter who they were it was his job to stop them.

Okay, so it wasn't exactly the best way to make friends or move up in his career. It had stung a little in the beginning when he realized it, but he was doing good work. In the end that was the only thing that he actually cared about.

Before Deeks could think any more a knock finally came to the door. His heart jumped to his throat pounding angrily. Even though he had been waiting for the knock he had been dreading it at the same time. He really didn't want to talk to Callen.

Taking a deep breath Deeks got off the couch and went to the door. Instantly Monty was by his feet ready to protect him if need be. It was always nice when he saw that the dog was ready to fight. He knew it was just his training but he loved the mutt.

"Callen," Deeks greeted opening the door, "Come in."

"Thanks," the agent nodded his head walking past him, "Hey, Monty."

The two men stood in the living room in an awkward silence. Both men knew that they needed to talk, but neither of them knew what to say. The whole situation was just too complicated to jump in head first without it getting messy.

"Beer?" Deeks offered already heading into the kitchen.

"Please," Callen responded, "Unless you have something stronger."

"Not really. I drink beer at home and the harder stuff at bars."

"Why?"

"To stop from drinking too much."

"You were raised by an alcoholic. It's a good plan. I do the same thing."

"Then why ask for something stronger?"

"Because this is going to be a hard conversation. Though I think the hardest part is over."

"Any why exactly is that?"

Instead of answering him Callen grabbed the beer from his hand and went into the living room. Feeling more than a little confused Deeks followed him only to see him holding a book that Hetty had gave him to study.

He had been a little surprised when he first got the books. While he knew that there was a lot more than guns and lies to undercover work the amount of things she wanted him to learn was a lot more than he had expected.

Books on law, religion, and languages had been given to him with the knowledge that there was a lot more. In the few days that he had had the books he had gone through one book on law. He was really glad that he had some previous knowledge.

Reading about how the laws were in other places was fascinating. Though he had to admit it scared him at the same time. He knew that some places had different ways of doing things, but it was still a little mind blowing.

Then there were the laws of the Navy itself. That was something else to learn about. He had known that they had their own set of laws and way of doing things, but he hadn't thought that it was as different as it was.

"Hetty give you these?" Callen questioned flipping through the book.

"Yeah," Deeks replied with a nod and slight chuckle, "You should see the book I have in my room. I got to saw Navy law is complicated as hell."

"So I've heard. I met a JAG officer a few years back. I can call him and see if he can help you work through some of the finer nuances."

Deeks head snapped towards the older man not believing what he was hearing. When he had envisioned having a conversation with Callen it went nothing like it was. He had thought that the man would tell him off or say he was glad he was leaving.

This was not the man that he was used to dealing with. It was actually more than little concerning to deal with the man like this. He could deal with anger or being made fun of, but the idea of him acting as if he cared was wrong on many levels.

"What's your game?" Deeks questioned anger filling him, "Why are you suddenly acting like you care?"

"It's not an act," Callen answered shaking his head, "It's me realizing that I was an asshole."

"Now? You're just now realizing that?"

"Of course now. Why realize that I'm losing a friend when I can actually do something about it?"

Callen looked so lost there for a moment that Deeks had no idea what to do. He wanted to stay pissed at the other man for being so blind to what had been happening. At the same time though he hated seeing someone hurt.

As much as he hated to admit it he still cared about Callen and the team. He knew that it was stupid but he couldn't stop himself. He wasn't the type of person to spend everyday for years with people and not care for them.

Sighing Deeks walked over to the older man and nudged him slightly. When blue eyes met the detective found himself smiling. He was still upset about everything but he wasn't going to kick a guy when he was down. No matter how much he wanted to.

"Callen," Deeks shook his head.

"You don't have to try to make me feel better," Callen cut him off, "I know what I did."

"What did you do?"

"Deeks..."

"No, I need to know. I'm tired of my mind coming up with stupid shit that doesn't make sense. Tell me what you think is going on."

The agent stared at Deeks in silence as if he was trying to decide if he should do as he was asking. After a moment his shoulders dropped as he sat on the couch. He looked so uncomfortable trying to figure out what to say.

"Okay," Callen nodded his head, "What do you want to know?"

"Why didn't you care about me before this?" Deeks questioned softly.

"I did care. I did...I just… I was an idiot. I had thought that you knew you were part of the team."

"How was I supposed to know that? You either ignored me or made me feel like shit for not being good enough."

"Of course you're good enough, Deeks."

"Then why?"

"I don't know!"

Deeks flinched slightly at the man's yell. That was the man that he knew. Which was a lot sadder than he liked to think about. Callen was only ever that short with a person if they were a suspect or if they were Deeks. Other than then he was a good guy.

When Deeks had first met Callen he thought that they would get along well. In a way there were cut from the same cloth. Both lone wolves that had troubled childhoods and were still in serach of the family they had never known.

It was wrong of him to think it but he was a little jealous of the older man. As bad as it sounded he had often wondered what it would have been like to not know who his parents were or how different it would be like to be in the foster system.

He had heard a lot of different stories as a kid and somehow they didn't make him think that having his mother take care of him was better. Maybe because she never really took care of him. They were more like roommates if he was honest.

She did what she did and he did everything else. To this day he wondered if he should have just dealt with the beatings. It would have hurt, but he would have had a mother that loved him. That would been worth it though. Right?

"Sorry," Callen sighed staring at the ground, "Listen to me, Deeks. What happened had nothing to do with you."

"But..." Deeks tried to interrupt.

"No. We were asshole for no reason. We made fun of you instead of teaching you. We blew off the skills you have because we thought we were better than you. We ignored you when you could have been hurt. We treated you like an outsider when we should have treated you like a teammate. Hetty brought you in to be a part of our family and we threw that in her face. We never gave you a chance and that is on us… On me. I failed you, Marty, and I'm sorry that I didn't step up and bring you in before it was too late."

As the words washed over him the pieces started to fall into place. He was at the center of the whole situation and yet he had absolutely nothing to do with it. He was the unfortunate person that they needed to push them to facing whatever it was they needed to face.

Shaking his head he sat next to Callen on the couch. He had wanted so badly to be part of their family that he never really thought about what her or not they were ready for someone else. He did come on fairly quickly after Dom died.

"How long after Dom died did Hetty bring me in?" Deeks asked softly.

"About six months," Callen answered before looking over at him, "Wait, do you think that we're not over that?"

"Well, I'm not Nate, but it makes sense. Hetty brought me in before you guys were ready to have someone else join you. When I cam in you all expected someone like him."

"Instead we got a seasoned operator. We were treating you like a newbie that had no idea what he was doing."

"Exactly."

"It makes sense. It doesn't excuse how we treated you though."

"No, but at least I know it's not my fault."

"No, it was mine."

"You weren't the only one that..."

"Maybe not, but I am the team leader. I should have noticed and done something."

The men sat there in silence for a moment thinking about everything that they had discussed. For the first time since he joined the team he felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Of course that meant Callen felt like shit now.

"You're still not coming back," Callen smiled sadly.

"No, I don't think so. Not yet at least. I think we all need a little time before… You know."

"Probably a good idea."

Nodding his head Deeks downed the last of his beer before standing up. He didn't know what else he was supposed to say. Callen knew that he was leaving the team. There was no real reason for the agent to stay now that he knew the truth.

"I wasn't joking about the JAG officer," Callen offered calmly staring at him, "I know he wouldn't mind helping."

"You don't owe me anything," Deeks responded with a shake of his head.

"I know. Until those papers are signed though you're still part of my team and I expect you to be safe out there. Don't give me a reason to have to save your ass."

Smiling happily Deeks found himself pulled into a hug by the older man. It wasn't the solution that Callen had wanted, but he felt good knowing that at the very least the man finally seen him for him. Even if it was right before he was leaving.

"You're still my friend, Marty," Callen said firmly, "Even if you don't believe that and even though you're leaving. If you need anything tell me. I'll do everything I can to help you."