TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicidal thoughts, child death, purging, vivid-ish descriptions of death

There is a burning child, and the body is so marred that he cannot tell if it is a boy or girl. There are many children lying dead at his feet, but this one is special. It had seen him, and must have thought that he was somebody else. He will never forget charred black lips wheezing out their last words.

"Nii-san, save me."

.

The fact that there were no shinobi had not occurred to Sasuke when he set all the entrances and exits of the building on fire. All he wanted to do was flush a man who supposedly had information on his brother out through a window; there weren't many, and it was easier to watcH only one side of the building. It was ridiculously easy to escape from, and it was slow moving.

Those that jumped through the window did not jump to relative safety. They fell like stones and crashed into red porcelain. Screams were heard from the inside, and it did not occur to him that they were trapped until it was too late; until the flames had risen too high for any of his measly water jutsu to restrain.

He could only watch as everything collapsed. Even others who had come rushing over to help had to retreat because of the heat. Sasuke stared until it was almost all gone, and he was about to leave when he heard it.

"N-n…" A small hand twitches, and he could not help but get closer to the child that was, despite all odds, alive. It clutched at his finger, and he made no move to make it let go. "Nii-san… s-save me." Then dark eyes went glassy and the sounds of people approaching forced Sasuke to move from the corpse.

.

He is a good distance from the small town when he finally stops. He bends over and vomits until nothing but bile stings his throat.

.

A few days later and he has slept maybe an hour. Probably less.

He sees a newspaper, words like ARSON and MASSACRE and SCHOOL and NO SURVIVORS.

He vomits until he can't, and then he sticks a finger down his throat. No matter how much comes up, he can't purge away the blood of a whole fucking school of children.

.

Sasuke knows that their deaths were painful, and that they had no training. They were scared, and it was not swift and painless. Nothing was hidden in darkness. The children had to see their own skin burn away in broad daylight.

.

Sasuke is sitting on the floor of a motel bathroom, his head bumping a toilet seat that had not been washed for years. He tries to keep his eyes open, but can't. The bodies of children and burning words haunt him. If not them, then the red of his brother's fingers and the slumped bodies of his family.

He is surrounded by corpses.

.

It occurs to him that his crimes may actually eclipse his brother's at this point.

Children. Apparently there had been a large number born a few years ago, and they had to expand the school. Other towns also shared the building, and it had become a place where the local villages converged. There must have been at least a hundred students in there.

He had killed them all.

.

The realization that he has no control shakes him. All the plans he ever made were really written by others, and he has been manipulated all of his life. The few times he has complete and utter power regarding his actions, he takes something and breaks it.

Sasuke wonders if Itachi has ever wanted to die as much as he does now.