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"So, Liz's birthday party. I was thinking we do it Saturday afternoon so she can actually be awake for it. I know her birthday is on Thursday but I don't think it makes sense to have a party in the middle of the week since everyone will be working." Erin listened to Jay speak as she watched Elizabeth playing with her toys on her baby blanket. "Now, we just need some kind of theme for her and I was thinking that a few of her little friends from daycare could come, so she's not just surrounded by adults the entire time."

"I don't want some kind of cliche themed party, like princesses." Erin knew that in order to keep Jay off her radar, she would have to play up a facade. Focusing on Elizabeth served as a good distraction, her happiness was the only thing that mattered anymore.

"Okay, let me Google some ideas." Jay pulled out his phone from his pocket, searching 'unique birthday party ideas' in the search engine box. "How about a ladybug themed party?"

"That would be cute, but I don't think so."

"Okay… how about a Hello Kitty themed party?"

"Hello Kitty? That's so old. And she doesn't even have any Hello Kitty things."

"Fair enough. OH! A Lego themed party, that'd be fun."

"Yeah, for a six-year-old. She's a bit young for that one."

"This one's perfect, an Elmo themed party. We can even buy her Elmo toys as a present. Not to mention she'd look adorable trying to smash an Elmo cake."

"Hmmm."

"Oh c'mon Erin. It would be so cute!"

"Yeah, you're right. Elmo themed it is."

The small family planned a day out together, something they haven't had in months. Chicago's weather had been crisp but the sun shining down on their faces definitely helped warm the family up. They first went down for a walk around the park before stopping at a playground to let Elizabeth roam around. Erin sat on a bench watching Jay and Elizabeth playing on the slide. He would let her walk up the few steps to the top of the slide—with assistance of course—before he would hold onto her with both hands and slide her down to the bottom. The baby would erupt in giggles and kick her legs as she looked up at her father.

"Dada." Elizabeth's small finger pointed back to the top of the slide and Jay would oblige, repeating the pattern all over again.

"She's your first?"

Erin broke out of her reverie as she noticed an older woman sitting next to her and smiling expectantly.

"First and only, so far."

"God, I remember when my two boys were that small. I miss it." The woman smiled sadly as her attention shifted over to two young boys playing in the sandbox. "How old is your little one?"

"She's turning one in a couple of days. And your boys?"

"The older one is seven, the younger one is five. Your daughter seems to have a really good relationship with her father. He's great with her."

"Yeah… he's the best." Erin's smile seemed almost involuntary. Anytime her mind or thoughts went to Jay, a warm feeling would take over her body and all seemed right in the world. Only it wasn't. "Are your sons not that close with their father?"

"No…" The woman seemed to choke over her words. "My husband, he was killed. He served overseas in Iraq. It's been about four years, never seems to get easier. He never even got to meet my younger son."

"I'm so sorry." Erin wasn't the greatest at providing emotional support, she always seemed so uncomfortable when these situations came up. "My, uh, my fiancee," Erin pointed over towards Jay, "he served too. Two tours in Afghanistan. We're both cops and I can't imagine how difficult it would be to try and live without him." Tears sprung to Erin's eyes as her mind vividly remembered when Dr. Rhodes took him off of the ventilator. "It must be hard."

"Most days. He was on his third tour, we really needed the money. I begged him not to go, that we'd find some other way, but he still went. It's hard to imagine all the things they went through over there, they sacrificed so much."

"Yeah…" Erin turned her attention back to Jay and Elizabeth. They had moved to the swings and both of them had matching smiles on their face. I need to make that sacrifice too.

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Liz, happy birthday to you." Thursday morning started off with Jay and Erin singing gently to their sleeping baby. Elizabeth rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands as she was roused from her slumber.

"Good morning baby." Erin leaned over the crib, waiting for Elizabeth to fully wake up. "Happy birthday!"

"Someone's still a little bit sleepy, huh?" Jay reached down into the crib and picked up Elizabeth before resting her on his hip. Immediately, she placed her head onto his shoulder, closing her eyes again. "Happy birthday, sleepyhead. How about some breakfast? I was thinking about making pancakes!"

"I think pancakes would be great, now give me the birthday girl." Jay chuckled before handing Elizabeth off to Erin. He kissed both their foreheads and made his way out to the kitchen, grabbing ingredients to make Elizabeth's favourite, banana walnut pancakes.

"I wanna give her the present after she's done eating. Hopefully she'll like it." Erin and Jay had picked out a small Jeep as their present to Elizabeth and had wrapped it in a big bow. Jay wanted to have something where she could rip open the packaging, but he would have to wait until Saturday when the team brought her presents instead.

"Hopefully she can drive it." Jay said taking a bite out of his pancakes. "That would be really cute."

"Yeah we gotta teach her early on that it's the women who do the driving around here." Erin remarked.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

Saturday Afternoon

A mixture of people from the district, the firehouse and doctors and nurses from Med soon filled up the Halstead apartment. Elizabeth had spent most of her time playing with the shiny bows on her presents, trying to rip them off the boxes, but Jay was there to pull her away. She was dressed in an Elmo dress with a matching red bow on her head, but the bow didn't last too long since she kept pulling it off her head.

Will kept a close eye on Erin, watching the way she avoided the counter with an assortment of alcoholic beverages. She seemed quite reserved, only smiling or laughing in order to pitch into conversations. Occasionally, their eyes would meet, only for Erin to look away just as quickly.

"You tell him yet?" Will asked as he approached Erin as she tied up a garbage bag full of plastic cutlery and paper plates.

"No."

"Erin…" Will warned.

"Will, my daughter's first birthday party isn't the place to be having this conversation."

"Well where would you like to have it? Monday over coffee? Are you even gonna tell him because if you don't, I will."

"I swear, I'll tell him this weekend." Erin spotted Jay looking over towards them and quickly tried to change the subject, hoping to make it look like a casual conversation. "Would you like another beer?"

"Yeah, sure. I got it though." Will walked over to the refrigerator as pulled it open, extracting a bottle. He looked back at Erin before making his way back towards the party.

"You doing okay?" Jay mumbled as he came up behind Erin and wrapped his arms around her. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing. I'm just stressed."

"Stressed? It's a first birthday, she won't even remember it. Relax a bit, have a beer."

"No, I'm good. I wanna have everything go according to plan or else Liz will get tired and fall asleep before we even get to the cake. She missed her nap today."

"Okay, let's cut the cake now, then you can enjoy yourself."

Ering sighed before speaking again. "Yeah, sure."

Jay set out a couple of Elmo table cloths on the rug in front of the TV while Erin got Elizabeth undressed and in her diaper. They had two cakes for her birthday, one to eat and one for Elizabeth to smash. It was Jay's idea, and he thought it would be cute.

Erin came back with Elizabeth rested comfortably on her hip and a towel on her left arm. She put Elizabeth down on the table cloths before Jay placed a little red Elmo head made of cake in front of her.

Elizabeth looked at the cake before looking around the room at the adults eagerly watching her.

"Liz, eat it." Jay encouraged as he looked down at his daughter. However, the baby seemed too distracted by everyone to do anything. "Here, like this." Jay dug his finger through the red icing before booping her nose with some of the sugary substance. "Now you try." Elizabeth looked at her father before looking back down at the cake. She timidly reached out her little hand and lightly touched the cake, bringing her hand back to look at it. The icing covered her hand and she brought her hand to her mouth to chew off some of the icing. "Now smash it."

"I don't think she understands what to do." Will stated as he recorded a video of his niece on his phone. "Take her hand and push it in the cake."

Jay grabbed her right hand and tried to direct it in the direction of the cake but Elizabeth was not having it, breaking out into a cry. She stretched her arms up to her father, demanding to be picked up. "Okay, okay. Daddy's sorry. Maybe next year." He fed her the remaining icing off his finger before handing her off to Erin for a bath. "Well I wasn't expecting that."

In the early evening, everyone started to file out of the Halstead apartment. Elizabeth had fallen asleep after her small meltdown and had stayed asleep for a couple of hours. Currently, she was playing with some of the wrapping paper from one of her presents while her parents cleaned up from the party.

"Jay, I need to tell you something."

"Okay… Is everything good?"

"No, not really."

"What do you mean? Is this why you've been so quiet?" Erin could hear concern in Jay's voice as he turned towards her, stopping his task.

"When you were undercover, it was rough." Erin sat down on one of the barstools, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "And when you we couldn't get a location on where you were—" She choked over her words as she looked into Jay's piercing blue eyes regarding her with concern. "That just really messed me up." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Erin… you don't have to worry. I'm here now." Jay walked around the counter and wrapped Erin in his arms. Breathing in the scent of his cologne almost made Erin end the conversation there, sparing him from the pain. Almost.

"No, Jay you don't understand. Liz was here, with me and I know I always promised I wouldn't be like Bunny but the stress of everything was a lot and when Hank showed up that morning and when he came back the next day—"

"Babe, you're rambling, Just tell me."

"I-I just got really drunk and Hank came by and I was a mess and Liz was here. Then in the hospital when you were taken off the machines i grabbed a bottle at the liquor store around the corner and Will noticed and-and I'm sorry. I knew I was always destined to be like Bunny—"

"Erin… Erin, stop."

"I'm just, I'm sorry but I've been thinking for the last few days and I think it's best that I just leave. I don't want Liz to have to deal with what I did. That life really sucks Jay." A tear made it's way down Erin's cheek. "And I don't want you having to try to fix me when you have Liz to worry about. I'm sorry."

Moving towards the door, Erin grabbed her coat, put on her boots, and walked out the door, leaving her entire world behind.

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P.S. I know Will comes off as a dick in this story, trust me, I love him.