Uncovered

He proposes to her by Earth customs, and even though it should be illogical, he can feel himself growing nervous by the second, almost stumbling over his words, stuttering.

He knows a smile shouldn't logically have such an influence on another - especially a Vulcan - but he figures all his logic gets thrown out of the window when she's the one in question. Her smiles have caused his insides to warm up on an infinite number of occasions almost ever since he met her, and now he thinks that he wouldn't imagine living even one day - let alone the rest of his life - without it.

He tells her that, albeit more eloquently than one usually would - but then again there was never anything usual about Spock in the first place - and there it is, that smile; that laugh, again and oh God he feels like if he would die tomorrow he would die the happiest man in the world. Like, if she laughs enough, she could kill him with the love that would spread in his chest, and he doesn't think he would mind at all.

He doesn't know when exactly he became so illogical in his emotions, but he knows it was because of her; not that she changed him, more like uncovered him. Uncovered the pieces he tried to subdue and hide and she loved those pieces, too.

She loved him, too.

There were times when he would imagine a million scenarios of a better life for her, and none of them usually included him. Spock found her love for him illogical - right from her infatuation, even. He was always open in telling her that, even if there was a piece of him that wanted him to shut up, keep quiet, let her love him and love her in return. He fought against that feeling, until one day he didn't.

(Spock thinks Nyota uncovered that piece, like she uncovered everything else about him. And she loved that, too. And he loved her, too.)

But he still thinks she could've done better - that she could do better. That she could find someone more open, less logical (sometimes, he hated that word as much as he said it; he hated how he used it as an excuse, how it made him a coward when it came to her, so he used it less). Someone less like him.

("I do not want less, Spock.", she'd tell him, her lips on his, her palms on his cheeks. "I want all and all is you.")

He proposes to her by Earth customs, and he finds the image of the ring on her finger the most beautiful he has seen in his life. Almost immediately, he can calculate exactly how it makes her hand only the slightest bit heavier, he can count the number of tears she shed - all so joyful - and combine it with the amount of smiles she's given him (if he would have to compare it to a number, it would be pi; so neverending, never repeating, always surprising him, and he would never stop trying to learn them all) to then multiply it with the number of times she's told him she loved him.

(The result matches the amount of days he wants to spend with her, but knows he won't get a fraction.)

Spock proposes to Nyota by Earth customs, and expects the nervousness he feels to pass. It doesn't, and he has yet to find out why.

His search for an answer reaches its ultimate point faster than he could imagine, and he is almost surprised by the simplicity of it.

A week after he proposes to her by Earth customs, they are to return to the USS Enterprise, and that is where his problems appear.

You see, even though the crew knows something about their relationship - even though Kirk has made multiple jokes about Spock "stepping up and finally putting a ring on it" - they don't know much and Spock is still insecure about whether Nyota will change her mind about whether he really is someone she wants to spend the rest of her life with. It's one thing to be behing closed doors, to be just the two of them - he was as good at privacy as he was immensely awkward when it came to other social relationships, and he thinks that might be a deal-breaker.

Ultimately, his nervousness comes down to this: deep down, he's not sure whether or not she'll wear the ring, and the thought's eating him up from the inside.

So, if the first day back he seems to be even more hypersensitive to Nyota's presence that he usually is, that's definitely the reason.

Most of his first morning back passes without crossing paths with her; he had early business to attend to with Kirk so he left their quarters early, whereas Nyota had the pleasure of remaining in bed for a while longer. He kissed her before leaving and she smiled at him, her eyes still closed, and he let himself enjoy that one moment before leaving.

He has not seen her since, and Kirk can see the Vulcan is on edge.

"Who pissed in your cereal?", the Captain asks and Spock looks at him questioningly, not being familiar with the phrasing. Kirk rolls his eyes and chuckles before explaining. "What's got you all wound up, Spock?"

Spock nods, his eyes closing and he lets out a sigh. "I apologise for my seeming mental absence. I have.. a lot on my mind."

For a few brief moments, Kirk looks as if he's going to ask further question, but as he opens and closes his mouth without a sound he decides against it, probably recognising something in the Vulcan that truly suggests it wouldn't be the most proper early morning discussion; maybe later if he manages to get a few drinks into him. Instead, he says: "Well, whatever it is, Spock, I hope it doesn't give you too much trouble."

Kirk doesn't press any further, and Spock seemingly relaxes as they go about with their duties. The calmness doesn't last long, though, as Spock seems to tense up once they make their way back to the bridge.

Kirk spots him looking at Nyota, and is about to ask if maybe they fought again, if he was sent to the dog house. But, as he turns to Spock, he sees a smile on the Vulcan's face, and it stuns him into silence.

Spock is smiling lightly, looking at Nyota - at her hands, at the ring she's wearing - and he can't stop himself, can't find the strength to bury how relieved he is.

He composes himself, and turns to Kirk. "It won't give me any trouble at all, Captain.", he says.

Kirk manages to find his voice. "That's good to hear, Spock."

The Vulcan nods, and walks away, only to be stopped by the Captain's sudden yell.

(He noticed the ring, too.)