Hello readers! I am so excited to share this story with you. Just a warning: this story contains mature themes such as domestic violence, alcoholism, and mentions of suicide. If this is something that makes you uncomfortable, please don't read or read with caution.

Regina sighed as she heard the front door open and close downstairs followed by loud footsteps and a stream of curse words. The woman rolled over to look at the digital clock beside her. 2 a.m. Right on time, she thought.

The footsteps stomped loudly up the stairs before the bedroom door was flung open.

"Hey 'Gina, guess what? I finally drank the pirate under the table. Won 20 bucks out of it."

Regina ignored the clearly intoxicated blonde. She didn't want to fight. She just wanted one solid night of peace. Nearly every day now she found herself wondering why she had become involved with something as messy as this.

This wasn't the Emma she knew, the Emma she just so happened to marry. The woman she had fallen in love with was brave and kind, the type of person to always put everyone else's needs before her own.

Admittedly, Regina always nagged Emma about how much strain she was putting on herself as she continued being the Savior that everyone expected her to be. Now the pressure had caught up to the woman, and this is how she coped.

"I know you're not asleep," the blonde said as she crawled onto the bed. The stench of whiskey among other liquors clouding the woman caused Regina's stomach to churn.

It reminded her of her past. The dark memories that she had tried over and over to get rid of. Unfortunately, no amount of therapy or medication was strong enough to get the job done. So she laid in silence as flashbacks flew through her mind like an old timey movie reel set on repeat.

She immediately stiffened as she felt Emma's lips press against her neck. She arched her body away from the woman and pulled the covers up to her chin. If Emma thought she could seduce her and all their troubles would disappear she had another thing coming.

"Regina…" the blonde pouted as she pulled away.

Regina rolled her eyes despite the woman not being able to see her. Force of habit after dealing with the clueless airheads inhabiting this town for the past 33 years.

"Go to sleep, Emma," the dark-haired woman murmured as she let her eyes drift shut.

She hoped tonight Emma would be in a more submissive state and do as she asked. However, it was nearly impossible to tell how she was going to act every time she got herself plastered. Sometimes she was irritable, other times an emotional wreck, and she was almost always horny.

"You never touch me anymore. You hardly even look at me!" Emma slurred.

And there it was; the grand combination of every one of her drunk side effects. The hardest to keep controlled. More often than not on these nights, Emma would wind up on the couch as Regina laid alone in their bed and silently allowed tears to fall until she passed out from exhaustion.

This time, Regina was the one to make the first move. Grabbing a pillow and a small blanket, the woman headed downstairs to the den. It wouldn't hurt to stay down here for one night. Emma could stay upstairs alone and think about the silent anger Regina was projecting.

But Emma wasn't done with her yet. "What the fuck is your problem?" The woman snapped as she entered the den.

Regina shot up from the couch, the vein in her forehead standing prominently as her temper flared. "My problem? You're one to talk. You can hardly stand on your two feet. I bet your tolerance is through the roof by now. Tell me; how many drinks did it take this time?"

"You know what Regina; you don't get to judge me. I work hard to provide for this family. I deserve to have time to myself!" The blonde said as her voice continuously rose higher and higher.

"I could understand if you go out every few weeks or so to let off some steam. But you are doing the same thing every single night! The boys hardly see you and in the rare moments that they do you're nursing a hangover!" Regina yelled.

Emma stumbled over to the coffee table and grabbed the lone tea cup perched on top. Regina narrowly missed getting hit in the face as the blonde chucked it as hard as she could. "I never see you either, Regina! You're constantly working and you barely even acknowledge me when you are around!"

Regina shook her head and grabbed her bedding. She would not explain herself to someone who was in such deep denial that they were blind to the world around them.

As she pushed her way past Emma to go, the woman gripped her arm tightly. "We aren't finished," Emma growled.

Regina attempted to yank her arm out of the woman's painful grasp, but Emma was stronger than her even when drunk. "Let me go," she ordered.

Emma ignored her command and dragged her over to the couch. "You're going to sit and listen to what I have to say this time."

Regina lashed out at the blonde, raking her long fingernails against her face. Emma cried out in pain and let go as she held a hand to her bleeding cheek. "What the fuck?!" The blonde snarled.

Regina glanced down at her arm to see the red mark there was already starting to bruise. She had so many it was hard to count them anymore. It saddened her to think this is what they had become. Everything had been perfect for a while; it seemed Emma was her happily ever after.

Then their marriage had spiraled out of control faster than they could stop it. Regina was spending long days at work to avoid seeing her wife, and Emma was going out frequently to do the same. The first time their fights had become physical Regina had lashed out first.

The blonde was arguing with her about how much work she was doing when one of her phrases caught Regina by surprise. It was something her mother always said; about how she constantly needed a crutch to support her spineless character.

It all had happened so fast; Regina's hand had connected with Emma's face, sending her stumbling backwards from the force of it. Emma, being the strong-willed woman that she was, struck back even harder. Regina was no longer her wife. In Emma's eyes, she was simply seen as someone Emma needed to protect herself against.

Regina had felt awful; it brought back the memories of seeing her parents quarrel over such insignificant things. She always told herself she would never be like her mother. She would find love that was pure and true, and they would live out the rest of their lives peacefully.

But now Emma didn't even hesitate to think about what she was doing before her clenched fist hit Regina's right eye. The two women ended up in a heap amidst the broken glass and scoffed wood floors.

Regina clutched her chest as her heart beat unrhythmically from the adrenaline. She got up without another word and went back upstairs to her room. Emma didn't try to stop her this time.

She stared out the window at the full moon high in the sky as the bright light peeked in at her through the curtains. They couldn't keep living like this; it wasn't fair to their boys or themselves.

The next morning was unusually quiet. Regina strolled into the kitchen with layers of makeup caked on to hide her swollen eye. Emma sat at the table with a cup of coffee, sunglasses perched on her nose.

Roland stayed silent as he helped himself to a bowl of cereal. It was a little odd since the boy usually engaged them in animated conversations about the dreams he had the night before. Today his lips were sealed.

Meanwhile, Henry stomped around the kitchen, slamming cabinets open and attempting to be as noisy possible.

"Would you keep it down?" Emma grumbled as she touched her throbbing head. "Why should I? You two sure didn't last night," the boy fired back as he threw a couple pop tarts into the toaster.

Emma's mouth clamped shut and she stuck the newspaper she was holding further up to her face.

"We didn't mean to wake you," Regina said. Henry turned to face her. "I'm sure you didn't."

"Henry Daniel Mills don't you talk to me like that," the dark-haired woman scolded her oldest son.

"Why shouldn't I? You let Ma talk to you like that. I'm sick of this! You two are constantly fighting, and when you're not you just act like everything is fine when it's clearly not. Do you want to know where Roland and I slept last night? In my closet because we were afraid one of you would take it too far and we'd wake up to find one of you dead. Roland is petrified to sleep alone now!"

Those words cut Regina deep. They were honest, and that's why it hurt so much. She had no idea it had gotten to this point to where her sons didn't even feel safe in their own home. It reminded her of all the times she would hide underneath her bed as a child when her parent's arguing became too much to handle. That little nook had become her safe space.

"Why don't you just get divorced if you hate each other so much?" Henry snapped before grabbing his breakfast and his little brother's hand. "Come on Roland, we have to leave now to make it to the bus on time."

When the kids left, Regina sat down at the table across from her wife. Looking over at her, Emma seemed more like a stranger now than a companion. All the passion, the fire, the love between them had faded away. Now they simply shared their love for their sons.

They both knew it wasn't going to be easy when they took their friendship to the next level. Emma knew that Robin had asked Regina to take care of Roland if anything were to happen to him, and Regina knew that Emma was going to continue risking her life for the town no matter how much Regina despised it.

But perhaps the biggest obstacle of them all was the physical one hanging right over their heads. Regina's heart.

For most of her 34 years that she'd lived, Regina had struggled with her health. Diagnosed at the tender age of 1 with coarctation of the aorta, Regina was kept sheltered and isolated by her parents. As she grew older, the disease progressed into congestive heart failure. Her heart wasn't strong enough to pump blood as it should be.

Although the doctors were able to repair the most critical issue, Regina was always at risk for other problems. She was on multiple medications, and she was required to have biweekly check-ins with her doctor.

She was told she would never have children, that if she became pregnant she would most likely die, as would the baby. She would most likely not live past the age of 50, 60 if she was lucky. Her parents scrambled to put her on a donor list; bribing whomever they could to ensure their precious daughter would be well again.

However, as the years crawled by and the medical expenses increased, Regina's name was moved farther and farther down the list. She knew she was the cause of her parent's fights; they couldn't afford to raise a sick child and the worry of her well-being tore them apart.

Eventually, Cora and Henry divorced. Henry moved out of the town and out of their lives, occasionally sending Regina a care package or a birthday card every so often. Cora threw herself into her job, quickly moving up in the city council and becoming mayor. Regina was often left alone aside from the daily visits from her tutor.

Emma had known this even before they had started dating. Regina had warned her of the problems she came with early on. Emma had simply smiled and taken her hand, ensuring her that Henry was the only child she needed.

Regina was so thankful that Emma and Henry had come into her life; she was 19 and an assistant to her mother at town hall when Emma Swan had breezed in with her infant son. The two had connected almost instantly, and married a year later.

They weathered through the storms of life; Henry having to get his appendix removed, Regina's heart scares, Emma's father passing followed by Regina's mother. They had held on and promised to never let go no matter what came their way.

Just when life was beginning to mellow out, the family was turned upside down once more. Robin- Regina's lifetime friend- had passed due to a heart attack. They had met in the hospital when they were both getting treatment at age 3 and had been best friends ever since.

Regina had been a bridesmaid at his wedding, and whole-heartedly supported him when his wife Marian passed.

The news was shocking, as Robin had been doing much better. The doctors had slowly been weaning him off the medication even, so he could lead a more normal life with his young son. But the strain on his heart had been too much, and Roland was left orphaned.

Regina didn't hesitate to adopt the boy, and Emma had been supportive of her decision. But now it seemed it was also one of the reasons she had come to resent her.

"I'm going to be home late tonight. Lots of paperwork to do," Emma said as she stood and slipped her jacket on. Regina nodded in answer and sipped on her cup of tea.

It was a lie, and they both knew it. Just as Emma was turning to leave, Regina stopped her.

"We can't keep doing this, Emma. It isn't fair to the boys. They deserve to be happy and we can't let our fighting become a normal part of this family."

Sadly, it already was. It was a never-ending cycle of feeding on each other's pain while Henry and Roland were stuck in the middle.

"I'll check in later," was Emma's only response before she left Regina alone. And so they went on with their normal day.

"Your heart is getting worse, Regina," Dr. Whale informed her at her next checkup. "The medications are slowly wearing off, and if you keep working the way you do, your heart will fail completely. You need to cut back."

What was she supposed to do? Wait up late into the night for her loving wife to come home? Have a cold dinner plate set out waiting? Working was the only thing that was keeping her sane, aside from her sons. The thought of facing what their marriage had become was more painful than her heart was.

"You have poor blood circulation. Your blood pressure is rising and you're becoming tired faster, right?"

Regina slowly nodded. She couldn't deny the toll this was taking on her body. She barely had the energy to climb up the staircase each night, let alone help Roland practice for his soccer game or bike ride with Henry.

Whale jotted something down on his notepad. "I'm giving you a prescription for Cozaar. It will help with your blood pressure. Make sure to keep hydrated and keep the salt to a minimum. I would also advise you to take a couple days off to rest, but I doubt you'll take that advice."

Regina opened her mouth to defend herself, but stopped when the man winked and smiled. "I'm sure Emma will take good care of you."

Surprisingly, Emma was home in time for dinner that night. For the first time in a long time, it was just the two of them. Henry was staying over at a friend's, and Roland was on a camping trip with his boy scout group. It was officially the weekend, and for the next two days they would have to live being around each other.

"Lasagna's done," Regina called softly into the study. Emma followed her to the kitchen and silently dished up. "Wine?" The dark-haired woman offered.

"I'm cutting back," Emma answered as a ghost of a smile appeared before she became distant again.

Regina took the seat across from her and tried to ignore the tension between them. Emma finally broke the silence.

"Working extra hours this weekend?"

Regina swallowed and shook her head. "Um, no. Whale advised me to take a few days off. My heart- "

Emma set down her fork and folded her hands together. Although she might not listen to Regina as often as she would like, when it came to her health she gave all her attention. The worry in her eyes showed a glimpse of the woman she had fallen in love with, and despite the serious situation, Regina was glad to have an excuse to see that again.

"The medication is weakening, and my blood pressure is a little high. It's fine- "

Emma threw her napkin down on her plate, apparently having lost her appetite. "See, this is why I have such an issue with you working so much. You're putting your own health behind this town. Our sons would like to see you watch them graduate."

Tell that to your liver, Regina almost said but bit her tongue at the last second. Emma had a point there.

Regina stood and began to clear the dishes. She wasn't going to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Her chest tightened, and the pain caused the dishes she was holding to clatter into the sink.

She was surprised to feel Emma's hands on her shoulders. "Hey," the blonde said as she gently turned her around.

Tears filled Regina's eyes as she felt the wall she had built inside her loosen. Emma took her hand and kissed it, exactly as she had the first night Regina had confessed to her the severity of her condition.

"You're not alone. I'm here, and I love you. No matter what we've been through, we can fix this. We can fix us."

Regina wanted to believe it was true. Looking into Emma's eyes, she saw home. She saw her wife. Her lover. Her friend. But that seed of doubt that had been planted in her mind the first-time Emma had come home drunk had grown, and she just couldn't let herself be fooled again. She's heard these apologies before.

"I'm sorry." Emma's voice cracked as tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'll try to be better. I won't drink and I'll come home on time and I'll treat you like a Queen."

The blonde knelt and looked up at her, pleading silently for another chance. Regina slowly pulled away from her.

"Emma…" Her voice wavered, and she bit her lip and looked away to regain her composure. "This isn't working anymore. We don't love each other. We wouldn't be treating each other so terribly if we did."

The woman's eyes rested upon the large bruise peeking out from the blonde's tank top. It was because of her it was there. The pain in her wife's eyes was her fault too. Emma deserved better.

Emma quickly stood and cradled Regina's face in her hand, stroking her thumb over the faded bruise next to her eye. Taking a deep breath, the blonde leaned in and pressed her forehead to Regina's. The two stood there for a moment, savoring the intimacy of being so close. Regina had almost forgotten what it felt like.

"I just want you to be happy. I want our sons to be happy. So I'll wait as long as it takes to get you back. I will earn your love again. Please just don't give up on us yet. Not yet," Emma whispered as tears fell from her eyes.

Regina brought her face up to wipe away her wife's tears. This wasn't all Emma's fault. They both were to blame. "I'm sorry too," she said softly.

And for the first time in a long time, Emma smiled. It was a sad smile, but it was there. It was a promise.

The front door opening pulled them both back from their moment. They both pulled back from each other as Henry came into the kitchen. "Hey moms, I forgot my- "

The boy stopped himself as he realized that both of his mothers were crying. "What's going on?" He asked, his voice guarded.

Regina put a smile on her face and shook her head. "Nothing, dear. What did you forget?"

"Just my inhaler. Lee wants to go skateboarding tomorrow so I figured I'd walk back home and get it. Are you two okay?"

Worry hit the boy full force as he saw his mothers had their hands entwined. They hadn't done that in months. "Mom. Is it your heart again?"

Regina pulled away from Emma to comfort her son. "No, my love. Everything is fine. Now go have fun with your friend. We'll see you Sunday," she answered as she pressed a kiss to the top of the boy's head.

Henry nodded and hugged Emma goodbye before leaving the two alone again.

"I do love you, you know," Emma said quietly from her spot.

"I know," Regina said in a whisper before heading upstairs to their room. Somehow she knew Emma wouldn't be joining her tonight, despite the heart-felt conversation they just had. She was oddly thankful for it.

Emma sighed as she entered the bedroom she had been occupying for a while now. She had meant every word during their long conversation. She had screwed up, and she truly wanted to fix things. Regina had seemed forgiving, yet she didn't.

Emma didn't blame her. She had been a complete asshole this past year. Every time she looked into Regina's eyes and saw that purple bruise, she wanted to kick herself. How could she even think to do something like that? Regina was her wife. She was her whole world.

And it scared her to know that Regina sounded so certain when she had said they didn't loved each other anymore. But she was also right. What they were doing, it wasn't love. It was surviving. Trying to stay strong for their sons.

The blonde twisted the silver wedding ring off her finger and tucked it underneath her pillow like she did every night. Regina always got irritated at her for doing that; it could easily get lost in the bedding and end up in the laundry or get eaten by their goofball cat.

But to Emma, sleeping with the ring underneath her head gave her comfort. When she pulled it out every single morning, it reminded her that she had something worth fighting for. Something worth living for.

So many times, she wanted to give up and throw in the towel. Say fuck it and end it all. The crushing weight of sorrows became so heavy it was hard to stay afloat. So she would drink to end it but the cycle would start over again when she came back home to the broken family she had.

But she was going to follow through this time. She had to if she wanted to keep her family.

And for the next few weeks, everything started looking up. The boys were a lot happier, Regina was more communicative and relaxed as she lightened her work load, and Emma had stopped drinking altogether for fear of falling back into that dark place in her mind and breaking her promise.

Even Regina's condition seemed to get better. Emma attended her appointments with her now, being the supportive wife that Regina deserved to have. And when Emma slipped into the woman's bed late one night after having a disturbing dream, Regina didn't object.

But just like every good thing in Emma's life, it didn't last.

That is the end of chapter 1! Please feel free to leave a review on if I should continue or not. This is definitely the hardest story I have written so far (I cried while writing it).